Jared Club Has a Mary Christmas

I was laying on my bed taking my rooming house's land lady's words to heart after telling her that I was going to be a tad late on my rent when the call came just as I was about to. If it had been a phone I would have simply ignored it, but it was my dagger; that meant that my boss, Kuan-Ti, head of the Department of Justice for Mythological Entities required me. That was the down side for being a bounty hunter for the gods: no nine to five hours. It was more luck than astute observation that I even saw the dagger's hilt glowing -- I was looking for the tissue box that had fallen.

I quickly wiped the lotion off my hand, pulled up my pants and grabbed the dagger out of its sheath. While some may think that living in a run down rooming house was not an ideal residence, it was perfect for me; it gave me plenty of sacrifices for answering the calls. See, blood is needed to answer the dagger beckoning and after several months of stabbing myself every time the dagger glowed left me quite light headed from blood loss and with deep lacerations in my calf that just wouldn't heal. Now, living in this shit hole, I had other fodder to use, such as the mouse that I had in my sights just to the left of my single bed. It was munching lazily on the used piece of tissue and never knew what hit it as I drove the dagger blade tip into the top of its skull, securing it to the floor.

"Club," a bodiless voice of Kuan-Ti boomed from above the seeping mouse skull, "I have an important mission for you -- if you're not too busy, of course." The general consensus in the heavens is that though gods and goddesses can be omnipotent; they do not exercise that particular power. They say that humans are just far to inane to bother witnessing because it would drive them insane from all the whining -- and most of the celestial beings weren't all there to begin with, so far better just to turn a blind eye and ear to the affairs of mortals. From his tone, I thought that perhaps Kuan-Ti wasn't one of those who did the hear no evil shtick. I didn't know if I should consider him a passionate observer of the human conditioner or a fucking pervert. In the end, I thought best not to get an answer.

"Heck no, boss, I was just wrapping something up," I said cheerfully, "its Christmas Eve after all."

Kuan-Ti sighed. He sighed a lot when he spoke to me; I figured it had to be one of those mystic Taoist meditation tricks to keep his mind clear. There seemed to be a ring of resignation to his voice as he continued. "As you are aware, the LAW is that no god or goddess shall directly interfere with the mortal realm -- they may influence but they cannot directly influence events. There is one of our ilk who is about to break this."

I snorted. "About to?" I asked into the empty air, "Boss, I go after the ones that have already broken the LAW. To go after ones that may be or are intending to is sorta Big Brotherish, don't you think?" Then I remembered who I was talking to -- they all thought in terms of control, so I thought best to amend myself. "The LAW isn't broken by intentions, otherwise all of humanity would be locked away, so why would you want me to stop someone who's intentions haven't become action?"

There was a hint of anger, uncharacteristic for the Chinese God when he answered, "oh I don't know, I would think that the DESTRUCTION OF THE MAJORITY OF THE MORTAL PLANE WOULD BE A LITTLE BIT MORE IMPORTANT to you than questioning a being that's been around before your great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather could wipe his own buttocks."

This piqued my interest. "Who would this be?"

"Mary Jessica Christmas Claus," Kuan-Ti said grimly. He must have been thinking a few steps ahead of me as he added, "She has a very communicable STD commonly found in reindeer." Kuan-Ti explained further, "To the animals, it's nothing serious, just makes their noses glow red until they get the treatment serum. In humans, it's far more dangerous -- in males it makes their penis's develop large bright red puss filled welts and their urine becomes almost like a glue when exposed to the air, effectively sealing the outlet. In time the urethra becomes plugged and then the penis becomes engorged and explodes."

I couldn't help but shiver and clutch my groin but Kuan-Ti's voice didn't notice and continued.

"In women, it's far worse. The inside of their cervix gets the welts and rapidly grow to a size that when the woman has a hard bowel movement and has to bear down the pressure causes the pustules to burst. The woman then begins to leak a mixture of white puss and blood down her leg; the mixture of the two is so toxic that it eats the skin and muscle tissue down to the bones. The combination is fatal and there is no current mortal medicine that can stop it. It's slow and painful, but even more so for naturalists who like to do cart-wheels." Kuan-Ti paused for a second before adding, "You must inject Mrs. Claus with the reindeer cure."

