And I did have moments of doubt. After all, it was a very sensitive part of me that was going to get sliced up. My penis and I had become very attached over the years. I also wasn't quite convinced it was necessary surgery at all. Yet there was something still deeply erotic about the idea of being circumcised for Saoirse, and it excited me to please her by doing it.
She gently pushed the idea from then on. She would say she was getting more and more excited about the thought of me getting circumcised, and she continued doing her research — though I wondered how much that was really for my benefit.
One Saturday afternoon I came home early from my weekly rugby match and must have managed to get into the flat without her hearing me. I didn't even expect her to be home; when I played rugby Saoirse would often go out and visit friends and I might not see her until after dinner. But I knew she was in the flat because her keys were hanging up in the hall. I decided to surprise her and quietly crept down the corridor. I peeked into the living room but she wasn't there, nor was she in the kitchen. That only left our bedroom, where the door was pushed closed.
I opened it very gently and edged my head around when it was only a little ajar. Saoirse was sitting at the desk inside almost with her back to me, and headphones on, oblivious to my entrance. I immediately saw what was capturing her attention so completely: she was naked except for a pair of simple black cotton panties, looking into her laptop screen. Her right hand was on the mouse while the left was thrust down the front of her underwear, her wrist moving in slow circles. Her face was a picture of concentration.
I decided not to disturb her just yet. This was something I'd never seen from her before except when we masturbated together. She wasn't watching porn, though, just as she claimed she never did. Instead she was reading some text on the screen. I was too far away to read what it said, but whatever it was it certainly seemed to get her going. She bit her lower lip and her wrist started to more quickly inside her panties. The motion changed and I could hear the wet plunging sound of her fingers moving inside herself. Watching her totally lost in her own pleasure was a fantasy turned real. From almost the moment I realised what she was doing I was rock hard.
As I watcher her, feeling both arousal and guilt, she flicked away from the page of text to something else: a video of a man, naked, touching his cock. So Saoirse wasn't entirely truthful when it came to watching porn, I thought. The video zoomed in on the man's lower body. He was clearly circumcised, and stopped jerking himself briefly to dribble what seemed to be oil or lube on his cock and on his hand. Then he started going to work on the head with rough, circular motions of his closed fist. Saoirse took her hand off the mouse and started rolling one of her nipples between her forefinger and thumb. The hand buried in her panties was now rubbing faster. As she watched the man in the video stroking himself faster, so she rubbed herself more vigorously. I could hear her heavy breathing now, and her body writhed in the office chair she was sitting in.
I almost couldn't believe what I was witnessing. The hand buried in her panties slowed, and she flicked the page again from the masturbating man to some other video that looked strange. It was a white sheet with a hole in the middle, out of which poked a flaccid penis. Then some green-gloved hands came into the screen. The hands held what appeared to be surgical instruments. My blood ran cold at this. Was she really watching an actual circumcision? And masturbating to it? She was. The hands began to wield the surgical instruments. The white sheets became dotted with patches of red. I watched on, agog. She had started rubbing her pussy again in her panties. The slow 'smack, smack' sound was louder than before — I imagined she must have been incredibly wet by the sounds of it. As the green-gloved hands did their work she began to rub herself furiously. Finally the hands produced some silver contraption and nimbly assembled it on the head of the penis. I had never seen this before. There was some part that was screwed on, the metal pieces sliding together easily. Then the hands were running a scalpel in a circle around the silver contraption. Saoirse was taking short, deep breaths now.
There was more red; what I presumed was the severed foreskin was pulled off the silver device. Then Saoirse let out an involuntary moan, scrunched her eyes up tight, leaned back in the chair and her whole body seemed to tense up. For a second she remained coiled like that, and then a little squeal escaped her mouth like I'd never heard from her before, and her legs and body shuddered. Her tense little body rippled with pleasure.
Saoirse's head was tilted back from coming, and so when she opened her eyes some seconds later she immediately saw me standing there. Her eyes widened and she pulled off the headphones. "I didn't think you'd be home yet," she said, meekly.
"Clearly," I said, intending it to be playful — though I was startled by what I had just seen, and maybe that came across in my tone. She didn't look like she took it as playful.
"I guess you saw everything," she said quietly.
"Yep. I was standing there for quite some time."
