That 70's Show: Itty the Teacher

A tale of fiction about fictional characters.

*****

Kitty Foreman was singing softly to herself as she straightened up the basement recreation room where her teenage son Eric and his close-knit group of friends seemed to spend the majority of their free time. It was a beautiful Autumn day outside and all of the kids were still in school on a Friday afternoon. They were all seniors and had recently thrown a party for Jackie Burkhart, the last of the friends to turn eighteen. It seemed to Kitty like just yesterday she was changing Eric's diapers, and yet next Fall he would be in college. Eric wouldn't be coming home from school that afternoon, but sometimes the others showed up to hang out in the basement anyway. It was like that: Kitty had figuratively adopted them all and seemed to serve as their surrogate mother. They all came to her if they had problems , questions, or just needed a confidante. Kitty's husband Red was also the group's father-figure, but they really didn't approach him for guidance...he would probably tell them they were "dumb-asses." Kitty loved Red dearly, but he lacked patience and was not really a "people-person."

Red was now an Assistant Manager at the newly opened PriceMart, and had hired Eric to work part-time after school. This weekend he was making Eric attend a merchandising seminar at the PriceMart in nearby Waukesha, promising him that it would lead to a raise in pay. He was making Eric take the bus instead of the Vista Cruiser because he wanted Eric to concentrate on the seminar and not driving back and forth just to see his girlfriend Donna. Kitty knew Red loved his son, but sometimes he was unduly harsh on him. Donna Pinciotti had, it seemed, been Eric's girlfriend forever. The Pinciottis lived next door to the Foremans and the kids had known each other since grade-school. Kitty loved Donna like a daughter and secretly hoped her son would someday ask her to marry. She was a lovely girl: a tall redhead and way out of Eric's league so Kitty knew he really was lucky to have her for a girlfriend. As Kitty was cleaning up the basement, she was sipping (sometimes gulping) from a glass of her favorite wine. She was still dressed in her plain white nurse's uniform and cleaning and drinking wine helped her to unwind after a long shift at the hospital.

She was trying to relax herself for the appointment she had scheduled with Eric's friend Fez. Fez was the school's foreign exchange student from...wait, she had never heard him say what country he was from, but that really didn't matter because he was just an adorable, innocent boy that Kitty was terribly fond of. Last week he had approached her with a request, "Mrs. Red," he had started, "you are the only one I can come to with my problem. I know you secretly taught Hyde how to dance so he wouldn't be embarrassed at the Homecoming dance, and I have a sort of similar problem. You see I just got a girlfriend, Caroline, and I think she might want to "do it" but I have never..."

"Oh, heh,heh,heh," she had begun in that screechy, high-pitched, fingernails-on-a-chalkboard, ever-present cackle of hers, "are you asking for tips on lovemaking?"

Fez had looked down at his feet, his face turning red, and replied, "yes, Kelso said that since you are a nurse, you probably know all kinds of secrets about how to make a girl happy...and I really like Caroline and want to make her feel good."

"Oh you sweet boy," Kitty had beamed, blushing also, "you know I don't approve of sex before marriage, but I know you kids will do what your hormones tell you to, so you meet me down in the basement after school on Friday before everyone else gets there and we will discuss how to make a woman happy." She knew that Eric would be going to the bus station directly from school, and without him, the others would probably either go home or to the hamburger place. Michael Kelso was another of Eric's close friends, and he thought of himself as God's-gift-to -women. He was incredibly conceited, but was a child at heart and Kitty loved him like she did all the others. Stephen Hyde had been abandoned by his parents and had actually taken up residence in the Foreman basement. She had indeed given him secret dancing lessons and he had learned to be very light on his feet. Since she was a nurse, the human body itself was not embarrassing for her, but talking about it intimately to Eric's friends did make her nervous...hence the abundant amounts of wine.

She had brought some books and posters describing the female anatomy home from the hospital and intended to keep the lecture as clinical as possible. As she was fluffing the cushions on the sofa, an issue of Playboy fell out onto the floor. She picked it up, shook her head mumbling, "those randy scamps," and sat down on the sofa to leaf through it. Beginning from the back, Kitty read and laughed at several of the cartoons, then shook her head again when she got to the centerfold. It was a beautiful blonde wearing completely transparent panties and a pair of suspenders. Kitty muttered, "I didn't know they were showing pubic hair now...those suspenders are completely non-functional...I hope those kids don't think all women look like that without their clothes." She drained her glass and set it down on the coffee table, whisking the magazine under the cushion when she heard movement on the outside stairs leading down to the basement.

