Tbbt - a Wrong Turn

Melissa looked out the window in disbelief as her driver rolled along the dingy, litter-strewn streets. Her heart sank when he came to a stop in front of an ominous looking alleyway.

"Okay. This is it, Miss Rauch," the driver said gruffly.

Melissa looked at the driver with concern. "Are you sure?"

"157 SW Reno Ave. Yes, ma'am."

"Um. Well. Okay. Thank you," she said hesitantly as she stepped out of the car.

The car pulled away and she looked down the alley, then at the piece of paper in her hand.

157 SW Reno Ave. Suite E

What brought her here was a pair of shoes. More specifically, a pair of Kaley's shoes. Kaley said to go to this address. It was a private little shop hidden away down this alley. He only made shoes "for the stars" and didn't want the general public just walking in ordering shoes. Kaley told her to go down the alley and it would be an unmarked door, the fifth door on the left. She took a deep breath and walked into the dingy alley.

The further into the alley she went, she worse the smell got.

If she gave me the wrong address, I'll kill her!

Melissa thought to herself.

She walked deep into the alley. She passed the fourth door.

Almost there!

Ahead she saw a fence blocking the rest of the alley. Just on the other side of the fence was another door. The fifth door.

Her face went red. "You've

got

to be kidding me!"

Just to her right there was an alcove. She rounded the corner and stepped into it. It was littered with trash even though there was a dumpster, albeit overflowing, to the left. Along the back wall was a couch. Much to her surprise, there was a man on the couch reading a magazine.

"Um, excuse me," she said meekly. "I wonder if you could help me find an address."

The voice startled the man. "Gah! Holy hell!"

His reaction startled Melissa. "Oh! Geez! I'm sorry. I...I didn't mean to..."

The man's jaw dropped. His eyes bounced between the magazine and Melissa.

"Holy shit! You're...you're...you're Bernadette!"

She was a little shocked he knew her character. "Well, I

play

Bernadette," she said with a smile.

"Yeah, yeah! You're Melissa Rauch!"

She nodded. "Yes, that's right."

He held up the magazine and spun it around so she could see the page he had it opened to. It was her Maxim issue.

"It's you!"

However, by lifting up the magazine, he revealed the stiff rod in his hand. Melissa had failed to realize the pair of shorts that were down around his ankles.

Her eyes flew open wide. "Oh my God!"

"What?!"

She pointed at him. "That! That...thing!" Any other time she would look away. But she couldn't take her eyes off of it.

He's huge!

"Oh! Yeah. Geez. Sorry." He covered himself with the magazine again.

"It...it's fine."

"I'm your biggest fan!" he said with excitement.

Judging by the size of that thing, that's entirely possible!

"Oh really? Gee, thanks."

"You're way prettier than Kaley!"

"That's very nice of you to say." She looked around. "So, um, you've seen the show?"

"Oh yeah! It's my favorite!"

"If you don't mind me asking, where do you watch it?"

"Oh!" The man chuckled. "The appliance store around the corner leaves a TV on in the front window so me and the guys can watch TV."

"Oh, well that's nice. You can hear it through the window?"

"Nah. But we've become pretty good lip readers."

"So you've never heard our voices?"

He shook his head. "Not until just now."

"Would like to hear Bernadette's voice?"

"Oh! You mean this isn't it?"

She shook her head. "Nope." She smiled. "This is what Bernadette sounds like," she said in the character's squeaky voice.

The man fell back into the couch roaring with laughter, once again exposing himself. "That's awesome! That's amazing!"

"Gee, thanks. I'm glad you like it." She paused. "But, um, you're, um..."

"Oh geez!" He covered himself again. "Sorry about that."

"So, do you live here?"

"Home sweet home! Me and three other guys."

"Oh. Gee. That's, um, nice." She remembered why she was there. "So, um, do you know where Giordo's store is?"

"Giordo's? You mean that shoe guy?" Her heart leapt. She nodded with excitement. "Yeah. They're way over on the other side of town."

"Huh? The other side of town?"

"Yeah. He's off of Northwest Reno. You're on Southwest Reno."

"Huh?!" She looked at the piece paper in her hand again.

Kaley!

"Oh! Well, um, gee. I'm...I'm so sorry I bothered you. I guess I'll call my driver and be on my way." She turned and started to walk away.

"Wait!" She stopped and turned to see him holding up the magazine. "Would you mind signing this?"

"Um, yeah, sure, of course."

"Sweet!" The man jumped off the couch and shuffled towards her with his pole bouncing and leading the way while his shorts were still down around his ankles.

When he reached her she noticed his smell. She nodded down.

