While I'm certainly not the hottest woman around, since I got divorced six months ago it became clear that I am good-looking and sleek enough to get a decent lay whenever I want one. Getting a great fuck, on the other hand, isn't so easy. You need a really handsome guy with a good personality who is really motivated.
I had still not yet escaped the vestiges of my unpleasant short marriage and divorce and was feeling a little down one weekend. I knew I would feel much better if a got a really top notch fuck, but none of the available guys I knew were likely candidates. I decided that I needed to pull my "Get Fucked Quick Trick," aka my "Gina Carano trick!" I had executed it successfully twice before, the first time almost by accident, and the second time with good preparation and a little luck.
The two times I had executed my Gina maneuver I found that many guys in the 18-22 age range have a fantasy about fucking a famous woman, especially if she is a little older and hot. If presented with the opportunity they are extremely anxious to please and perform at their best. I had three of the ten best fucks of my life when fucked by guys who thought I was Gina.
Having succeeded twice before, and not wanting to leave anything to chance, I refined my trick so that it was almost foolproof. However, assuring the success of my duplicity required that I enlist the help of an accomplice with particular attributes. My collaborator needed to be a big strong guy in his twenties, preferably but not necessarily good looking too.
June, one of my co-workers, had a boyfriend, Jesse, who fit my needs to a T and from the four or five times I had talked with him I was sure he could pull it off. I wasn't particularly fond of June -- okay, I thought she was a bitch and that Jesse was too good for her -- but she thought I liked her. At least she always opened up to me about her personal issues. [I got sick and tired of hearing about what a great fuck Jesse was especially since my ex-husband was only interested in pleasing himself and I could never brag about him; does that make me catty?] So the Friday morning of my subterfuge weekend I asked June if she and Jesse could help me out with a prank.
"What ya got in mind, Amy?"
"Well, June, I want guys in a bar to think that I'm Gina Carano."
"Who's that?"
"The former female Mixed Martial Arts champion of the world, and now an action movie star."
"No shit! Well how are ya gonna do that?"
"She and I are both 5'8", she weighs about 145 and I weigh 135, I'm her age, we wear the same size bra, we have the same color hair and similar facial features, and while I'm not as buff as she is I've got decent muscle tone, especially in my biceps and calves. Also, I can mimic her manner of speech and hand gestures since I've seen every video interview she's given and the movie she starred in."
"So what do you want Jesse and me to do?"
"Well I just need you to travel to a bar in Hanover, New Hampshire -- where Dartmouth College is -- and when I text Jesse have him come in, make a scene, and act like I kick his ass. After the event I'll pay for both your drinks at a nearby bar and you can leave whenever you want to."
"Ha, ha. Sounds like fun. When is it?"
"Tomorrow night."
"Shit, I'm gonna be gone this weekend, but if Jesse wants to do it I'm good with it."
"Hey, thanks June. I owe you one if he does. Should I call him?"
"Give me your cell number and I'll have him call you."
I was really surprised at how up for it Jesse was. Some guys are not confident enough in their manhood to pretend to get their ass kicked by a woman, but not Jesse. Then again when you're 6'4", 260 pounds, and finished 2nd in the state championships in wrestling in high school and played tackle on your college football team I guess you're pretty secure.
Just to be coy, however, with a smile Jesse did ask "What's in it for me to be your whipping boy?"
"I'll owe you one and do something nice for you when you need it."
"Deal," was his prompt response.
On Saturday morning Jesse and I practiced the scenario that was to play out in the bar, including possible complications, for a good forty-five minutes. He got me to tell him my entire plan, and offered to hang around the whole evening just in case anything got out of hand. I was flabbergasted, but accepted.
Jesse was an important part of my plan but there were several other ingredients. I had my hair cut and did it up exactly the way Gina normally wears it, put on my "Strike Force" T-shirt with a caricature of Gina on the back of it, prepared a two inch thick cutting board so that it could be shattered by a well-placed kick, and had Jesse drop me off early at "College Bar & Grill," where Dartmouth athletes of drinking age congregated on Saturday night so that I could talk to the bartender and waitresses. I also wore pedal-pushers to show off my calves, and sandals.
I gave the bartender and each of the three waitresses $25, asked them to call me Gina, gave the special cutting board to the barkeep and asked him to give it to anyone who asked for a cutting board, and told them to serve me tea no matter what I ordered or was ordered for me (and I'd pay the cost of the drink ordered).
About half an hour after I arrived things started to fall into place. I was definitely noticed at the bar. As is typical for celebrities guys were hesitant about approaching me at first but after a few drinks and seeing how friendly I was with the bartender and wait staff I soon had a group of guys coyly hitting on me. Of course I wasn't after just any guy -- I wanted one or more great fucks and wasn't settling for anyone I wasn't excited about.
After chatting me up for a while one guy, the only one tipsy at that point, said "Are you Gina Carano?"
"A lot of people think that," I deadpanned. I had no intention of lying to anyone and say that I was her -- I was going to let them draw their own conclusions.
"Could you kick my ass?"
"I don't have to be Gina Carano to kick your ass," I shot back to the laughter of the other guys congregating around us.
"You some sort of martial arts chick?" the drunk asked.
"Why don't you ask the bartender if he has a cutting board?" was my reply.