Writing a New Chapter

I'm a writer, not a very good one, but a writer nevertheless. Or at least I was a writer. For months I've stared at a blinking cursor which signified my inability to write any further. I've put it down for a while, tried writing the ending and working backward, changing writing locations, writing one hundred words a day, any trick I've read of or thought of. It's called writer's block for a reason. I was months behind on a book I had contracted to write almost a year ago. I had written, and rewritten and written yet again well over half of it. My editor in New York was clamoring for more, to the point of my just not taking her calls. I'd written a dozen of these things and I thought to myself, not for the first time, that the fount of imagination had run dry.

So I picked up and moved, taking a cabin, or cottage or whatever you wanted to call it. It had been a caretakers place for a good-sized farm with a large house. The couple that rented it to me didn't live at the house full time, using it as a getaway home. They just asked that I check on it from time to time. As I walked the grounds I could only dream of living in that stratosphere. I did okay but I'll never get rich writing books. I moved in and went out for a meal. I found a small cafe and ate as I looked around. It was well done, more than I would have expected in such a small town. The waitress was a tall, brown haired beauty.

I asked her, "how many people live in town?"

I got a smile and a reply, "thirteen thousand or so, but a lot of people live in the country. This is dairy country with lots of farms. The county population is much higher. Why do you ask?"

"I'm new here, just trying to find my way. What's your name?"

"Darla. It's an okay town but I'm not an outsider looking in."

I finished my meal and went looking for a grocery store to stock up. I found one and headed home with my purchases. I got organized, unpacked and set up a workspace. By that point it was evening and I sat in darkness on the porch and listened to the frogs in the nearby creek.

I actually got some work done, living without the stimuli of the modern world. I texted Evelyn, my editor, of my change in location and that I was actually getting something done.

She called, "Ryan, that's good to hear. You were starting to worry me. I'm less worried about publication date than I am your mental state. You're not the first writer with writer's block and certainly won't be the last. It's just important to get past it."

A week flew by and I ventured into town again. I drove slowly through town, looking at everything then finally stopping again at The Coffee Cup Cafe. Darla was again working and she smiled at me as she handed me a menu.

"Hello stranger. Back again I see"

"Good morning to you, Darla. How do you remember me?"

"Don't get many new faces in here, so a new face stands out from the ordinary."

I ordered and sat back to people watch. It was a mix of people: guys in small groups, couples, old men doing crosswords, people alone like me. There were four waitresses. Darla was far and away the tallest and also the most friendly, as if she actually liked her job. When she brought my omelet and toast, I asked her,

"You act as if you like your job. Is that true?"

She smiled at me, "I'm a people person. I thrive being around people. Why are you here?"

"I'm for the moment the exact opposite. I'm trying to finish a book I'm writing. I came here to finish it away from all the distractions I had in the city."

"How long ya here?"

"I guess until I finish it, somewhere between tomorrow and a year from now at the current rate."

She smiled again, refilled my coffee cup and walked away. Her ass in the uniform she was wearing was beguiling. She turned to look back and I was busted. She smiled again, winked and walked off.

"So, stranger, do I keep calling you stranger or do you have a name?" She had again come around filling coffee cups and stopped to fill mine.

"Ryan." I found myself tongue tied around a woman twenty years younger than me.

She smiled at my discomfort and said, "cat got your tongue? Do I have that effect on you?"

I told her the truth, "ever since I watched your ass when you last walked away I've been at a loss for words."

She sat down in the booth opposite me. "What a lovely thing to say. I get off at four. Meet me at the gazebo in the park." With that she wished me a good day, told me to pay at the register and was gone.

I found the park and walked it, watching the ducks by the pond. At four a solitary person approached me. She had changed into jeans and a top. "I have to be careful. If I get caught with you it may start the jungle drums as the gossip gang kicks in."

:

We set down on the benches within the gazebo and talked. "Tell me about the city. I was there as a kid but it's been years since that took place."