"I thought you said that there was no cure for mortals?"

"Have you ever seen Mrs. Claus?" Kuan-Ti said defensively.

I admitted that I hadn't. Kuan-Ti didn't say anything else but then I looked down and saw that the last of the mouse's blood was quickly disappearing -- the connection was broken. There was nothing for me to do but to find my way to the North Pole. So much for a quiet Christmas Eve.

A vial of the cure for Mary Jessica Christmas Claus appeared on my bed. I picked it up and read the directions to ensure I knew what I was doing. This wasn't going to be as easy as I thought; I would have to ingest the serum orally and wait five minutes until the serum quickly made its way through the stomach wall, through the blood stream and into the ejaculate. It would combine with the ejaculate and form a sort of a hyper-active white cell that would directly attack the virus located on the outside of the cervical walls. The catch? The serum was only good for ten minutes and then the sperm would ingest it and I only had one shot -- my own immune system would immediately attack another dose as an invader and kill its effectiveness before it even reached my scrotum. Don't they make anything fucking easy these days?

I grabbed my trench coat and fedora, a couple of the tissues that were still on the floor and not yet hardened and walked out the door. As I passed the land lady's door, she opened it and was about to say something, but I beat her to the punch. I took the tissues and shoved them into her mouth and with a smile and a wink said, "See, I did exactly what you told me to!" She was still gagging as I walked out the front door and out into the snowy streets to find myself a dimensional portal....

I was quite surprised to see that in fact Santa's bordello looked like a well kept two story southern plantation manor, complete with a wrap around veranda that was shielded from the weather as it was covered with thick windows stenciled with various sexual positions. I opened the door and stepped into the sealed veranda and was met by a normal sized woman standing behind a Dais. She said hello and asked me if I had an appointment or I was a walk in. I told her I was a walk in and she picked up a phone that was on the dais and phoned it to someone inside the main doors. She smiled and told me that it would be a couple of minutes and then she would escort me into the foyer.

An elf named Forescin then escorted me from the foyer to the doors that lead to the bed chambers on the stories above. Through the doors was a world that was the opposite that the reception room portrayed of comfort and relaxation. The walls were covered with various implements of sexual play, clothing for role playing in extra large and extra small sizes, leather straps of different sizes and textures. The brightness of the reception area had been replaced by dim red lights. Forescin avoided using the hand rails as we made our way up the two storey staircase, something after having to pull my hand forcibly off the rails I should have done myself.

We reached to landing and he told me to sit in a single wooden chair just off to the left of the staircase. I looked around and saw that there were 7 rooms, each with a different icon and beside every door was a sink. The icons were interesting: one was the outline of a dog; the second door was adorned with an ocean wave; the third was the outline of a pair of handcuffs; a shadow that looked like a pencil sharpener; the fifth looked like two bears; the sixth a happy face beside a sad face and the seventh had a picture of the planet Uranus. I couldn't help but think to myself that I really wanted door number two because I had a feeling that door numbers five and seven wouldn't be Mrs. Claus but Twilight.

He told me that he would escort me to Mrs. Claus in a moment, but he first had to make sure his mistress was prepared. I had to admit that sounded quite professionally and sighed a relief when he opened and entered door number one. I became a little nervous about the loud whooshing sound that was emanating from room one for five minutes and felt my nerves start to fire off when Forescin came out carrying a wet vac and a hair dryer.

"Madame will see you now," Forescin said as he dumped out the wet vac contents into the sink beside the door. I got up and weak kneed slowly entered door number one. I was expecting something horrible, after all, if Santa didn't want her and Kuan-Ti didn't go into detail.....but the room was comfortably large -- there a small table with two chairs in one corner, a frosted oriel window that over looked a pond that must have been used for ice skating at one time. There was a roaring fire in the fireplace that was on the opposite wall and directly in the middle of the candlelit room was a large king size bed. It was on the bed that immediately drew my interest.