"Would you mind, um, putting that thing away." It was even bigger now that he was standing next to her.

"Oh! Yeah, okay." He reached down and pulled his shorts up. The tip was still poking out of the top, but she didn't say anything.

She pulled a black Sharpie out of her clutch and pressed the worn magazine against the brick wall.

"So, um, who do I make this out to?"

"Mark! Make it out to Mark!" She began to scribble on the page. Mark rubbed his hands together. "Oh, man! The guys won't believe this!"

She handed the magazine back to him. "Here you go. Is there, um, anything else?"

"Would you mind taking a picture with me?"

"You have a camera?" she asked surprised.

"Oh yeah!" He pulled an old cell phone out of his pocket. "You won't believe what you'll find dumpster diving!" He stepped next to her, held the phone up, and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Cheese!" The camera clicked and he released her. "Oh man, look at that!" he exclaimed looking at the image. Mark looked like a child at Christmas and Melissa looked thoroughly uncomfortable.

"Okay. Well, I guess I'll be going now," she said as she gathered herself together.

"Yeah, of course. Thank you! Thank you so much!" Mark stared at the page as he walked back to his couch.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Mark."

"You, too!" he said as he fell back on to the couch. Without hesitation, he yanked his shorts down to his ankles and went back to work.

Melissa took a step, then turned back to the man. "So, um, do you do, you know, that often?"

He looked up. "Do what?"

"You know.

That

."

"Oh! You mean jerk off?" Her face blushed and she nodded. "Oh! Oh yeah. It's not like I've got anything else to do," he chuckled. "And it's always you! I always jerk off to you!"

"Oh, well, um, gee, that's nice. Okay. Well, goodbye."

"Bye!"

She took another step, then stopped. She couldn't get the image of that huge rod out of her head.

Look at this poor guy

she thought to herself.

Living like this. He's my biggest fan! I should do something special for him.

She stopped and turned back to him.

"Mark, is there anything I can do to, you know, help?"

"Help? Help with what?"

"You know." She nodded and her eyes when to the magazine and what was behind it.

"What? This?!" The man lifted the magazine.

"(ahem) Yes, that."

"Oh wow! Um, gee. Wow. Um."

"What if I came closer and just stood there while you, you know..."

"Yeah! That would be great!"

She moved closer until she was a few feet away and stopped. "How's this?"

"Perfect!" The movement behind the magazine became quicker.

"Can I...can I see?"

"See what?" It hit him. "You want to see me jerk off?!" She nodded with embarrassment and he laid the magazine next to him.

She couldn't take her eyes off of his wood. She'd never seen anything like it!

She began to feel a familiar warmth spread across her body.

Am I...am I getting turned on by watching this homeless man masturbate?!

After standing and watching for a couple of minutes, she asked, "So, um, are you...are you...close?"

"I'm getting there!"

"Is there anything I can, you know, do to help speed things up?"

"Oh wow! Geez. I, I...oh! Would you...would you mind taking off your dress?"

"You want me to take off my dress?!"

"Hey, you asked."

"Oh my God," she huffed. "What if somebody sees me?"

"Ain't nobody gonna see you. Nobody ever comes down this alley. And the guys are all out divin'. They won't be back for hours."

"You're sure?"

Mark nodded. "Positive."

She swiveled her head left and right. "Okay, fine. But no funny business! You stay right there."

"No funny business. I'll stay right here. Scout's honor."

"Fine." She shimmied out of her red dress and kicked it to the side. She stood there in front of him wearing a lacy red bra, matching panties, and red high heels. "There. How's that?"

"That's fucking amazing! Oh yeah! That'll definitely speed things up!"

It occurred to Melissa she had never actually watched a man masturbate to finish. She was mesmerized. Even though she was only in her under garments her body temperature was rising. It wasn't long before Mark's movements changed. His jaw clenched. His eyes closed. His strokes became more aggressive.

"Oh yeah! That's it! Oh, fuck yeah! That's it! That's it! Oh fuck!" His head buried back into the couch. "Fuck gah!"

Her jaw dropped when a thick rope shot out of his hose like a geyser, then came back to earth. It splashed on his hand and thigh. His body twitched on the couch while he continued to grip his rod and curse to no one in particular.

Until he finally sank into the cushions. He opened his eyes dreamily and glanced at Melissa.

"That was fuckin' amazing," he panted as he grabbed a towel next to him and wiped himself off.

"I'm, uh, I'm glad I could, you know, help."

"Oh yeah. That was amazing. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

She grabbed her dress and stepped back into it when she noticed him pick the magazine back up. It appeared as if he was beginning to pleasure himself again.

