"I would have come here anyway." She echoed sadly. For a moment she thought about that day and the joy of riding through the country with her father. "No space of regret can make amends for one life's opportunity misused." She whispered, recalling the ghost of Marley from A Christmas Carol.
"If you want to talk, I'll listen." He offered, gently turning her to face him. "If you're not comfortable talking with me, I understand that Dr. Phlox knows a lot about complex family situations, I'm sure he would be willing to listen."
"I'm not sure that you would understand."
"I had arguments with my dad, all kids do." He responded.
"If only it was that simple." She leaned against the wall and looked at her feet for a moment before looking back up at Archer. I can't imagine you and your father arguing after all the things I read about him... and you. Henry Archer, was quite a pioneer. "She said. "I'm a big fan of his. I started reading about him when I was quite young. I wanted to know how his engines worked. For my sixth birthday, my Father gave me a doll and a fancy pair of hair barrettes then finally a model of the Enterprise-D. Not something you would normally give a girl, but I enjoyed it. I tried tossing it in the air so it would fly only to have it crash on the floor. He explained to me (as best he could considering my age) why the ship was able to fly in space. I thought it was so amazing and I was hungry to learn more." She gave a half smile to herself. "Back then I loved spending time with my father and learning from him. My father was a very busy man, but he managed to find time for me. I won't say that he never forgot a birthday or special occasion, but he always made up for it. I not going to lie and tell you I was an easy child either, because I wasn't. Initially I was placed in the same school room as the other children, but it didn't last. I had a bad tendency to argue with the teacher if I thought she was wrong, manipulate the other students or do their work. I liked manipulating the teacher too. I was never very good at taking criticism, although I have gotten better at it over the years. After numerous meetings with my teacher it was determined that I was 'gifted' and that it would probably be best if I had a tutor working one-on-one with me. My education wasn't limited to the typical studies either. My father included other extracurricular activities like Latin, French, art and playing the piano."
"A piano on a star ship?" Archer asked, taken back by the notion.
"Sort of. My father had a relationship with a woman, Nella I think her name was. It was short lived, so much so that he never introduced us. She was the head of the Science Department. She carried a piano keyboard that rolled up. My father had it replicated and decided I should learn to play it. I hated that damn thing, but I did become pretty decent at it. Eventually he had me play for visiting dignitaries and diplomats. Back then, I couldn't understand why he put so much importance on fine arts and music. Later I found out that my grandparents had believed very strongly in the ancient traditions and taught them to my father and uncle. They didn't believe in using unnecessary technology and although my father obviously did not entirely agree with it, he did share an appreciation for it.
"In 2371 the ship was destroyed when a Veridian Star exploded. I survived by hiding in a corner near my father's bed where there weren't so many loose objects as potential projectiles. Most of the crew, including my father were reassigned to the Enterprise E. Unlike the previous ship this one was not designated for families, but he got special permission to have me on board with him. That made me the only child and rather spoiled by the crew. There were only a few places I was allowed to go for safety and security reasons unless accompanied by a senior officer... or when I could sneak around."
"Didn't you ever get caught?"
"Once in a while I would get caught... and reprimanded." She answered trying to suppress a sly smile. "When I was punished I used to suspect that he wasn't as disappointed in my behavior as he was in the fact that I got caught. I suppose he saw a little of himself in me during those times. I didn't notice it at the time because I was already starting to rebel against him. You see, my resentment towards my father began not long before the star exploded. My father received word that my Uncle Robert and cousin René had been killed. He was trying very hard not to let it affect him, but it did of course. The counselor could sense what he was going through and confronted him on it. I was supposed to be doing my school work, but I heard him confide in Counselor Troi his regrets that there would be no more Picards and how my cousin René was the child he never had. I was stunned and hurt at what he said. Was I not his child? He certainly made sure that Dr. Crusher tested my DNA before taking me into his custody. Damn it, I was a Picard and might have children of my own one day. Surely the family could continue through me."
"He probably didn't mean it the way it sounded." Captain Archer suggested.
