December 17, 2012
Having Tina Fey and Amy Poehler in my apartment would be a dream come true for most comedy fans. For a fair share of men in general, I would assume -- even if other potential duos might seem 'hotter' to others.
Still, it was certainly something dreamlike for me -- and not just because I'd been working for Tina the last several months, as she brought '30 Rock' to an end. Yet my dreams didn't involve me picking her and Amy up last night while they were drunk.
I knew Amy was coming by New York for a few days, to help Tina as she wrapped up the show -- and to crack down on work for next month's Golden Globes co-hosting gig. I wasn't aware their working process involved a drunk night on the town. Maybe Tina did it during my days/nights off...
In any case, I wound up having to get them, take them to my place since it was closer, let their friends/family/co-workers know what was happening, then wait for them to thank or bash me for it while hung over. That was a new wrinkle to the dream.
When Tina and Amy woke from their dreams into icky reality, I was halfway prepared for it. Fortunately, they took long enough with my food and water, I was able to get the other halfway there. And since Tina technically didn't have a show anymore, and Amy was on vacation for a few days, they weren't in a hurry to rush through.
However, when they were in their right minds, they hurried up with apologies for me. It was technically my job to care for Tina, but not to that extent. Then again, now that Tina was technically unemployed, she'd have less tasks for me for a while, so I'd take what work I could.
I didn't work for Amy, though, yet it was implied. As Tina's partner-in-crime, frequent co-star and best friend in the world, I took what she said as law too. Still, she wasn't pleased at the thought that drunk Amy abused that power, with aid from drunk Tina.
I was briefly confused on why they even showed up. Tina and Amy had the image of being sensible, regular women -- as regular as two of NBC's rare bright lights could be -- not party girls. I knew Tina wasn't like that -- on the job anyway -- although I knew less about Amy's real routine. I knew they got up to some stuff on those rare times their schedule synched up like this, but nothing more specific.
Of course, there were other things I knew. Like Tina wrapping up 30 Rock right now after seven years. Like Amy being four months removed from divorcing fellow comedy favorite Will Arnett. No wonder these BFF's were letting off some steam to end this rough year while they could -- and got a little too steamy.
In the sad way, I mean.
Yet as they got their wits back, they seemed sadder about inconveniencing me. Despite how Tina was the snarky one and Amy was the sunshine-y one -- at least on TV and half the time in real life -- they were still the same sweethearts at heart. I say that although I'd had more time to see this in Tina than Amy.
But when both of them stopped apologizing, they tread more carefully on what got them so worked up last night. Yet since both of them had ended all important, long term, character defining projects in the span of a few months, I still got the gist.
"You know what we need?" Amy perked up. "I think we need...a night."
"Can I finish getting the last night out of my head and stomach first?" Tina asked
"Not that kind of night. I'm saying we need...a night," Amy repeated, as if that made it more understandable. However, it did for Tina.
"Hold on, we had this year's night months ago. I thought we'd save next year's night for after the Globes," Tina replied.
"Clearly we need an emergency bonus night. We've done it before, remember?" Amy came back, even more above my head.
"You really want a night now? You sure you can't wait a month?" Tina checked.
"Can you? I thought we'd be nighting then and there a few times last night," Amy kept confusing me and enlightening Tina somehow.
"And that's why I got us out of there. If my scrambled brain isn't screwing with me one last time," Tina mentioned.
"Well, this time we can plan it out. Like we always do," Amy argued. "Besides, you can't honestly say you didn't think I'd want this. Or that you didn't want me to want it. Especially now."
"You know better, so don't insult my intelligence," Tina eased up.
"I'm one of the few that can get away with it without being called a sexist. You knew what you were getting into when you gave me that power," Amy teased, as they were at least smiling in their secret BFF language.
"I just figured...if we didn't need a night to get through this, it'd mean we were doing better," Tina said. "Guess night No. 1 just shot that down, huh?"
"We need stress relief we can be sober enough to enjoy. Other than hosting awards shows, being the headliners of what's left of NBC Thursdays, having an Internet filled with worshippers and being moms, what else we got?" Amy questioned.
"When you put it like that, what was I thinking?" Tina seemed to say sarcastically, but not dismissively. After another moment, she thought and added, "Here's something else I'm thinking."