"I like the city, there's energy everywhere and people on the go. It's thousands of stories being written as people act and interact. I'm a people person as well and that's difficult when you do something so solitary as writing. I've got a group of friends that I see but I had to get away from my everyday life to focus on this book. It's my thirteenth book and it's not been lucky for me. The first twelve seemed to just flow to the screen. I had a good idea of what I wanted to write. This one is hard."

"Why is it so hard? I've never written anything longer than a term paper and that took forever. I can't imagine writing a book, nevertheless twelve of them."

"I'm trying to write something different, more from a woman's perspective. Obviously I'm not a woman. I've used my female friends and former lovers as stand-ins for Valerie but I've run out of ideas as to how to go forward."

"Show me. Show me where you write, how you write."

She followed me to my cabin in her car and walked around looking at everything. I asked her what could I get her to drink and she said tea, I'm not normally a tea drinker but I keep some with me for evenings when I want something warm but not something to keep me up all night. Fortified with our tea mugs, we settled down to talk.

"If this is uncomfortable for you, I'll leave. I just wanted to get away from the park. Too many nosy people, the bane of a small town. Everyone knows you and that's good but they also know everything about you. A couple of women customers still remind me of a bad choice in men I made three years ago."

As she sat there, I got up and went to my desk, sat down and opened my laptop. I called up the text I was working on and showed her my current book's outline.

"Let me read your story. I'll be Valerie and tell you what I would do. I've made a couple of bad choices and survived, though not without pain."

"Huh. That's a great idea, Darla. I would never have thought of it. You can be a stand-in-for Valerie. Wow." I turned, opened a drawer and handed her a folder full of pages of paper. "Here's the first twelve chapters. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated."

"Could I have some more tea, please." Darla curled up on the end of the couch and began reading. She stopped and asked, "what name are your books written under? I'll look them up on the internet." With that, she continued reading. Two hours later, she said, "you've got good insight so far. I don't yet see what is stopping you. It just seems to flow from chapter to chapter. Maybe I'll see it in later chapters."

She couldn't have been more than twenty five, lived in a small town and worked as a waitress but she had a clear grasp of what I was writing. It was humbling and I told her so. She smiled. While reading she had a very focused look so it was nice to see her relax again.

"Valerie is interesting. I wish I was living her life, rather than the one I have."

"You haven't gotten to where she makes a bad choice."

"I've made my own bad choices. There's no escaping a bad choice in a small town. I was the only child of a single parent. Mom did her best but her best wasn't very good. After high school I was on my own. I hung with the wrong crowd, a bad crowd. That was the worst choice. I got through that and then I fell for a guy who seemed nice but turned mean and jealous. That's when I got my job at the cafe. I had to get away from him and staying at home just locked me in hell. Frank, who owns the place, looked him up and told him that if he ever bothered me that he and a few of his friends would make his life miserable. I never heard from Reuben again."

"I'm so sorry you went through all of that."

"It was almost five years of my life, first getting in deep and then having to pull myself out of the muck. Frank's been the father I never had. Working for him has been a godsend. I'd do anything for him."

He told me, "Darla, you got yourself in deep but I know you're a good person. I'm giving you this job because of that. But you've got to get on the straight and narrow and stay there."

"That was two years ago. He's a big-hearted bear but don't cross him. Now, I've got to go. Is it all right if I keep the parts I've not read? How do I reach you?" She walked over to my desk and wrote her number on a piece of paper. "Call me and I'll have your number. I work mornings and early afternoons. Call me after that. Thanks, this was fun." With that, she smiled again and left.

That was a different afternoon I said to myself. I looked down at the paper where she had written her number. Her name was there as well. Darla Cartwright, you are one unexpected woman. I texted her and thanked her for such a wonderful time. Late at night I got a reply from her. 'I've been reading some more. Valerie is flying high. Is it from there where she crashes to earth like Icarus? I looked you up and bought one of your books to read. I'll let you know how it's going.'

