Who Wants To Be Lonely

I was sitting on my deck having another beer and smoking another cigar. Now that Ann is gone I could smoke in the house but it's a nice day.

The Zombie Dust was cold and stung my throat as I took a drink. Ann hated beer. She hated cigars too, but I guess I don't have to worry about that anymore.

I set the beer down on the envelope the letter came in.

The letter was a shock. I never expected Ann was cheating on me, so how could I have expected that she would leave me for her lover.

The letter was so cold, so emotionless, it was as if it was left as an afterthought.

John,

I've fallen in love with someone else and we are moving to New York. He was promoted and asked me to go with him and I accepted. I filed divorce papers and you'll get them shortly. Sorry.

Ann

Her dad called me that day and let me know that he was sorry. We were golf buddies prior to my marriage to Ann and he wanted to let me know he hated what she did.

"John, I'm sorry" he started. "If I had any inkling she was that much of a bitch, I would never have introduced the two of you."

"It's alright Jack. I'll get over it. I only wasted 5 years on her. I'll be ok."

I was lying of course. I absolutely fell head over heels the first day I met her at Jack's. I was not gonna be ok.

Jack said "It's not alright. She told us that she doesn't want kids and you do. It made her afraid for some reason. Her mother is distraught over the idea of not having grandkids. Alice is taking this pretty hard."

That made me even more upset. Alice would have been a wonderful grandmother.

I lied and said "Look Jack, I've got to go. I have some things to take care of."

"Sure John, Of course. Take care of yourself. If you need anything, just call."

"I will Jack, give Alice my love. Goodbye."

********

7 months later I got a call from Alice.

"John, we need to see you. Can you come by?"

"Sure Alice. What's up?"

"It's better said in person. We'll be waiting."

I wondered what that was all about?

I got to Jack's house and Alice answered the door. She's a lovely woman in her early 50's with long brown hair and sparkling hazel eyes. She stays fit and let's just say Jack is a lucky man. I always hoped Ann would look like her in 20 years.

She led me into the kitchen, where Jack was stirring something on the stove. I hoped it was his chili. He makes a killer chili that I really like.

"Smells great Jack, what are you stirring up?" I said.

"Chili, John. I know you love it, so I whipped some up for supper. Sit down please, it'll be ready soon. Alice, grab us a couple of beers please."

I accepted the brew, and sat down.

I still didn't know why I was there, so I came right out and asked.

"So what's up guys? I didn't get the impression that this was just a dinner invite."

"No, it's not John." Alice said.

"There's been a development with Ann that you have to know about."

"Alice, with all due respect, Ann isn't my problem any more." And I meant that. I was still struggling everyday with her leaving.

"John, prior to yesterday we hadn't spoken to her since she left. We cut her off completely for being so selfish. She didn't just betray you, she broke our hearts as well."

Alice was crying and he went to her, putting his arm around her.

"John, she came here yesterday."

That surprised me.

Jack continued "She showed up out of the blue with an amazing gift, but it only cemented in our hearts how truly selfish she really is."

At that moment I heard a baby make a noise. I hadn't even noticed the baby monitor on the counter.

I looked at Alice and said "No fucking way."

Alice smiled and said "Yes John, she had a baby. It seems she was 2 months pregnant when she left you."

"Fuck" I said quietly.

"John, she brought us the baby and left. She doesn't want it. Her lover boy doesn't want kids either. She said it was hard for them to stay together while she was pregnant. She said she almost lost her new man over it."

Fuck him, I thought.

"Why not just abort it if they didn't want it?" I said.

"John, she said he's yours."

I lost it. I broke down and cried, and for several minutes I was in shock.

A moment later Jack said "John, meet your son. She named him Jonathon Jr."

I looked up and there he was. A beautiful little boy with no hair and a wrinkled, chubby face.

I stood up and took him in my arms. I couldn't believe I was a father.

"How does she know he's mine" I asked.

Alice said "She claims she never slept with the guy prior to leaving you."

"Yeah right" I said with more bite than Alice deserved.

"That doesn't matter anyway" I continued." I will get a DNA test. I'm not raising his baby."

"So you will take him?" Jack asked."

"Of course." I said. "And you better not think that I would keep him away from you either, I know how badly you want to be grandparents."