Fuck me, I thought to myself as my eye's beheld such a sight. I don't know what Kuan-Ti's standards were, but I had to say it one more time: fuck me! Mary Jessica Christmas-Claus didn't look like the image that I grew up having of an old broad with the hips of a Buick Skylark and her white hair pulled up into a such tight bun that you just knew it had to be pulling all her loose skin up as well; that the bun was the only reason her tits weren't hitting the floor. Nope, Mary looked like young woman of 24, with an hourglass figure. She had long satiny red hair that flowed down to her lower back, beautifully shaped C cup breasts, and a small curvy waist. She was slick and gleaming with moisture -- though I couldn't discern whether she had a quick shower, sweat from serving 68 other cocks or most of the snowman. I could see why Santa would boast and say, "Mary Christmas, everyone"! I'd shout it out too if I had this at home; I just couldn't figure out why he'd be wasting his time plowing elfish deserts when he could be trimming his tree with her glowing pink star in her dense bush. The only thing that came to mind was that the jolly old elf's waist girth was in conflict with his manly one.

Mary was sitting half way up, using her lower arms to prop her up and accentuate her large puffed areoles on the tip of her supple breasts. She gave a smile and said, "I hope you don't mind that I didn't get dressed." I told her that it was quite alright, which made her smile even more as she explained that some of the callers liked to undress her. She told me to get undressed and then patted her hand on the edge of the bed to sit beside her. I did, quickly padding my trench coat pocket to make sure that the vial was still there before setting it down beside the king sized deep green satin sheeted bed.

Mary trailed her fingertips lazily along my calf, the almost predatory look in her deep green eyes had faded and uncertainty seemed to replace the devouring attitude she emanated when I first opened the door. I didn't understand the change and asked her why.

She gave a shy laugh and explained, "The men, elves, snowmen, reindeer, rabbits, and penguins just straight out mount me." Her fingers began to play in my mass of pubic hair making my cock give a jump and start to awaken. "No one has ever actually just sat down."

I moved a stray lock of red hair that had gone over her right eye and told her that I wasn't that swift; I needed to survey the lay of the land so I could find the most fertile spots to put my plow into. She giggled and sat up and swung her legs off the bed to sit beside me. She wrapped her fingers around my now stiff member and without taking her eyes off the foreskin making my cock tip appear and disappear asked if I wouldn't mind taking it slow. I responded by lifting her head up with my hand gently and softly kissing her on her lips.

Mary didn't react or pull away from my personal advance like I had expected her to, after all, wasn't she just all about the sex? A kiss wasn't necessary, and could be construed as something personal. I slid my tongue between her lips. She put up no struggle, but instead sucked on my lips as her own tongue began to explore my mouth. Mary pulled back from our lips' dance and lowered her head down to my lap.

She gave my thigh a kiss, then another and I couldn't help but let out a low groan as she slowly began to lick the tip of my cock in slow deliberate circles. I had to put my hands behind me to brace myself from the sensations that shot up from my throbbing shaft as Mary began to trace the veins of my cock, up and down with her tongue. My groan became more pronounced when she took the entire length of my cock into her mouth, sucking on it hard as she slid the middle finger of one of her hands back and forth across the seam of my balls and ass. Every time she would take my cock out of her hot mouth, she would quickly turn her head to see my reaction and give my right nipple a quick kiss before enveloping my tip again, each time increasing the speed and suction of her mouth.

I could feel the desire quickly amassing deep within me, ready to boil and erupt. I wanted her to taste me, to drink me, but I knew that my own needs were not the ones to be met yet. The next time she took her delicious lips away from my wanting manhood, I drew her head up and kissed her lips thick with my taste on them. I gently removed her hand from stroking my hardness and knelt down on the floor beside her.

I started to kiss her neck, biting the delicate flesh and fondling her plush breasts, one after the other with my left hand as my right gently traced the outline of her side down to waist. Mary gave a sharp intake of breath as I rolled her nipples between my fingers and sucked on her neck.

I gave her another deep kiss and then I moved to her left breast, swirling and suckling it with my lips. I traced it with my tongue and then did the same with her right breast, in response; Mary arched her bark to force her nipple even deeper into my mouth.

I gingerly descended down from her breasts to her navel, kissing and nibbling, until I came to her thick pubic mound over her pussy. I could feel her becoming wetter and wetter from the slickness that started to collect on my chin as I started to lick her clit, pressing it hard with my mouth, and even sucking on it- at first gently, and then harder and faster. She gasped as I used my open mouth and tongue to excite her clit, and then reached up to caress her slit with his fingers. I continued sucking and licking her, I slid in a finger, and then two, and began moving them in and out of her.