"You're right and I should have asked him about it at the time, but I was a head-strong foolish kid and didn't. Now of course I understand that he was reeling over the loss and not thinking as clearly as he might otherwise have. René was the SON he never had and he assumed that one day I would probably marry and would no longer bear the name Picard. The carefully handed down traditions, and every link to his childhood home was gone because he could see a future for me that was somehow apart from all of that. Heaven only knows what he imagined I would succeed at." For a brief moment Captain Archer was tempted to relay to Danaë everything that Agent Daniels had told him, but stopped himself. He had given his word and could not break it. "I carried that resentment, but I didn't let it completely eat away at our relationship... until that woman came into our lives. When she appeared, the resentment was compounded."
"Woman?"
"You have to understand, captain, I was very young when I came to live with my father and in my mind the role of wife and mother was already taken by my own mother. I don't know why, I mean, they were never married. Perhaps too much childhood dreaming, I don't know. I never even saw them together, but I was damn well not going to share my father with some other woman, My father didn't know how I imagined our family, If he had, I'm sure he would have gently but firmly set me straight. I knew there had been women who caught his interest, but they were always fleeting and I never met them. Just after my eleventh birthday the Enterprisewas sent to the planet of Ba'ku to try and capture one of its officers that had gone rogue. While they were investigating what happened, my father brought me down to the surface because he thought I might enjoy meeting the other children. I had a wonderful time, until I saw him walking with that woman. Her name was Anij and she was beautiful, smart and had his complete attention."
"You're not the first child to become resentful of their parent dating." Archer said, beginning to understand.
"No I'm not the first and I assumed she would fade as quickly as the others, but it didn't. While investigating what caused his officer to malfunction, my father discovered a massive deception being perpetrated on the Ba'ku and refused to play a part in it. Determined to help those people he walked away from his ship. He was joined by a handful of his senior officers who felt as he did. The way he explained it to me, he felt that his insubordination would likely cost him his career and as such we would need to leave the Enterprisebehind.
Being a kid I didn't really understand everything that was happening or the reasons why he was doing it. All I saw was him giving up everything to help her. We were on the run, being attacked and eventually captured all for the sake of Anij. She was never anything but cordial to me and I was civil for father's sake. Yet when I looked at her all I could see was someone trying to take my mother's place and destroying everything my father had worked for. When it was over and we were once more allowed to return, with my father once more in command of the Enterprise. I watched them together. I still remember the way he looked at her. I heard him tell her that he had something like 300 days of shore leave and that he planned to use them all with her. My antipathy towards him festered and grew after that.
"Our relationship was never the same again, not that he had changed toward me, but rather, I moved away from him. I became more rebellious and defiant in my attitudes and I didn't want to listen to him anymore. He knew something was wrong, and tried to get me to talk to him, or the counselor, but I refused. As far as I know he never saw Anij again and that should have been enough to heal our relationship, but it didn't. Even after seven years I was still full of resentment and I took it with me to the academy.
"Being away from home for the first time was great. I was not the athlete that my father was, but I was still quite good, placing third in the 40m-run on Danula II. In academics I excelled and even surpassed his achievements. It took him two tries to pass that entrance exam, but I got a perfect score the first time. I held the top ranking of my class which was certainly no small feat. I was told by advisors that I was to be groomed for command. At the conclusion of my freshman year my father made a point of coming to see me and I was elated. For once I had his full and undivided attention. The day he arrived began with so much promise. We had breakfast together and then he took me to a couple of his old haunts from his cadet days.
On the way back to the dorms we ran into an acquaintance of his, Admiral Satie. I would never dare call them friends, theirs was a strained relationship at best, but they were civil to each other. He politely introduced me and she congratulated him on his engagement to Dr. Crusher. This was a complete surprised to me and he immediately apologized for not telling me sooner. It seemed he was planning to announce it over dinner later in the evening. In that instant I became that angry little girl again. I felt betrayed and believed that he had replaced me and my mother in favor of a new life. My anger came back hotter than ever and all I wanted to do was somehow hurt him. I began by making a few snide comments in front of the admiral and I could see the embarrassment and anger in his eyes, but he said nothing.
