***Well as usual it must be noted that this is a work of pure fiction. Expressed herein are my own personal opinions about the relationship of Spike and Buffy and I am sure that Joss Whedon nor the UPN/WB Network do not share them. So please take this story as it is, pure fiction, having nothing to do with the creators/producers,,, blah blah blah and blah thank you Enjoy (*****
Buffy had a great week. Patrolling was going great, the demons seemed to all be on vacation actually, either that or there was a huge sale at Vampire's Secret. Spike wasn't around all that much either now that she thought about it. He must be on vacation as well. Oh well, work has been super busy so that's fine.
On the other hand she can't stop thinking about him. She thinks of him often actually, in the shower touching herself and making her nipples hurt from rubbing them so much wishing it were his hands instead. In the kitchen when a breeze comes through the window and whispers at her neck, she wishes it were his soft, blood red lips, the only sign of real life that's visible about him, suckling her neck instead. When she wakes in the morning with the sun shining in she wishes he were lying there next to her so that they could greet the day with a rare kiss.
I miss him when he's not near, Buffy thought and she concluded the thought with a why?
"Why do I feel this way about him now?"
I was so certain that I needed to end it last week when we met at our "spot" and then he swept me off my feet again.
He met me and made everything seem right, made me feel like we were the only 2 people in the world, normal people, not vamp nor slayer. He made me feel real, and I have so much to thank him for, but at the same time knowing that I can't continue this, for the sake of my family, my friends, and the commitment I have to the earth, to rid it of his kind. If only he had a soul.
"Whatcha thinking about Buff?" Willow seemed to always peep up at the strangest times and places. She peeks her head around the corner as I sit on the couch stretched out in the soft flannel pajama bottoms that I found in the back of my closet.
" Hey aren't those flannel bottoms Angels?"
"What, no they aren't? Are they? They can't be, he never left items of clothing here...did he?"
Willow plops down into the comfy couch.
"I'm not sure, but they sure look familiar, maybe they are Tara's, where did you find them....I'm sure that she has a pair like that and maybe she threw them in there so that she could get rid of them, because, hey because they might have been an ex boyfriends....."
"Willow you're rambling again, what's going on?You got something on your mind?"
"Is Tara home yet?" Willow stammers, shifting in her seat trying to change the subject.
"I haven't seen her all day today and I can't wait to see her....so have you? ....Seen her that is?"
"NO I've NOT seen her...now talk. Spit it out."
"Spike came to see me today, at the magic shop."
Buffy quickly shifted in her seat, the arousal at just hearing his name was unbelievable, it's like an unquenchable fire, making me wet just knowing that he might of mentioned me to Willow.
"He did."
"Yes. He did. He seems a bit concerned."
"Oh really, what about?"
"He didn't really say, but he doesn't know that I know about you two, oh and don't worry he didn't mention anything but he did mention that he wanted to see if I could help him with a spell."
"A spell? What kind of spell?"
Willow sat straight up in her chair; this might be hard for Buffy to hear so she thought she'd just come out with it.
"A spell to rid himself of.....feelings. Human emotion. He said that he shouldn't be capable of feeling this way since he has no soul, and he couldn't understand it, but he was quite certain that he wanted the "feelings" to go away."
"Hmmmm....Interesting, did he mention what sort of "feelings" he was having?"
"Well I did notice that he seemed really upset, but he tried to play it off you know? Sort of tried to play it off like he was having some tormenting feelings of madness about a demon or something he said, but see I knew the truth, you know? Like I know that you like him and that he loves you."
"He loves me? What? Did he tell you that?"
"Uh....well....uh no he didn't. I just thought that maybe he did. He seemed really upset. I saw the look in his eyes. He has to be feeling love, it's the only reason he would want to get rid of it. When a vamp loves it means he's starting to turn from evil, into good. And that would be NO good for Spike; I mean his image depends on his ability to be evil. At a moment's notice even....you know Spike is the most evil vamp around."
"But I saw it on his face today Buffy, he wants to be rid of his love for you. Uh.....Buffy, have you thought about how you feel for him?"
Willow sat waiting for the answer that Buffy herself couldn't answer. Is what I feel for Spike, love? Do I as a slayer even know what love is? I think I loved Angel, but then I don't really know if I did or not. I know that I feel something for Spike, and I know that I want to be near him all the time but I don't think that that is love. Whatever it is, I need to talk it out with Spike or this is just going to drive me crazy. Obsessive crazy, since it's all I can think about, he's all I can think about.
"Willow, I'll see you later, I have to go out."