It seems crazy when I look back on everything after all this time. It seems inconceivable, insane, and complete lunacy. I never thought that my life would be anything like this, but it is. I am married to a porn star. This is how it happened.
Many Years Ago
I was a senior in college getting ready to wrap up my final semester in a few months. I felt like I could take on the world. I had several job offers already lined up in many different places and I felt confident with my life's direction.
Only problem was that I was single. Here is the rundown of my last 3 girlfriends. Broke up with me because I didn't call her pretty enough, cheated on me with one of her "just friends", went on a study abroad program and "found herself." I didn't find out to later she found herself in between the legs of her host parents' son & father.
So I was single.
I lived off campus, attending Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff. I shared an apartment with my buddy Chet.
Chet was not like other dudes. No filter, no off switch, and no shame. I have seen this guy light farts on fire at a sorority party. And somehow, he still got laid that night.
He wasn't really that invested in his studies. It got in the way of partying, video games, and porn. He loved porn. I liked it like most guys do, but he lived and breathed it. He could name almost any porn star on the screen, no matter how obscure. I caught him once watching porn in our living room while he was banging some biology major.
It was a typical Tuesday, and I was home finishing some homework when Chet came barreling into my room.
"I won! I WON!!" Chet screamed as he started dancing around like he'd just won the lottery.
"Chet? CHET!" yelling to get his attention which I was finally able to get him to stop dancing. "What did you win?"
"Two VIP access passes to the AVN Convention in Las Vegas!!"
I recognized the AVN moniker as the Adult Video Network but was still confused.
"What the fuck are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about the largest collection of porn stars all in one place and we are going to be in the center of it all!"
"We?!" was the only thing I could come up with.
"Of course, bro!" Chet said to me with one of those "obvious" looks. "I gotta take my home boy along for the ride! Maybe we even get you some finally!"
I was stunned at the offer and my brain started to try and think. Apparently, Chet's mouth was faster than my brain.
"Since we don't have to fly there, we get 2 rooms and casino credit at the Venetian! This is going to be epic! We're gonna be drowning in pussy!!"
In his mind, I'd already accepted.
The next night
Because I had "apparently" agreed to go with him, Chet and I were on our way to Vegas for a porn convention. We left Flagstaff as soon as both of our classes were done. It's only a 3-hour drive and the "contest" people agreed to start putting us up Wednesday night.
I'd contacted my professors and told them that I had an ill grandmother that I was the closest family member to help out. They bought it or said they bought it and gave me no problem about taking off 2 days.
We took my car, cause it was nicer and cleaner than Chet's and neither of us believed he'd be sober enough to drive home anyway.
"This is going to be the best weekend of my life!" Chet made clear. "Fuck, after this; a pack of wolves could rip me apart and I'll still die with a smile on my face!"
"It's Arizona and Nevada," I told him, "It'll be coyotes that get you."
Chet just shrugged.
"Whatever, man. Come on, how can you not be pumped for this?"
I shrugged a little bit in a fake "too cool for school" type thing. Sure I was excited, but it was more about the free rooms than anything else. I figured the convention would be interesting and maybe we'd get some free drinks, but not much else.
I continued my somewhat pessimistic view until we saw the lights of the city over the horizon. It was always beautiful to see. Since we didn't live super far from here, this was by no means our first time in Vegas. We knew cool hangouts and cheap places to eat.
I pulled up to the Venetian hotel where Chet said that we were staying. I still had trouble believing all this and figured they'd turn us around and we'd wind up a fleabag hotel. Chet insisted and I did what I never did. Lined up for valet parking.
They took my car and our bags as we went to the check in desks. I was surprised it wasn't a longer line. We got to a real live person within five minutes.
"Reservations for Applegate!" Chet said confidently and forcefully. I was kinda shocked at his boldness and was even more shocked by what happened next.
"Yes, Mr. Applegate," the desk clerk responded. "I have it right here. Two VIP rooms with full complements."
My mouth flew open. This whole time, I secretly thought that Chet might have been fuckin' with me.
Guess not.
"Your rooms are ready, and we can get your things up there immediately. Once you're up there, you are to contact Mr. Snyder at this number for more information," the desk clerk said, handing a piece of paper to Chet. The desk clerk hit his bell, gave us two sets of card keys each, and someone immediately came and collected our bags.
Our rooms were pretty high up. 28th floor. Our rooms were right across the hall from each other, both identical. They weren't suites, just nicer than standard. One of the rooms faced the pool and the other faced the strip. Guess which one Chet took.
The view was gorgeous. I started unpacking when Chet knocked on the door.
"This is great, man! No dive motels for us this time," he said with a confident nod.
"Guess you should probably call that number," I nudged. Chet's mind immediately seemed to light up.
"Good idea! I almost forgot that shit," he said as he got the paper out of his pocket and picked up the room phone to dial.
"Hey, this is Chet Applegate. My bro and I have checked in and were told to call you."
I obviously only heard one half of the conversation.
"Sean Cohan," Chet said giving him my name.
"Bar near the craps table?" Chet repeated for clarification.
"15 minutes?" this was getting irritating.
"Blue suit?" I guessed that's what he'd be wearing.
"Sounds great! We'll see you soon!" Chet added as he ended the call.
"We gotta go meet the guy?" I asked having obviously heard all this.
"Dude, this is gonna be great," Chet continued to insist. "We're gonna go meet this guy so he can give us the rundown, our passes, some chips to play some games, even food & booze vouchers!"
"Ok, lets head out then."
I was still skeptical about all this. Most basic rule in anything: if it's too good to be true, it is. We arrived on the casino floor and immediately started looking for the craps table. With only a bit of hunting, we found the correct bar.
We began to order drinks when someone came over to us. He was wearing a blue suit.
"Chet Applegate?" he asked approaching us.
"That's me!" Chet answered enthusiastically.
"And that must make you Sean," he said extending his hand to me.
"Yes, sir," I said while taking his hand in a shake.
"I'm Kevin Snyder. Congratulations to you both. Let me get these drinks," he offered as he gave the bartender his card.
"Thank you, sir," I responded with, and he just waved me off, indicating that it wasn't necessary. He directed us to a table.
"So, the convention starts tomorrow at 11am. Since you guys are VIP's, you'll be able to get in each day at 10." He then gave us a pair of silicon wristbands.
