In an attempt to lessen tensions and create closer ties between their races in the aftermath of the First Contact War, the Systems Alliance and Asari Republics initiated a personnel exchange program whose aim was to learn about and understand the other.
~
The asari anthropologist made her way aboard the patrol frigate SSV Baltic wide eyed, looking less like a professional and more like a civilian that'd never been off planet.
A voice called out and snapped the young woman out of her excited reverie. "Yasmir? Yasmir Tala?"
"Yes? Oh yes, that's me, hello."
"Hello Yasmir, it's good to meet you, I'm Captain Kurn. I trust your flight over was pleasant?"
Yasmirs face scrunched up as she tried to process the phrase. "Oh, yes, I believe it was. The latest transport shuttles your navy has been using have been a most impressive improvement."
Kurn grinned. "Yeah, our lab boys went pretty wild reverse engineering everything they could get their hands on."
Again Yasmir struggled slightly to parse the sentence, so she just nodded. She'd learned English at an all asari university and had never gotten a chance to practice it with an actual human, so her grasp of the language was overly formal and she struggled with the more casual vernacular Captain Kurn employed.
"Right. Well, let's get you settled in. Head over to quartermaster Barns and he'll assign you a room."
~
After finding the ships quartermaster and being assigned a room, Yasmir was about to make her way there when the quartermaster stopped her.
"Yasmir? Would you mind if I escorted you there?"
"Oh not at all, I enjoy talking with aliens." Yasmir had chosen to join the exchange program because she found the humans an exciting, new and interesting species. She wanted to speak with and understand them, but so far, her conversations had proven to be unilluminating and brief. Perhaps this time it would be different.
Barns cocked his head. "Huh, I guess I am an alien to you." He smiled and laughed. "It's funny, I was thinking about saying something similar to you."
"Oh, what's that?"
"Well, I've never talked to an asari, or turian, or any alien before, but I've always wanted to."
"Then let us talk quartermaster Barns," Yasmir said, returning the smile.
~
By the time the two had reached her quarters, Yasmir felt like she'd finally had a proper conversation with a human. To show gratitude for the pleasant chat, Yasmir attempted one of the human appreciation rites she had learned from the man at the bar back at port. Strangely enough, it was the same as the asari act of kissing. But the man had explained, in human culture it did not carry the same meaning and was meant as a small thanks.
Yasmir felt uncomfortable kissing someone she had only just met, but she knew that feeling was simply asari cultural baggage. She was an anthropologist dammit, she was supposed to be more clinical than this. Yasmir knew if she wanted to integrate with the crew and be accepted as one of them, she had to be objective and adopt their practices without judging them by asari standards. So she steeled herself and leaned forward to kiss quartermaster Barns full on the lips.
The man's eyes widened but he didn't pull away.
"Wow. Uhm, what was that?"
Yasmir frowned. "Did I conduct the rite incorrectly?"
"Rite? What rite?"
"The human appreciation rite." Yasmir frowned again as realization hit her. She'd assumed since it was the same as asari kissing that it should be conducted the same. It was a stupid mistake to make. "I see. I apologize quartermaster Barns. When the human appreciation rite was explained to me, I had mistakenly assumed it was conducted much the same as asari kissing."
"Human... appreciation rite?" Barns repeated slowly. "Who told you that?" he asked with a bewildered expression.
"Is it not? It was explained to me that two humans press their lips against one another when they wish to convey small thanks."
A mischievous look glinted in Barns' eyes and he swallowed. "No, no, that... That's right, but it was just done a bit differently than I'm used to."
"Of course. If you could quartermaster Barns, could you teach me the proper form?"
Barns looked up and down the corridor nervously to Yasmir's confusion. "It's actually rather simple. You don't just press lips together, you're meant to use your tongue to brush against and intertwine with your partners." Barns swallowed again. "If you'd like, I could demonstrate the proper technique with you in your room."
