***Sorry chapter 3 was so short guys, it looked a lot longer in Word. When I realized that, I got right on writing chapter 4. So here it is. My holiday gift to you. A well-deserved break from your family, holiday, and election stress. Enjoy!***
Nev was looking at himself in the bathroom mirror of the hospital after washing Max's cum out of his mouth and down the sink. He felt a little bad. Not because of the blow job, they had both wanted that, but because Max was hurt and things had turned sexual way too fast. He had heard about the honeymoon phase where couples who had recently gotten together did it every chance they got but feelings here were more than just a spur of the moment thing. Nev should have had more control. He was not a teenager with raging hormones.
He wiped his mouth on his shirt sleeve and his wet hands on his pants and walked out. Max was still lying in bed and had pulled the blankets up to his waist since he had taken his gown completely off. Nev knew he was completely naked because the gown was now lying on the floor.
Nev could have made some sexual remark about Max being ready for "round 2" but in the spirit of keeping it in his pants, he said "I can get the nurse to bring you a clean one if you want".
Max watched Nev scoop the gown up off the floor and wondered if his moods had shifted again as they so often did. Then again he could use a new gown that hadn't been slept in a day and a half.
"Yeah, that would be nice." Max said, testing the waters.
Nev saw the worried look on Max's face and smiled sweetly and walked over to the bed. He sat down on the side and gently ran his fingers through Max's hair.
"There isn't any reason to worry. I know how I typically act after we are," Nev seemed to be searching for an appropriate word, "intimate, but I am tired of lying to myself and running away from my feelings. I love you Max."
Max was tearing up. His vision was cloudy with tears before they spilled over and ran down his face. He ran a hand around to the back of Nev's neck and pulled him in for a kiss.
"I love you too. I always have and always will."
***
It became apparent to Max very quickly that Nev was not as keen on coming out as he had led him to believe. Honestly it was like nothing had changed. Nev wasn't cold to him somedays out of show anymore, he was just distant. They would stay in the same room more often now, but with the way he acted some days, Max would just as happily room with a camera man.
Max didn't want to admit to himself that it had all been about the chase. The fact that he could never have Nev was what made him want him so much. But now that they were "together", he just didn't feel the same way about Nev. At least when Nev denied feelings for him, every day was something for Max to anticipate.
It had been a few months since the hospital. Since Nev had blown his mind by finally admitting feeling for him after years of giving him the run around. Things had happened so fast Max felt as if he were caught in a whirlwind that had thrown him out just now on this other side of reality where everything he thought he wanted was nothing more than a twisted form of The Christmas Carol where the Ghost of relationships future showed Max what it would be like to be in a relationship with Nev.
Except Max was beginning to realize now that he could never truly be in a loving relationship with Nev. Nev, as hard as he was trying to be this openly gay guy, just couldn't do it. He was still going to be that frat boy who would sleep with any female to momentarily force away the thoughts of being with another man. Namely Max.
Max had no doubts that he was the only man Nev had ever fantasized about. This is something Nev had told him during one of the few times they had sex over the past few months, but it wasn't something that needed to be said. Max knew that his pushing the subject is the only thing that had finally led Nev to think this is what he really wanted.
Now what was there to do? How was he just supposed to end a relationship he had worked so many years to get?
Nev had gone down to the lobby to get them both a coffee before filming started. This was the last episode they would be filming for this season and Max was so relieved the hustle and bustle of filming would be over for a few months. But the thought of having alone time with Nev without a crowd of people was terrifying. Another nail in the coffin of their relationship. Being terrified of being forced to spend alone time with your significant other is not normal.
Max, still in the bed, took the pillow next to him and held it tightly down over his own face. Maybe he could just smother himself and he wouldn't have to deal with any of it.
Max heard Nev fighting to get the door open with a coffee in each hand so he took the pillow from his face. Sweet release would have to wait, coffee was here.
"Last day of school! Summer break is here!" Nev said jokingly as he danced over to the side of the bed. He was in a good mood today. Which was good, because the days he was in a good mood seemed to go so smoothly.
Maybe his cheerful demeanor had something to do with the legendary head Max had given him last night.
He pushed that aside. It didn't change things in the long run.
They talked to the girl they were doing the episode on, told her they would meet her later that day, quickly packed up and got on the road.
Nev and Max being the big stars of the show traveled everywhere in their own SUV. Which afforded them plenty of alone time to talk, as if they wouldn't be getting plenty of that in the months to come.
The little bit filming they did in the car was done in the first few moments of the trip so not even the somewhat professional air they had to have about them whilst on camera was gone and there was nothing but blank space. And unlike before, the air wasn't electric. There wasn't a feeling that anything could happen. Just the awkward silence that comes towards the end of a relationship. Where you know you need to bring it up but don't know what to say. Then even when you know what to say, speaking the words into existence makes it real. The other person hears and feels the words, and the end begins. The tears, the hurtful words, the slamming of doors and the refused calls.
How is a person expected to start a conversation like that? One that is going to hurt you and the person you care about?
Maybe this wasn't the best time to bring up anything. The destination was only a few hours away, and they did have to finish this episode, which would not end today, but tomorrow.
It was just postponing the inevitable but that was favorable to the alternative.
Max pulled out his phone and began to look for a place they could go after meeting the girl to do their "research". He couldn't believe after seasons of literally showing people what they do to find these people out, that they wouldn't just do it themselves. He guessed living in a fantasy land was better than confronting a person for who they actually are.
The parallel he was drawing here was incredible. Max had spent so many years chasing this dream of being in a relationship with Nev and just like the 3 seasons worth of star crossed lovers they had introduced to one another, the relationship fell apart soon after seeing the other person for who they truly are.
"What are you smiling about?" Nev asked, thinking Max had seen something funny while scrolling through his phone. No such luck. Just a hysterical man laughing at the train wreck that was his love life.
"Nothing, just thinking." Max said without thinking about how it would automatically draw a response of "about what?" from Nev.