Alice was in full blown hysterics thanking me.

"John we'll help you through this. We know it's gonna be a rough go a first. Alice already decided we're putting a nursery upstairs and she will babysit while you're working."

"Jack, I can work from home. I only go to an office to get out of the house, but now I have a reason to stay home."

"Fine then, it'll all work out nicely." Jack said.

We talked logistics for the next several hours. Since I obviously didn't expect to be a father, I wasn't prepared at the house for a baby. Alice helped me with a shopping list.

I told my boss what was going on and set up a 90 day FMLA leave. I had so much to do in the short term, I had no other choice.

It took a few days but with Alice and my mother's help, I got the house ready. I set up a nursery and stocked up on everything I'd need. Jack helped baby proof my house as well. We did things i'd never considered. Cabinet locks, stair gates, carpet deep cleaning, and on and on. My head was spinning.

*********

After a few months I was just getting into a rhythm when I went back to work.

I was able to work around little John's needs without too much distraction and Alice or my mom came over every day to make sure i wasn't screwing up too badly.

I had just put John down to bed, one day when I finally took some time to think about my life and my future.

I couldn't believe I misread Ann so badly, or had she changed somewhere along the way? She walked away from me because I wanted kids, while unknowingly pregnant. Then she walks away from her child. What kind of monster was she?

She never called me or her parents after that day she brought him. She never wrote. Nothing.

After a while word got around about the baby and a lot of Ann's girlfriends would come around to visit and meet the little guy. Some of the single ones, I felt were flirting with me, but I had no interest in dating. I was still hurt over Ann and didn't have time for a relationship, with John keeping me pretty busy.

I had my lawyer protect me by drawing up the necessary papers to have Ann sign away her parental rights. I wasn't asking for any financial support, I just wanted her legally out of his life and apparently she didn't care because she signed without issue.

The DNA test confirmed he was mine. I didn't really care. By then I was so in love with the little guy I probably would've kept him, but I'm glad I didn't have to make that choice.

********

When John turned 2, I finally succumbed to the pressure from the grandparents to get out of the house.

I agreed to go out to dinner with my friends Ace and Jenny. They got married around the same time Ann and I did and had a set of twins that were four now.

I was meeting them at a nice steakhouse for a meal and drinks afterward.

I got there a few minutes late, after having a bit of anxiety over leaving John. Alice was sitting with him and she was better at handling his terrible two's than I was, but I still felt like I shouldn't go out. She finally had enough of me stalling and told me to leave or she was taking him home with her. I left laughing at her idle threat.

As I walked in I saw Ace waiting for me by the bar at the front of the restaurant. It's a nice place with 1920's feel. It has a Martini lounge, Jazz favorites on the speakers, and a retro decor that cried out for flappers and Tommy guns.

"John my man, glad you made it out."

"Hey Ace, how's it goin'. Where's Jenny?"

Ace got a frown and said "She went to the bathroom, but John, I want you to know that I didn't know. She didn't tell me either and I was pretty pissed, but please let's just have a good night. We don't get out much anymore without the kids and I don't want it spoiled."

"What's the matter man? Did she get a bad haircut or something?"

That's when I saw her coming; and she wasn't alone.

"Aw man, you set me up with date? Dude, you know I'm not interested in dating" I whined.

"I know man, but I'm telling you it's all Jenny's fault." Ace said.

"Ok, ok. I won't ruin the night. At least she's cute." I said and Ace smiled.

They came back and we were introduced. "John, meet Lori, she and I have been friends for a few years." Jenny said.

"Nice to meet you, Lori. I hope you'll forgive my surprise, I wasn't warned how beautiful you were, when they didn't tell me anything about you or that you were joining us tonight."

She laughed an adorable laugh and said "Jenny just sprung your attendance on me while we were in the bathroom. I guess we were pretty well set up huh?"

"Let's get a table" Ace said. So we went to get seated.

Lori was stunning. She was tall, leggy, had long red hair, and really well proportioned curves. Yes, I was well set up indeed.

We talked about the usual stuff and I found out Lori had a small child too. A three year old daughter named Melissa. She calls her Lissy.

The topic of who or where the father was didn't come up and I didn't think it right to go there either.

