VS Swim opener nearly derails everything. E Pluribus, Unum.
5000 words. Tags: baywatch, victoria's secret, Lily Aldridge, Jasmine Tookes, Elsa Hosk, Vita Sidorkina, Lais Ribeiro, Behati Prinsloo, threesome, fivesome, orgy, pool party, club fight, car sex
This is the fourth in an open ended "celeb harem" story putting together two of the greatest franchises known to Man, Baywatch and the Victoria's Secret Angels, and the first in a trilogy recounting the adventures of our hero going solo undercover at the 2016 Victoria's Secret Swim Special. Outfits and references are based on real life look-books and clips, and, with a 2-3month lag to facilitate research, events happen in real-time.
What do you want to see more of? Comment below! I reserve all creative control but I write as much for your enjoyment as my own.
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I have graced the billboards and runways of the biggest venues in the world. I have rubbed shoulders with the rich and famous. I have slept with some of the most beautiful women in the world.
But I had -never- seen anything like this. Hundreds of people milled about in and around the sprawling pool, picking at the sumptuous seafood buffet and draining the open bar dry as a string quartet played soothing mood pieces.
The main difference this had from your run-of-the-mill company retreat?
Angels. Everywhere.
At a nearby table, Stella Maxwell and Romee Strijd, both stunning blondes clad in thin flowy dresses over black string bikinis, listened intently to a colleague, laughing as he gesticulated wildly following some punchline or other.
Beyond that, a bright pink ball flew over a net strung across the pool as Martha Hunt and Behati Prinsloo, last year's beach volleyball champs, returned a 1-2 combo from "Saylor", the celebrity couple nickname for freshly minted Angels Sara Sampaio and Taylor Hill. The bright neon color block bikinis they wore worked as well in water as on the beach.
Across the water, I spied Candice Swanepoel chatting with a mix of stylists and production crew as they clinked glasses of champagne. True to her nickname, "the Flamingo" stood out with her sheer beauty and elegance, making everyone around her look dull and tepid by comparison. And boy, could she rock the hot pink look. Candice owned VS Swim, and everyone knew it. There was even a segment at the last Swim special where the Angels basically fangirled over the covers Flamingo had done over her illustrious VS career.
The scale of all this was hard to exaggerate. I was standing at the entrance to the opening night pool party for VS Swim - 13 Angels, 30 stylists and designers, 20 photographers and assistants, and about 200 miscellaneous assorted production crew and friends and family milled about the open pool area in the middle of the sprawling superluxury villa complex.
Victoria's Secret is not a company that spares any expense, and they clearly hadn't - for the next week or so, VS had commandeered this villa and would basically take over the entire island.
Thanks to timely tips from Alessandra Ambrosio and weeks of preparation (and sex!) with former Angel Miranda Kerr, I had maneuvered myself to be the guide taking the girls around in their downtime. It was the perfect platform to quickly suss out who would be keen on risking the wrath of the Hollywood bigshots and joining my crazy Baywatch revival. The old Baywatch had drawn its young talent extensively from well known centerfolds of Playboy Magazine, like Brande Roderick; in order to have any shot at success, the honchos at HBO insisted that I score recruits from the modern equivalent.
Only one problem: I didn't know anyone, and I had no idea how to get past literally hundreds of people to the Angels. I was fucked before I started.
That's when an Angel appeared to answer my prayers.
"Excuse me - are you Mike Bergin?"
I turned around, and beheld a radiant brunette in a tight white off-the-shoulder crop top and dark pencil skirt. Even in the dim fire- and moon-lit ambience of the pool party, those high cheekbones and strong arched eyebrows were unmistakable.
"Yes - and you must be Lily! Randa's told me so much about you! Sorry she couldn't make it but she says hi! On Shawn Tay!"
Truth was, Miranda wasn't entirely welcome at VS anyway, after their acrimonious split. As I held her bare waist and gave the requisite half-embrace/double cheek-kiss while mangling the French greeting, Lily Aldridge held me close for just a second and whispered in my ear.
"Believe me, she's said a great deal about you, too... Damn, she's right about your ass!"
Lily's sudden butt-squeeze came out of nowhere.
So did the gasp.
"Excuuuuse ME, Mrs. Followill!"
We turned, caught red-handed in a moment of flirtation, to see Jasmine Tookes, in a metallic lace cocktail dress that showed off her gymnast's figure, and Elsa Hosk, contrasting her blonde locks in a long-sleeved little black dress, with their arms folded, mock-judging the very much married wife of Kings of Leon frontman, Caleb Followill. Since time immemorial, hot girls have always gone around in BFF pairs, and at VS they seemed to roughly match the year they got their wings: Jasmine and Elsa, Sara and Taylor, even Lily and Miranda back in the day. If you think hitting on one scantily dressed supermodel is hard, try TWO. And now, I had three to impress.
Fortunately, I've had a little practice.