As Fez burst through the door, she stood and realized she was a little wobbly and unsteady on her feet. Glancing at the wine bottle, she was surprised to see it was empty. "Oh hello Mrs. Red," Fez began breathless from running all the way from school, "I am ready to learn all about how to make Caroline happy."

"Heh, heh, heh," Kitty giggled, "there is a lot more to that than sex, but I am prepared to teach you about the basics." As he sat on the sofa, Kitty strolled over to the washing machine where a large brightly painted ceramic cookie jar in the form of a rooster was sitting. She opened it saying, "the first thing you should know about is birth control," and she showed him the inside of the jar which contained dozens of assorted condoms. Kitty removed a condom from the jar and continued, "we don't want any little Fezes running around, at least until you get married, heh,heh,heh; so always wrap your penis in one of these before sex. They will always be here for you; I bring a few home from the hospital every shift." Fez giggled at the "penis" word and Kitty scowled and reminded him, "this is serious Fez, so play, I mean pay, attention." She was aware that her words were becoming slightly slurred as the wine took effect.

She began to show him some pictures in the books, trying to explain everything in clinical terms, and the puzzled look on his face just increased. He asked her questions about climaxes and ejaculations and it was becoming increasingly difficult for Kitty not to be aroused at all the talk of sex. Suddenly there was a commotion on the outside stairs and Kelso and Hyde flew through the door having a "flinch" contest and punching each others arms. Seeing the books and posters showing pictures of the female anatomy, and the reddened faces of Fez and Kitty; Hyde and Kelso stopped dead in their tracks trying to make sense of the scene. Recovering from her initial embarrassment, Kitty instructed them, "this is actually very fortunate...you two sit down and you can all benefit from this lesson."

Kelso socked Fez' arm and asked, "so what's up."

"Mrs. Red is teaching me about sex so I can please Caroline when we do it," Fez answered, "like when she taught Hyde how to dance."

Kelso, with at huge smile on his face, turned to Hyde and laughed, "Mrs. Foreman taught you how to dance...are you a fairy?"

Hyde slugged Kelso's arm hard and replied, "just pay attention, maybe you'll learn something."

Just as Kitty was resuming her discussion of the female anatomy, they heard Donna's distinctive voice from the kitchen upstairs, "Mrs. Foreman are you down there? Remember we were going to have that talk today?"

"Oh shit...I mean shoot," Kitty said and answered, "yes dear I'm down here." Then thinking quick she continued, "get a whole bunch of beer from the refrigerator and bring it down here."

As a puzzled Donna descended the stairs to the basement carrying a laundry basket containing several cans of beer, she was shocked to see the crowd and the noticeable illustrations of the female sex organs. The truth was Kitty had indeed forgotten about the discussion she had promised Donna. A few days before Donna had sheepishly confided to her that she and Eric had engaged in intercourse, but it was not satisfying to her because he was quite premature. Disappointed that they were having premarital sex, but ultimately wanting them both to be satisfied, Kitty had agree to divulge a few tips to Donna. As Donna sat in a chair adjacent to the sofa (where Hyde usually sat), everyone helped themselves to a beer while Kitty addressed them, "okay, this is not how I planned it, but we can make this work. You are all eighteen so we are all adults here and we can discuss sex freely like adults. Try to pretend that I am not old enough to be your mother, just another peer discussing sex. You may ask me any questions you like...ok?"

Everyone relaxed and downed a couple beers while Kitty lectured them on birth control, and then began to bombard her with questions: "where do I touch a girl to give her the most pleasure; how can I keep from ejaculating too soon; what is the best way to put on a rubber;" etc. "Ok, first thing first," Kitty stated, "I am going to show Donna a really sexy way to put on a condom...now where is that banana I brought down." Everyone looked at Kelso who was still holding the banana skin. "Oh my, that was our last banana," Kitty declared, and then, feeling the effects of the wine and beer, "this is what is going to happen...we are all going to take off our clothes. Behave like adults and no giggling, the human body is nothing to be ashamed of and the class will be so much easier if we can all touch ourselves."

