Spence the Pervert Ing of Queens

This is a parody... It is not real.

This is a story about the Spence Ulchin character from the sitcom The King Of Queens... It starred Kevin James and Leah Remini... Patton Oswalt played Spence... This story is perverted and freaky... Enjoy.

Queens, New York 2002

Spence Ulchin was at his friend Doug Heffernan's house for a little get together. He was standing in the kitchen leering at Doug's wife Carrie, while she whipped up a quick cake. She had forgotten to buy one, but she was glad she had the chance to show off her new and improved baking skills. She had been taking cooking classes and now had the chance to show everyone, how good of a baker she had become.

Spence was a well known pervert, but his friends still liked him, even though they busted his balls about it regularly. He stared at Carrie's beautiful ass in her tight jeans and her full breasts in her pink tank top. His cock got hard and he tried to hide it. Carrie is a bossy bitch and she has no problem verbally slapping him around at any time. It turns him on when she does it. Carrie could sense Spence leering at her. "If you can stop staring at my ass for a minute Spence, could you come over here and watch this mix? I need to pee really bad." She sneered at him, her hands on her hips.

"Sure thing Carrie, no problem." He walked over to her, smiling and stood by the mixer. Carrie looked right at him and said, "don't fuck it up buddy boy, or I'll whip your chubby little ass!" Spence smiled, so turned on. Carrie saw his erection and shook her head. "Don't put your dick in the bowl either, or I'll chop it off! I'm sure you'll stare at my sweet ass when I leave the room, so don't let your beady little eyes pop out. If you don't fuck up the mix, I might shake my ass for you, if you ask nicely." She winked at him, but gave him a very serious look. "Don't fuck it up!" Carrie walked out of the kitchen... And yes, Spence stared at her sweet ass.

He was so fucking turned on, not only by the way Carrie bossed him around, but also at the possibility of her shaking her sweet ass for him. Spence also had a very perverted idea. He unzipped his pants and turned off the mixer he grabbed the bowl and held it under his cock. Her jerked his already hard and leaking precum cock very fast. He thought about Carrie and how much she turned him on, as he jerked his thick cock. He grunted and came in the bowl. His cock jerked and pumped his load in the bowl. He watched the jizz drop into it.

He was so excited he kept jerking his cock. He pulled it and shook it hard and fast. His hand was a blur, wanting to jizz again in the bowl before Carrie came back. The possibility of her... Or anyone else, coming in and catching him, excited him so much. He shook his head thinking of how turned on he was. He came again in the bowl. His second load of cum spraying the batter. He watched his cock jerk and pump his jizz all over the yellow batter. He was so fucking turned on. He put the bowl back and put his cock up, quickly zipping up. He turned the mixer back on and watched his jizz be mixed in with the batter.

The mixer mixed the ingredients nicely. You couldn't tell there was two loads of jizz in there. Spence just smiled. Carrie came back in the kitchen and went to the mixer to make sure everything was ok. "Good job Spence. Surprisingly, you didn't fuck up." She smiled and stuck her finger in the bowl. She brought it to her lips... Spence watched intently, wondering if she would notice his cum in there, so excited about her tasting it. She put her finger in her mouth and sucked it. She tasted the batter and nodded. She looked back at Spence, smiling. "Damn, I can cook. This is great... If I do say so myself!"

Carrie put her finger in the bowl again, scooping up a bigger amount of batter. She put it in her mouth and sucked her finger clean. "Mmmmmm, I am one helluva good baker baby. I'm the Queen Bitch of Baking. This is the best cake ever." Spence just smiled big, so fucking turned on, at Carrie tasting his cum twice and saying how good it was. His cock was rock hard again. He also remembered he had a booty shake coming his way.

"Um Carrie, you did promise me a booty shake... If I didn't fuck up." He smiled a big smile at her. She turned to face him, not remembering what she promised at first. It then hit her.

"Ohhhhh, I did promise you that, didn't I? Damn, you take everything so literal. Well, my cake is the best ever, so I'm in a good mood... So what the hell. Look up buddy boy. Try not to jerk off though. Don't wanna make a mess in here. I'd have to beat your ass." Carrie smacked her ass and shook it, up and down and side to side. She actually enjoyed shaking her ass, even if it was for her husband's perverted friend. Spence was so hard and so turned on by Carrie. He stared at that gorgeous ass bouncing. Carrie stuck her ass out at him and said, "go ahead buddy boy, smack it, it's your lucky day pervert." She wiggled that beautiful ass and shook it fast. Spence licked his lips and smacked her ass hard, not too hard, but hard enough to elicit a sexy moan from Carrie.

