Everybody Loves Raymond: Debra Returns to the Lodge
(fictional story about fictional characters)
It had been a frustrating, even depressing few months for Debra Barone. Not only had she put up with the usual distractions; mainly her obnoxious, obtrusive, mother-in-law (Marie); but she had gotten herself into a financial abyss by becoming addicted to on-line gambling. To conceal her trouble from her husband,Ray, she had agreed to perform at the lodge of her father-on-law, Frank. Frank, a totally disgusting man, had not known of her appearance because it was arranged by his, completely loathsome, lodge-brother, Garvin. Frank, at the time, was boycotting the lodge because he was jealous of all the attention Garvin had been getting for saving the lodge from foreclosure. Unfortunately for Debra, the performance had gotten out of hand, and she had been sexually abused. She had virtually no recollection of the event because she had prepared for her performance by consuming a half-bottle of scotch. Luckily (if you could call it that), she had been paid a considerable sum of money for her services, and had paid off her credit cards before Ray found out. Now here she was sitting at her desk with the checkbook in front of her, back in financial hot-water.
Last week she had been driving to Waldbaums to grocery shop, when; distracted by her cell phone and adjusting her hair in the mirror; she had rear-ended an SUV with their car. It had been totally her fault, and she was ticketed for "distracted driving" and "following too close." There had been no damage to the SUV, but her bumper, grill and headlights were smashed beyond repair, and the air-bag had deployed. She had immediately gone to the local body shop for an estimate, and sneaked the car home and into the garage without anyone noticing. Ray, a sportswriter for NY Newsday, had been busy covering the Giants, and as long as his car was working; he was pretty oblivious to hers. She couldn't let him find out because he was always nagging her about paying attention when driving. The repair shop had "overnighted" the parts, and repaired the car in one day; she was lucky none of the paint was damaged. But now she was in financial distress once again. After she had conspicuously adjusted her cleavage to give him a good show, the body shop technician had agreed to give her until the end of the month to pay the bill. She figured she could max-out their joint credit card to pay the bill, but then would have to pay that the next month. Of course, if Ray tried to use the card; she was in deep do-do. In addition, she would have to pay for the fines, and court fees; which would probably be considerable. She no longer had any credit cards herself; the result of her credit being destroyed by the gambling. She knew her plans were a house-of-cards that could come tumbling down around her at any minute. She needed some quick, big cash.
Just as she felt like she was going to cry; the doorbell rang. When she opened it, she found the troll Garvin standing there with a big grin on his face.
He exclaimed, "woo-hoo, Debra's home," and he tried to step into the living room.
Debra had not spoken to him since he had tricked her into using her body at his lodge performance; and attempted to shove the door closed in his face; a huge scowl on her face.
But he had anticipated her move, and placed his foot on the doorstep, preventing the door from closing. He stated, "I know you're mad at me; but you really should hear what I have to say...that is if you value your marriage."
That last statement sounded ominous, so, despite her revulsion of him, Debra opened the door to admit him.
His opening statement made her blood boil, " I was wondering if you would like to do another show at the lodge?"
"Really," she shouted, "are you kidding me...you must be out of your mind. Get out of my house!"
He didn't budge; but reached into his pocket, retrieved his cell phone, and offered her a look at the screen, "I think you should see this before you make a hasty decision."
As she glanced at the image on the phone, she felt all the blood drain from her face, her heart skip a beat, and her knees weaken. It was a picture of her being double-penetrated by two strangers, on the stage at the lodge.
"If that doesn't spark your memory, I have video," stated Garvin, with a smirk on his face.
"And unless you agree to perform at our Christmas spectacle, everyone you know will be forwarded a copy," he promised her.
She collapsed into a chair whispering, " oh my word...I don't remember that...or really anything of that night." She knew in an instant that she must agree to anything Garvin wanted. She would do anything to keep her family from finding out, and he knew it.
"We are staging a magic show by the magician known as Triple-D, and you will be his assistant, Garvin informed her. "At some point of the performance you will, of course, be naked," he added, "but don't worry, you will be handsomely compensated; as long as the ticket sales go well. And don't worry about Frank; he is in another one of his moods because the magic show was my idea. We really need to raise a ton of money, because our insurance premiums have skyrocketed since hurricane Sandy." What Garvin didn't tell Debra was that Triple-D was the stage-name of a famous porn star; and the abbreviation stood for Donkey Dong Douglas. They were charging an exorbitant amount for the tickets, and (secretly) promising a live sex show. All of the lodge members drooled over Ray's sexy wife, and were inviting all their friends.