Let's Be Batman

'Fuck,' Tommy thought as he glided onto the roof opposite Wonder Tower. He had been so preoccupied with first Silver Banshee and then racing to stop Ra's Al Ghul that he had forgotten who he was meeting up with.

Black Canary, at least, was smiling at him. He smiled back at her.

Huntress was sneering. Tommy cursed as he remembered that he was supposed to meet her tonight for one of their fuck sessions. The only way to keep her from killing anyone and to keep her mouth shut to Black Canary was by filling her mouth with his cock. He froze when he saw the look on her face, fearful of what she might say.

The third person on the rooftop was fuming. Nightwing and Tommy had gotten off to a bad start, then had gotten along... then Tommy had fucked his ex-girlfriend and her best friend. Tommy sweat a little bit, hoping that Nightwing also kept his mouth shut to Black Canary.

"So..." Tommy said nervously, "How's everyone doing tonight?"

Nightwing opened his mouth to speak and then held his tongue. He crossed his arms contemptuously and turned away from Tommy. Huntress scowled. Canary smiled wider and said, "My night has been good!" Tommy nodded and smiled.

"So here's the situation," Barbara said into their comms. "Ra's Al Ghul once again walks the Earth and he's got something nefarious planned. Nightwing was able to stop a shipment of the stuff being sent to Wonder Tower and I analyzed it. As near as I can tell, it's a variation of one of Poison Ivy's toxins. I think he's trying to poison Gotham City."

All 4 of the heroes stiffened up. For now, at least, they were putting their squabbles aside. "How long do we have?" Nightwing asked.

"Not sure," Barbara replied. "But we shouldn't wait too long to find out."

"Alright," Canary said. "What's our plan?"

There was hesitance in Barbara's voice. "...This is going to be tough. Not only is Ra's here, both his daughters are as well. And Lady Shiva, of course. Also..." There was a long pause. "I think Deathstroke is there as well."

The other three heroes all looked scared. Tommy looked confused.

"Who's Deathstroke?" He asked. The heroes turned to him, bewildered.

"His name is Deathstroke the Terminator, do we really need to say anything else?" Huntress asked. Tommy figured she had a point.

"Look," Barbara said, "This is a tough fight. You have to get through the League of Assassins and then, if you make it inside... I don't know how it's going to go. I hope you can-"

"We got it, Barbara. We can't fail," Nightwing replied. He turned to his fellow heroes. "I'll take Deathstroke. I've seen him fight before and I know his moves. Canary, you should take Ra's-"

"I'll take Ra's," Tommy said quietly. Nightwing laughed.

"You couldn't possibly defeat Ra's Al Ghul," He said. "Even Bruce could barely handle him. You're just a-"

Tommy cut him off. "Look, he's going to be gunning for Batman anyway. You take out your men and hopefully I can last long enough for you guys to help. Otherwise... good luck." Tommy looked at the ground. He thought he was being surprisingly brave.

"So brave," Canary whispered, grabbing Tommy by the arm. Huntress rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," She said. "Canary, you take Shiva. I'll handle the Ghul girls."

"Sounds good," Canary nodded in agreement.

"Alright, let's do this," Nightwing said. He prepared his equipment. Canary grabbed Tommy by the arm and took him aside.

"Look, just in case we don't get through this," Canary began. She faltered for a moment, then kissed Tommy on the cheek. "I love you."

Tommy smiled. "I love you, too." They kissed quickly and then Canary turned towards her own equipment.

"I love you too," Huntress suddenly whispered into Tommy's ear, grabbing his junk. He jumped and looked at her with alarm. She smiled.

Tommy strode over towards Nightwing. "Look, man, I just wanted to say that in case we don't make it through this tha-"

"Dude, fuck you," Nightwing said. He walked away.

Together, the 4 heroes prepared for the battle of Wonder Tower.

***

"This will be the crowning achievement of my long life," Ra's Al Ghul was saying. Deep down, Talia Al Ghul didn't quite believe it.

She was glad her father was back, to be sure. She had worked for years to revive him after Batman had left her father to die and the Lazarus Pit had stopped working on him. Talia had traversed the world, speaking to mystics, shamans, and other mystics to figure out a way to revive the Lazarus Pit and thus revive her father. The solution had been remarkably simple: the Lazarus Pit needed healthy cells to inject into her father's decayed . A healthy dose of semen would provide just such a boost to his system, reviving him and bringing him back to life.

And it had worked. Ra's Al Ghul once again stalked the Earth. But he had come back... different. Talia worried that using the False Batman's cum had made him, well, strange. He looked like her father, and at times he acted like him.

