St. George's Rare Books,
New Orleans
"Sound check, one, two, three."
Gabriel sat at one of the small tables that bordered the stage, watching absently as the band went through its warm-up before the evening crowd was due to arrive. It was 7:30pm; the show wasn't set to begin for another half an hour.
His brow furrowed in distaste.
A live band for three performances a week? A full bar that serves drinks and light meals after dark while the customers browse the shelves? Jesus, this wasn't what I had in mind when I built this place from the ground up. St. George's is on its way to becoming a freaking Barnes and Noble, for Christ's sake.
On stage, the band began to practice a jazz number. The singer took her position at the microphone, and her sultry voice reached every corner of the room as she launched into the song.
I'm feelin' mighty lonesome, haven't slept a wink,
I walk the floor and watch the door,
And in between I drink black coffee...
Gabriel jumped at the sudden touch of a hand on his shoulder. He stiffened and turned, and he let out a sigh of relief when he saw that it was Gran.
"Lord have mercy, my dear boy! You looked as if you were expecting to see the Devil himself behind you!"
Rebecca Knight's eyes, which were normally lively and bright, were shadowed with worry over her only grandson. Gabriel saw this and immediately felt guilty. "I'm really sorry, Gran. I was just deep in thought and you startled me."
She didn't look convinced; she knew that there was something deeper going on, something that Gabriel wasn't willing to admit to. She sat down across from him, searching his face for answers.
"You've been lost in your thoughts all week. What's troubling you, dear?"
Gabriel sighed heavily. "Where can I start? I have a lot on my mind."
Gran reached out for his hand, and squeezed it firmly.
"I have an idea. Start at the smallest problem and work your way up."
He glanced around at the newly revamped St. George's. "Well, I am having a hard time adjusting to what you've done to the place. I really liked the old shop the way it was, and now I feel like I'm on another planet."
"Oh, honey. Things were bound to change sooner or later. The customers have been pouring in ever since your first book sold so well, and the pressure was on for the shop to evolve so it can accommodate the steady flow of business that has increased even more since you wrote the two sequels."
Gran leaned forward in her seat with a conspiratorial grin. "And don't forget that you also have a fan following that's eagerly awaiting a fourth installment. They were left breathless from that cliffhanger ending that you wrote for the last one, when Fujitsu left... oh, dear. I'm sorry, sugar."
Gabriel gave a smile that he didn't feel. "That's all right, Gran. Let's move on."
Rebecca's heart ached at his crestfallen expression when she carelessly mentioned Fujitsu, Grace's fictional alter ego that Gabriel used in his novels. She had liked Grace very much; she believed that if there was any woman that was the perfect match for her grandson, it was her. She was intelligent, beautiful, and had more than enough courage and spirit to hold her own in whatever she did.
She remembered the last time that she saw Grace; it was a year before, when Grace came to New Orleans to deliver an art lecture at Tulane. Rebecca had attended the lecture, and went to see her afterwards. Grace was uncomfortable at first, but she soon came around and they spent the rest of the day together before she flew out that evening. They toured around the city, did some shopping and talked for hours about anything and everything.
Except about Gabriel. That was the only topic that was forbidden; whenever Rebecca tried to steer the conversation in that direction, Grace completely froze and shut down all her efforts. A few months later, when she went to visit Gabriel in Germany and he told her the details, she understood why Grace reacted that way at the mention of his name.
Returning her thoughts to the present, she regarded her grandson and silently prayed for God to ease his pain as well as Grace's.
My dear children. Somehow the two of you have to make peace with the past, and with each other.
"Go on, son. I'm here for you."
Gabriel pushed on. "It's also strange to be here again after so many years. There are so many memories here, some of which I'd like to forget. I feel as if old ghosts are waiting for me, just below the surface."
Gran nodded knowingly. "No matter what happens, you must remember that God is on your side. And you also have the support of all those who came before you; your grandfather, Wolfgang, and even your father stands beside you in spirit."
Despite himself, he felt his eyes begin to water and he quickly blinked to prevent tears from forming. He cleared his throat to conceal his moment of weakness, but Gran wasn't fooled.
Gabriel smiled in relief. "Thanks, Gran."
Rebecca smiled back. "You're very welcome, my dear. What else bothers you?"
"All right. This is a big one, but not as major as what's coming. Christ, I don't know how to say this, so please bear with me. I've been thinking long and hard about my life, about everything that's happened in the past few years and how I've changed as a result."
He leaned forward, locking eyes with Gran. "The whole experience with the Voodoo Murders was like a giant Pandora's Box for me; it released all these different forces inside me, feelings that I'd never known before. Then, I learned about the actual, clear-cut boundaries between good and evil. I fell in love for the first time ever and then lost that person soon after. I realized that I could be counted on by others, and so on."
He cleared his throat briefly before continuing. "From the Munich wolf killings, I saw that there are times when the enemy is difficult to recognize. I appreciated the importance of having friends in one's corner during hard times, and I found out about the dangers of being too alone in the world."
Alone. God, I'm so tired of being alone.
"From the Night Stalker case, I learned... Jesus!"
Gabriel stared at the wood finish of the table, unsure of how to put his feelings into words. In the distance he could hear the clock chiming eight times, and the soft murmurs of incoming people.
"I learned that when you have something wonderful in your life, you should make an effort to hold on to it by all means. God, I was stupid. She didn't deserve to be treated like she didn't matter; she mattered a hell of a lot more to me than she knew. She couldn't take any more of my shit and she left, and she didn't know how I felt because I never told her! I was always keeping things from her, and I was too quick to dismiss her valuable opinions whenever we were on a case..."
Damn it, I was always shutting her out, even when she was trying to help me.
Gabriel had trailed off, and Gran waited patiently until he spoke again.
"I should have told her that I loved her, Gran. Grace helped me to understand the importance of second chances. She was my second chance at love, but I didn't recognize the opportunity when it was right in front of me. It wasn't until she was gone that I realized how much she was a part of my life. I want the chance to make it up to her, to tell her how sorry I am that I let her down."
Rebecca wiped away tears, wishing that she could help relieve his burden.
"Do you still love her, my child?"
Gabriel didn't hesitate. "Absolutely."
"But Gabriel, so much time has passed..."
He held a hand up, not willing to hear the same argument again. "I know, Gran. It was my mistake, waiting so long to try and set things right. I would undo it if I could. But when I tell you my worst problem, you'll understand why it doesn't matter."
It was on the tip of Rebecca's tongue to ask him to continue, and she would have if she didn't see someone trying to get her attention from across the room. It was time for the show, and as the manager, she had to make an appearance. Her sigh echoed her frustration as she rose from her chair.