She shook her head and stopped the ass shaking fun, before it went any further. "Ok you weasel, that's enough. You got your booty shake and a booty smack, so there. Thanks for not fucking up my cake."

About 20 minutes or so later, Carrie was spreading the frosting on her cake. Spence helped her. He could see her cleavage as she bent over to spread the icing. Spence leered at Carrie's tits. She noticed. "Eyes off buddy boy! You've had your fun for today. So don't drool all over my cake, staring at my tits." Spence looked at the cake and they finished icing it.

A few minutes later everyone was enjoying the cake. Spence smiled, knowing what the special ingredient was. It was such a turn on to him watching everyone loving eating the cake that had his jizz in the batter. "Oh my God Carrie, this is so delicious. You have to give me the recipe." Kelly Palmer, the gorgeous black woman who was married to Doug's best friend, Deacon, remarked. Spence almost came right there. He had a huge crush on Kelly and knowing she loved the cake, made with his jizz, excited him beyond belief.

He excused himself and asked to use the bathroom. Carrie told him to go ahead and he walked up the stairs to the bathroom. He went in the bathroom to pee and jerk off. He was so turned on by Kelly and Carrie he couldn't stand it. He looked over at the tub, while he was peeing and saw a drill. Doug had put up a shelf to put stuff on and had forgotten to put up the drill. Spence got a kinky idea. He stopped peeing and left his cock out. He picked up the drill and drilled a hole through the wall, creating a peephole. He knew there was a picture on the wall in the hall that covered the hole and the hole on the inside was in between the shelves so it was very hard to see. He moved a shampoo bottle over to sort of block it.

Spence smiled. He now could watch Carrie take a bubble bath, since he was staying with them for a few days. His apartment building was shut down by the building inspector and Spence was staying with Doug and Carrie til the situation was cleared up. He was sleeping in Carrie's office on the pull out couch bed. He got another perverted idea. Spence jerked his cock fast and grabbed the bubble bath bottle. He opened it and came in it. Only about half of his cum could fit in the mostly full bottle, so he finished cumming in the toilet. He put the top back on the bottle and put it back where it was. He flushed the toilet and put his cock back in her pants.

Spence walked quietly into Doug and Carries bedroom, as he started to go back downstairs. He snuck over to Carrie's dresser and opened it. He saw her thongs and he grabbed one. He smelled it and licked it. He rubbed it on his cock, which he had pulled out of his pants. He held it on his cock, as he jerked it. He folded it back up and put it back in the drawer. Just as he turned around, he saw Carrie. He was startled. She looked at him angrily. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN HERE, YOU FUCKING PERVERT?" She yelled at him, her arms folded, looking at him with a very angry gaze.

"I'm... I'm sorry. I heard something in here and I checked to see what it was. I thought it was a rat or something. I'm very sorry Carrie. I really am. Please forgive me. Please." He pleaded with her for mercy. His story wasn't too believable, mostly because his cock was still hanging out. He forgot to put it away.

"The only rat in here is you, you damn weasel... and put that fucking weasel cock of yours away, you bastard!" Carrie said angrily.

He saw it and knew he fucked up. "I'm so sorry Carrie, please forgive me. I'm very, very sorry. I really, really am." He pleaded for mercy again. He looked at her with his saddest, most innocent look.

"Well, don't let it happen again. If it does, I'm gonna beat your ass and I'm gonna tell Doug." Carrie showed him some mercy.

"Thank you, thank you. Again I'm very sorry." He kissed her hand, but she pulled it away. Carrie shook her head, as Spence put his cock back in his pants. Carrie got a devilish idea. She smirked.

"On second thought, take it back out bitch. NOW!!" Carrie commanded, looking at him in disgust.

Spence was nervous, but he obeyed. He unzipped his pants and took his cock out. Carrie looked at it and walked to her dresser. She opened it and knew which thong he used. It wasn't like she had it. She took it out and threw it at him. "Show me what you did bitch boy... and you better do it right or I'm calling Doug up here to beat your pervert ass." Carrie spit on him. Spence looked at her, sniffed her thong, licked it and wrapped the thong around his cock and jacked off. His cock was pouring precum. He was so turned on by Carrie and the way she treated him. He stared at her with a lust fueled gaze.