After dinner we went to the Martini lounge. I like a good vodka martini and so did Lori. No fancy drink with ten ingredients for her.

Another point in her favor.

This was turning out to be a good night after all. We had one Martini and called it a night. We're all parents of little ones you know.

I walked with them to their truck and told Lori "I enjoyed your company tonight. I've been on a shelf for almost three years since Ann left me and I really didn't think I could enjoy the company of a woman yet."

She smiled and said "We've all got our demons to fight. I've enjoyed myself too, can I hope to see you again?"

I told her "Absolutely" kissed her on the cheek and exchanged numbers with her.

When I got home, Alice asked about the evening. Once I mentioned Lori, she lit up and wanted all of the details. I filled her in and then bid her goodnight.

As she was leaving she said "John, it's time. Whether Lori is the one or not, it's time to move on with your life. John needs a mother."

I nodded acknowledgement and kissed her goodnight.

Was I ready? I don't know but I decided I would like to see more of Lori.

********

The next day was Saturday. I called Lori and asked if she and Lissy wanted to go to the park with me and John.

"John, I'd like to, but bringing Lissy into it this early scares me. We don't know each other at all."

"Lori, I'm sorry, I didn't even think about like that. I've been out of the dating game for so long and back then I didn't have the complication of a child. I'll respect your wishes with Lissy of course."

"No worries John. I'm done with housework and Lissy is down for a nap so I have time to talk for a while."

"I know you're wife left a few years ago. My husband was kicked to the curb."

"I'm sorry Lori. What did he do?"

"One day I'm sitting on the couch feeding Lissy and he came running into the house like a bat out of hell."

He screamed for me to "Call 911 there's a nut with a bat after me."

"Before I could act, the guy walked into the room calmly. Jeff, my husband, ran into the kitchen leaving me there with Lissy on my boob."

"I froze. The man looked at me and said 'Oh my god! You've got a little one too. I'm so sorry to scare you.' He put the bat down and sat in my recliner."

"He went on to tell me how he just found out that his wife is pregnant. The problem was that he had a vasectomy. The father was my husband."

"I stood up, put Lissy in her rocker and grabbed the bat. I called out to Jeff that the guy had left and to come back. When he did I swung as hard as I could and hit him in the dick. He went down like a sack of potatoes. The man laughed and said he would get me a copy of the DNA test. I thanked him and he left."

"I kicked him out and filed for divorce. I can't stay with a cheater, even with a small child."

I was kind of shocked and said "Did you get in any trouble?"

She laughed and said "The police asked me what happened and I told the truth. I guess he never pressed charges and the police never arrested me so I was in the clear."

"The cops actually laughed about him running, and leaving me with my tit hanging out while a madman with a bat was chasing him."

"I wasn't amused by that, I was scared shitless."

"The divorce went through easy. The DNA test was plenty of evidence of his affair. I didn't even care why he did it. I'm sure he was just horny while my kitty was out of commission due to having the baby. It just didn't matter enough to me to ask."

"Wow" I said. "Does he come around to see his daughter much?"

"No" she said. "His slut had a boy and they married. I guess his son is more important than his daughter. He sends a card on her birthday, but she's too little to really understand or care. Eventually it will be an issue but I'll deal with that when I have to."

I said "I don't get how people can abandon their children. Ann doesn't even send a card. She just left John and walked away."

"I'm close with her parents and she doesn't even have any contact with them. It's sad really, she was their only child."

"It's good you stay close with them" she said.

"Yeah, I knew her dad through business and we played golf regularly. He introduced me to her. He feels pretty guilty over the divorce because of that, but it's not his or his wife's fault. They're great people." I said.

"John, I hear Lissy getting up and have to go. Would you like to have lunch tomorrow? I'll get Jenny to babysit. Lissy loves her Aunt Jenny."

"Yes, I'd love to. Do you like sushi?"

"Yes"

"Great. Let's meet at the place next to where we went to dinner at noon."

"Perfect, see you then."

********

We went out six or seven times over the next two months but it was always a lunch date and always ended with a chaste kiss afterward.

We spoke a few times a week over the phone but she never accepted a dinner invite. She always used not having a sitter as an excuse.

I didn't want to push her out of her comfort zone, but I was falling for her. I had to find a way to take it to the next level. Heck, at least I'd like to get to second base.

