The Bachelorette's Secret

A wave of nausea hit Mikki like a punch to the gut. She breathed in deeply through her nose, attempting to ease the tightening pain in her chest.

"You don't look so good, gal," Peter said, taking another swig from his steel flask. He sat across from her and Steve, a silver pistol resting on his thigh, the source of Mikki's dread. "Serves you right for kickin' me off the show." He reeked of alcohol.

"She needs a doctor, Peter," Steve said, his arm cradling her shoulders. "She's having a panic attack."

Peter aimed the pistol at Steve's chest and Mikki bit her lip to keep from crying out. "How would you know? You a doctor now, Cassanova?"

"You don't need the gun," Mikki said. "We can talk without it."

Peter chuckled. "Talk? You said plenty before security hauled me off like some criminal. I lost my job because of you. Way I figure it, you owe me."

Mikki could feel the walls closing in on her. How had Peter slipped past security? Wouldn't they know not to let this maniac back on the set?

"What do you want from us?" Steve remained calm enough for the both of them. The sound of

us

on his lips comforted her. They were in this together.

"If you don't want me to reconsider lettin' you live, then you best keep your mouth shut. This is between me and the lady."

Bile rose at the back of Mikki's throat. Maybe if she'd realized sooner who Peter really was, she could have eliminated him the first night and avoided all of this. "Let him go and we can talk," she heard herself say, shocked by this sudden burst of courage.

"Mikki," Steve said in the tone of a grade school teacher giving her a warning.

She reached out her shaky hand, giving his forearm a light squeeze. "I'll be fine, he won't hurt me."

"How can you be so sure?" Peter asked with a sloppy grin.

"Because you care about me," she said with a straight face. Odd as it was, she knew it was true.

In her initial interactions with Peter, she'd honed in on the insecurity beneath the bravado, which had surprisingly endeared him to her. Her father was the same kind of man - tough as nails on the outside, soft as a marshmallow on the inside. His sense of humor and uncanny gentleness with her was the reason he'd made it so far on the show.

But Peter's drinking had twisted his insecurity into something darker. She was sure this whole incident was fueled by the hard liquor burning through his system. She had to use whatever she had at her disposal to talk him down and that amounted to his feelings for her. Steve's presence would only interfere with her plan.

"Let Steve go and I'm all yours," Mikki said, her smile shaky.

Peter squinted his eyes, considering her proposal. "As you wish."

"No," Steve said with force. "I'm not leaving you."

Mikki turned him to face her, projecting a confidence she didn't feel. "I need to handle this alone." It had all become clear. This was her chance to get things right the second time around.

The last time she'd been held hostage, a woman had died and she hadn't been able to forgive herself. She refused to have Steve's blood on her hands.

Steve moved to speak and she silenced him with a kiss. It felt like ages since she'd felt those soft lips on her own. More than anything, she wanted to become familiar with those lips again, to taste and suck and massage his mouth with her tongue. For now, she just wanted him to do as she asked.

Mikki pulled away, searching for the surrender she needed from him.

Steve pulled his lips into a thin line and she thought he might refuse. He nodded tightly. "Five minutes and then I'm coming back for you."

Mikki almost changed her mind at the look of hesitation in his eyes. "Agreed."

"Time's a wastin'," Peter said, twirling his pistol in the direction of the door.

"Five minutes," Steve addressed Mikki.

She smiled and nodded, her gut twisting as she she watched him go.

"I'm impressed," Peter said. "I thought you'd be shakin' in your four inch heels by now."

"There are better ways to get my attention," Mikki said. The outrage she felt at being held at gunpoint helped her cut through some of the fear.

"This way's a lot more fun." Peter lay the pistol on his lap and took another sip of his drink.

"Can I have some of that?" Mikki nodded to his flask.

He smiled before handing it over. She tilted her head back and took a deep swig. The alcohol burned her throat, unleashing a round of painful coughs.

Peter laughed, taking the flask back. "Moonshine. Made it myself."

Mikki felt lightheaded, from the coughing or liquid fire, she couldn't tell. "Did someone put you up to this?" Their five minutes would be up soon and she hated to think what might happen if Steve returned.

Peter smirked. "I might've had some help."

"Who?"

"Uh uh, Counselor. I ask the questions."

Mikki nodded, surrendering the floor to the man holding the gun.

