It was a super cold day even the winter sunlight shined down hard and clears. The air felt crisp, and I honestly felt ready for another. It truly felt like my life was turning around. I stood at the door of my townhouse watching the kids across the street have a snowball fight. Spike was up in the window on top of the coffee colored couch, getting his sun bathing on for the day. The house was toasty but the small dog still needed his morning and afternoon sun bathe under my huge picture window the couch was under. I stood there at my front door, thinking back over the last few months and where my life was going. I didn't like what was there. I had sex with 4 different women something I never thought my morals would let me do. I had beat down Mathis for him being his self, and that's out of my character. I hadn't called or talked to my mother or twin brother in ages, and I didn't even know how my father was doing. I have been so rapped up in my pain that I disconnected from pretty much everything. But standing in the light of the winter sun I knew that, it was time to change. I went and got a pencil and paper and sat down on the couch, to write down the new rules of my house. First I had to stop having sex, so no sex till I get my mind straight. Second I got to make up with my boys and get in contact with my mom and twin brother Donavan. Third I had to get some help to heal, cause I can't do it by myself.
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A week had passed and I was again out in the sun, starting to feel like a man again. I had called all the women I had dated and made peace with as many as I could but not all where going to be friends with me. I had called Tracy my buddy, and probably my only female friend I had not dated, to come and have lunch with me. I sat in the Café and drank my coffee my head in my hands, the feelings in me still hadn't been worked out all the way. I needed some one to talk through some of my darkest thoughts with, and that's when Tracy in her pink Capri's and matching shirt with the blue jean jacket that road high on her back showing off one of many of her tattoos that was above her back side. Her Cuban features strong on her brown skin and her red tinted hair reach down past her shoulders. Why I haven't dated her is beyond me. Hello Dovan said Tracy as she placed herself in the chair across from me. Hi Tracy thank you for coming today, I really needed a friendly face to speak what's on my mind. Dovan Said. I signaled the waiter and we placed are orders with him and sat talking about are mothers and other friendly subjects till are food arrived. I had the morning skillet and a large cup of Oj; Tracy had her normal toast and coffee that she lived by. I was glad to see even that go down, I had argued with ER for months to get her to start eating breakfast but some people just don't eat breakfast. We dug in and she watched me eat.
Dovan there is something I wanted to tell you to. Tracy said looking at me and taking a sip of her mocha coffee blend. Ok lady go a head I can wait you go first Dovan said. Look I'm not sure if I should say this to you but I need you to know that I see you as a little brother and a best friend. That if we where to date that would truly complicate things and then we wouldn't be friends anymore, and I need you in my life full time Dovan. Tracy said. My heart had just broken a new, I hadn't called her here for that but even still the shit hurt. She looked at me for any change in facial expression hoping that I was not mad. I probably deserved that in all honesty and another small door in my heart felt like it was closing Harding. Tracy spoke before I could, I just want to make sure we are on the same page and that you know that I am still seeing Mathis older brother Dewitt. I still hadn't said anything and reminding me that my best female friend was giving it up to a man whom was a kin to the ass whole Mathis didn't help to endure her to me. Lady Dovan said finally speaking to Tracy.
I didn't call you hear for that, I called you hear to express some feeling that I need to get off my chest, and not to ask you out lady, Ok? Dovan said. Tracy looking apologetic reached for Dovan's hand. Pulling back from her physical touch I launched into my story. Tracy you know I was dating a woman named Samyah and that she was like a high school sweet heart. Tracy began to speak but I rushed on trying to get it all out for she could ask any questions. I got Samyah pregnant a month or so ago and instead of coming to me she went and got a abortion and told Percin about it before she dipped out town on me. After that I just went hog wild and that's what I been holding inside of me. She killed my child Tracy. My tears ran down in a river on both sides of my face. Tears falling into the juice I didn't even realize I had spilled. Thoughts of the lovemaking and the things I had done sense then flashing in my eyes, the women I had tried to replace Samyah with. Nothing had worked to end the pain of knowing that I had lots a child before I knew my baby even existed. Tracy sat stunned across from me. I stood and said quickly as I began to lose my composure. I have to go lady. I put a fifty-dollar bill on the table and got up from my shame, pain, and memories. Dovan drove of before Tracy could even close her mouth.
