Chapter 33 -- Good Rats
(It gets a little weird about a third of the way in. Only briefly, and not detailed, but I had a good chuckle to myself when the idea came to mind, imagining a variety of reactions.)
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"You're going to Riften?" Aela asked as we lay together in bed, the same day I'd returned to Whiterun.
"Aye. An old friend of Delphine is in hiding there. I need to find him before the Thalmor do."
"Will you need our help?"
Our help would mean her, Lydia and possibly other Companions. I pulled her closer and thanked her for the offer. "It's appreciated, but no. Considering my past, I'm sure some old friends will be able to point me in the right direction, at least."
"Will you visit any other old friends?"
"You mean Haelga, Karliah or Ingun?" I felt a nod of her head. "If I run into them, I'll say hello. But I'm not just going to fuck them because I'm there."
"I wouldn't blame you if you did. I'm sure you still have affection for Haelga."
"I do, and seeing her will bring back a lot of good memories. But I'm going there for a job. Find Esbern, get him out safely, then figure out the next step."
"And your relationship with Delphine?"
"Purely physical, Aela. Never been with a woman as old as her, but you've seen her. She's rather attractive, and her body is fantastic considering." I gave her another gentle squeeze. "You're the one I love. If you don't want me to, I'll stop. You know I would in an instant, but you also know I like to spread the... love..."
That made her chuckle, at least. "I'm not jealous, Ragnar, simply curious. If I was, I'm sure you'd realise, and I wouldn't have to say anything."
"Well, no. But you know I would in a heartbeat, as I said."
I wasn't going to head straight to Riften, wanting to spend at least a day or two in Whiterun, specifically with the Companions, fulfilling what I thought were my requirement as Harbinger. The one thing I'd asked of Vilkas and Farkas was to attract more recruits. I thought the Circle should return to five members, but that as Harbinger, I should be above the Circle, so we needed to elevate two people. The twins agreed, and they had contacts across Skyrim, if not across borders, that might help fill the empty beds in Jorrvaskr.
The next evening, I headed up to Dragonsreach after receiving an invitation from Jarl Balgruuf to join him for dinner. I was surprised at the invitation, and extended the it to both Aela and Lydia, figuring he wouldn't mind them joining me. Figuring dressing in my armour wouldn't be the right thing to do, and remembering the fine clothes I'd worn at the embassy, I went shopping during the day, and managed to find a shirt, trousers and coat that were somewhat similar, though didn't feel as nice against my skin. Aela and Lydia both wore dresses, and I couldn't help chuckle as Aela complained, though made her smile when I let her know how beautiful she looked. "Still prefer my leathers, and I know you do too," she stated, but happily took my arm as I led her and Lydia up to the grand hall.
I thought we'd be discussing the dragon crisis and other events across Skyrim, but although the jarl touched on certain subjects, it was simply an opportunity for us to get to know each other even better, spending plenty of time simply asking each other about our pasts.
"Would you like complete honesty about everything?" I finally asked, "Lydia doesn't know absolutely everything either, but considering my position now..."
"Anything you did before becoming a citizen of this city is not my problem, Ragnar. Add to that, you are now Dragonborn, and are likely destined to not only save this city, but Skyrim itself. I think the powers that be can forgive any previous transgressions should you end up fulfilling that destiny."
After receiving a fresh tankard, I told him the truth of my life since my birth. It took a few hours. He asked a lot of questions. I drank at least three or four more tankards. Aela already knew it all, but Lydia was surprised by some of my revelations. If Balgruuf judged me, he gave nothing away, and after explaining all the way to the day I met him, I trailed off, figuring he knew everything from then.
"So... You were a thief twice?" Balgruuf asked.
"Yes, lord. And, may I say, a bloody good one."
He leaned forward a little. "Did you ever work in Whiterun?"
"Aye, lord. A few times."
"But you haven't lately?"
I couldn't help smile. "No, lord. Having my head on a block, near enough ready for my soul to head somewhere else, that was a wakeup call. I'm doing my best to restore my honour."
"And the Brotherhood?" Lydia asked, "Why?"
"After losing Muiri, I guess you can say I lost my way a little. And Astrid... Well, the connection I had with her was something else. My only regret from that time is that she's no longer with me."
"I do wonder if General Tullius knows who you really are? I'm sure he's heard news of a Dragonborn. He might even know your name. But I doubt he'd figure you were at Helgen."
I shrugged. "If he learns of it, then we'll deal with that when it comes." I looked at Lydia. "So what do you think?"
The smile sent a wave of relief through me. "Your past is your past, Ragnar. I will only judge on what you've done since I've known you. Plus, you do appear... regretful might not be the right word, but apart from the time you were married, would you consider yourself content?"
I thought about that for a moment. "I'm not going to lie, I had a lot of fun as a thief. The people I worked with were generally a good sort. But even I can admit that I lost my way when I was with the Brotherhood. I put that down to losing Muiri and then wanting to be with Astrid."
"Are you still this Listener?" Balgruuf wondered.
"I guess so, but it means nothing. I don't know where any survivors disappeared to." That was the only thing I lied about. I figured the trio that did survive the reckoning at Falkreath Sanctuary had made their way to Dawnstar, but I didn't particularly want their deaths on my conscience. I would keep their secret safe for now, and since the Emperor was still alive, I believed they would think me dead.
I'm not sure why but I think Balgruuf respected me even more after that conversation, primarily I had been honest about nearly everything. He escorted us to the door and the handshake we shared was warm, his eyes meeting mine and I think I read them correctly. I was Dragonborn. I was the Harbinger. And now I was... Well, perhaps a trusted confidant. I told him my services would always be available in regards to assisting the city. He definitely appreciated that.
Waking early the next morning, I packed a few supplies after donning my armour. Aela walked with me to the stables, ensuring she gave me one hell of a kiss before I mounted my horse. "Don't do anything stupid, Ragnar."