"How did it feel playing us, while you were bumping uglies with Steve?"

She sighed, deciding to go with honesty. "It wasn't my intention to start anything with Steve. It just happened."

"He gonna marry you?"

Leave it to Peter to ask her the very question she'd been afraid to ask herself. "I don't know."

"So you kept everyone else on the back burner. Just in case?" Peter laughed in disgust. "We never had a chance, did we?"

Mikki doubted Peter's feelings ran that deep for her. Something else was going on. "This is about your brother, isn't it? Damon."

That surprised him. "That brat never could keep his mouth shut."

"He felt obligated to apologize for your horrendous behavior. And I knew you couldn't be all that bad if you had a brother like Damon who loved you."

"And yet you made a fool of him. Of all of us."

"I'm sorry, Peter." And she meant it. She'd been selfish. Being the object of attention and admiration, from a group of remarkable men, had made her greedy. She'd been committed to her own pleasure rather to the men who'd invested their time and energy to pursue her. Crossing the line with Steve, while continuing to date the other men, had been unfair to everyone involved. "I've got daddy issues." She joked, not sure what else to say.

A raspy chuckle escaped his throat. "Who doesn't?"

"This isn't you, Peter. I don't know who put you up to this, but they're using you. The way I've been used. We're just puppets to them and they pull our strings every which way." As she spoke the words, she again considered whether Steve's feelings for her were genuine, or if this was just some kind of game he played with the talent. "We're better than they think we are."

Peter nodded, looking off into the distance. "I just wanted a chance with you. I'm not that bad of a guy, when I'm not drinkin'."

Mikki held back a giggle, the moonshine kicking in. "I know you aren't. Why do you think I kept you on the show for so long? You're a good guy, Peter. You've just had some really shit role models in your life."

Damon had shared the story of their upbringing with her, an alcoholic dad who beat them on a daily basis. She knew the source of Peter's rage and discontent with the world, which didn't differ all that much from her own.

She was sure her five minutes were almost up. "Just give me the gun, Peter. And then we can spend some time together, get to know each other."

"Do you love him?"

His question threw her off. "What?"

"Tell me if you love Steve and I'll give you the gun."

"I don't know. I don't think so." But in reality, when the hurt and confusion around her feelings for Steve dissipated, all that was left was love.

Peter put the pistol on the coffee table between them. "How 'bout another drink?"

Mikki exhaled. She looked at the man who'd just held her hostage, realizing these last few minutes the fear had disappeared, the panic pressed to the back of her mind. She knew deep down Peter would never have hurt her and, in a way, had actually helped her figure out her next move. "I wouldn't mind another sip of that moonshine."

#

"Sasha?" Steve asked in disbelief.

"She tweeted about you and Mikki an hour before Peter showed up," Sarah said.

"But I thought she and Mikki were friends."

"Turns out she was also Terence's sister. I doubt she was happy about Mikki rejecting him on national TV, especially knowing that you and her were getting busy in private." Sarah laughed to herself. "I wondered why she quit her job so abruptly."

The two of them met alone in the privacy of the control room. All of the TV screens were powered off, a first in the history of the show. One had a bullet hole through the center, courtesy of Peter's drunken shooting.

"He couldn't have pulled this off without help." Steve was certain this had been an inside job. This person may not have put the gun in Peter's hand, but whoever it was had given him access to Mikki, a crime punishable by death in Steve's book.

"I completely agree. Dale is looking into it." Sarah leaned back in her chair. Steve appreciated her calm, it was the only thing keeping him from going down to the police station and strangling Peter with his bare hands.

"Good. Luckily, Mikki was able to handle Peter on her own. But whoever was behind this couldn't have known it would go down like that. He - or she - put her life at risk and doesn't get to hide in the shadows."

Sarah sighed. "Trust me for once, will you? I'm as pissed about this as you are. I'm responsible for this show - for Mikki - and I take that responsibility very seriously. Whoever sabotaged us will regret it."

Steve nodded. Sarah had less than ethical means of managing the show and its contestants, but she never lied. And if she said she could get it done, he trusted she would. Her reputation was on the line as much as Mikki's. Women producers rarely got second chances in this business.

"What we need to worry about now is cleaning up this PR nightmare," Sarah continued. "If we don't handle this right, this could mean the end of the show."