Mary threw her head back and moaned loudly, her inner thighs began to tremble against my cheeks, encouraging me to suck harder on her clit, increasing the pumping of my fingers as well.

Mary's hands felt rough on the back of my head as she forced my face harder against her moistness. She moaned, "Oh fuck, yes...yes...fuck...." She began to grind herself into me and I felt the muscles inside her wetness tighten and twitch against my fingers then release a flood around them. As I began to lap up her juices as the ran down her leg, Mary gently pushed me back onto my ass to break the connection. I looked at her and her cheeks reddened. I asked her why.

"I was wondering if I should ask you a favor," she said in a quiet shy voice.

I stood up and stood between her legs, the tip of my hard shaft rubbing in between her sweaty slick breasts. I brushed the back of my hand lightly against her cheek and to her ear and told her that at this point I wanted her so much I'd do anything to feel me in her.

She began to move her chest slowly against my cock tip as she started to state her favor.

"Year after year, millions of children sit on my husbands lap and tell them there deepest, most fondest of wishes..." She placed her hands on the top of my shaft, pushing it deeper into her bosom, her fleshy breasts surrounding it with their warmth and hot sweat. "...I want to sit on your lap...I want to feel your cock in me as I tell you all I want for Christmas."

I stepped away from her, my cock resisting it's fleshy docking bay. I turned and walked over to the table and chairs. I grabbed the one that looked the most comfortable and padded and brought if over to beside the bed. I sat down and looked at Mary and said, "Well, well, well, Mrs. Claus..." My pulsating shaft was almost sticking straight up, ready for her. I tapped my lap with my hands a couple of times. "...let's just see how much of a good girl you really are."

There was a rap on the door and without waiting for a response, this six foot green furred...thing walked in, a snarl on its shovel like flattened face. It walked up to the bottom of the bed, sat down and sneered at Mary and I on the chair, then folded its skinny arms. I'm sure that if I could see its fingers through the matted fur, he'd be flipping me the bird.

Mary gave me a smile and told me that it was a good friend of hers who had been living in a mountain high above a town full of Whatzes and over the years had become sexually confused by what on a Whatz should turn him on and what on a Whatz shouldn't. She asked if I minded it watching us so that it could get a look at what it should be looking for when it was peeking through the Whatzes windows so it could have a general idea which Whatz was who and Whatz what was a twat..z.

I gave the spindly limbed, beer bellied wanna be "Trollz" doll a close quick inspection, there seemed nothing off about him to me; while he did have a sneer seemingly paralyzed to his face, I couldn't even tell if it was packing a pecker or carrying a box waiting to be pried open. I said no problem and Mary thanked me and I gave the thing a wink and continued on with tasting what could be described as the best Christmas cookie that I had ever tasted.

Mary beamed as she stood up and walked the three steps to where I was waiting on the chair. She sat down on my lap, my cock's underside resting against her plush mound and kissed me lightly on the lips as she wrapped her arms around my neck. The chair had support struts half way up its legs and she put her feet on them.

"So," I said as I slid my hands up and down from the bottom of her arms down to her waist, "What do you want for Christmas?"

Mary nibbled on my ear as her breasts warmed my neck and whispered, "What I want..." her tongue traced the outline of my ear, "...is to have your cock fuck my pussy hard...to make me remember the Mary Christmas of so long ago." She ended her wish with another kiss on my lips and then grabbed her right breast and rubbed her nipple along my bottom lip.

I grabbed my cock and rubbed it against her clit, slowly working side to side, then faster. Mary moaned from the combination of my suckling and the pressure of my shaft on her succulent pussy lips. Then, suddenly, she lifted her hips up and forcefully slammed the entire length of my hard seven inches into her tight, hot pussy. I moved my hands down to the bottom of her ass, lifting her almost entirely off my member and then let her drop, thrusting upward at the same time. I began to thrust against her hips, driving my cock deep into Mary's wanting sex. She lifted her hips up to meet my thrusts, eagerly taking me in.