I dug in and wrote some, skipping unlucky thirteen and writing on a subsequent chapter. I try to outline a book before I start. It helps me develop a story and characters. Valerie texted me daily, telling me where she was in reading and asking questions about the characters. I was enjoying this immensely and told her so. She told me she'd like to visit again and drove to the cabin in late afternoon. She was still in her uniform and asked me if she could change in my bathroom. She emerged in jeans and a sweatshirt, her hair down from her usual ponytail. It framed her face well and the brown hair with auburn highlights was striking. From her monster purse she pulled out the folder of papers I'd given her.

"I reread one through six just to make sure I got it all. I tend to read too fast and sort of skip over things. I read every word and every sentence. I'm with you so far. It's obviously not a life I've led but it's interesting to read about an alternate universe. But why does she shift from developing her life with Robert to being pursued by William? Does a married woman in that environment really do that? Her first husband was a shit and she left him. He had been a really bad choice. She was relatively poor but met Robert through her work. She got her claws in Robert through flirting and sex and rode him to the golden life. She started with virtually nothing and made it to a wonderful life. She's got everything but she's willing to throw it away. Here are two married people both ready to break their vows for physical pleasure. Forgive my small-town naiveté."

"It's refreshing, Darla, to have someone question it. I've known too many marriages that have come apart over the affairs by one spouse or both. It's as if the vows they took to start their married life don't matter, that they can just be set aside. Frankly, it's depressing. It's one reason I've never married. I've seen too much, it makes me cynical."

"Believe me, they come apart here, too. Even the high and mighty at church are laid low by scandal and divorce. Some days at the cafe are like the Cold War, with one ex-spouse on one side and the other spouse on the other. It's pretty ugly.. I won't get married before he, or possibly she in this day and age, promises me to uphold our vows to each other. I'm not a violent person but I've grown up in gun country. Break your vows and I will hunt you down. It's that simple."

"Remind me to never cross you!"

"Sorry. Got a little carried away. But it's true."

"Cross you, Darla Cartwright, and you've got the mean woman blues." She laughed at that. It's a nice laugh. "Nothing you'd change in the chapters you've read?"

"Talk more about where she came from and why she's got the itch, what's the motivation and also what does she do or say to signal her interest in William. Is William the aggressor? Is she responding to him? Or is she so unhappy she'll break up two marriages?"

"Good questions. I see where I could add more explanation and motivation. Thanks! Valerie finds physical pleasure like she's never imagined. William is a driven lover, taking from her like no one ever has but also giving her untold physical pleasure." I got up and wrote some notes about our conversation.

"So he can really fuck."

"Yes. He rips off the scab covering Valerie's physical desire and triggers emotions she never dreamed of before. Before it was gentle and loving sex. Now, William takes, he fucks, he makes her come over and over. His oral ability startles her. She's never had it like that before. He wants all of her, every last bit. She learns to deep-throat him, swallow his cum and love doing it anytime, anywhere. He bends her over the rail of their high rise apartment balcony and fucks her from behind while dozens of people watch. She realizes she's an exhibitionist and enjoys it. He's flipped a switch in her sexuality and she's alive."

"Open the door so I can get some air and cool off. That was hot, Ryan. If you can write like you talk you'll sell a ton."

"I got carried away as well. Sorry."

"Don't be. My years of darkness were like that in some ways. I fell into a very dark place. I did things I now can't really believe I did. I had sex with multiple partners at the same time. I performed for others to watch. I got passed around as a fuck toy. I got used by drug dealers, by bikers, by others they invited to watch and play. I was in so deep but I also loved it. It was so raw, so primal. It was like a drug. I was scared I'd never get out."

"But here you are, alive and well."

"But also I'm scarred. Now I'm gun shy. I mean I probably have met every young man in this town as they roll through the cafe. Everybody knows Big Frank, so it stays quiet in there and everyone knows they're dead if they mistreat me. I get asked out a lot but only say yes outside of there and we go out of town when we get together. I've enjoyed the sex but haven't found anyone I'd want to spend a lot of time with. I've spent more time talking with you than most of those guys. We sucked and fucked but didn't talk much!"

"You're funny. Thanks for the insights. I'll text you any changes."

