When Lorelai Gilmore had mentioned to her Mom that she and Rory were planning to 'fuck round Europe over the summer' Emily had assumed that Lorelai had meant it metaphorically and had told her not to be so coarse. If she had known that her daughter and granddaughter had meant it literally her response would almost certainly been different-- not that, as both Lorelai and Rory were over eighteen, she could have done much about it.
"Just put our names after the message," said Rory as her Mom frowned at the postcard of a North Yorkshire moor. The teen sighed as her Mom nodded and then in complete disregard of what her daughter said, added eleven in brackets after Rory's name and fifteen, again in brackets, after her own. Rory gave another sigh as her Mom slid the postcard and pen into her bag and got up off the café stool she was sitting on. Rory followed her as they headed outside, "How are you going to explain that to Grandma?"
"Explain what?" Lorelai Gilmore gave an expression of innocence, which given what the numbers meant, was as unfitting an expression as if Mick Jagger said 'drugs and sex were bad'. She headed towards a red post-box as Rory followed behind her.
"You know what, missy," Rory said, watching the card be popped into the letterbox, "the numbers."
There was silence from Lorelai as she paused and looked thoughtful, before smiling, "I guess I'd have to just explain I was more attractive than you and got more fucks."
"You are not telling Grandma about our competition," said Rory, she looked genuinely appalled as she continued, "Anyway its not fair, when I went off with that Spanish builder I wasn't to know that you were going to go off with both of his friends."
"I didn't say I wasn't going to," countered Lorelai.
"And those two hand-jobs I gave in the back of that coach in France... they should be counted as well," added Rory.
Her Mom grinned, "Rory without rules it is anarchy. And the rules are that there must be fucking of the mouth, ass or pussy."
"You could have told me before," grumbled Rory as she turned and started to head back down the street, "I'd have blown them."
"I did mention it," Lorelai grinned, "You just weren't listening. So what we going to do now? It's getting late."
The eighteen year-old shrugged and looked round the street of the small Northern English market town. It was even less busy than Stars Hollow in an evening and Rory hadn't thought that was possible. The only sign of life was a geriatric street cleaner and he looked way too fragile to cope with two Gilmore's on the prowl. Rory turned back to face her Mom, "We could head back to the Youth Hostel..."
"Boooorrrriiiinnngggg," said Lorelai with as much emphasis as she could manage. She skipped over to a lamppost and holding it by one hand swung round, "Wheeeee!" she squeaked, before stopping and fixing Rory with a look, "We're young, free and single we should be having fun, partying like there is no tomorrow. We head back to the Hostel, the only people there are the Hartlepool Christian Girls Association and I bet with a name like that we can't even persuade them into some muff munching."
"They did invite us to the lecture they were planning to give on the origins of the King James Bible -- it may be more interesting than it sounds," said Rory.
"Rory.... Booooorrrrriiiiinnnngggg," said Lorelai, she hung her head to one side and opened her mouth either in an imitation of someone hanging themselves due to boredom or perhaps to show that she thought the HCCA were a bunch of imbeciles. Either way it was obvious that her interest in listening to them explain the political, religious and cultural significance of one of the great works of English Literature was low. After a few moments the Milf straightened up again, "Rory if we wanted a holiday with culture we could have packed Grandma and Grandpa and headed out to see the New York Metropolitan, followed by a hike to Washington to see the Jefferson Memorial. We didn't, Rory, we didn't want that. We wanted cock and lots of it." She fell to her knees in front of her daughter, "Please, please, please, don't make me listen to the turgid prose of a bunch of up-tight virgins who wouldn't know fun if it came and stuffed its finger up their collective asses."
Tutting Rory helped her Mom up, "Okay, I get the hint. No Bible readings... so what then?"
"Mhhmm," Lorelai looked down the street, first left and then right. After a moments consideration she pointed right, "This way," she said and set off at pace.
Rory had to do a quick jog to catch up with her, something the notoriously slothlike younger Gilmore was not used to. She got into pace beside her Mom, sliding her arm through Lorelai's, partly as a show of daughterly affection, but mainly so she could slow her Mom's walk to a less frantic speed. "So what's down here then?"
"No idea," said her Mom, "I just decided to follow the tingle in my pussy. It never leads me wrong." The noise from Rory was swiftly converted from a disbelieving hum into a quick rendition of 'Erase, Rewind's' opening chords as her Mom glared at her, "Don't you believe me? My pussy has never led us astray yet -- when it gets that feeling it's like a compass pointing towards large dicks."
"Sure Mom, I believe you," with the weariness of someone who has to continually keep explaining to a grown woman that the tooth fairy was a myth. She gave a shrug, "I haven't a better idea though, so this way's as good as any other."
Whether it was a result of Lorelai's magical magnetic pussy or just luck after a few moments they came across a pub, 'the Flying Fox'. Plastered on its wall was a poster, 'Live Music' and from inside came the unmistakable beat of 'Teenage Dirtbag' being played badly. The Gilmore Girls looked at each other and then down the street; it might not be Madison Square Garden, but there wasn't a lot of choice. Lorelai turned to her daughter, "Give it a go?"
Without waiting for a reply she headed in; with a shrug of resignation Rory followed her.
To say the pub was in dire need of a refurnish was an understatement. The wallpaper was yellowing and stank of old nicotine smoke, peeling from the walls to reveal plaster cracked and even yellower. The seats were so ripped and torn, with the foam hanging out and sitting down was a game of dodge the sharp metal springs. The only thing that could be said was that at least they were less battered than the tables, where the torn and stained beer mats failed to hide the witty scratchings that Kilroy had once frequented the pub.
The few customers turned to look at the Gilmores as they entered, before deciding the Mom and daughter were less interesting than half-drunken beers and conversation about tomorrow's 3.30 at Chepstow or whether Manchester United would beat Arsenal by one goal or three. Lorelai went to the bar and ordered two lagers; she had been in the UK long enough to realise that the idea that Brits liked all their beer luke-warm and flat was a myth -- though unfortunately this fact hadn't yet reached the Flying Fox's landlord. She grimaced as she sipped one and past the other to her daughter. Rory pulled a similar face and headed over to the stage.
All the time the band had been continuing to play, oblivious to the lack of interest by the pub's patrons. There were five of them, a vocalist, drummer, bassist and lead and rhythm guitars -- and their lack of talent was obvious, but in the Gilmore's eyes redeemed by the fact that there buff bodies were sweaty and sleek, muscles and tattoos visible beneath tight T-shirts. The band moved from murdering the Caesar's 'Jerk it Out', only identifiable because the vocalist named it, to an equally brutal killing off Steppenwolf's 'Born to be Wild'. At least when they moved onto a piece of their own it was hard to tell whether they were playing it badly or whether it was meant to be a medley of Thrash Metal and Bubblegum Pop. Still the Gilmore's gave a small cheer as in announcing it the vocalist dedicated it 'to the pretty girls in the front row' and as there was no-one else in any of the seats near the stage it was obvious he meant them.
After their attempt at their own composition the band quickly moved back to their comfort zone of slaying other, more talented, band's works. The best of which it could be said was that least a couple were similar enough to the original that the Gilmore's were able to guess what they were without the vocalist shouting it out.
Luckily neither of the Gilmore's were listening to the music...
"If I have the vocalist, drummer and bass guitarist, you can have rhythm and lead..."
"Why can't I take the bassist -- that'd make more sense me getting all the guitar studs..."