A Draper Family Reunion

As he stood on the staircase and gazed out across the dancefloor of Vanity Fair's Oscars Party, Jon Hamm couldn't help but think

I'm too old for this shit

. Although he was far from the oldest person at the party, he had always felt a little aged out of these sorts of things. After all, he'd only really become a star after he was cast on

Mad Men,

already nearing his 40th birthday, so his first forays into the glamorous life of Hollywood galas came at the age when most people already preferred to stay in on a Saturday night. But here he was, in a hotel ballroom, drunk and quickly getting tired, watching on as the nubile bodies of Hollywood's young stars danced before him with boundless energy, wondering where exactly his place was.

He turned away from the dancefloor and moved his gaze back to the dining tables above him where the older crowd seemed to have gravitated. All across the room, he saw older actresses schmoozing, sipping champagne, giving each other pecks on the cheeks and telling each other that they really must do brunch soon, all of them laughing and knowing that they probably won't. And next to them he saw their husbands, standing silently and smiling dutifully, looking a bit bored by the whole affair.

And I think I might be too young for that shit

he thought, or least too young at heart perhaps. Despite his age and classic movie star looks, he was still a bachelor after all, and he'd be damned if he was going to be stuck trying to make polite small talk with the other middle-aged men when he didn't even have a wife he had to wait on.

So here he found himself wedged between the two crowds, both literally and figuratively, trying to decide where he belonged. As he finished the last of his drink, he accepted that he would probably feel out of place with either, but one more glance at all the sexy young starlets out on the dancefloor at least convinced him that it would be the more fun place to feel out of place in, so he made his way down the stairs.

As he entered into the dancefloor area, he immediately started to notice some of the young partygoers around him. Elle Fanning and Hailee Steinfeld were putting on quite a show, dancing sensually with a pair of young studs they'd seemed to take a liking to. At one end of the bar, Camila Mendes and Maya Hawke had taken some bottles for themselves and were pounding back shots with anyone who came by. At the other end, pressed against a pillar, Florence Pugh and Timothee Chalamet were caught up in a steamy make-out, their hands roaming around each other's bodies as their tongues explored each other's mouths. And over in a corner, he saw Zendaya, Sydney Sweeney, and Maude Apatow hovering over a table, taking bumps from a vial of cocaine that Sydney had been hiding in her ample cleavage. This was young Hollywood alright, in all its wild, uninhibited glory, and he suddenly felt like a school teacher chaperoning a prom that had gotten out of control. Not exactly the feeling he was hoping for, and judging from the way none of the young stars seemed to be paying any attention to him, he imagined they felt the same way.

Wondering if he should just head back upstairs and accept his fate, he took another quick scan around the room, seeing if there was anyone whose eye he could catch. Everywhere his eyes darted, they seemed to find some sexy young actress that was half as age. Maybe felt out of place, but the eye candy was nice at least.

As his eyes continued scanning, they landed on the form of a petite young woman standing between a couple of men, their arms on her shoulders, both clearly vying for her attention. She was clothed in a strappy black dress that showed off her tight, compact body well. It was open at the back and he was drawn in by the soft pale skin, the perfectly shaped curve of her lower back, and the defined muscles of her shoulders. Clearly she took care of herself. His eyes wandered a little lower and examined her legs, just barely peeking out of a few sheer segments at the bottom of the dress. Just as he began to take in her butt, the girl turned. She locked eyes with him almost instantly.

"JON!" she shrieked out as she ran toward him excitedly, drink in hand, barely giving him time to take in that it was Kiernan Shipka, his on-screen daughter for nearly a decade on

Mad Men

. As soon as she got to him, she reached up on her tip-toes and planted a kiss on him. The kiss was quick and friendly, but he still noticed that she went for the lips when his cheek would have been just as easy. He could immediately taste the alcohol on her breath.

"Kiki, it's good to see you!" he said as he leaned in for a hug, genuinely pleased to see her after a few years apart. Although it didn't feel like that long, with only the past couple years of the pandemic keeping them apart, it was clear she had done a lot growing in that period. She had lost a bit of her baby fat and now had the glow of a woman, and based on the pictures he had seen her post on her social media, showing off her tight tummy and posing with a seemingly endless succession of boys, she had the confidence of a fully grown woman too. But as she answered him with, "It's been way too long," he could still hear the slight lisp in her voice that reminded him of the young girl he'd always known her as.