Kitty stood, almost falling back onto her chair, and began to unbutton her white uniform. The other four just watched in disbelief as Kitty pulled her arms out of the sleeves, unhooked her thin white belt and let her uniform gather around her waist as she unceremoniously kicked off her white work shoes and allowed her uniform to slide down her body to the floor revealing her plain white bra and panties. For a woman old enough to be their mother, she was incredibly attractive. She had a little paunch around the stomach, but her legs were quite shapely and as she unhooked her bra and shrugged it off her shoulders, she revealed huge 36 D breasts which sagged slightly on her chest. Her areola were large and darkish brown surrounding gumdrop sized nipples. Placing her fingers inside the waistband of her panties, Kitty shoved them down her pale legs and then lifted each foot to remove them completely. She was indeed a natural blonde as her bushy dark blonde nest came into view.

"Boobies," Fez shouted, "I love boobies."

Everyone just stared at her and each other, not sure what to do next and then suddenly Kelso began to frantically strip off his clothes saying, "hey, I'm not going to be last."

Kitty looked at a stunned Donna and assured her, "it's ok sweetie, I'm here...and I don't think you want to be last either."

Donna, realizing that being last would be like having to perform a strip-tease, quickly shucked off her Led Zeppelin t-shirt and wiggled out of her jeans. As she looked questioningly at Kitty, who nodded in the affirmative, Donna reached behind her, unclasped her plain white bra, and then let it slide down her shoulders. Everyone in the basement was pretending not to stare, but were thinking the same thing :wow. Donna's breasts were the stuff schoolboy's wet dreams were made of. They were incredible...38 C and slightly pendulous as they hung on her chest. Her nipples were like bright pink jelly beans and were totally erect. She was indeed the total package as she pushed her lacy pink bikini panties past her wide hips and let them drift to the floor. She had trimmed her bright red pubic hair so that it didn't stick out the sides of her bathing suit that Summer, into a V shape which served to point towards her slit which was framed by very long fleshy lips. Maybe her best feature was her endlessly long, shapely legs which ended in a perfectly round pair of cheeks.

They had all had about three beers each by now and not feeling as self-conscious as they would have expected. Everyone in the basement, including Kitty, was sneaking long looks at a naked Donna and thinking the exact same thing: "that Eric is one lucky bastard." Kitty and Donna were now watching the boys in anticipation of seeing what kind of "packages" they were concealing. Kelso was the first to pull down his jeans and boxers, releasing a slender, seven inch erection that waved in front of him like a hot dog as he stood in front of the sofa. He was bouncing around and his excitement reminded Kitty of a puppy. Hyde quickly lowered his pants, as usual was not wearing underwear and his seven incher popped out; a little thicker than Kelso's. Fez seemed to be struggling trying to pull his "tighty-whities" down over his hard-on and when he finally succeeded, everyone in the room gasped at the monster that he unleashed.

Fez' penis had to be a foot long and as thick as a Coke bottle; his crown a large purple mushroom. Hyde quickly joked, "holy crap Fez, did you have to declare that thing at the border?" Donna just stood there nude with her mouth open. She had never actually had a good look at Eric's penis because she always insisted that the lights be out, or that they have sex under the covers, but she could tell from the feel that his penis was dwarfed by Fez'.

Kitty, also, was momentarily stunned but recovered and remarked, "oh my Fez, that certainly is remarkable. I think it is longer than Red's...but not quite as thick." She had convinced herself that she was experiencing early onset of menopause, but Kitty was becoming very wet between her legs looking at this smorgasbord of man meat. She was determined not to let the situation get out of hand, so she instructed everyone, "ok now kids, let's settle down and I'll try to answer all your sex questions. Fez, you are concerned about making sure you please your mate..a very commendable ambition. Donna, sweetie, what is it that you have concerns about?"

Donna, embarrassed, but not as much as she thought she would be since the beers had taken effect, expressed her concern: " well, as you probably have guessed, Eric and I have had sex a few times, and each time he is...how can I say this...overly stimulated and quick on the trigger; which leaves me unsatisfied. Is there any way to get him to last longer?"