She pulled her dress onto her shoulders. "Are you...are you, you know, doing it again?"

"Doing what again?"

"You know.

That

."

"Oh! You mean jerkin' off? Oh yeah!"

She was amazed. "Again? You're hard again already?" Her heart skipped a beat when he lifted the magazine to show off his fresh hard on.

Oh my God! Is he even bigger than he was the first time?!

"Oh yeah. I have to crank three or four of 'em off before he goes back down. Otherwise it just builds up and is painful as fuck."

Three or four times?! Winston hasn't gotten hard twice in one day in years, let alone back-to-back!

"That...that's amazing," she stammered. "How often do you, you know, do that?"

"Well, every day," he said with a tone in his voice as if everybody does that.

Her jaw dropped. "Every day?!"

"Yeah, well. I haven't been with a woman in...well, forever it seems like. And it's always to you!"

"I'll...I'll take that as a compliment, I guess."

"It's definitely meant as one!"

This man's in pain. And it's my fault! I should do something!

She paused. Mark's eyes grew wide as her dress fell to the ground again. He watched intently as she walked closer.

"What...what...whatcha doin'?" Mark asked nervously as she came closer.

"I want to help."

"Help? How...how do you plan to do that?" He watched in stunned silence as she dropped to her knees in front of him.

"Would it be okay if I jerked you off this time?"

"Okay?! Are you kidding me?!" He grunted when her hand replaced his.

"You're sure nobody will see us?"

"Not a soul."

Jesus Christ! My hand barely wraps around him!

Her hand began to glide up and down his slick, veiny shaft.

"No funny business, bud, got it? No grabbing. No pulling my hair."

Mark's eyes were already closed. "Got it."

"How does that feel?"

Mark moaned, "I'm in heaven."

"I'm glad. Is there anything I can do to speed this along?"

"I dunno. Maybe...talk dirty?"

Talk dirty?!

"Um, okay." She thought for a moment. "Um, you...you feel so big in my hand."

"Oooo! Do it in that Bernadette voice!"

"Um, okay."

That might actually make it easier. What would Bernadette say to Howard?

"Mmmmm, your big fat cock feels so good in my hand. I just want to stroke it and stroke it and stroke it."

Mark nodded. "Oh yeah, that's good."

"I've never seen such a big cock! Such a big, manly cock. Mmmmm," she cooed. "I'll bet that feels good, huh?"

Mark nodded. "Oh yeah," he sighed.

Melissa had jerked off her share of men, so she had a pretty good idea of what to expect. Most men were close to completion already by now. But Mark wasn't showing any signs of completion whatsoever.

"Does this not feel good?"

"Are you kidding? This feels great!"

"But...but...you're not, you know, throbbing or anything."

"Oh! Yeah, well...sorry 'bout that."

"Is there anything I can do to, you know, make you finish quicker?"

"Well, now that you mention it..."

"What? What is it?"

"If you could take off your bra that would really speed things up."

"What? Jerking you off isn't enough?! You want me to do it topless?!"

"Hey, you asked. I'm just being honest."

He was right.

I did ask. And, to his credit, he was honest.

"Okay. Fine." He couldn't believe he was watching his dream girl take off her bra. She laid the garment on the ground next to her and pointed at him. "No funny business!"

He held his hands up. "You got it. No funny business."

She went back to work. "There. How's that? Is that better?"

Now, instead of leaned back with his eyes closed, Mark was looking directly down at her. "Oh yeah. That's fucking fabulous."

"That's good. Because I want you to finish. I want you to finish big time."

"Um, instead of 'finish', can you say 'cum'? That would make it way dirtier."

"Sure." She cleared her throat. "Come on, Mark. I want to see you

cum

. I want to see you cum like never before."

"Oh yeah, that's it."

"Come on, baby. Fin...cum for me. I wanna make you cum. Oh! Hey!" Without noticing, Mark had managed to slip a hand under and cup one of her breasts. "I said no funny business!"

Mark didn't pull his hand away. He began to knead and massage her firm globe. "I know. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. I mean, it's been so long since I touched a woman's tit."

Her heat was rising.

This poor man! What's a little grabbing of my boob going to hurt? It would be wrong to deny him of that!

"(ahem) Okay, fine. But...gah!" She croaked when he tweaked a nipple. "Okay. Be...be careful. When somebody plays with my nipples I might get a little crazy. So just take it...gah!"

Mark smiled. "Duly noted."

She went back to petting the huge python in her hand.

"So...so...does that feel...ah!" She squeaked with every twist or tweak of her erect nipple. "Does that feel...mmmmm...good? Hmmmm? Do you like having my...ah! My...boob in your hand?"

