Alice: Madness of the stage
Disclaimer: I do not own Alice Madness Returns; I am making no profit from this work of fiction.
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When compared to some of Wonderland's more fantastical impossibilities, Alice considered Dreary Lane Theatre to be somewhat conventional. It may have been a massive playhouse beneath the murky waters of the Deluded Depths, but with its lavish décor of silk curtains, thick columned boundaries and multi-level boxes fashioned with arched viewing decks; it could have easily passed for any of the Theatre Royals back in London. That was if it had had a ceiling of course.
Walking down the aisle between the rows of arena seats, Alice approached the immense theatre stage like a blushing bride on her wedding day. She could already see the Walrus, a leviathan sea creature bedecked in the colourful garb of a jester or clown, sleeping peaceful atop the water logged timbers. It was a humorous sight to behold and yet in some strange way, it reminded her of when she was young, before her family died when she and her sister would sit in the nursery, giggling and whispering amongst themselves as they watched there nanny sleeping in the rocking chair. But that had been long ago, now her family was dead and Nan Sharpe was facing the prospect of becoming a common whore to pay off her debts. And it was all because of her...
"Ah...Alice; it is wonderful to see you again my dear!" Announced a joyous voice, causing Alice to look up in surprise as an abnormally tall man with shockingly bright tufts of red hair and dressed in a dirty apron and torn overalls that didn't cover the mangled peg leg that was in place of his left foot immerged out from behind the stage curtain. In his right hand was an immense hammer and he swung it from right to left as if he were a conductor and it his baton; leaving no doubt in her mind that this was Carpenter.
"Really, I don't even know..." She stammered, surprised by his familiarity. Although she'd heard much about the infamous pair of fish devours since entering the Deluded Depths, this was the first time she'd met the Carpenter and yet he spoke to her as If they were old friends. However he seemed unbothered by her concerns and waved aside her objections before continuing just as jauntily as before.
"Your arrival is filled with fortunitality itself. My pregnant show is about to pop, and requires only a modicum moment of your time to play a momentous part."
"Well I don't have much experience," Alice mumbled, embarrassed by his proposal and at having to admit her own failing to a stranger. There were more pressing matters they needed to discuss however, "but I do need to reconstruct my..."
"We can barter of course, I wager that a screwdriver or perhaps a nice hammer..." Carpenter suggested half-heartedly before jumping down from the stage to stand over her, twirling his oversized hammer around him as he did just to emphasize hiss point. Only Alice wouldn't hear of it.
"There is a train that is corrupting wonderland and I'm looking for help to restrain or destroy it" That got Carpenter's attention.
"Most vexitashious no doubt and we will approach the subject of that monstrosity directly, as to say eventually." That last part the giant of a man murmured under his breath, as though he hoped the orphan wouldn't hear his muttering as he began to pace the length of the stage in urgent contemplation. "But let us first mediate on the more important matter of the show. Due to some misconceptions about the brilliantly composed script; our stars, the tasteful and ever so tasty Oyster sisters, have failed to present themselves for our dress-rehearsal."
"And you'd like me to collect them I suppose?" Alice snapped, growing angry with the Carpenter and his constant attempts to direct their conversation back to the matter of his stupid undersea performance. Didn't he understand that if they couldn't work together, there would be nothing to stop that infernal train from destroying wonderland and his precious Dreary Lane Theatre along with it?
"Why no dear Alice, I would never desire something so provincial of you." Carpenter promised before ceasing his pacing and letting the hammer roll back to rest beside his temple as he lent back and cried out in woe. "You see while I trust the delectable sisters to preform splendidly, but alas without a dress-rehearsal I fear I cannot gauge whether the mood of our audience shall be in keeping with my show." Then with a magnificent flourish, he turned on Alice and pointed his hammer at her almost accusingly. "And so Alice, I cordially invite you to star as my leading lady and preform an abstract piece of the shows wondrously enchanting burlesque dance."
For the longest time, Alice was stunned. Not quite sure if she should believe what he was proposing, she looked up at him with disbelieving eyes and anxiously waited for the punch-line; when it didn't come she balled her fists at her sides and began to shake with furry until finally she couldn't contain herself. "Are you insane Mr Carpenter? You wish me to dress and preform like a common harlot whiles the fate of wonderland is hanging in the balance. Would you have me prance like a pony too, or perhaps you'd disgrace me completely and take me to bed on your stage before the eyes of your precious audience." She was so angry, the fires of her outrage were making the waters around her bubble and it was only when he appeared to raise his hands in defence that she began to settle down.
"Calm yourself dearest Alice, I have no intention of making a spectacle of you." Carpenter insisted, his numerous piercings jingling a tuneless melody as he waved his hands in protest. "This shall merely be a dress-rehearsal and I your only audience. I beg only a dance from you and then I shall tell you all that you wish to know about that nuisance train."
"And if I do this, you promise to help me destroy the train?"