She turned off the video. "I feel ashamed. It's a bit of a strange thing to..." But I cut her off.
"Look, it's not so strange. People get off on lots of different things. You know what I think about exploring your desires. Please, don't feel weird about it," I said, walking over to her. "It was also so fucking hot watching you do that."
"Mmm well that's a relief," she smiled wanly. I stroked her face.
"So have you been doing this often, and to that..." I paused for effect, "particular material?"
Saoirse considered something for a moment before replying. "Since we talked about it during sex last week," she confessed. Another pause. She seemed to be grappling for something to break the tense silence. She blurted out: "I can never last past that part of the video. I want to see them pull off the clamp and how the head pops out... It's so sexy somehow... freshly circumcised."
I just had to stare.
"If you'd just been a few minutes later you'd never have known," she said, turning her head to avoid my eyes.
"No, it's better this way. I want to know," I reassured her. Kneeling down so our faces were level, I made her look me in the face. "Make me part of this. I want to share it with you."
I could see the thoughts turning over in her head. Eventually she said, cautiously: "OK. Well, there are some things I've been meaning to bring up with you. I thought maybe a role play about it could be... fun?"
"Sure, I'd like to try that," I said, wanting to soothe her discomfort. But the truth was I was a little weirded out by the whole thing. And I still had my doubts about getting circumcised.
"Um, I know you're still not completely on board," she said. I was always impressed by how perceptive she was. "So, I've been doing some research again. I mean, beyond this sort of research," she said laughing dryly. "So. There are ways you can, sort of, try out being circumcised before you commit. See if you like it and all that. You just — you keep the foreskin back for a while. Some men just do that all the time. I've read about it online."
I bent down and kissed her head. "That sounds like a good idea actually. I'm leaning towards it, I think. But it's a big commitment. So I want to be sure."
"Of course! Of course, darling. I wouldn't want you to do something you would regret,"Saoirse said earnestly. "But I think you probably won't regret it."
"I hope not," I said.
She glanced at the laptop screen again. "Oh no, I'm so sorry but I'm going to be late. I arranged to meet Martha and if I don't leave soon she'll be annoyed with me. Can we talk about this later? This evening, when I get back?"
"Yes, sure. Don't worry, it's not a big deal. And I honestly really enjoyed watching you. You should let me do it again sometime," I said.
She stood up and kissed me. My erection had subsided as we talked, but with her petite, almost-naked body pressed so close to mine it began to stir again. "How about later?" She looked slyly at me. I couldn't say no to that offer.
We agreed that on her next long business trip I would wear my foreskin back until she returned. I was excited by the idea, getting to test out how it would feel to have one of those interesting looking penises from the pictures. Saoirse and I made it into a game. "While I'm away you have to act like you're really circumcised, so if you jerk off then do it like a circumcised man would — no cheating," she said cheekily.
With Saoirse's help I devised a way to keep my foreskin back. All I had to do was grab a handful of her elastic hair ties, put some at the base of my penis and some around my balls and the added skin tension kept my foreskin retracted even when I was soft. On the day she was leaving for her trip she insisted she help me get my penis ready for the experiment. "There, that looks tight enough," she said cheerily, adjusting the hair ties with great care. "It won't roll forward will it? No? Good." She smiled at me, my bound-up cock cupped lovingly in her hand. Saoirse gave me a last kiss and said goodbye. "Remember: no cheating," she called as she slipped out of the front door
It felt strange with my cock head exposed all the time. It was constantly on my mind at work and around the house as I could feel it rubbing on my underwear, even with soft boxers on. Despite this I was a little turned on knowing I was getting something like an advance taste of how I would feel after the operation. Even then I was thinking in terms of 'when' and not 'if', though I doubt I truly admitted this to myself at the time. For the first few days the discomfort of the rubbing was just about counterbalanced by the element that turned me on. I just had to picture Saoirse's ecstatic face after our first circumcision role play and imagine her looking that way just after I actually went through with the surgery for her.
Despite the comfort of this erotic thought, during each night I came close to giving up on the experiment entirely. It was difficult to get to sleep with the foreskin in that unnatural position. Every time I moved I could feel the bedclothes rubbing on my bare glans. The sensation was partly uncomfortable, and partly arousing. Neither helped me get to sleep. How did circumcised men manage to sleep at all?, I wondered.
