Friends: Deleted Scenes - Phoebe's Bitches
Monica and Rachel had been arguing over Rachel's date with Jean-Claude van Damme. They had seen him on a movie set filming in New York. Monica wanted to ask him out, but was too shy. When Rachel did the asking for her, Jean-Claude ended up taking Rachel on a date, instead. Even though she gave her hesitant consent, Monica felt betrayed. She now sat on the couch, and Rachel sat on the opposite end of the coffee table. Both were stewing in their anger. Since the roommates were getting nowhere, Phoebe decided to intervene.
"OK, Rachel, why don't you start talking first," Phoebe said.
"Alright," she began, still unwilling to face Monica. "I feel that this is totally unjustified." Hearing this, Monica started making faces behind Rachel's back. "She gave me the green light, I did nothing but... Do you think I can't see you in the TV set?"
Phoebe intervened. "Alright Monica, if there is something that you would like to share..."
"Ya know, you had no right to go out with him." The words burst out.
"That is the most ridiculous..." Rachel began to object.
"You sold me out," Monica went on.
"I did not sell you out," her roommate tried to explain.
Monica interrupted her. "Yes you did. Absolutely." By now, both girls were standing, facing each other, once again arguing.
"Would you let me talk?!" Rachel said, and flicked Monica on the forehead with her finger.
Monica tried to control her outrage. "Did you just flick me?"
Rachel started to calmly explain her behavior. "OK, well, you wouldn't let me finish and I was jus-" Her words were cut off as Monica flicked her back. "Ow. That hurt," she said, returning the pain.
At this point, both girls were using semi-painful flicks to emphasize their words.
"Quit FLICKING," Monica demanded.
"Ow! YOU stop flicking,"
"You FLICKED me FIRST."
They gave each other a couple more flicks, but quickly they were delivering more-than-playful slaps to each other's arms and hips. Rachel tried to get away, but Monica caught her on the couch and pulled her down to the floor. Standing over her, she yanked off Rachel's white sock and began flailing her with it. Seeing the minimal effect, Monica dropped onto the cute brunette and the two began to wrestle. Rachel wrapped her legs around her roommate's waist, as Monica lay on top of her. Monica was clearly the stronger of the two girls, though Rachel pushed back; however neither girl was doing much other than grabbing and struggling.
The whole time Phoebe was trying to calm them, shouting "Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!" But eventually, she became fed up with the fighting.
"OK, now I'm gonna kick some ass," she yelled.
She reached down to the wrestling bodies and caught each woman by an ear. "Ow. Ow. Ow," they said, nearly in unison, as Phoebe forcefully separated them. One girl knelt on either side of her, as she stood above them.
"Alright, now, I will let go if you both stop," she scolded.
Rachel asked her roommate. "Oh, what do you... you want me to stop seeing him, is that what you want?"
"Uh-huh," Monica replied, trying not to focus on the pain in her earlobe.
"You want me to just call him up and tell him that you're seeing him instead? That's what you want?"
"OK."
"Oh, that's what you want," Rachel said, venomously.
"Yes," was the firm reply.
"Fine," Rachel agreed, sounding very much like a sore loser.
"Fine," Monica snapped back.
'There we go," Phoebe smiled as she released the girls' ears, and caressed their heads. "You know what? If we were in prison, you guys would be, like, my bitches."
Rachel and Monica gave her questioning and somewhat resentful looks as they each rubbed their sore ear.
"Hey! Ooo, ooo, yeah," Phoebe said excitedly, "you guys should SO be my bitches!"
"What!?!" Rachel replied, not even trying to hide her irritation.
"No, like, we pretend like we're in prison and you, well, you just do whatever I say. Ooo, yeah, it'll be fun!! Yeah, haven't you ever wanted to, like, be with a woman, and all?"
"NO!" Monica scoffed, a little too adamantly to be believable, especially when she added, "Never! It... it hasn't even entered my mind..."
Rachel cleared her throat. "Um, yeah, Pheebs, I don't think I could really get into..."
Phoebe towered over her, as Rachel knelt on the floor. She interrupted her. "That's a nice shirt, you have there."
Rachel looked down at her white cotton T-shirt. It had very short sleeves, a wide feminine neck-line, and in the middle, there was a design of a royal crown. "Oh, well, I got it at..." she began cheerfully, before Phoebe cut her off again.
"I didn't ask where you got it... BITCH!" Rachel looked at her, shocked, mouth wide open, as Phoebe continued her tirade. "I bet with that crown on your shirt, you think you're a little princess, huh?"
Rachel tried to stammer a reply. Phoebe bent over and directed Rachel's face upward to meet her gaze.
"Well, you're not! You're just a little whore bitch. You're MY little whore bitch."
Rachel had tears in her eyes as she looked over at her roommate for help. Monica simply knelt there, not wanting to draw attention to herself, and wondering if Phoebe had finally lost her mind.
Suddenly Phoebe changed her tone, "I'm just playing, Rach. I don't mean any of that."
Rachel's look of fear turned to confusion, then relief.
"What's your name, bitch?" Phoebe asked, in character.
Fidgeting, she replied, "Um... my, my name is Rachel Green." She was uncertain that she wanted to participate, but was also unwilling to be the object of Phoebe's wrath, if she didn't.
Phoebe grabbed her chin, somewhat roughly, and planted a firm kiss on her lips. Then she strutted over to Monica as Rachel touched her mouth, trying to figure out what just happened.