Superman hated to confess it but there were many times when he didn't like being him. Oh, sure, saving the world repeatedly from major crises and stopping crimes in action had their rewards, but mostly all that he got was just his picture in the papers yet again. What good did the publicity get him except arch-villains who could easily learn all his secrets to use against him? (Why in the universe Lois had published all that kryptonite stuff is beyond his imagination – women!) And why was it that the only people to actually fall from collapsing bridges and buildings were executives (who never tip – the cheapskates) and little old ladies with failing eyesight on pensions? If only his eyesight could fail once in awhile. Blue hair, blue veins, and evidently far too many pastries over several decades? What's up with that? If only Lois had asked him about the second most dangerous thing to him and had published that instead. It's true that being exposed to kryptonite can kill him slowly, but the sight of cellulite makes his Hidden Super Power shrivel up faster than a speeding bullet.
In truth, he had to admit to himself that it was just as well the world's top super models and budding beauties didn't fall in his hands very often. When they did on rare occasions, suddenly he'd have a totally grateful, luscious arrangement of womanly charms in his grasp, her adoring eyes looking up with that "I'll do anything you want; oh thank you, Superman, for saving my life" look, and all the while the wind is blowing through her dress revealing, well, anything and everything. There was that one time when he actually totally forgot about the crisis destroying the entire planet and had instead thought only of finding a nice secluded spot to see how serious she was about her gratitude. Fortunately or not, trains have very loud whistles and that reminded him of his duties. Besides, it can be dangerous being up in the air while physically excited. His cock is, he must be honest here, a thing of beauty and a joy forever. He wasn't Superman for nothing! So when it stood up to salute (not easy in that tight outfit the marketing director of Krypton insisted upon via a recorded message) it acted as a rudder throwing him off course in unpredictable ways, depending on how Mr. Happy chose to grow in his confinement.
That's one reason he was glad not to be in that goofy costume much, and that he never had to squeeze into and out of it but instead it just appeared and disappeared as needed, much like his work clothes he wore to the Daily Planet. He had lost track of all the shirts he had ripped off himself in his hurry to save the world – once again. Thank goodness he never had to go shopping because he could never afford the money to pay for all of them; well, not by working he couldn't. He could knock off a bank or something, but that would be not only illegal but much too easy so no fun at all.
What he really wanted was some gorgeous dame to rip off his shirt when he was in his Clark Kent persona, when flash bulbs weren't constantly exploding around him, when the world wasn't pointing and staring at him all the time. Didn't their parents teach them that such behavior is rude? His room as Kent was nothing to be proud of, just a small place high up on the corner section of an all-male boarding house. Women were allowed there to visit, he knew, because other guys had chicks over frequently. So here all these guys were getting laid, mere mortal men, most barely making it financially and hardly healthy or at all handsome, yet he was a super hero with a too effective disguise and therefore he couldn't get any. Not even the steno pool at the Planet gave him a second glance. While it's true he has beautiful, sunlight-reflecting-off-the-deep-tropical-seas, stunning and unforgettable blue eyes, his Clark Kent glasses are tinted to show instead a boring almost hazel to dull brown. And the nervous stutter he began that first day just for kicks, to see if he could be non-perfect, had to stay now and wasn't at all close to the sultry, deep, husky, mesmerizing, cream-the-girls instantly voice he used as Superman.
So he was left with nothing but his thoughts most nights. As the moans and panting from other rooms filtered through the newspaper-thin walls he knew he couldn't even take matters into his own hands, so to speak. In moments of intense passion, which was basically the only passion he knew, his ejaculations would ricochet off the walls and furniture till they eventually lost momentum and settled somewhere, generally in a huge puddle that he then had to clean or else try to explain to the once-a-week old-biddy cleaning lady. Not fun. If he totally lost track of his surroundings, let his imagination soar and his aim stray, he could break through the fragile glass window with it as easily as breaking through the sound barrier when flying. So he had to be careful. If only he were at his Fortress of Solitude.
Ah, that Fortress. It's quite true that it was made to be his private hideaway, but it's not likely that Jorel and the others had intended it be the bachelor pad it often became. Sometimes, for fun, when news was slow and Lois had a date with some loser or had other appointments, he'd fly over to the New Mexico area late at night and scoop up some drowsy cute thing before heading north to the Fortress. He loved hearing the next day the stories in the papers saying that "another woman was abducted by aliens and made to be a sex slave." Well, they were indeed right, just not in the way they thought. Sometimes he'd find a loose tart stumbling from a night club and would whisk her away for a few hours of fun. Those stories never even made the papers. "Oh, so Superman picked up a two-bit whore and flew you off to some magical place for the best sex of your life? Just sober up and get real." He couldn't help to chuckle when he had overheard those scenes through his super sensitive hearing. That x-ray vision came in quite handy on these shopping trips because he could see who, under their otherwise respectable clothing, wore the sexy, fuck-me, undergarments and was therefore more likely to be a bit of fun than a bore.