Carrie smirked and turned away from him. She undid her pants and slowly pulled them down. She bent over and smacked her ass. "Look at it motherfucker. I know you dream about fucking me." She pulled her thong aside and showed Spence her bare pussy and anus. She twitched her anus, in and out, driving Spence crazy. "Bet you wanna shove your fucking pervert tongue up there and eat my ass." She smacked her ass while Spence jacked off with her thong. Carrie fixed her thong and pulled her pants back up. She turned back to face him and had that devilish grin on her beautiful face.

You probably want me to call Kelly up here so she can watch you jerk off don't you bitch? Who knows maybe she might even suck that little dick for you... you'd like that, huh bitch boy?" Spence nodded yes repeatedly and drooled looking at Carrie. She had him so fucking turned on and she fucking knew it. She walked over to him and put her hand inches from his throbbing cock. She teased him, almost touching his cock, while he jacked off. Spence couldn't stand it. He craved Carrie... but he couldn't have her. She just laughed at him and walked away. She buttoned her pants and smirked at him, as she went downstairs. Spence came hard, all over the thong. He groaned loudly and said, "CARRIE CARRIE CARRIE!" as he stopped cumming.

He put the cum coated thong in his pocket. He jerked his cock, still thinking about Carrie. He closed his eyes and jerked his cock, imagining Carrie there sucking it... Or maybe even Kelly. He lusted for both of them. He imagined Kelly grabbing his cock and jerking it. Then she would bend over and lick it. She would turn around and let him pound her holes for as long as he wanted to. Kelly had walked upstairs after Carrie told her about Spence. They both laughed about it. Kelly was curious about how perverted he was, so she walked upstairs to see if he was still messing around. She saw him jacking off in Carrie's bedroom. She just shook her head and laughed to herself, her arms folded.

"Yes Kelly YESSSSSSS! TAKE THAT COCK BABY!" Spence yelled out, as he jerked his cock faster.

"Where should I take it to... Baby..." Kelly shocked Spence. He immediately opened his eyes and covered his cock. He was embarrassed and nervous, hoping Kelly didn't tell her husband Deacon.

"I'm sorry Kelly... I didn't know you were there. I'm really sorry. I mean it. I'm so sorry." Kelly shook her head at him. She knew he was nervous and embarrassed by what he did, so she didn't yell at him. She looked at his cock. She thought it was nice. It wasn't long, but she liked the thickness. It did excite her that he risked being caught, just to fantasize about her. Carrie had told Kelly about his crush on her. She thought that was sweet. She decided to give him a little thank you.

"Spence, take a look at these..." Kelly unbuttoned her pink sweater and opened it, showing Spence her gorgeous naked tits. She wasn't wearing a bra. She shook them for him, smiling big and shaking her eyebrows. Spence just stared in awe at her perky, full breasts. They were so perfectly shaped and big. Kelly pinched and rubbed her nipples for him. She even brought one of her tits to her mouth and sucked her own nipple. Spence started cumming. His cock jerked and pumped out his cum onto the floor. Kelly looked at it and smiled. She took it as a compliment. She buttoned up her sweater, smiled at him again and walked downstairs.

Spence was alone in the bedroom, so relaxed and excited at the same time. He put his cock back in his pants and went to the bathroom. He got a washcloth and some soap and cleaned up the mess on the floor. He threw the washcloth away and went downstairs.

Spence walked quietly towards the kitchen. He went in and got a beer. He took a few sips to calm himself and he breathed deeply to relax. Carrie walked up behind him. "You didn't make a mess up there did you? It would be a shame to have to cut off your cute dick. You might need it someday. Maybe you will fuck a girl or get to jerk off again, 3while I shake my ass for you again. You never know buddy boy. She smacked his plump ass and dumped some trash. Spence couldn't believe it. Carrie was flirting with him, and after she shook her ass for him and after Kelly showed him her tits. It was a great day so far for the horny little pervert. He also remembered the cake. He noticed everyone eating it. It was all gone. He smiled, knowing everyone had tasted his cum and enjoyed it. His cock started to get hard again.

"Geez, does that thing ever go down? You better cool it pervert... you might pass out from your blood rushing to it." Carrie winked at him and cleaned up the kitchen. Spence rubbed himself, not letting Carrie see him do it. He was still very sexually excited. Kelly came in the kitchen and came up behind Spence.