Yasmir shook her head in wonder. "It truly is remarkable that similar acts in our cultures have such wildly different meanings. But yes, I would like that so I don't embarrass myself further."
As the two entered the room, Barns began to strip down to Yasmirs shock. "Quartermaster Barns! What are you doing?"
"Undressing?" he said with a practiced confused tone.
"But why?" she asked in alarm.
Barns stopped. "Oh, I'm sorry. There's just so much I take for granted that must seem strange to you."
Yasmir took the bait. "Is this another aspect of human culture?"
Barns nodded and began the explanation he'd been rehearsing in his head. "Human's don't have a nudity taboo. When a human male and female are alone together in their private quarters, they undress to show their comfort around one another. You look like a woman so I must've started undressing from muscle memory. But being asari, you obviously aren't required to, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."
Now it was Yasmirs turn to swallow. She was flattered that Barns would so quickly consider her one of his people and wanted to return the gesture by joining in his culture. But unlike humans, asari did have a nudity taboo. Every asari notion she had was telling her it would be wrong and inappropriate to undress in front of the man. But with cold, detached, clinical professionalism, she squashed those feelings.
"No, it's fine," she said. "Quartermaster Barns, I'm quite dedicated to becoming part of the crew and as an anthropologist, I'm very interested in practicing human customs. I'm... glad you chose to accept me so quickly, I'll be happy to participate."
"Well, if you say so Yasmir."
As Yasmir slowly got out of her bodyglove, she repeated like a mantra in her head
it's necessary to adopt native customs
. Yasmir stood naked in front of Barns, trying desperately to remain calm and not let her nudity affect her. She overrode the instinct to cover herself up and kept her voice even as she tried to distract herself from her current predicament. "This is actually rather interesting. Asari anatomy is similar enough to human females that it triggers the same responses. The odds of such evolutionary convergence are infinitesimally small. Our scientific community is still at a loss to explain it."
"Well, I just think it's a happy coincidence," Barns said eyeing Yasmir up and down. "So, do you want to get started?"
Yasmir pushed her unease aside with difficulty and nodded. As she sat down on her bunk next to Barns her heart started racing even faster if it was possible. Her pulse beat so loudly in her ears she worried Barns might actually be able to hear it.
Dammit. Why did she feel like a teenager on her first date? She was a scientist, why couldn't she see this as the interesting anthropological exercise it was. Cultural baggage was proving much harder to dump.
After practicing the human appreciation rite with her for a few minutes, Yasmir felt she had it. In truth, she understood the correct form in moments as it was simply ordinary kissing for the asari but Barns had wanted to be thorough and she couldn't blame him for that, assumptions were bad practice when it came to alien cultures.
Barns pulled away finally. "Yasmir, were you serious about what you said before? About wanting to practice human customs?"
"Yes, I quite was quartermaster Barns. It's part of my job to study and understand humans, I wouldn't be much good at it if I refused to participate in your culture."
"Well, OK, in that case, there's one other human practice that's common among ship crew but command told us not to bring it up when you came aboard."
Yasmir arched her brow in curiosity. "Oh, what is it?"
"Well, it's something of a welcoming for when new females join the crew. It's an initiation ceremony, but no one expected you to be part of it."
"Alright, and what does it involve?"
"It's rather intimate. It's a... bonding of the males and the new female. Uh, pheromones and fluids are exchanged to uh, mark one another as crewmates."
Yasmir was silent for a long while as she tried to find another, alternative explanation to what Barns was saying. But unfortunately, his meaning remained stubbornly apparent. "Quartermaster Barns, are you speaking of sexual activity? That is how humans welcome new crew?"
"What? No no no. Sex implies vaginal penetration. Humans have a secondary orifice used for uh... social markings and integration. It's not considered sex among my people."
"I... see." Yasmir swallowed hard. While she wanted to participate in human culture, it startled her what it would mean.
"Actually, I hadn't given it any thought before now but, I don't even know if your anatomy aligns with ours, down there."