Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard, not making any money, just cheap thrills
Warning: Angst, Slash, Violence, Incest
Rating: FRAO
Italics and/or * indicates thoughts
-------Indicates a change in the point of view. The chapter begins from the watcher's point of view.
*
By the time I recovered from the shock of my cousin's words, he had turned over and closed his eyes. I didn't really believe that he had fallen asleep so quickly, but I decided to let him alone until morning. Besides he was right, I could use the time to think. Laying on the motel bed, I knew there wouldn't be any sleep for me tonight. I kept hearing his voice as he told me his story. I hadn't missed the pain that had been there throughout his narration. That bothered me a lot too, if it hurt so much for him to tell me what he had tonight, how much worse would it be when he told me about that club. *Oh God! Is that what he wants from me? Does he want me to...hurt him like they did? Stop it, don't matter none anyway. I don't feel that way about him do I? And he'd never try to force me...would he? Don't be stupid, he may not be exactly the man you thought he was, but he'd never make you or anybody else do something they didn't want.* Turning onto my side, I lay there watching him sleep and wondering again how he could let those men treat him like that?
*This doesn't make any sense cousin, I kind of understand going to the regular bars. I just can't figure out why you started going to a place like that one I followed you to. I know you said it was supposed to purge you of your guilt, but there ain't no reason for guilt. Even if I don't feel the same way as you, it's not your fault that you have those feelings. Now how am I going to make you see that there ain't any reason for guilt? I know I can't just leave you here, that's for sure. But...how do I feel? I never really thought about it before this, or maybe I never let myself think about it?* I couldn't help thinking, not as I lay there remembering all the fun times we'd had together. How many times had I chosen to spend time with my cousin instead of a girl? *I sure never gave up a date just to spend time with Daisy or Uncle Jesse, but does that mean anything? * All night I spent remembering all the times we'd shared together, all the fun we'd had, and wondering if it meant anything. By dawn, I had finally come to a decision.
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I woke up the next morning and slowly opened my eyes. Afraid of what I would find, I turned over. It took everything I had to hold back the sob when I saw the empty bed next to me. Telling myself that maybe he was just in the bathroom, I carefully stood up and walked to the other room. Knocking on the door and receiving no answer, I quietly opened the door and peeked around it. Seeing the empty room on the other side of the door, I lost it! Stumbling back to the bed, I fell onto it. Curling into a ball, I began to shake with the realization that in one night I had lost not only the man I loved, but my whole family. No way could I stay at the farm after this. It would be too hard on both of us and maybe if I went away, he wouldn't tell Uncle Jesse or Daisy about me. I'd have to make up a story to explain why I was leaving, something that would allow me to keep my secret. Maybe I wouldn't have to lose them completely, only him...I didn't know how I would handle that, but I knew I'd have to. My heart nearly stopped when I felt the hand on my back....
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I opened the door to the room, balancing the bag of food and two coffees, wondering if he would be awake yet. Quietly nudging the door shut, I sat the food and coffee on the dresser. Turning back to the beds, I was surprised to see my cousin lying on the bed and shaking like a leaf. Hurrying to his side, I placed a hand on his back. My heart nearly broke when he turned over and looked at me with fear-filled blue eyes. "What is it cousin? What's wrong?"
"Are you really here? I'm not imagining things?" He slowly reached a hand towards me as though he were afraid I would disappear if he dared to touch me.
Grabbing his hand, I gave a gentle squeeze, "I'm real cousin. Is that what's wrong? You thought I left?"
"Yeah...so where did ya go?" He asked in a voice so soft I could barely hear him.
"Thought we might want some breakfast," I told him, pointing at the bags sitting on the dresser.
"Oh, good idea cousin. Sorry about that."
"It's okay, I guess if it had been me I would've thought the same thing. I should've left a note, didn't mean to upset ya," I told him, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. Standing up, I went to the dresser. Taking the food from the bags, I began to divide it between us. I glanced in the mirror and saw my cousin getting up and coming towards me. Pushing his food a little apart, I handed him the cup of hot coffee. We sat there eating our food in silence, it seemed like neither of us knew what to say this morning. Finally I realized that he was wrapped in the towel he'd worn the night before. "Your clothes, um, are you gonna be able to..."
"Not the jeans or boxers, they're ruined," he answered, interrupting me. "If you could go out to the car, I've got a bag in the trunk, it has a change of clothes."
"You always bring extra clothes with you?"
"Have to, I never know for sure what's going to happen and, well I can't very well take them home to Daisy when they look like that." He nodded toward the pile of clothes in the trash can.
Funny I hadn't even noticed him throwing them away, but then I did have other things on my mind. Standing up, I walked outside and opened the trunk of the loaner. Grabbing the small bag from inside, I returned to the room and handed it to him. Taking the bag, he went into the bathroom, coming back out a couple of minutes later dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. "So now what?"
"Guess that depends on you cousin, do you want me to leave?"
"Leave? Of course I don't want you to leave, why would I? You thought I'd expect you to leave because of this? I..." I stopped speaking then, couldn't think of what to say next.
"What else could I think? I mean after what you saw and what I told you, why would you still want me around? If you don't want me to leave, then what did you mean?"
"I didn't mean for you to leave, that's for sure. I, well there's still more for you to tell me, I was wondering if you were going to tell me the rest of it now?"
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Looking at him, I couldn't believe that he didn't want me to leave. Of course like he said there's more to tell. I had to wonder if he would be changing his mind by the time I finished my story. "I don't think we better get started on that right now. Uncle Jesse'll be expecting us and there's chores to be done. Maybe after we get our chores done we can go somewhere. I promise I'll tell you the rest cousin, I just want to make sure we've got time and privacy when I do."
"You're probably right. Well guess we better get going then," he suggested, grabbing the car keys and my bag. While he went to the car, I walked to the office and checked us out. We drove back to the cemetary in silence. When we got there, he climbed into the General and we headed for home, planning to return the loaner after chores. As soon as we pulled into the yard, I saw Daisy hanging clothes on the line and Uncle Jesse working on the old tractor. Climbing out of the loaner, I gave Daisy and Uncle Jesse a quick wave before heading inside. As I opened the back door, I heard Uncle Jesse call my cousin over. I wondered as I went on in, if I should go ahead and pack myself a bag, or would he keep my secret from our uncle?
