(This one might be more entertaining if you've played Batman: Arkham Origins. Hope you enjoy it!)
Tommy was at a computer at one of Gotham City public libraries. 'Scarface had mentioned someone before I, uh...' Tommy tried not to think about Peyton Riley's ass. '...Before I captured them. Who the fuck is the Penguin?'
"Library is closing, last call," The librarian yelled out. Tommy glanced up. She was cute, maybe a little mousy, but cute. Her messy red hair was pulled up in a bun, held together by a pen; she was wearing a light sweater and a pencil skirt. He ass jiggled slightly when she walked.
Tommy returned to his research. Right now he needed to focus on finding the Penguin. He typed in a query in the Gotham Gazette's archives. Articles quickly popped up, detailing the meteoric rise of this relatively new villain. Born with a condition that was too long for Tommy to say, the Penguin hadn't let his physical handicap stop him from quickly taking over Gotham's docks. Nothing got through without giving a piece to him. Tommy knew he'd have to be careful.
"LAST CALL!" The librarian said louder. Tommy became aware that she was talking to him directly. He pretended not to hear her. Still reading, Tommy learned that the Penguin from a club called the Iceberg Lounge. It had been raided for illegal gambling twice in the past year but so far, no one had been able to find anything on the Penguin. Tommy wrote down the address.
Suddenly, a hand reached over and flicked off Tommy's monitor. "Last call, buddy," the librarian said. Tommy looked at the librarian and gave her his best smile.
"Look," Tommy said, the cheese dripping from his voice. "I'm almost done with this important research I'm doing. Don't you think you could let me stay just a few more minutes? Please?" Tommy was using every ounce of his charm.
The librarian seemed unfazed. "How about you leave instead and I don't call the cops?"
"Alright, alright," Tommy said, the smile instantly dropping from his face, "I'm going." He collected his things and headed out the door. As Tommy exited, he glanced back and could have sworn he caught the librarian checking out his ass.
***
In the alley, Tommy furtively looked around. When he was confident he was alone, he began to change into his suit.
The Savior of Gotham was now officially homeless. Tommy's super had made good on his threat and had kicked Tommy out of his apartment 2 days before. Tommy had been living out of his car ever since. Luckily, being Batman had given Tommy extensive knowledge of abandoned buildings in town so he could always find a place to lay his head. Still, it was embarrassing. 'I need to figure out a new place to stay,' Tommy thought.
First, though, Tommy wanted to find the Penguin. He made his way over to the Penguin's club and got a lay of the land. Remarkably, Tommy didn't notice too much security. The front door was wide open, with a tuxedoed gentleman ushering people inside. No armed guards, as far as he could see. Tommy's blood pressure rose.
Peering higher, Tommy saw a large balcony with the shades drawn. 3 figures could be seen: two tall feminine shapes were on either side of a shorter, fatter male. 'Bingo,' Tommy thought. Tommy glided over and landed on the balcony. Sweeping open the drapes, Tommy prepared for the screams.
But they never came. Looking bored, the short male said, "I was wondering when you'd show up."
Tommy was confused. Normally people look scared when they see him. What was Penguin's angle?
"Oy, a right poofta he is!" a cockney screeched. Tommy winced and looked at the woman on the right who had spoken. She was a leggy blonde. Her hair was cut short, teased and tossed to one side. She had a smile on her lips. Tommy glanced down, noticed her small but perky breasts, her tight hips, her just a little too short white business skirt and her long, fishnet stocking-clad legs. He could tell that despite Penguin's gifts (she was wearing expensive earrings and had an diamond-encrusted watch on) she was not born of money.
The Penguin spoke again. "I figure you're 'ere to talk about that missing shipment of guns from last week, eh?" He asked in a thick British accent. "Every time there's a missing shipment, or missing person, or missing anything, you come round 'ere and interrupt my business to bother me about it. I figure I'd make it easy on you this time. Look, no guards or nothin'. I got nothin' to 'ide. Now leave me alone and let me be a legitimate businessman in peace."
Tommy wasn't sure what to do. Normally these guys immediately did something bad guys do and he did what came naturally; what was he supposed to do now? Find evidence? He wasn't a detective, that shit was too hard. 'I can't just leave, though,' Tommy thought to himself.
Penguin chuckled. "What's the matter, cat got your tongue? Or something besides your tongue, maybe," he said. Both women laughed.
Turning to his other assistant, a caramel-skinned woman, Penguin gestured towards the balcony. "Candy, show Batman out." The woman, a beautiful, raven-haired assistant clad in a matching black business skirt, gracefully stepped towards Batman with an arm out. She was showing him back to the window.
Tommy burned hot with humiliation. He had been stupid and was paying for it. Reaching for something, anything to do, Tommy called out, "Hey, Penguin!"
The Penguin turned around and leered. "Yeah?"
Tommy realized he had nothing to say. He opened and then closed him mouth.
