Verily my cup runneth over and my imagination is fired up by the funniest movie ever made. Consider this tall tale as an X rated medieval spoof featuring porn star Stormy Daniels as Zoot.
xxx
England, 932 A.D.
The rain lashed down as the thunderstorm got heavier and the chaste Sir Galahad was desperate for shelter as the night drew in over the countryside. That was when he espied the light through the trees and what appeared to be an image of the Grail itself above the castle's ramparts.
"A sign, a sign!"
With all his remaining strength he pulled his battered body through the foliage until he came to the large and foreboding door of the remote castle.
"Open the door, open the door! In the name of the King, open!"
He pounded as hard as he could, over and over, not daring to let up as the sound of the storm threatened to drown him out. There came a noise like a thump and the great wooden door creaked open. He stumbled in and sprawled out on a straw covered stone floor, torches flicked their naked flame around the high ceilinged chamber. A soft voice, female of course, fluttered in his ears.
"Welcome, gentle Sir knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax."
The lady who spoke loomed over him, dressed in a white linen robe that fell to her feet. Upon her head she wore a headpiece with a fine white veil that covered her long blonde locks, lightened by the sun. Her beautiful face was most captivating, and her high cheekbones drew the gaze to her clear blue eyes and determined jaw. Beside her were similarly dressed maidens with long flowing hair and big smiles, their gauze like robes quite revealing as their ripe bodies were barely concealed underneath.
"The Castle...Anthrax?" He managed to utter.
"Yes, it's not a good name is it? Oh! But we are nice and we shall attend to your every need."
"Your every need! Every need!" Chorused the group of young women.
"You are the keepers of the Grail?"
"The what?"
"The Holy Grail. It is here?" Galahad got to his feet, his wet shoulder length hair damp on his brow.
"Oh, but you are tired, and wet through. Let us help you. Midget! Crepper!"
Two women hurried over and bowed demurely.
"Prepare a bed for our honoured guest, girls."
"Yes, Zoot. Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"
"Hither, brave knight. The beds here are warm and soft, and very, very big!"
"Gosh, thanks but..."
Zoot led him by the elbow as they made their way through a narrow passageway to another inner part of the chilly castle.
"What is your name, handsome knight?"
"Sir Galahad, the chaste."
"Mine is Zoot, although some call me Stormy. I confess to have a tempestuous side."
The woman bowed her head and smiled to herself.
"Be thee nuns?"
"Novices, dear Sir. We strive to give our best, but it is trying to be sure." Galahad had been one of several chosen favourites of King Arthur himself to engage in the sacred task of discovering the whereabouts of the Holy Grail. Rumoured to be somewhere in England itself.
"For pity sake, show me the grail!"
"Now then, you must not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. Oh, I know our lives must be dull compared to yours. I am head maiden here. We are but eight score young blondes and brunettes all aged between eighteen and nineteen and a half, cut off in this remote castle. Without men."
Stormy paced the stone floor as she spoke, the torch in her hand throwing shadows on the dimly lit chamber.
"It is a lonely life. Bathing, dressing, UN dressing. Making exciting underwear, oh 'tis a quiet world without handsome males to protect us."
"Ooh!" Galahad winced at a pain in his side.
"But you are wounded! You must see our Doctors immediately!"
Stormy clapped twice and two young blondes arrived in a flash. They seemed barely nineteen years of age with pink cheeks and rosy lips.
"They are Doctors?" Wondered Galahad as he was eased onto his back on the nearest bed.
"Well, they HAVE had basic medical training." Said Stormy with a guilty look. "Doctor Piglet. Doctor Winston. Do your stuff."
Right away Piglet began to lift up the mans white knee length tunic with the red cross on the chest in order to examine him more closely.
"Is that absolutely necessary?" Enquired a bemused knight.
"Relax, we ARE Doctors. We must examine you."
Both girls now fumbled around his bared groin with broad smiles.
"There's nothing wrong with THAT, I can assure you."
"Glad to hear it." Said Piglet who scrutinised his scrotum with great focus.
"Torment me no longer! I have seen the Grail! It is here!"
He leapt up and wandered into the adjoining room where he stumbled upon a group of buxom young women in various states of undress. Some tending to their bathing, some brushing their hair, others reclining on soft beds. Stormy was now surrounded by a dozen other young girls and she began to chastise herself.
"Oh, bad Zoot. Naughty Zoot! Wicked, wicked woman that I am! It grieves me to say that I just remembered that our beacon, which we lit earlier, is Grail shaped. I must apologise."
"It's not the real cup?"
"Oh, wicked, wicked Zoot. This is alas, not the first time the beacon has lured brave knights such as your good self to our door. What am I girls? I must be punished. And there is but one punishment here in Castle Anthrax. I must be pinned to a bed and spanked thoroughly!"
"A spanking! A spanking!" Chorused the others amidst much giggling.