At that point, she remembered she and Amy weren't the only two people in my home.
Turning to me, Tina said, "Once again, we're sorry we put you through this. And confused the hell out of your in our best friend code. And that you joined my team months before I cancelled my own show. For that and a few other things, we owe you."
"And it has something to do with a night?" I guessed.
"Not the drunk night we made you crash," Tina assured. "Once a year, me and Amy have a real nice night out to celebrate our friendship. It pre-dates Galentines Day on Parks and everything. Sometimes we bring other friends if we're in the mood. Today...I think the mood's good enough. Don't you, Amy?"
Amy looked me over and ultimately ruled, "You would know better than me, probably."
"Not that much. But I can guess. And I'm sure you could stand to do some guessing too," Tina came back.
"I could use a rib tickler," Amy figured. "Okay! Bring me up to speed, we'll work out the other details, and we'll meet back here in...six hours, 46 minutes and 15 seconds good enough for you?"
"Do I want to say yes?" I asked semi-seriously. The lack of details was a minus, but a regular, non drunken night with these comic icons -- one of which was already my boss -- all but turned it into a plus.
"I think you will a few times," Amy answered. I thought on that a few times before Tina and Amy left, and a few more times after that.
I stopped asking and wondering enough to actually get ready -- and then asked myself why I didn't ask if I had to be dressed up. I didn't even know where they were taking me, so I could be over or underdressed in humiliating fashion. Since I figured that out too late, I split the difference by putting on my nicest, logo free winter sweater.
I got to see how Tina and Amy split it when they came back 20 minutes later.
Tina had a purple coat on, yet it was unzipped enough for me to see the light black dress underneath. She wasn't flaunting herself with a plunging neckline or a really short skirt -- yet while it wasn't an instant, in your face knockout, a closer look made it clear there was a knockout hidden under there. Some knockout parts, like her long legs, MILF-y hourglass figure and deep brown eyes weren't so easy to hide, though.
Before I got too lost in those thoughts about my boss -- again -- I turned to Amy. She didn't have a coat, so her blue dress, her lower neckline and her own subtle lovely figure caught the eye faster.
Speaking of which, it took longer than I should have to look away from her own deep blue eyes, framed by her blonde hair and an almost knowing smirk -- the same kind of amused smirk Tina sometimes had. BFF's indeed.
"You guys look great. St. Galentine would be proud," I found my voice enough to say. "Hopefully St. Winter isn't too harsh tonight either."
"Nah, that bastard owes us a few favors, so we're good," Amy brushed aside. "Let's go show him and the New York night life what for. Without St. Alcohol's help this time."
Tina and Amy did get the help of their own limo for us, however. It drove us to the restaurant they picked out for us, and picked us up again about an hour and a half later. In between, things really went by in a blur, though not because of too much alcohol.
I wished I was better able to savor my time eating with, talking with and observing Tina and Amy. While they made every effort to include me in the conversations, and while I kept my stories about working for Tina short -- as well as my questions about Parks and Rec and the SNL days -- seeing Tina and Amy lost in their own recollection and stories together was a real highlight.
If they needed to distract themselves from their losses and life changes, I did wonder why they needed me. They seemed to have the weight of the world off of them just fine by talking together. Maybe I was just supposed to be a chaperone so they didn't get too carried away again.
Still, Amy seemed to take more of an interest in me as dinner winded down. Since I'd worked for Tina for months and since Amy was so important to Tina's work and social life, it wasn't like we were total strangers before last night. Yet now we'd finally gotten to the 'getting to actually know you' part of the assistant/bosses' best friend relationship.
That helped kill time until the limo took us to our next destination -- the ice rink in front of 30 Rockefeller Plaza.
Since 30 Rock was Tina and Amy's work home for so many years and projects, Christmas out here was old hat to them. It was still a novelty for me, however, so they indulged me -- and had three pairs of ice skates in the limo to help me out.
Tina and Amy were far more experienced at skating, or at least skating on this rink. Tina helped me keep my balance at first, then Amy went by my side when I got somewhat of a hang of it.
"Don't worry, I won't sue Tina for workplace endangerment if I fall and break something," I told her.