But other times, he said odd things. He no longer seemed as concerned with cleansing the world of its impurities. He spoke of a "grand plan" for Gotham but everything he did was secretive. He told Talia nothing. She knew there was something sinister behind the scenes but she couldn't decipher what. It was strange.

And other things about him had changed. He occasionally said words like "cool" and tried to give high fives. This was very unlike her father. He constantly requested to see Talia's assassins, insisting that he needed to test their skills personally. It didn't remind her of her father. She wondered how much of her father was actually left. Maybe it wasn't him anymore, maybe it was-

"I believe it will be, Father," Talia heard a voice next to her say. She turned and glared at the source and the source matched her gaze. Oh how Talia hated her sister Nyssa. She had arrived shortly after Talia had revived her father. It was like Nyssa to avoid the hard work and claim the rewards. Talia would have killed her right then but Ra's stopped her, saying that Nyssa was useful in the right circumstance. Talia had seethed ever since.

Talia felt on her arm the reassuring hand of her loyal friend. Lady Shiva whispered into Talia's ear in a calming voice, reminding her of what was to come. Shiva had told Talia that patience was a virtue; let them leave Gotham in ruins and then bury Nyssa in the confusion. Talia nodded to Lady Shiva, assuring her that she was right. Lady Shiva was always right.

Next to Lady Shiva, Talia saw Deathstroke yawning. He wasn't exactly a member of the League of Shadows. He was a freelancer, something the League normally never brought in. But he was too talented to leave out, especially with the spectre of Batman lurking in every corner. Deathstroke hadn't even wanted to get paid his usual sum; he was in it just for the opportunity to kill Batman and especially kill Robin. The mercenary yawned again and spun his helmet in his hand.

Ra's continued, outlining his long struggle with Gotham City and his continual frustrations at being bested by Bruce Wayne. Talia averted her gaze during this. True to her word and League law, she had not told her father that Batman was no longer Bruce Wayne. The truth was to hard for her to bear, anyway, and she struggled with the fact that she missed Bruce.

She also struggled with the fact that the new Batman had fucked her silly and that, deep down, she had liked it.

"And now," Ra's was saying, "We stand on the edge of Gotham's destruction. Too long has this city been a den of decadence and decay. Tonight, we will bring it all down by giving it what it wants: lots and lots of sex."

The 4 villains standing before Ra's Al Ghul nodded before suddenly registering what he said. They looked at each other in confusion.

"Wait, what?" Talia asked. This was not the Grand Plan she had expected.

Ra's looked at her from the stage. "What? We're going to watch this town tear itself apart with dirty, dirty sex. It's going to be really awesome."

"That's... not really what the League does, Father," Talia replied.

"I think it's a great idea, Father!" Nyssa said. Talia glared at her.

"My kind of party," Deathstroke said, clearly amused. Lady Shiva stood stoically, as always.

"These containers," Ra's continued, pointing to the large helium tanks behind him, "Contain a large amount of a formula I have decided to call Sex Stuff. We are going to spray this over Gotham and watch it tear itself apart. It'll be hilarious."

"...Father," Talia began, "There is something that you need to know. You are not acting yourself. I need to tell you why you have been strange since you last awoke. The reason is-" Talia felt Lady Shiva's hand on her forearm, pulling her back. Talia shook the hand away.

"The reason is tha-"

Talia was suddenly interrupted by a commotion outside the chamber. The door suddenly burst open and a group suddenly broke in. And there, in the middle, was Batman. Talia glared at him for she knew it was not the one she loved. It was the Other One.

***

Barbara Gordon worried in her base of operations, clicking her nails against the arm of her wheelchair. She felt helpless being stuck here while others were off risking their lives. She wished, more than anything, that she could be out there. She slammed her hand against the wheelchair.

'If you can't be out there,' She told herself. 'Send her.'

Barbara shook the idea out of her head. 'She's not ready,' She responded.

'Who is for something like this? They'll need her help,' A part of her brain said. She wrestled with the idea, trying to come to a decision. Finally, she did. She activated her comm.

"Stephanie," Barbara said, "Are you there?"

"This is Stephanie," A voice chimed in. It seemed so young over the radio.

"Batman needs your help," Barbara said. "I need you to suit up."

"Really?!" The voice said excitedly. "Okay! ...But wait, which suit should I wear?"

Barbara paused for a moment. "My suit," She said finally.