"I didn't expect to see you down here in the kid's section," she teased as the hug broke off.

"Well, age is just a number. I'm young at heart. Besides, I had to come see about all the commotion down here."

"Oh no, has Dad come to get us in trouble?" she asked with a giggle.

"No, no, my Dad cap is off for tonight. Dad Jon is just for TV."

"Well that's good, because we're all being very bad down here," she said coyly. He looked at her a bit surprised, not exactly sure how to take her comment, but she let out another giggle and he laughed along, taking it as a joke. She went to take another sip from her straw, only for it to make a loud slurping sound, the glass mostly just ice now. "Come on, let's get another drink," she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him along with her. As they reached the bar, Camila and Maya were still handing out shots. Maya, clearly already having had a few too many, noticed them first.

"Oh my god, look, isn't this the cutest," she said with the kind of innocent astonishment that indicated she was a rather happy drunk. "Camila look, look, it's a Draper family reunion!"

"Well isn't that sweet," Camila answered with a smile, clearly handling her alcohol better. Kiernan leaned in and gave her

Riverdale

co-star a kiss on the cheek. "Shots?"

"Yes, yes, yes!" replied Kiernan with enthusiasm, "Pour us two."

"Kiki, I don't know," John butted in, "I'm already feeling a bit tired."

"Booooooo," she said turning back to him, "That sounds like Dad Jon. I thought Dad Jon was only on TV."

"Well, it's not about being Dad, it's about being..." he trailed off.

"Old?" she answered, with a faux-innocent smile, knowing it would bother him.

"Hey now--"

"Come on Pops, what's one more drink gonna do?" She held up two fingers to Camila, not caring whether he said yes or no.

"Just one and then I have to go," he said, at least trying to seem like he had some say in the matter.

"Deal!" she answered. As Camila handed over the two glasses, she leaned in and whispered something in Kiernan's ear. The two of them looked at Jon and let out a devilish giggle and Kiernan whispered something back to her. Kiernan took the glasses and handed one to Jon.

"I can't let you two drink alone," burst out Maya, straining to keep her eyes open. "Nothing sadder than drinking alone."

"Oh, of course," said Camila dryly, "nothing sadder than two people drinking alone, together." She poured Maya a shot glass of water, knowing she was far past the point of being able to tell the difference. The four all took their glasses and raised in a toast before pounding them back. Jon noted how easily Kiernan took down the shot without a wince, while Camila had to suck on a lemon after.

She's a Draper alright

he thought to himself.

"Alright, well you ladies clearly have more partying ahead of you," he said before looking over at Maya. "Maybe not her... but this old timer will leave you to it." He leaned in for another hug with Kiki and kissed the top of her head. "It was good to see you, Kiddo. Let's do brunch soon."

Fuck, I am one of them

he immediately thought.

"No, no, let me walk you out. I want to get some fresh air," she said, grabbing her purse and phone off of the bar.

"Okay, but I'm not going far. Just to the parking lot."

"That's fine," she answered with a smile. She turned back to Camila and gave her another quick peck. "I'll see you," she said before whispering something in her ear. Camila just smiled and nodded.

"Have fun," Camila said, winking at them. Jon smiled back, unsure of what to make of the exchange. Kiernan wrapped her arm around his and the two headed towards the exit. As they walked through a lobby, a photographer stopped them.

"Look at this, a family reunion!" she said, "Can we get a snap?"

"Yes! Here, get one for me too," Kiernan said, handing her phone over. They posed quickly and the photographer was gone as quickly as she'd stopped them. They looked at the photo on Kiernan's phone. It was nice enough, although their eyes were both a little glazed over, their intoxication clear. "That's cute, can I post it?"

"Sure," he answered, thinking of all the pictures she posted of herself with much younger men. It was a rather exclusive club to be in.

They exited the ballroom and started strolling into the parking lot. Jon pulled a cigarette out of his jacket and lit it. Kiernan reached into her purse and pulled out a cannabis vape pen and took a few puffs from it.

"So how are you getting home?" she asked.

"I have a driver, I just have to call him and he'll come pick me up."

"I have a limo here already waiting for me, I rented it for the whole night. Why don't you take it home? Then you don't have to wait."

