That 70's Show-Donna's New Career
shaggy77
(fictional story about fictional characters)
(Diehard fans of the Show will probably want to skip this one. I admit that when Eric's character was written off the show, I stopped watching; so I have absolutely no idea where the characters ended up or the scenarios of their lives. This is all my imagination; so I apologize if it strays from the official storyline or offends anyone. Also, there will be no Kitty in this story. She was always the hardest character for me to write because I found nothing attractive about her; and yet some of my readers fixated on her...to each his own. If you still want to take a chance...read on.)
Donna Pinciotti never imagined her life would end up so complicated and disjointed. She had fallen in love with her next door neighbor, Eric Foreman, in grade-school and never thought they would not be together forever. They had planned to attend the same college and move somewhere more urban after graduation. That plan had disintegrated when Eric's father, Red, revealed he had spent all of Eric's college-fund on an ill-fated business venture: a muffler shop. The reason for the failure of the shop was that three months later, a new mall had opened ten miles away and everyone took their cars to the new Sears Auto Shop. Red's muffler shop became just a place for him to go every day and hang out.
About three months later, he had sold the property for a fraction of what he paid for it and moved to Florida with his wife Kitty. Not able to attend college, and heartbroken that he wasn't able to be with Donna, Eric had bounced around to several jobs before deciding to join the Peace Corps. Donna had stuck it out for nearly all her Freshman year in college, but had become so lonely that she decided to surprise Eric and drop out; or take a leave of absence. Unbeknownst to her, a week before she stepped off the bus back in Point Place; he had boarded a bus for the airport and a flight to Africa.
Now she was working part-time at PriceMart to pay the mortgage on the Pinciotti home, and buy groceries, while her lazy father sat in his aptly named Laz-y-boy and guzzled beer. It turns out that one semester of college doesn't qualify you for much. Bob kept promising to move to Florida by the Foreman's and open a bait shop; and truthfully, Donna couldn't wait for him to go. She had gotten back in touch with some of her old friends to reminisce about all the time spent in the Foreman's basement (the house was still vacant). Jackie had been an intern at a local TV station, but had proven incapable of the job. However the station manager, who called her cute-as-a-button, had given her the job of onscreen weather-girl.
This was back when no one cared if you were a Meteorologist, as long as you could read from the tele-prompter and looked good on camera. They would often have Jackie on-location in various places where she wore short skirts, or at the beach in a bikini. She was happy being the center of attention and her ratings were great. Jackie had gone through so many changes in the eight months Donna was away. She had shared an apartment with Fez for economic reasons; which was a disaster because he kept using every excuse to burst into the bathroom when he assumed she was in there naked. When she received a raise for being on-camera, Jackie had given the lovable Fez the heave-ho.
When reading Cosmo one day, Jackie had decided that the reason she had never been satisfied by Kelso or Hyde was that she must be a lesbian. She had even dated a "butch" girl named Wanda for awhile, but it had ended suddenly when one night Wanda demanded Jackie lick her vagina. Wanda had displayed a veritable jungle between her legs and Jackie had proclaimed: "ewwww...get out the hedge clippers. You know the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders would never let that grow like that." That was the end of Jackie's "gay phase."
Wisecracking Stephen Hyde had probably fallen the hardest, but seemed oblivious to his fate (probably due to the mass quantities of marijuana he inhaled). Once his sister had transferred to the flagship record store in Madison; Stephen's store immediately took a nosedive. He possessed no managerial skills, and didn't care. As long as there was enough profit to keep him in "weed," he was happy. His father actually de-franchised the store and it basically became just a place for Hyde and his stoner buddies to hang out and listen to music. His old boss at the Photo Hut, Leo, was naturally a frequent visitor; especially after he had left the Photo Hut a smoldering pile of ashes after a bong accident.
After burning the Police Academy to the ground playing with confiscated fireworks, Michael Kelso was of course kicked out of the cadet program; but due to his likable personality the Department had retained him as a Dispatcher. A few months back, Red had threatened to put his foot up Kelso's ass if he didn't marry Eric's sister Laurie, who had a pregnancy scare. Luckily for everyone, it had proved to be a false alarm and Kelso had skipped on his merry way. Laurie had rebounded by having very large breast implants, and was now even more "popular."
After one particularly trying day at PriceMart; dealing with little old ladies and their coupons; Donna had phoned everyone and they all agreed to take in a movie that night together, just like old times. While they were waiting for the film ("Apocalypse Now") to begin, Kelso took time out from throwing popcorn at Fez to reminisce: "remember when we all went to see Star Wars."
"Oh God...I hated that movie," Donna remarked.
Hyde chimed in: "what...that's a great flick...the music wasn't great, but still great."
She elaborated: "don't you remember how obsessed Eric was with it. Luke Skywalker this and Luke Skywalker that. He even made me dress up as Leia."
"Oooo," Fez moaned, remembering how Carrie Fisher's bra-less breasts had wobbled under the white robes, and imagining Donna's doing the same.
Reaching over two seats, Donna punched him and told him: "you're such a perv."
Hyde, agreeing with Fez, added: "maybe you could model that outfit for us." She answered by sticking her tongue out at him as Kelso showered Hyde with popcorn. Hyde threw his popcorn box at Kelso and exclaimed: "are you ever gonna grow up."
Kelso responded by faking to punch Fez in the arm and then proclaiming: "ha, you flinched," and then pounding his bicep twice.
After the movie, Hyde invited them all back to the record store to listen to music and smoke some pot...just like old times. When they got to the store, all the lights were out but Hyde opened an unlocked door. "You don't lock the door," Jackie demanded, "aren't you afraid of being robbed."
"Oh weren't not closed...Leo's here. He watches the place for me when I'm not here," Hyde told her. "See," and he pointed to Leo who was sprawled out on the sofa with a fat joint between his lips.