***

It had not taken Tommy and his crew long to make their way to the large chamber below Wonder Tower. Working with 3 superheroes like this helped Tommy appreciate just how good they were. He had come a long way in his time as Batman but seasoned veterans like Nightwing, Black Canary & Huntress showed him that he still had a ways to go. They moved quickly, silently, every attack deliberate and thinking 3 moves ahead. Tommy felt lumbering by comparison.

They worked their way down, deftly taking out Ra's Al Ghul's security. Two were no match for the heroes; they were too busy complaining how sore they were to hear Batman et al. coming. Tommy wished he had been awake last time he came here so he didn't feel so lost as they traversed the maze of tunnels and steps. Finally, they came to a large ornate door that Tommy vaguely recognized. He told the others that this must be Ra's Al Ghul's lair.

"How do you know?" Nightwing asked him skeptically.

"Uh... intuition?" Tommy replied. He kicked the door open and burst through.

As they came into the familiar large chamber, Tommy could see the Lazarus Pit on his left. It bubbled and gave the room a greenish glow. To his right, a collection of canisters stood huddled together. In front of them stood 4 villains and, standing on a small stage, Ra's Al Ghul. Tommy and his gang of heroes prepared for battle.

Tommy glanced at their foes, trying to size them up. He recognized Talia & Lady Shiva, both wearing their familiar garb. Talia's tight black pants and vest hugged her curves. Tommy remembered fucking her and suppressed a smile. Any urge to smile vanished when he saw the glare she was giving him.

Shiva, on the other hand, was smiling slightly at him. Her black leather pants hugged her thinner frame and her trench coat hid her red Chinese shirt. She was either happy for a fight or to see Tommy again, he wasn't sure which.

There was a 3rd woman that Tommy didn't recognize but he guessed that she was Nyssa Raatko, Ra's Al Ghul's other daughter. She and Talia had similar eyes but were otherwise different; Nyssa was taller, with wider shoulders and somewhat narrower hips. Her hair was long and black, in comparison to Talia's shorter, blonde-highlighted hair. Nyssa wore red pants and a black top that highlighted her breasts, with a cloak that hung down behind her to the floor. She was pretty hot, Tommy had to admit, and he momentarily forgot about fighting. He wanted to fuck.

The lone man on the floor, Deathstroke, hadn't bothered turning around to face the heroes. He was fiddling with something in his hands, looking down at it. Tommy could glimpse white hair, with a black strap going along the back of his head. Swords crossed along his broad back. Deathstroke brought the thing in his hands up and around his head and placed it. Tommy realized he was putting on a helmet. As Deathstroke finally turned around, Tommy could see that the helmet was red & black, the colors divided down the middle. He unsheathed his swords and held them in each hand. He was pretty terrifying, Tommy had to admit, and he momentarily forgot about fighting. He wanted to run.

Ra's Al Ghul stroked his beard and smiled in delight as he saw the heroes enter the room. He was wearing a long, flowing robe with elaborate patterns adorning it. He raised his hands and beckoned the heroes closer. Tommy tried to get his attention and sound Batman-y.

"Stop what you're doing, Raze!" Tommy yelled. Beside him, Canary whispered.

"It's pronounced 'Rahs.' Like 'vase.'"

Tommy swore to himself and repeated his sentence. "Stop what you're doing... Ra's?" He looked back at Canary and she smiled appreciatively.

"Detective," Ra's said in reply, a smile forming on his lips. "I see you have come to once again foil my plans. I welcome the challenge. Let us engage in combat once more! I think you will find that my latest sleep in the Pit of Lazarus has made me more powerful than you can imagine!" Ra's hopped down the front of the wooden stage and took a place in the center of his group of villains. His daughter Talia quickly handed him a sword.

"A decisive battle between my League of Shadows and your band of misfits," Ra's stated. He smiled widely, showing his teeth. "This fucking rules." Tommy was surpised; he had been thinking the exact same thing.

***

They ran at each other, all holding their weapon of choice. Huntress pulled out her crossbow and took aim at Talia & Nyssa. She fired but the two blocked her bolts with their swords. Huntress ran at them and engaged, her quickness her only defense against the blades of the 2 villains. Huntress managed to evade a thrust by Nyssa and direct the blade towards Talia, cutting her arm. Talia groaned and dropped her sword; Huntress kicked it away.

Nightwing made a beeline towards Deathstroke, who was no doubt smiling underneath his mask at the challenge.

"You've grown, boy," Deathstroke said. "Now you're old enough that I won't lose any sleep over killing you."