Hyde and Kelso began to giggle like little girls at the mention of Eric's problem and donna quickly snapped, "you two should stop laughing, or I will tell that Jackie claims you both have the same problem."

They both began to protest vociferously, but Kitty put up her hands to stop them, "alright, that's enough...it's nothing to be ashamed of. Even Red used to be quick on the draw before we worked on it...and worked on it...and worked on it...heh,heh. What I'm trying to say it that with a few techniques; practice makes perfect." And looking at Donna, she said, "not that I am advocating premarital sex, but as long as you practice safe-sex and as long as you're going to do it anyway..." "Ok," Kitty began, "we can work on this together...there will be no giggling or laughing. Now first Fez, the way to please a woman is to spend a lot of time on foreplay; now I'll just sit here on the coffee table and you do as I say." She pushed the coffee table farther away from the sofa then used her arm to sweep everything off it after draining her wine glass one last time, and sat on the coffee table with her legs spread wide." This got the attention of all three boys who strained themselves trying to see her slit through the dense bush.

"Now come over here and kneel between my legs," she instructed Fez, who swiftly obeyed. She took his hands in hers and ran them up and down her milky thighs until he got the idea and then she just sat back and enjoyed the sensation. "You can run your fingers up and down the sides of my slit, smoothing the hair back using my natural juices." Fez followed her instructions and gradually slicked back her dark blonde pubic hair with her secretions, exposing her pink slit. Kitty's breath was coming faster now when she instructed him, "now run your fingers up and down the center of my slit, and spread the wetness all over my crotch." Fez was the perfect student, and stroked her slit, gliding his fingers between her plump lips and marveling at the sight of her pencil-eraser sized clit as it began to protrude from her lips. "Oh yes, that's right," Kitty moaned and advised him, "you may now gently insert one or two fingers into my hole."

With his middle and forefinger, Fez slowly parted Kitty's puffy lips and slid them up inside her pussy until they were buried and then began to wiggle them around. He had never seen a woman's pussy in person before, just in Playboy, so his face was so close to her crotch that she could feel his breath against her dampness. She bit her lip and encouraged him, "oh, that's really good Fez, your girlfriend will love it...now if you really want to please her, try repeating those steps with your tongue."

Fez, inhaling her mucky scent, followed her suggestions and with his fingers still inside her began to gently lick each one of her lips separately; his tongue trailing from the bottom of her slit to the top. When he had licked her several times, he paused at the top and sucked her prominent clit between his lips. Kitty's body shuddered and suddenly his chin was coated with her cum as she gasped, "oh my...you really are a quick learner Fez...now don't stop. You might even want to add another finger;" which he immediately did. Kitty's body reacted by closing her thighs on the sides of Fez' head and trapping him against her. "Oh yes," she groaned and suggested, "now you may want to remove your fingers and replace them with your tongue."

As he slid his fingers from her hole, her fluids began to drip down her thighs and Fez quickly licked them clean before any liquid reached the coffee table. He lapped her slit and began to stab his tongue into her pussy, making slurping sounds as he drank her nectar. "You taste good Mrs. Red," Fez stated as his tongue delved into her and his nose tickled her clit. Feeling bolder and acting without instruction, he used his thumbs to spread her lips so he could probe deeper inside her. Kitty was kneading her own breasts and was lost in another orgasm as she reveled in the sensation of having someone so enthusiastic eat her pussy. This was a sex act that Red pretty much ignored, feeling it was deviant.

Coming back to her senses, Kitty unclamped her thighs and released Fez while looking around the basement at the others. All three were totally engrossed in the display she and Fez had staged: Kelso and Hyde were stroking their hard-ons, and Donna was gently rubbing the red patch between her legs. The effects of the alcohol had almost totally eliminated any modesty or embarrassment. Kitty looked down to see Fez still poised between her thighs, his enormous cock dragging on the floor like a third leg. "Well, heh,heh...you are a wonderful student Fez, but now let's explore some of the other questions, like how to avoid any premature ejaculations. Now remember, what happens in this basement during this class, stays in this basement. That is important because I am going to need your assistance Donna, since their are three penises and I only have two hands, heh,heh,heh."