"That's just what I wanted to hear!" Lt. Yar had spoken that line on Stardate 41209.3443.
Somewhat later, she approached me on the Starship Enterprise and averred firmly, "It never happened."
It was commensurate with the latter event that Natasha Yar instructed me to delete any memories I had beginning with Stardate 41209.3443 through Stardate 41209.6630. I did this out of friendship, not out of obligation, as I outrank her. However, she merely asked me to delete them from my memory; I am archiving them here on my personal computer, eyes only, as the events were very special to me.
Herewith, the events that took place in her quarters behind closed doors when she (and most of the rest of the crew) had fallen victim to an alien parasite that severely relaxed inhibitions.
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Immediately upon the door closing, Tasha had pushed me onto the bed. As I lay on my back, she began to disrobe.
"Lieutenant Yar," I began. "May I assume it is your intention that I initiate sexual congress with you?"
"Shit, Data, don't you have some kind of pornographic vernacular subroutine?" she asked. "What is this `sexual congress' bullshit?" By now Lt. Yar was completely naked. "I need to get FUCKED!"
I nodded. "Ah yes, 'Fucked.' Screwed. Laid. Nailed. Hot beef injection. Hiding the salami. The two humped beast--" She cut me off.
"Data, how many terms do you know for it?"
"In standard, I can cite over 100 phrases for it that are considered at least mildly vulgar. Shall I list the rest?"
Tasha shook her head, and smiled lasciviously. "No ... why don't you show me instead?"
I paused. "Lt. Yar, are you implying that you would like me to.... fuck... you over 100 times?"
She started to remove my garment, and while she did so my nose detected a feminine musk that told me she was indeed prepared for -- and therefore expecting-- coitus.
"Well," she explained, "at least as many as you can before you kill me... " she had reached my groin, and looked disappointed. "Data?? Where is it?"
"Where is what?" Then I realized where she was looking. "Ah, where is my penis?" She frowned. "Sorry, I mean my `prick'?" She smiled again and nodded. "May I assume you prefer .... fucking... a human male?" And I created my erection.
"Ooooh.... where'd that come from... oh, never mind..." and she took my erection in her hand, and started stroking it. Though I could not sense anything, I adapted to what I assumed she wanted to hear.
"That feels wonderful, Lt. Yar. Please continue..."
She sighed. "Data, you're being too clinical. Can't you role play? Access some porno you have on file and adapt it to the conversation. And you can start by calling me Tasha. Like, `God yes, Tasha, stroke my cock!' "
I was a quick study and even ad-libbed... "Oh God yes, Tasha, you love the feel of my prick, don't you? Beat me, beat me faster!!"
Incredibly, she increased her pace... her motions made her breasts swing pendulously, and I commented on that too. "Oooh, look at your magnificent tits swinging back and forth as you stroke my cock..." and I heard her gasp, even before I reached out with my right hand to caress your left breast, when she closed her eyes and moaned.
"Data? Doesn't it get any larger?" she asked after stroking me for a while.
"I am sorry, Tasha. This is an average human male's erection, 5.25 inches. Would you prefer another species?"
This gave her pause, and she sat back on her haunches. "How many can you emulate?"
"I am equipped to partake in the mating rituals of more than 500 races. Dr. Soong was quite thorough."
Tasha beamed. "You wonderful, wonderful machine you!" She leaned over and kissed me, fully on the lips, and again I made a noise so as to imply great satisfaction. Suddenly her tongue was in my mouth, a practice I did not even know about, but again I adapted and returned the favor. As an added surprise, I extended it to its full length. This did indeed shock her and she pulled her mouth away from mine quite suddenly.