"No, it's okay, I wouldn't want to take him from you. I have to get back to the hills, it'll take a while. You might need him before he gets back."

"I was thinking I might just go home now too actually."

"Oh come on, it's still early for you. Don't you want to spend more time with Camila?"

"Ehh, we party enough."

"What about those two boys you were with earlier? Did you come with them?"

"I came with one of them."

"Well, you don't want to leave him hanging then."

"It's okay, he won't care. It's not a serious thing."

"I guess that's why he doesn't mind his buddy also putting his hands on you?" Kiernan gave a coy smile, not knowing he'd seen that. She took a moment to answer, taking another puff of cannabis.

"We're not exactly exclusive," she said, blowing out the vapour.

"Is that why I always see all those boys on your Instagram?" She gave a more knowing grin this time.

"I'm only young once," she answered. Jon sighed, looking at the girl before him, already seeming to have grown up quicker than he was expecting.

"That you are. That you are."

"So why don't we just share the limo? He won't care about making two stops." He thought about her offer for a moment.

"You're sure you don't want to stay?"

"Positive. Besides, I can see all of them any time. I haven't seen you in forever."

"Well, lead the way then."

He followed around to the side of the building where her limo was waiting. She'd clearly gone all out for the night, getting the roomiest one possible with plush, couch-like seating.

"Hi, Manolo!" she said as they entered the car.

"Done already, Miss Kiernan? You don't usually leave until closer to sunrise," the driver answered. Clearly she hired him regularly.

"Just wanted to take it easy tonight," she answered as they settled into their seats. "Can you drop me off at my place and then take him home? He's a bit further out."

"Just the one boy coming tonight?"

"Manolo!" she shot back, clearly a little embarrassed.

"Sorry, sorry, I leave you to it!" he said as he rolled up the window between them.

She really isn't that little girl anymore

Jon thought as he witnessed the exchange.

As the limo pulled out of the parking lot, Kiernan took off her heels and put her feet up on the seat, trying to get comfortable. She pulled up the bottom of her dress slightly as well, trying to air out her legs after being inside the stuffy confines of the party. She opened the sunroof a crack and let in a light breeze.

Despite the length of the limo and the long couch seats on either side, she had chosen to sit on the same side as Jon, her legs and bare feet now pointing towards him and almost touching him. He couldn't help but notice how smooth and toned her legs were, but he tried to purge the thought from his mind.

"It's actually kind of nice to get out of there at a reasonable hour," she said, "I'm usually too tired to walk by the time I get out of those things."

"And too drunk?"

"Maybe once or twice," she responded with a wry smile.

"Well, I guess old age has made me wise about that much at least."

"My feet are still killing me though. Can you rub them?" she asked, lifting them closer to his lap. He didn't answer for a moment, trying to gauge the situation.

Is this a weird thing to do? Would a father do this? Wait, I'm not her father. I kind of feel like I am though.

He hesitated for a moment before settling on

She wouldn't have asked me if she thought it was weird

and went to rubbing her feet. "Mmm, that's better," she said before falling silent. He continued rubbing but found the silence a little awkward. He tried to think of something to break it.

"So I take it you hire Manolo often?"

"Yeah, I get him for all the premieres and big parties. Not always the full limo, he has smaller cars too. He's nice though. Discreet."

"Discreet?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No, I mean... he's just good about getting me to places quietly, no paparazzi following him."

"Well that's good, because clearly he isn't so discreet about

some

things," he said with a laugh.

"Hey, he's- he was exaggerating before."

"So you aren't taking those other boys on limo rides with you? Non-exclusively of course" She stared at him for a moment, clearly a little annoyed. She pulled her feet out of his lap and sat up, meeting him at eye-level.

"Look now, I happen to know that you yourself did some things non-exclusively when we used to work together," she shot back at him, clearly determined to one-up him. "I was young, but I wasn't dumb." Jon could only laugh. She had a point. When he was on

Mad Men

, he had certainly developed a reputation for his conquests with most of the female cast, all of whom were more than happy to partake.

