Martha got us more towels and dry clothes for Buffy and I to wear. She also got some dry clothes for herself. Like Xander says, if you're gonna save the world, you should put on some pants first.
"So, right before the lesbian group sex started," Buffy prompted Martha, "You were trying to tell us about the cyborg-demon-thingy."
Martha stepped into a pair of black hip-hugger panties and said, "Yeah. His name is Adam. He's a bio-mechanical demonoid, and in the year 2007 he's got and entire army of demon cyborgs. He's killed over 36,000 people, including at least 144 members of the California-"
Buffy cut her off in mid-sentence, "Wait, Martha, hold up. In the year 2007? It's only the year 2000. How do you know what happens seven years from now?"
Martha looked a little bit irked at being interrupted, but she adjusted the waistband on her panties until they were just right and replied, "I'm from the future. The Doctor and I are both from the future. He's got a time machine and he brought us back here to the year 2000, so we could stop Adam before he could get started. We'd planned on getting here before he went online, but I guess we got here a little bit too late."
"
Time travel?"
Buffy asked, "Time travel is possible now?"
"Seven years from now, we'll have mastered time travel?" I asked, the science nerd in me, suddenly excited.
"Well, not the human race, no," Martha answered, "The Doctor's people have mastered time travel. I don't think the human race ever gets the knack of it."
"Wait, Doctor Smith isn't human?"
By this point Martha had donned a bra and a stylish V-neck t-shirt. I finally took the hint and started sorting through the dry clothes Martha had carried out and searched for something to put on.
"His real name isn't Doctor Smith. He's just called the Doctor. And no, he's not human. He's from the planet Gallifrey. His people are called the Gallifreyans, sometimes they're called Time Lords and they perfected time travel some time ago."
Buffy and I both ended up with black underwear, pretty much identical to Martha's. I was surprised that the clothes she picked out fit so well. She had never asked us our sizes, she just walked into a huge-walk-in closet and grabbed a bunch of clothes. It seemed unlikely that she could grab clothes exactly our size, so quickly, so easily just by pure luck.
"So, you're from the future," Buffy said, "The Doctor is an alien, and the two of you just sort of travel backwards and forwards through time, saving lives and battling the forces of evil?"
"Well, yeah," Martha said, forcing her tiny butt into a pair of tight, leather pants and zipping them up, "I've never heard anybody phrase it quite like that before, but yeah."
"Giles is gonna love this," I blurted out, "Xander too, I'll bet."
I mean, time travel and aliens! Living on the Hellmouth, we'd become accustomed to vampires, demons, demonic possession, witches, warlocks, zombies and werewolves, but we'd never suspected that aliens or time travel might be real things!
"Don't tell too many people," Martha cautioned, "The Doctor tends to work best when he doesn't attract a lot of attention to himself. That's why he tries to pass himself off as human. Tell people you're an alien from a planet in the constellation of Kasterborous, and it tends to cut down on cooperation."
"Fine," Buffy said firmly, suddenly all business, "But how do we stop this Adam guy? I mean, I hit him hard enough to crack open a man's sternum, and he barely even flinched. What does it take to put him down?"
"Does the Doctor have some sort of high-tech ray gun we could use to stop Adam?" I asked, "Like the phasers they use on Star Trek?"
Martha frowned and shook her head in negation. "He doesn't believe in guns. He won't allow guns on his ship. No guns."
"So, you and theDoctor travel backwards and forwards through time, saving lives and battling the forces of evil, but you don't have any guns. How
does
the Doctor battle the forces of evil?"
Martha got an adorable smile on her face and got this far-away look in her eyes and said, "Usually, he comes up with some totally mad plan that no sane person would ever have any faith in, but when he puts it into action, somehow he emerges victorious, saves lives and walks away unscathed."
For a long time there was silence in the room. From the look on her face, it seemed to me that Martha was in love with the Doctor; possibly it was just hero worship; but I thought it looked like love. It made me feel uncomfortable about the fact that she and I had just had sex together. Had Buffy and I damaged Martha's relationship with the Doctor?
Finally, Buffy broke the silence by saying, "Okay then, let's go talk to the Doctor and see if he has a totally mad plan. I'm down with that."
* * * * * * * * * *
Up in the control room, Doctor Rostenkowski and the Doctor were arguing again. Doctor Rostenkowski was claiming that time travel was impossible. The time-traveling alien from Gallifrey was insisting that it was not only possible, but that the two of them were currently standing in a fully-functional time machine.
"Okay, if this is a fully-functional time machine," Doctor Rostenkowski countered, "Why don't we just go back two days into the past and remove Adam's uranium power core, two days before he goes online?"
"Yeah, the thing about that," the Doctor said, "The thing about that is, we can't."
Doctor Rostenkowski got a smug grin on his face, folded his arms across his chest and said,
"Oh, really? Why can't we?"
The Doctor seemed somewhat delated, but answered, "Because your entire town is surrounded by a dimensional instability field. And that field causes huge problems with the TARDIS's navigation system. It took me fourteen attempts just to get this close. On my second-closest attempt, I ended up landing in 1969."
"Dimensional instability field?" Doctor Rostenkowski said, contemptuously
, "You just made that up!"
"No, he didn't," Martha asserted hotly.
Then, suddenly an idea occurred to me.
"No, he didn't," I said, backing up Martha and the Doctor.
"Of course I didn't," the Doctor said, having no idea why I was agreeing with him.
"Willow,"
Doctor Rostenkowski protested, all ready for a science nerd fight, but I cut him off.
"It's the Hellmouth," I said.
"What?"
"The dimensional instability field! It's the Hellmouth!"
"What's a Hellmouth?" the Doctor asked. He might know all about time travel and alien technology, but he didn't understand the mystical significance of the town he just arrived in.
Gesturing wildly with my hands, I said, "It's like this huge doorway that connects our reality to a hell dimension! The town of Sunnydale was built right on top of it! That's why this town is such a magnet for vampires, demons and other nasty, lurk-y things! And I bet it can screw with time travel technology too!"