Do you realize the effect you have on me? Do you understand just what being close to you does to my system? I really don't think you do.
From the start it was you pursing me. It was you who asked me to see you. I was content just living my life, chatting and trying to imagine what you looked like. I loved talking with the "sexy" voice on the other end of the line. The everyday talk, the flirting . You persisted and I gave in. I came to meet you on your turf even. Something I never do.
You were there in front of me with bounding glory. Sweet, sexy, and honest. I felt safe, warm, and comfortable with you. I felt the attraction the moment I got close to you. The heat that generated from your body was almost unbearable. My body shuddered at your touch. My stomach did flips. My head was swimming.
Your touch was gentle, yet so full of passion and desire. It was a hungry touch. It consumed me and swept me away. I was hooked on you and your touch; on your kisses; on your smile; on your eyes; on absolutely all of you.
It felt like forever since I had seen you. The last time we were together it was holding hands and stealing kisses in the park. We spent so much time together those first few weeks. Then as quickly as you rushed in, you pulled away. I had gotten use to your calls, to your messages, to the visits we shared. Then ..."POOF" no more. We once had found the time to be together, at least once a week. And we needed to capture those minutes again.
We had finally gotten some time set aside to be together and as usual your work had to be done first and I was stood up. No call telling me that you weren't coming, no nothing. I was crushed. I had put a lot of things on the line to be there with you. Not that I didn't want to, I did. I so desperately wanted to see you. I left text messages, voice mails, everything I could think of on your cell phone. It was the only way I knew how to reach you. I got nothing back. I left for home a broken woman.
A couple of days went by and I was frantic with worry about you. Even though we only knew each other a short time, I felt as if you would not do that sort of thing to someone. I figured if you didn't want to see me you would tell me. You may appear hard and rough on the outside but I do know you have a soft sweet side as well. With this in mind, I searched the hospital reports, the police reports, and even the obituaries. Nothing.......
I had just given up hope. I decided to move on and forget it. I had been blown off I thought. Oh well, life moves on. I thought to myself. We were brought together for some reason and if we are meant to be together we will be. Then another day went by and still nothing from you. Out of the clear blue my phone rang, it was your ringer. I answered it and it was you. You told me about the ordeal of losing your phone. You, like me only had one way to contact me and the cell was it.
You said you were not angry at me for the comments I had made when I was so upset, and that you did want to see me. I was relieved just to know you were ok. What a huge feeling of pressure that had been released.
Damn you for making me feel this way. I had promised myself I wouldn't do this. I wasn't going to get hooked. I was in it simply for the heated sex, the snuggling, and the companionship, definitely not the attachment. I was not going to get emotional. I would not allow myself to get that way. Why oh why did I go and do exactly the opposite of what I promised myself I would not do.? I haven't figured that one out yet, other than we can usually control what we have on our minds, but not our hearts.
Now that I know you want to continue to see me, I am moving with caution. I still desire you. I still want you more than ever, but my emotions can't take it. So if I seem a little distant, that is why. I can't believe things have went to the levels they have. But who can ever predict where things will go. I do not regret anytime we have spent together. I do not regret anything we have done. It has all been beautiful. The only thing I am upset about is the fact that I let my emotions run away with me.
ENOUGH.................................................
We have made plans to meet for an overnight rendevous. I at first thought we would be together all day starting in the early morning...NOT....but I guess someone has to work. I sat most of the day playing on the computer and texting you when I could. Just waiting for a sign from you.