"Your tits are amazing! Even better than I had dreamed!"

"Oh yeah? You...you...oh! You dream about my...boobs?"

"Oh yeah. All the time!"

"Oh yeah? What do you dream about?"

"Well, usually you...you wrap your tits around my cock..."

She looked into his face with a crooked smile. "Like this." She scooted forward, pulled his thick rod into her cleavage, and wrapped her fleshy mounds around it.

"Oh fuck! Yup, that...that's it. Oh, fuck!"

She began to bounce up and down. "What else?"

"Well, um, you know...fuck! Every time I, you know, pop out of the top, you...you...grrrrrr...you put it in your mouth."

She looked down. Sure enough, four inches of him were popping out like a gopher out of his hole.

"Mmmmm, that sounds like a good idea."

"Gah, fuck!" he barked when she sucked the tip like a popsicle. "Oh yeah, that's it! Holy fuck!"

The taste of salty sweat and several days worth of grime filled her mouth. But she didn't care. She was lost in the filthy lust of the event. This went on for several minutes. Melissa's legs were beginning to tire. She had to think of something.

Fuck it!

she thought.

For a flash of a second Mark thought

Huh?!

When she released him from the grip of her pillows. In the very next second his head flew back into the couch.

"Holy fuck!"

Melissa impaled her face with the first six inches of his staff. Her face bobbed in and out of his lap taking a little more of him in with each drive down. Without even thinking about it, her hand slipped between her legs. She let out a muffled yelp at the first flick of her finger against her angry knot.

"Oh my fucking God! Yes, that's it! Holy fuck!"

Suddenly, her head shot out of his lap. She wiped the drool from her chin. She looked into his shocked face.

"You'll let me know before you finish, right?"

"Um, yeah, sure, okay. I'll let you know when I'm about to cum."

She looked at him with a devilish smile. "Good."

"Gah fuck!" he croaked when she dove back in. His lust took over. She gagged the first time he shoved down on the back of her head and thrust his hips. "Come on, you fucking bitch! Take it! Take it all!" He pushed her face down when she tried to lift her head. "Oh no you fucking don't!"

Melissa had deepthroated her fair share of man meat during her time in Hollywood. That was nothing new. But she had never swallowed even close to the size of this beast. But she was determined. She dove in with a gusto. Each time he slammed against the back of her mouth she gagged slightly.

Suddenly, Mark gasped. His body froze. "Holy shit! Fuck!" Her face was buried in his lap, his balls resting on her chin.

From that point on his fingers dug into the worn cushions of the couch, as if that was the only thing keeping him from launching into the skies.

"Oh my fucking God!" he cried out in ecstasy.

She could feel him throbbing deep in her throat. Her fingers were stabbing her gash.

Come on, baby, just a little bit longer! I'm almost there!

But it wasn't to be. The taste of his salty, stale precum brush across her tongue. Her head shot out of his lap, She grabbed the pulsing meat and jerked.

"Come on, baby, give it to...GAK!"

His body jerked. A thick rope fired out of his hole and crashed into her cheek.

"Oh fuck!" he howled at the heavens. "Oh my fucking God! Fuck!"

It shot across her eyelid and up her forehead into her blonde bangs. A second thread blasted her under her chin and spread across her throat. She quickly dove back in and swallowed the squirting beast, sucking him as if she was trying to suck his heart out.

The pounding in her mouth finally ceased. She thought it was safe to raise her head. Mark was panting when he got his first look at her.

"Oh shit! I...I...I came all over your face!"

She licked the corner of her lips and giggled. "That was a lot of stuff!"

"Oh shit! I'm so sorry! Here!"

He handed the stiff towel next to him. It had the same smell as what was on her face.

"It's okay. I told you to let me know because I didn't want you fin...cumming in my mouth. Guess I should've let you come in my mouth," she laughed as she wiped her face. "So, how close was that to your dream?"

"Well, usually I cum all over your tits, not your face."

She titled her head and smiled. "Are you complaining?"

"Oh no! Oh hell no! Are you kidding me?! Hell no!"

She giggled again. "I didn't think so." She stood up and began to gather her clothing.

"Are you...leaving?" Mark asked sadly.

"Yes, I should probably get home before..." She turned to face Mark, then saw it. "Oh my God! Are you

still

hard?!"

Mark looked into his lap and back to Melissa. "Well, yeah. I told you, it takes three or four times before it goes away."

"So...it's going to stay hard?"

He nodded. "Oh yeah. After all of this? This is like a dream come true. Yeah, I've probably got two or three still in the chamber."