"Hey handsome, you still hard for me?" Kelly said it in her sexiest voice. She and Carrie were really enjoying teasing Spence and he was loving every second of it. Kelly upped the ante when she reached around and squeezed his thick cock through his pants. "Oh, you are. Good. I might need you to help me in the garage. You can bring this with you." Kelly squeezed it and rubbed it slowly. She looked at Carrie and winked. They smiled at each other, knowing how turned on Spence was. They were expert teases. Kelly let Spence's cock go and talked to Carrie. Spence came in his pants. He couldn't help it. All the teasing was too much for him. He closed his eyes and rode out his orgasm.

Kelly and Carrie looked over at Spence and shook their heads. They laughed and hatched a plan. They would see how many times they could make Spence cum in his pants. "Why don't you sit down Spence. You've had a "hard" day." Kelly told him, pulling out a chair a day patting the seat for Spence to sit down. It face the two of them. Spence took his beer and sat down. He drank half of the beer and relaxed.

"I know what will relax you... How about a lap dance from Carrie? I know you like her sweet ass." Kelly almost made Spence drop his beer. He sat up in the chair and Kelly did some strip club music with her mouth and they both watched Carrie walk over to Spence and turn away from him. She shook her ass in his face and smacked it. She then moved it to his lap and shook it on his lap. It smacked his cock and jiggled all over it. Carrie could feel Spence's hard, wet cock and it turned her on. She bounced her ass on his cock and rubbed it on there too. Carrie undid her pants and pulled them below her ass. She smacked his cock with her bare ass and rubbed her ass all over it.

Carrie sat in Spence lap and grinded on his cock. They could hear everyone talking in the next room and it excited all of them. Carrie grabbed Spence hands and put them on her tits. He immediately came in his pants again. She smiled and pulled his hands off of her. She turned and smacked his face. They were having fun teasing him. Carrie got up, but Spence pulled her back down on his lap. She could feel the wet spot of cum rubbing on her bare ass. He held her hips and grinder her on his cock. Carrie elbowed him in the gut and he let her go. She got up and turned around smacking him hard on the face. She grabbed his nipples and twisted them very hard. "OWWWWWWW!! Spence yelled out in pain. Carrie slapped his face hard again.

"Everything ok honey?" Doug asked from the living room.

Carrie looked at Spence and kicked his shin. He yelled into his closed mouth, trying not to alert anyone. Carrie hit Spence in the arm several times. He begged her for her forgiveness. He got on his knees and He grabbed her leg, begging and pleading for forgiveness. He kissed her feet and licked her shoes, pleading for forgiveness.

Carrie looked at Kelly and Kelly shrugged her shoulders. Carrie was still mad at the weasel, but she enjoyed all the groveling and begging for forgiveness. She also enjoyed the shoe licking. Carrie looked in a cabinet and pulled out a dog collar she used with Doug. She has a big kinky streak and Spence was gonna find out all about it. She grabbed a leash from the drawer too and attached it to the dog collar she put around Spence's neck. She handed the leash to Kelly. "Kelly would you please take the dog outside and let him use the bathroom. If he causes any problems feel free to smack him. You be a good boy for Kelly, you pervert dog. Thanks Kelly." Carrie went in the living room to start cleaning up.

Kelly grabbed the leash and opened the door. Spence crawled on all fours and rubbed his head on Kelly's leg. "OK boy, let's go outside so you can pee." Kelly pulled the leash and Spence followed. Kelly was turned on by the role playing too. She was also turned on thinking about Spence's cock and the cum it shot out. Kelly loves cum. She's a hardcore cum swallower. She wears her husband out, sucking out as many loads of it as possible. She even has fooled around on him too. She even sucked off Doug a couple of times. Carrie found out about it, but she didn't get mad because she was fooling around with her trainer. Kelly has not cheated on Deacon in a couple of years. She's tried to be a good wife and not do that.

Kelly led Spence around the backyard and into the alley beside their garage. He sniffed around and decided to piss there. He unzipped his pants and pulled his precum leaking cock out and lifted one leg. He started pissing on Doug and Carrie's garage wall. Kelly watched him, fascinated by his desire to act like a dog. She was never that free sexually. She did some stuff sexually, but never anything that freaky. She watched the piss fly from his cock. It actually turned her on. She always had a fantasy in the back of her mind of getting pissed on. She undid her pants and stuck her hand inside her pants and inside of her thong. She looked around and didn't see anyone so she fingered her sweet black pussy super fast, as she watched Spence flood the garage wall with piss. He held his head back and groaned. Kelly moaned and fingered her pussy faster. She was glued to the piss flying from his cock.