As he drove, Royce's thoughts moved from his recent promotion to his wife. Thinking of Doris usually brought a smile to his face. This time he frowned. If he had to do a performance evaluation on the current state of their marriage the evaluation could not be any better than marginally acceptable. While he could not say why, his wife was occasionally depressed and distant, more so in the last year. There was a tension that was pushing them slowly apart. He could not for the life of him identify the nature and issue, and efforts to get her to talk were rebuffed. Since New Year's, Doris was even moodier and her melancholy periods were more pronounced and more frequent. He asked himself aloud, "do I still love her?"
He recalled scenes from their dating and first years of marriage. Those were happy days. They were so in love and free with high energy to match their big dreams.
Royce and Doris met in a fall educational psychology class during his sophomore year. She was a lively, vivacious junior education student. He was a quiet business administration major with a minor in psychology. It was not until two months later, while volunteering one Saturday at a local nonprofit agency, that he asked her out on their first date.
It was not long before he was aware though they seemed so different, they meshed well and shared similar views on a host of issues. He also learned that though Doris projected self-confidence, she was also very sensitive to how others viewed her. Another which irritated him but he learned to accept was that she desired for him to make a range of relationship decisions. Eventually, they came to dialogue and arrive at mutual decisions, but there were always moments when she would just relinquish control to him. What attracted him most was how her encouragement made him feel good about himself and the passion she had for him.
Royce laughed at how quickly he fell in love with Doris. Soon after they started dating he was thinking each day of nothing more than to bring a gleam to her eyes. It was natural for him to love and protect her.
Because his parents taught him to respect a lady and not to manipulate women, Royce did not seduce Doris into his bed. Though he knew he could manipulate her into his bed, he did not do so. Instead he sought to empower her and build her self esteem so she gave less concern about the opinions of others. They decided together to wait until the time was right to have sex. When he asked her to marry him in April, they knew that the right time would not be until their wedding night.
They wedded a week after his graduation the following May. They focused upon getting themselves established and advancing in their professional lives. Royce put in longer hours than expected and was promoted. The second promotion gave him the opportunity to transfer to the city near the town of his youth. Unfortunately, only his sister remained in the area as his parents had relocated to Arizona three years before.
As he drove, Royce laughed and cried inwardly as he recalled the family joys and disappointments they shared together. He maintained the yard and worked hard to keep the house and their pool in good repair. Every morning and evening, weather permitting, Royce swam laps for a half hour. Life was not exciting but it was good, with each settling into defined roles. Every day they told each other that they loved the other, held hands and were passionate in their love for one another.
He was proud that twice Doris won the "Teacher of Year Award" given by the local weekly paper. Though they cuddled often and supported each other without question, there were days when Doris' joie de vivre was gone. He often wondered if he had done something to hurt her. For months he thought it may have been because he had looked lustfully at Randi, a young neighbor, and Tara during a party. He had drunk too much and found himself openly lusting the two neighbors. He dismissed this possibility two years later when he could not discover any pattern in his actions or words that brought on her downcast periods.
As he was filling the car with gas he recalled that Doris' negative periods started around the birth of Jeffery. Since the birth of their son, Doris's figure had become softer and rounded. Her thin torso and narrow waist were memories recalled in pictures. Yet, the more developed, mature Doris stirred him repeatedly. Until that moment he had never traced the changes to the birth of Jeff. Biological developments and biochemical changes could explain her swings. The realization disturbed him and comforted him. Royce was troubled that he had not caught it before. Yet, he was comforted that her mood changes were likely biologically rooted. With that new insight he knew he would be more patient and understanding.
Yet, still hanging was the question, "do I still love her?" He was haunted by the question until he came to the country road leading to the lake. He pulled onto the shoulder at the crest of the hill. As he stood by the car and took in the vista with the shimmering lake surrounded by a blanket of green Royce realized that though the passion was not expressed the same as in their younger years, he definitely loved his wife dearly. He would feel empty if she was not in his home and in his bed. He smiled and nodded. He took a deep breath as he realized that the passions and the expression of their love had changed and deepened over the years. His desire to bring Doris only happiness and fulfillment remained unchanged even if the means and expression had changed. Without thinking he would put himself in harm's way to protect her.
He could not fault his wife for the state of their marriage if he had not been patient and understanding. As with most relationship issues, when it came to lovemaking Doris more often than not waited for him to take the lead. As he continued to look at the vista he remembered that his wife could be a dynamic excited lover when he pushed the right buttons. She had a wild side that she kept in check. Occasionally her wildness flared, when her passion was high and she let herself just go. They did not cuddle as frequently or walk through the malls holding hands as often. He had been negligent in taking the initiative whether holding hands in the mall, cuddling in the living room or being intimate in the bedroom. Royce accepted responsibility for not fueling Doris' fire. Leaning against his car he decided he needed to be more intentional with his. It was past time to rediscover the passion of the early years.
Upon his arrival at the cottage Royce found the barbeque tools spread on the deck table. The barbeque was ready to be fired. His wife, who was taking a bath behind a locked door, called out that the steaks were in the refrigerator. Returning with the cooked T-bones, he found Doris standing by the table dressed in a deep pink satin lingerie gown. His eyes fell upon the fruit that rested within the deep V-neck. As she opened a bottle of Merlot, he smiled, knowing that she had the same thoughts on her mind.
Throughout the meal they said very little as they gazed into each other's eyes in the candle light. Doris studied her husband's face afresh. It had been too long since she studied the features of his face and smile. After opening a second bottle, Doris rose. She led her husband over to the sofa and the crackling fireplace.
Sitting Royce upon the sofa, she positioned herself across his lap. With her arms around his neck Doris kissed her husband. Their mouths parted as they continued to kiss with a growing depth of love and need. Her right hand danced through his hair as the other stroked his back. Between kisses she was placing on his neck, she whispered expressions of love. Her eyes locked upon his as she slithered down him and onto her knees. His eyes widened as she took a subservient position before him.
Ever so slowly, she undid his belt, his pants and drew them, along with his boxers, down and over his feet. She could not recall when she had last done this for her husband. She thought it had been too long since she had serviced him in this manner. Starting with her lips on his left knee she sensuously created a trail of kisses toward his yet untouched manhood. All along the entire erotic trail to his hard cock her eyes remained fixed upon his.
Royce not only relished the experience but was thrilled by his wife's initiative. Taking the initiative in such a subservient manner excited him. He found himself excited by the idea of his wife becoming subservient to him at her initiative. In her mind she was not showing initiative as much as affirming and demonstrating her love, that she would be willing to love him in any manner he so desired. She loved her man, even though many would say otherwise by her actions. In a distorted sense of logic, she felt that what she was doing with Vince was because of her love for her husband. Vince was a threat to their happiness and fulfillment. Now that she had crossed the line, she would do anything to protect her husband from the painful truth.