"Time for me to go. It's been fun. After our discussion I'm going to wear out my vibrator tonight!"

With that she was gone into the night. I went in the bathroom and realized she had left her uniform there. I texted her and she said she would pick it up later in the week. "Don't worry, I won't go to work naked! I've got more than one." Three days later she came to visit again. I invited her to walk with me to the main house as I checked to make sure everything was okay. We sat on the patio in the sun talking about her comments on various chapters.

"I see where you're beginning to flesh out the why for the affair. She's a gold digger who's got the trappings of a good life but Robert is an artist and is too self absorbed to give her what she wants other than money. His need for control is suffocating. She realizes she has it good but pines for more."

"Exactly. William has even more money and is far more outgoing than Robert. The two couples do things together but she's focused more on William than Robert. Robert has a Ferrari in the garage but never drives it. It's a status symbol. William has a rare Audi coupe but drives the hell out of it. Valerie gets a thrill from riding with him. The two couples are married to the wrong persons."

"Like the Eversen's and the Patterson's here in the area. Both are well-to-do farmers, dairy owners. They went everywhere together, took vacations together. It was all hunky dory until Cordelia Patterson filed for divorce after she found her husband naked with an equally naked Mrs. Eversen. It turns out they had had an affair for over a year. She married him after their divorces were finalized. They still get the sidelong glances when they come in to eat but nothing stops them. They've found happiness."

"Good story. Want to stay for dinner? I'm making Italian and I swear it's worth the wait."

"I'd love to, Ryan." As we prepped dinner together we talked about our lives and continued the conversation while we ate. She enjoyed a glass of red wine as we ate and commented it was really good. "Sure beats what we serve for dinner and brunch."

"I love good food and good wines. You'll have to let me take you to dinner." Darla reacted in alarm. "Did I say something wrong?"

"I'd love to but we'll have to go fifty miles to get away from this town. The gossip queens would have a field day. You've come into town enough times that I hear gossip about wondering who you are, where you're staying and what you're doing. My lips are sealed. There's no guarantees it won't follow us from there but at least we made the effort. If you want to make a reservation I'd recommend Charlie's Bar & Grill. Good food but it's busy. Otherwise there's Anthony's or Carlotta's if you have a hankering for Mexican. I'll meet you here at five on Saturday and we can drive over."

As she drove away I realized we had never so much as touched. It was different than my usual journey with a woman, that was for sure. I sat down and reread chapters seven to nine to see if I would change anything. I had a second editor and liked it.

Evelyn called me on Friday and asked how it's going.

"I'm still stuck on thirteen but jumped over to sixteen and doing well. I'll send you the file next week."

"That's good news."

"Just so you know, I'm rereading to see if there are any changes I'd like to make. I think I've not discussed enough of Valerie's motivation for pursuing this. I may flesh that out some."

"Don't go crazy. We've got those chapters edited and finished. You're opening a can of worms if you change the narrative."

"Got it."

"I'm just glad to see you working again. Talk to you next week."

Darla showed up promptly at five dressed in a nice skirt and top and low heels. Her hair was down and styled to even more nicely frame her face as she wore a touch of makeup. She came up and gave me a kiss and a hug. We'd never discussed ages or anything else about our differences. I was content to just let this unfold.

"You have to promise me you'll keep the editing of the story light so my delicate ego can take it," I told her.

"I don't think your ego is delicate at all, Ryan. Seems to me your ego is armor plated."

"Ouch! See what I mean? You go right for the jugular," I said with a smile.

Darla laughed that easy laugh of hers, then came over and kissed me again. "I promise to go easy on you."

We began the drive, driving into the sun as we headed west. Darla said, "You're developing the narrative well. I'm just struck by the lack of regret by either party over destroying two marriages. Neither party gives a damn about anything other than deepening their relationship with each other. The lack of further development of the two couples is just sad. So much promise, though not without struggle. I mean, William's wife is a gold digger as well but still they had a reasonably good marriage. The more they do things together the more you can see they are doomed as two couples. Are all of William's ex-wife's gold diggers? When does the sex start?"