Once Mikki had returned to her hotel room safely, along with two bodyguards posted outside of her door, Steve had been able to turn his mind to the matter of salvaging her reputation. A scandal could have serious repercussions on her relationships and career, even years from now.

"I've got an idea," Steve said. It would be a gamble, but if he was right about Sarah, she would be more than open to taking the risk. "Not only will it help Mikki, but it could give us the highest ratings we've ever seen."

Sarah leaned forward. "I'm listening."

#

Ronnie lingered silently on the other end of the couch, awaiting Mikki's response. She gripped her half-empty wine glass.

"I can't leave," she said resolutely.

"You think this was an accident? All that security and Peter still managed to get to you," Ronnie said, the vitriol in his tone not lost on Mikki. He took a breath before continuing, "Your safety is all that matters. Screw this show."

Mikki considered her next words carefully. "I appreciate your concern. But I'm perfectly capable of making decisions for myself. And I'm not quitting the show."

Ronnie sighed. "You're the most stubborn woman I've ever met. No wonder I lose sight of myself when I'm not with you." He paused for a while, his gaze unyielding. Then he moved quickly, kneeling in front of her. He took her hands in his own. "I know this isn't how we planned for this to go, but Mikki-"

A knock at the door halted his words. Mikki jumped up from the couch. "Coming," she called, darting for the door, relieved for the interruption. She had a good idea of what he'd been about to say and she wasn't ready to hear it, not quite sure she could trust her response after all that had happened. She could feel the growing throb of an oncoming migraine.

Mikki opened the door to find Steve on the other side, holding a bottle of wine. "I hope it's not too late, but I wanted to check on you, make sure you're doing alright."

Mikki froze like a deer in the headlights. Steve and Ronnie, in close proximity, in the privacy of her hotel room - this could only end badly. She snatched the bottle of wine from his hands. "Malbec. My favorite," she sputtered out. "Thanks for the wine, but I'm not really in the mood to talk right now," she said as she began to close the door on him. Better to blow him off than risk these alpha males coming to blows. Though the thought of two good-looking men rolling around on the carpet, duking it out to win her heart, appealed to her more trashy side.

Steve placed a hand on the door to still it, his eyes pleading tenderly. "I need to see you. Today was..." he ran trembling fingers through his curls, "leaving you alone with him was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. If anything had happened to you, I just...I don't know what I would've done."

He reached out to caress her cheek. "You mean more to me than I think you realize."

Mikki leaned into his touch, shutting her eyes. "Steve, this isn't a good time."

"Why not?" Ronnie said from behind, startling her.

Steve's hand dropped from her cheek. She opened her eyes to find him staring over her shoulder. "Was I interrupting something?"

"Not at all," Ronnie said, towering over her. He placed a hand above hers on the door, opening it wider. "Join us. If Mikki doesn't mind, that is."

"Ronnie just came by to check on me," Mikki said quickly, not sure why she felt the need to explain herself to Steve. She was a grown woman, she could invite whomever she wanted into her hotel room.

Then why do I feel like a teenager caught making out in her bedroom?

"I need to talk to you both anyway," Steve said, straightening his posture a bit. "Saves me a trip."

Mikki looked between the two men. If she asked Ronnie to leave, she would feel guilty. If she asked Steve to leave, she would feel even guiltier. "Come in," she said, backing into Ronnie as she opened the door completely.

Ronnie placed a hand on her shoulder as Steve entered, his eyes laser-focused on the hand.

"I'll just open the wine," Mikki said, darting into the kitchen after the men took their seats in the living room.

Unease sunk into her bones as she poured the wine. Maybe Steve was here to deliver news about the show. She hadn't heard so much as a peep from Sarah, which was unusual for a control freak like her.

Were they cancelling the show? Not only would she be the first black Bachelorette, but she'd also be the first to not end up with a proposal. After all she'd been through, an engagement was the least they owed her.

Mikki started mentally calculating the cost of suing the show, as she walked back into the living room with a tray holding three glasses of wine. She passed them out to Steve and Ronnie, taking a seat in the armchair to avoid sitting between them.

"So..." Ronnie said, breaking the silence. "This is awkward."

Mikki coughed, holding back a nervous laugh. Leave it to Ronnie to break the ice with a sledgehammer. Awkward didn't even begin to describe it.

"How so?" Steve asked with a straight face. "You already knew about me and Mikki."