Nightwing didn't respond; he simply pulled his escrima sticks from his belt and held them out. They were shorter than Deathstroke's swords, giving the villain more range, but the blue beams at the end of either stick revealed that they were shock sticks. Nightwing quickly twirled him in his hands before he attacked Deathstroke, the villain attacking at the same time. They came together in a fierce battle.

Black Canary and Lady Shiva, meanwhile, circled each other slowly. Shiva gave a few soft kicks, testing Canary's defenses. She smiled.

"You are good," She told the heroine. "Pity I have to kill you."

"You can try," Canary responded. She attacked with a chop that Shiva effortlessly parried; Shiva was caught unaware, however, by Canary Cry that followed. It knocked her back and caused her to close her eyes for just a moment. It was moment enough for Canary's kick to find Shiva's face. Shiva collapsed to the floor and slowly recovered. She felt the blood on her lip and smiled.

And in the center of all this, Ra's Al Ghul and Batman faced off.

"I'm totally kill going to kill you," Ra's Al Ghul said.

"No, I'm going to kill YOU," Tommy replied.

"Nuh-uh," Ra's said angrily.

"Uh-uh!" Tommy shouted back.

Ra's held his sword high and swung down at Tommy. Tommy blocked the blow with his gauntlets and then cut the blade with the razors on his forearms. Ra's looked at his sword, nonplussed, as Tommy punched him in the face.

The two began to swing at each other, at first with well-coordinated blows. Their attacks became more and more wild, though, and before too long they were waving their hands like windmills at each other. Tommy forgot all his training and regressed back to 8-year old fighting tactics. He thumbed Ra's in the eye, causing the evil mastermind to cry out.

"What the fuck?!" Ra's said. "That's bullshit, dude."

"Shut up!" Tommy said. He took a large roundhouse swing at Ra's but Ra's saw it with his one good eye and dodged. He got Tommy in a sleeper hold and squeezed tightly.

"I've got you now," Ra's said. "You're never getting ou- hey, stop it!" Tommy reached his tongue out and licked the Head of the Demon's arm. Ra's, disgusted, let Tommy go. Tommy turned around and tackled Ra's, both of them tumbling to the floor.

The other combatants slowly became distracted by the commotion in the center of the chamber. Batman & Ra's Al Ghul rolled into Nightwing & Deathstroke's fighting space; the two lowered their weapons and looked at each other, confused. The others stopped fighting all together as well and watched their fearless leaders roll around on the ground like children.

"Uh, To... Batman?" Canary said softly.

"Father?" Talia said at the same time. "What are you doing?"

Ra's stared up at his daughter from the floor. "Can't you see I'm locked in mortal combat wi- ow! Hey, no hair pulling!" Ra's punched Tommy in the arm.

"Uh, am I interrupting something?" A voice said from the door. They all turned and looked at the source.

"Barb...?" Tommy asked.

No, not Barbara Gordon. It was Batgirl but not Barbara Gordon. This Batgirl had blonde hair that came down roughly to her shoulders. She had a pretty face and a great body, filling out every inch of her Batsuit. This Batsuit was slightly different from Barbara's; it had a line of purple running down the side. The purple and the blonde hair kickstarted Tommy's memory and he realized who it was: it was The Spoiler.

"Hey, she's pretty hot," Ra's muttered. Tommy elbowed him in the ribs.

"Oracle thought you might need a little help," Batgirl said. She suddenly seemed very self-conscious at having such illustrious company all staring at her.

'Who the fuck is Oracle?' Tommy thought.

"Anyway," Batgirl continued. "I'm here to help!" She held a device in her hand and lifted it in the air, as if to throw it. Everyone else yelled at her to stop when they realized what she was aiming at. She threw the device anyway and it landed right in the middle of the mass of canisters on the right side of the room. There was a beep and then an explosion as the canisters exploded. A plume of thick purple smoke filled the air.

"You idiot!" Huntress yelled. "You can't blow something up if you don't know what's in it! What if it's poison?!"

Batgirl's eyes widened. She was still new at this.

"It's not poison," Talia said. Somehow it seemed like she would have been less scared if it was. "It's-"

"My Sex Stuff!" Ra's cried out with alarm. The assembled crew all began to cough as the purple smoke filled the air. Even Tommy coughed. He was surprised; he thought his immunity to Poison Ivy's potion would keep himself from the toxin's effects but it had apparently been modified somehow. Something about this was different. He felt... different. He separated himself from Ra's Al Ghul and coughed harder.

"Jesus Christ," Tommy muttered. He was laid out flat on the ground and found himself grinding against it. He turned over, looked down and saw that he was incredibly hard. Reaching into his suit, he pulled out his erection and started jerking it.