For the entire run of the show, his on-screen wife January Jones had been a regular fuckbuddy, coming to his trailer for quickies during shooting breaks. Anytime Alison Brie was a guest star, she always made a point of asking him for a ride home where he'd inevitably take her for a ride of a different sort. In perhaps his most impressive feat, he found himself balls deep in Jessica Paré a mere 10 minutes after meeting her, giving her a memorable introduction in the bathroom of their rehearsal studio. And even at the end of the show's run, he landed his white whale when Christina Hendricks gave him a farewell fuck for the ages, the sight of her otherworldly breasts bouncing atop him still permanently etched into his brain. He had made the rounds of the cast and then some, and while no one ever tried to hide it, they certainly didn't go around telling his on-screen kids about it. But, much like her character, Kiernan was clearly a lot more perceptive than anyone had realized.

"You think I'm still that little girl, don't you?" she said, leaning in closer to him now. "Well, even then I knew a lot more than you thought. I knew you were sleeping with almost every girl on that show." She leaned in again, meeting him almost face-to-face. Her look of determination turned to a smile though and her voice got quieter. "But there's one name you never got to cross off that list," she asked, now dropping all pretence. She reached down and placed her hand on his crotch, causing him to shoot back a little. "But you're in luck, because I've got news for you, Jon: I'm a woman now," she said as she leaned in now just inches from his face, "And I like to fuck, and I will fuck whoever I please."

As his penis began to harden under her grip, he grabbed her hand and pushed it away, leaning back so that her face wasn't so close to his.

"Kiki, we can't."

"Why not? Haven't you ever thought about it?" She tried to lean back in, following him along as he slid across the seat.

"Kiki, you are half my age."

"Age is just a number."

"And you're-"

"I'm your what?"

"You know."

"I'm not your daughter, Jon. Dad Jon is just for TV, right?" She kept prowling towards him. She clearly knew what she wanted. He slid over to the other seat, now seated across from her. She just sat there and eyed him up. She had been thinking about this since she first laid eyes on him earlier, and now she almost had him where she wanted him.

"Kiki, I'm telling you for the last time," he said, taking on a sterner, fatherly tone. She bit her lip and kept looking at him. She looked down and saw that, in spite of his protest, his erection was getting harder.

"Okay, Jon," she said. "You win." She slid further away on the sit, back towards the sunroof. He tried to feel relieved, although his mind was still racing with a million conflicting thoughts all at once. "I think I need to cool off a bit more though if you're going to leave me hot and bothered like that," she said, reaching for the window controls and opening the sunroof completely now, a stronger wind coming in through it. Jon tried to compose himself.

"Look, Kiki, I-" he began, but was immediately cut off as Kiernan, in one swift motion, grabbed the bottom of her dress and lifted it up over her head, revealing to Jon that she had not been wearing any underwear. As soon as it was off, she lifted the dress up towards the sunroof.

"Whoops!" she said with a smile as she let go, the wind sending the dress flying out onto the road behind them. He found himself in a state of shock as she now sat there before him, completely nude. His eyes just wandered, taking in her body. Her petite frame, so perfectly toned, her perky little breasts, puffy nipples pointing out at attention. As she began to spread her legs for him, he took in his first glimpse of her pussy, tiny and tight and the perfect shade of pink, with a thin strip of trimmed pubic hair above it. Without saying a word, she stepped towards him, eyes locked, and straddled his lap. She started gently rolling her hips, grinding slowly against his crotch and began to undo his tie and unbutton his shirt.

"Did you know I was thinking about you the first time I ever touched myself?" He just sat there silently, unsure of how to respond but enjoying the feeling of her rubbing against him, so wrong and so right at the same time. "I didn't really know what I was doing, I just remember hearing some of the make-up girls on set talking about this website where some fans had been collecting pictures of you. Pictures that showed off certain... assets." The website had become something of an infamous joke among Jon's friends, but its contents weren't a lie, he was exceptionally well endowed. "I used to just sit and scroll through it, and then one night, one thing led to another..." She opened his shirt and leaned down, kissing along his chest. She started grinding harder now, feeling his penis rock hard underneath her.

"Do you know how many times I've fantasized about your cock?" She pushed his shirt and jacket back over his shoulders now, removing them. "Thought about how much I'd love to see it, touch it, play with it." She leaned in now and began kissing his neck. Letting himself go to what was happening, he finally reached around and grabbed her ass cheeks, giving them a good squeeze and guiding her movements. "Mmmmmm," she let out, excited that he was getting into it.