[
Setting the scene:
the events of this chapter take place after the battle of Helm's Deep. Aragorn, the Rangers of the North, and remnants of the Fellowship have arrived at Dunharrow. Γowyn has openly declared her love for Aragorn and her desire to ride with him to the Paths of the Dead, and has been rejected on both counts. Onodrim is the Sindarin name for the Ents.]
7 March 3019 (Third Age), Dunharrow
Face down and crying into her bed, Γowyn knew she cut a pathetic figure of leadership. A young girl in the midst of a petulant tantrum she would unquestionably appear, were there not a locked door between her and anyone who might witness her humiliation.
She didn't care.
The heart-racing thrill when she learned that
he
was approaching...the momentary hope that he'd come so far out of his way just to see her...the suffocating despair as she realized his true intentions; she felt the intensity of all those emotions to her core, but her greatest misery was something much more personal.
Does he truly not love me as I love him? He hasn't clearly said yea or nay, yet....
Before they left Edoras, she thought she'd read signs of it in his face. But he was so elusive...older, wiser, mysterious...and she was still supremely naΓ―ve regarding the emotional intricacies of human relationships. Her burgeoning passion was, at the moment, an additional blindness, for it obscured any objective view of his heart from which she might discern truth. She knew this war would forever sunder families, friends, and lovers...but for a few beautiful days, despite all that had occurred, she'd known the possibility of hope. Now....
Perhaps it was only a fool's hope...and I'm the fool,
she scolded herself.
And as for my equally foolish declaration of love....
Her fists clutched the bedsheets.
I escaped Wormtongue's clutches, grasped for the highest cloud I could reach, but forgot that the heavens within our sight are only ephemera. There was nothing real to cling to, then or now...and so here I am, dashed and bloodied on the razor-pinnacle of my foolishness. For no matter his lineage, no matter his strength, no matter his resolve, he will not return from the Paths of the Dead. No one will. So many warriors, so many beloved people, wasted just as foolishly as my love.
And yet, I only mourn for him. Because who I
really
mourn for is myself.
Her despicable selfishness was the primary lens through which she viewed her mounting shame, and she wept all the more for it.
This is unquestionably a punishment for all I've done of late.
Not for the first time, she tallied her many failures of resistance while being plied and beguiled by Wormtongue. She pondered her darkest dreams, and how their repeated themes of coercion and decadence seemed to spur her towards both while awake. She cringed at how she tempted Elfi and ThΓ©o to the edge of reason, all to satisfy her raging lust, rid herself of her troublesome virginity, and cleanse unwanted memories. And later, apparently having learned nothing, using and disposing of her trainees, then corrupting GrΓ©or without a thought for considerations other than sexual.
Nor can I forget the secret that manipulated them to my will and insulated me from consequence. And yet, even after all that insufferable self-regard, here I am, raging at being denied something β someone β I want. A reckoning was inevitable, and it appears to have arrived.
Her mind desperately searched for an insight that might elevate her from despair.
Perhaps he loves me after all, but won't admit it before confronting this dark journey?
Fading hope flickered to life.
It's a possibility. But I would need to hear it from his lips.
Frustration returned as she contemplated the immediate future.
He stands on the precipice between life and death...and despite my entreaties, he's choosing death. Worse, it might mean death for both of us. For should he persist, I would fain die at his side, facing even the terror of the Cursed Ones. But if that path is denied me, and the King β as is likely upon his return β also abandons me, I shall decay in this inertial prison, watching my bound and rejected spirit wither away into nothingness. Even death while doing some worthy deed or achieving some noble end would be preferable to the intolerable waste that my life has become.
She fought back tears.
Can't I somehow make him choose life? Life with me? Perhaps...perhaps there's a way.
She rose with determination but little hope, stripping off her clothes and digging through her small wardrobe for something inappropriate to her station.
It will take my most convincing argument, and I'll have to abandon propriety. For though he may not love the Lady, he may be unable to resist the Whore.
<<<<<<<>>>>>>>
Her teeth chattered as she quietly entered his quarters. Outside, the wind on their high plateau was bitter, and from the dark Dimholt an even more fell air seeped through the mists, as if anticipating the morrow's journey. Her frigid nipples threatened to tear through her light dress, though in this case their prominence might serve to support her purpose. It was a necessary price to pay for her light raiment, and in any case she intended to work off the chill soon enough.
Aragorn lay on the bed before her, deep in sleep. She drew close, admiring the rugged lines of his face, the hewn features that seemed both vividly alive and immensely mature. Not for the first time, she wondered at his true age.
Perhaps he considers me no more than a silly trifle of a girl. Well, I will show him otherwise.
She could hear the Dwarf's lumbering snores through a nearby door. He'd insisted that naught but duty or an axe at his throat could wake him, and she hoped his boast held. Of the keen-eyed and keen-eared Elf, there was no sign.
For that, at least, I'm grateful.
Taking a deep breath to steel her resolve, she pressed a dusty finger between his lips. With a quick, reflexive inhalation, he took the powder into his mouth and mumbled something inchoate. She froze, but he didn't wake.
Shedding her anxiety and putting her lips close to his ear, she whispered carefully planned words. "Lord Aragorn, you will dream about us making love. When you awake it will be to the same pleasure, but it will be real. When I ask whether or not you love me, you will tell the truth. If the truth is that you don't, you will forget that I was ever here."
The struggle to craft such a narrow phrasing had been a mighty one, for she couldn't deny that part of her wanted to