"What?" Mikki asked. This was the first she'd heard of it.

"He saw me come out of your hotel room." Steve glanced at her apologetically. "I should've been more careful."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Mikki addressed Ronnie.

"It wasn't my place. And I'm not threatened by your relationship with Steve because I know I'm the better choice for you." Ronnie smiled in that smug way Mikki was embarrassed to admit she found sexy.

Steve, on the other hand, looked like he wanted to wipe him from the face of the earth. "I'm throwing my hat into the ring," he said, his unrelenting gaze causing her breath to catch. "I'm going to be part of the final two."

"What?" Mikki and Ronnie said in unison.

"If you'll have me, I want a chance to propose to you."

"What about Kevin and Abraham?" Mikki had trouble believing Steve could become a final contestant. "I haven't even selected the final two yet."

"They bowed out to give me a chance. It didn't take much to convince them that I'm madly in love with you."

"And are you? That in love with me?"

Not missing a beat, "I am."

Mikki's heart leapt into her throat. She paced the living room. "Why? I mean, you don't even want to get married again."

"That was before I imagined living without you. I don't want to be with anyone but you."

"Sarah put you up to this?" Ronnie asked.

Steve faced him. "No, it was my idea."

"Idea?" Mikki paused. "So this is all for the show?"

"I won't lie and say this isn't about more than us ending up together. It was the only way I could think to protect you from the backlash. And this crisis gave me the push I needed to see past my fear and stop running from my feelings for you."

"Sounds like a steaming pile of bullshit to me," Ronnie chimed in. "He's just doing this for the ratings."

"Are you?" Mikki asked Steve. She swallowed down the disappointment.

He rose to stand in front of her, gently gripping her forearms. "The two aren't mutually exclusive. If we save the show, we save you. I'm doing this all for you."

She shook his hands away. "I need to think." Mikki turned her back on the two men. "Leave, please."

"Take your time, darlin'," Ronnie spoke. "My offer to leave is still open. Forget about this show. You need to do what's best for you."

Footsteps headed away from her and she heard the swish of her front door open and close.

"Mikki, look at me. Please," Steve said.

Mikki exhaled audibly before turning to face him. His announcement had her more confused than ever and she just wanted to be alone.

Steve stood his ground, not moving to touch her. She hoped her death glare was the reason for him keeping his distance.

"I know this is sudden. I would've preferred to spend more time with you, introduce you to my friends and family, and then propose. But the circumstances are less than ideal. The moments we've shared - getting to know each other intimately - have been some of the happiest in my life. And I refuse to let this happiness slip through my hands. I'm willing to do whatever it takes, including getting down on one knee and proposing to you."

Before she could respond, Steve left her alone with her raging thoughts.

Without a doubt, she loved this man. With almost complete certainty, she wanted to marry him and start a family together. Their future, blended family was crystal clear in her mind.

But could she trust him? Was marriage really what he wanted or was he proposing just to hold onto her? Did it really matter?

Mikki filled her glass to the brim with Steve's wine. The night was going to be a long one.

#

"Why do you want to marry my daughter?" Mikki's father, the judge, had spoken.

Steve and Ronnie sat on either side of her at the large mahogany dining table. This was the the house she'd grown up in, yet having them by her side made the place feel anything but familiar. Mikki wanted to crawl into a hole to escape the sudden silence in the room.

Ronnie cleared his throat. "Mikki is unlike anyone I've ever met. She's as clever as she is beautiful. In this short amount of time, she's come to understand and accept me, in a way that even my family hasn't, and I love her for it. I want this extraordinary woman to become the mother of my children, more that I've wanted anything in my whole life."

Mikki's older sister, Rochelle, snickered across the table and Mikki glared at her.

"And you, Steve? How do you feel about her?" her mother asked in the gentlest of tones.

Mikki masked her surprise. Her father had lead the questioning for the night and this was one of the few times her mother had spoken up. She normally just let her father take the lead. Mikki's heart thumped in anticipation of his answer.

Steve turned to face Mikki, taking her hand in his sweaty one. He'd been uncharacteristically nervous the entire dinner. "I never felt loneliness until I thought I might lose her. I know I've failed at marriage before, but Mikki makes me believe that love really can last a lifetime. And, honestly, I just want to spend as much of my life with her as possible."