********

I decided to go for broke. I called Jenny to get some intel. I had hoped they talked about me and should could tell me how Lori felt.

I told her everything and she was already aware.

"Look John, you're perception is right. She really likes you, but is afraid of being hurt again. I told her that it isn't in your make up to do that, but she's scared."

I told her my plan and she laughed at me.

She said "John, you're probably gonna piss her off. If she gets over it fast enough, you'll be ok, but man I wouldn't be shocked if she told you to fuck off."

So that scared me, but I went for it anyway.

I called her and asked her out to dinner and a movie on Friday.

She said "I'm sorry John, I won't be able to get a sitter."

I said "That's ok. Maybe find a night when you can get one and we'll go then."

"Ok John, I'll let you know."

So that set it. I waited all week for her to pick a day and she didn't mention it at all.

********

I pulled into her driveway on Friday with Alice. I rang her bell and waited nervously.

She answered the door in sweatpants and a t-shirt with her hair pulled into a pony tail and damn she looked great.

"John" she shrieked. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to take you to dinner and a movie."

"John, I said I didn't have a sitter."

"Yes you did, so I brought you one. My mother-in-law Alice is free."

Just then Alice walked up and said "Hi."

Lori looked mad and said "Ma'am, I'm sorry but I don't leave my daughter alone with someone she doesn't know. It's just how I feel. I'm sorry John wasted your time."

"Lori honey" Alice started, "it's great to finally meet you. John's told me so much about you, I feel like we're close as peas and carrots. I told him this was a bad idea, but don't be too hard on him, love smarts sometimes."

With that she got back in her car and drove away.

Lori looked at me and said curtly "John, she left you."

I said "I know, she was plan A. I'm afraid I have to pull the big gun out."

Still standing on her porch, I made a call.

When they answered I said "Hey, you were right. Time for plan B."

I waited 30 seconds and with Lori getting madder, my car pulled up. Lori just put her head down in defeat when she saw Jenny get out.

Jenny said "Lori honey, it's time to shit or get off the pot. What's it gonna be?"

Lori said "Fine. Come on in."

We did and Lori said "Why go to all of this trouble for dinner and a movie?"

"Lori, I know you're afraid to take our relationship to the next level. I've been willing to go at your pace with safe lunch dates where there is no expectation of intimacy, but I'm falling hard for you. I want to spend more time with you. I want our kids to meet. I want to kiss you with such passion that your knees tremble. I want to help you fall for me."

"I have fallen for you, John. That's why I'm so afraid. I can't get hurt again, not when Lissy is old enough to see the pain."

I hugged her and didn't respond.

After she composed herself, I said "Let's go out. I'm sure you've eaten already so we can hit a movie or have a drink or just

go for a walk."

She smiled and said "Ok, give me a minute to get ready."

********

We went to a movie and then for a walk. While we walked, we held hands. It was a nice night and we talked easily as usual. I stopped her for a moment and kissed her.

It was a nice, soft kiss that she returned. Her lips are soft, they feel like pillows and she tasted like butter from the popcorn.

We broke the kiss and I took a risk and said "I love you, Lori."

"I love you too, John."

I smiled and hugged her. We went back to the car and back to her house.

Jenny filled her in on Lissy's night and after a while her Uber pulled up

"Jenny, I was gonna drive you home." I said.

She looked at me and said "Jeez, you're dumb. Goodnight Lori."

I walked her out and she said "John, don't push her too hard tonight. Be the patient man that you've been so far."

I smiled and said "Goodnight and thank you for everything."

When I got back inside, Lori was sitting in the living room. She stood up and said "Would you like some coffee, I've put some on?"

"Yes, thank you." Was my hopeful reply.

We talked for a while and came to an agreement that we would meet the next day and take the kids to the zoo.

We were sitting on her couch, fairly close, and had a lull in the conversation so I leaned over and kissed her.

She slid closer to me and we began to make out like high schoolers. I had my arms around her back in an embrace and slid one down her back.

She moved over and straddled my legs. I lowered my hand farther and cupped her sweet ass.

I was afraid she would feel my hardening shaft, but if she did she didn't let on.

After an eternity of passionate kissing, she pulled back.