Faith exhaled a cloud of smoke, letting the tension ease from her body as she expelled it. She didn’t know why, but smoking relaxed her, made her able to cope with her life. She glanced over at Spike who still stared straight ahead, his eyes fixed on the road and lost in his own thoughts. The same could be said for her. Her mind was racing with a flood of jumbled images.
In her mind’s eyes, she could see herself laying on top of Angel, grinding against his hips as her mouth seized his in a fierce kiss. Of course, he’d been pretending to be Angelus. But had he been pretending when he kissed her? That question had nipped at her heels for years. Added to that was the new image of Angel standing before her like an Adonis in that almost indecent scrap of black fabric. She’d lost her ability to speak when she’d seen him. He was tall and powerfully built and. . . Best not to think about that.
There were other images, too. Painful memory shards that cut at her. She could remember poisoning him with that damn arrow and the accompanying snag of guilt that followed. It had grown too, over the years. He was the reason she’d been able to find herself again and come to terms with her dark side.
She took another hit off of her cigarette. Faith could also remember the way she taunted him when she’d first arrived in L.A., trying to goad him into a fight. She’d even been hired to kill him and had relished the assignment. And then, that fateful night when she’d tortured Wesley and begged Angel to kill her. But he didn’t.
Instead he’d saved her, convinced her to turn herself in and begin her redemption. And she had. Then, he’d always visited, send her humorous notes or small gifts. He’d never forgotten her and was always there to speak with her. Somewhere in the middle of it, she’d started to think of him in other terms than a sex object or a guide. Dangerous territory. When she’d been released, she’d gotten away from him, begged to get back into the Watcher’s Council and had only called him occasionally or sent him a letter now and then.
She’d done her duty in Boston, become the Slayer that she was always meant to be. She labored diligently with her Watcher and even averted two apocalypses. She took being a Slayer very seriously now. Yes, she still got a charge out of a fight but she didn’t regard it as ‘fun’ anymore. It was her duty, but it was a privilege to perform that duty. She had even started to take some continuing education courses at the local university. Nothing too intellectual, just a computer course and one on auto mechanics. She had even got herself an apartment. No more shady living in an equally shady apartment with other shady characters. She even contributed to Dawn’s upbringing, sending Buffy money every month. Faith wasn’t rolling in it, but it was enough to make ends meet.
Faith had refused to become involved with men, though. She’d dated a bit, but there was no one special. And when she’d found out that she was related to Dawn, her whole world brightened. Faith had instantly felt a connection to the girl, it was almost a physical sensation. A gut reaction. But Buffy had been threatened by it, had warned her away from Dawn lest she influence the young Slayer. So she had worked even harder to prove herself worthy of being included in Dawn’s life, and Buffy had relented. A little. She was so proud that D. was going to college in the fall. Faith had kept phone contact with her as well as calling often and they had forged their own bond.
And there was always Angel. He floated through her thoughts, wandered through her mind with an alarming regularity. If she could just have both Dawn and maybe even Angel in her life all the time, it would be perfect. But Faith had learned long ago that life was far from that ideal.
“Why so quiet, luv? Poof got your tongue?”
“I wish.” She muttered without thinking. She stared at the vampire to find him giving her an amused look. “I’m tired. Not quiet.”
“Heard the first part, luv. Vampiric senses and all that.” He patted her hand. There was only a trace of mockery in his voice. “Tell daddy all about it, maybe I can help you.”
She could feel a headache coming on. Suddenly, she needed to confide in someone. Faith was weary of carrying around so much emotional baggage. Instinctively, she knew Spike could be trusted with a confidence about love. For some reason she got the feeling that Spike knew a lot about that subject. He was trustworthy. . .for a vampire. “I think I’m falling for Angel.” She put a hand to her forehead, hoping to stop the pounding in her head. “ If I haven’t already.”
“That’s a bloody shame, ducks. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Exactly, he doesn’t deserve me.” Faith was restless and shifted in her seat. “He wants a ‘good girl’, like B. I’m just not like that, I don’t have it in me. I mean, I’m not evil or killing people anymore but I’m not a goody two shoes. I do enjoy fighting, cursing, drinking, and smoking. I’m not his type.”
“Oh, really? Because no one seems to have told him that. I’ve seen him watch you , luv. Out of the corner of his eye.”
“He watches me?” Faith asked, trying not to sound like a lovesick little school girl.
Spike smiled to himself. Yes, the poof did watch her. Hmm . .what did that say about his sire’s relationship with nibblet? “Can’t take his eyes off you but only when he thinks you aren’t looking.” He smiled slyly. “ I also know he dreams about you.”
Faith gave him a suspicious look. “How could you know that?”
“He called out your name last night.”
Faith snorted. “Probably having a nightmare about me kicking his ass.”
“No, I don’t think it was that kind of dream.” She raised an eyebrow as if to say ‘details!’. “No, it wasn’t that kind either. Believe me, I wouldn’t have slept in the bloody bed with him if that’s what he had on his filthy mind. Probably try to grope me. Did you know he wears girlie silk pajamas?” He wanted to see her smile.
Faith laughed. “You’re starting to grow on me, Spike.”
Spike beamed at her, pleased with her compliment. Then, he pinned her with an intense gaze. “But not in a fungus demon way, right?”
*******
Dawn hadn’t said much of anything, she kept glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. He could literally hear the gears in her mind turning and he could only guess at what she was contemplating. “Is something wrong, princess?”
“No, not wrong. I’m curious about something.”
“Go ahead and ask me.” Dawn had a keen and inquisitive mind, it was one of the things that he liked most about her.
“Um. When you . . .what does it feel like when. . .how do you–“ Dawn broke off. “Never mind.”
Angel was baffled by her behavior. Normally, Dawn was so confident and out going. Seeing her so flustered was a new experience for him. This must be really difficult for her.”What do you want to know about, princess?”
“Sex.” She blurted out.
