Over the years, I've seen different versions of this story play out in real life. Unfortunately, most do not have a happy ending.
There is some sex toward the end of this story, but those of you who have read some of my other pieces know I don't make it the main plot, and it's no different here.
What's Right in Front of You
Caleb grabbed the bag of groceries off the passenger seat, closed the door and locked the car. He headed toward the elevator and paused a moment before pushing the button to summon it. It was silly, the anticipation he felt, and he knew it. The elevator came and he punched the button to his floor. A moment later the doors opened and he headed down the hall to the last door. He gave a slight sigh, put his key in and opened the door. Pausing to take one last look down the hallway, he entered his condo and shut the door behind him.
He put his groceries away and headed to his bedroom to change. The dress code at work seemed to grow more lax every year, but he still wore business casual to work every day. A coworker - who would have worn pajamas if they allowed them in the office - once asked why he still dressed in business casual after the last policy change. At the time he was hard pressed for an answer. He wore it because that's what he always did. Thinking about it later, he found it comforting to change out of those clothes and into a pair of track pants and a T-shirt at the end of the day. It allowed him to decompress more, and he liked that feeling.
He headed back to the kitchen, poured a glass of water, grabbed his tablet and headed to his balcony. Having an end unit afforded him a wraparound balcony. One side faced the ocean, the other faced north along the coast. Being on the beach meant his commute was longer, but it aligned with his desire to separate his work life from his home life.
Caleb enjoyed his work, probably a little too much. In past years he had become a workaholic and could easily see himself slipping back into the habit. He still occasionally had to remind himself that he had other priorities now. He moved to the condo about a year ago to help his transition.
Sitting on the recliner and looking at the ocean through the glass partition made the thoughts of work fade away. He enjoyed this time of year, about an hour of T-shirt weather on his balcony before he would have to put on a sweatshirt.
It was close to perfection for Caleb. Close...just not quite there. The thing missing was the one that is always the hardest to find: someone to share it with. In all other life endeavors, it seemed the harder he worked, the more success he had. In relationships, it seemed the inverse was true. It had always been this way though. Being just past thirty, having spent the better half of his life feeling unlucky in the relationship arena was demoralizing at best.
Growing up he had been small, shy and a bit of a nerd. He was generally liked by his classmates though, and somehow managed to avoid most of the bullying that plagued many others in his clique during his school years.
In grade school he had asked out one of the most popular girls in school. He thought she was beautiful. It did not deter him that he was small and not that popular. Her rejection was not brutal; she was a nice person and tried to let him down easy. Of course, it got around that he had asked her out and been rejected, which garnered some ribbing both inside and outside his clique. His close friends just couldn't wrap their heads around why he asked out one of the most popular girls in the school. To Caleb it just made sense. He found her attractive in many ways, so why wouldn't he ask her out?
The pattern of rejection continued through high school. To say he started aiming lower would not be fair to the girls he asked out. They were all attractive in their own ways, they just didn't belong to the clique of the most popular girls with which he had started.
In high school, failure in the dating department is self-perpetuating. After about the third rejection, he became undatable. Who would date the guy that had already been turned down that many times? There had to be something wrong with him, right? Of course, this being high school, the number of girls that rejected him grew every day. He once joked to a friend that he would have had to of been rejected by every girl in the school twice to match the number the rumor mill was attributing to him. By senior year, he didn't even bother anymore, content to concentrate on his studies.
He assumed it would be better in college. His growth spurt started right before senior year and did not end until he was a freshman. He had never been ugly, and now with his size, most women would objectively consider him attractive. The issue in college was confidence. No one can suffer that much rejection without denting one's conviction in their ability to attract a mate.
Some have theorized, and probably accurately so, that women can smell desperation on a man from a mile away. Desperation may have been too harsh a word to describe him. He rarely put himself out there anymore. Of course he had dated some, but it never long before she thought he was a little too interested too soon, and she would back away from him.
Caleb had tried online dating as well. That was a travesty of such epic proportions that entire volumes could be written about it, but that is for another day.
By this point it felt like years since he had been on a real date. Many go through such cycles, it's just hard when all your friends are getting married and having children around you. He occasionally wanted to wall himself off, to remove himself from the pain of seeing the happiness in others that he could not have, regardless of how hard he worked. But his good-natured side would always end up winning out, and he would push the thoughts away.
Caleb continued staring out at the sea. He watched the occasional fishing boat bob up and down, spray streaming off their bows as they headed toward whatever fishing ground they favored. The sun had set behind the building, leaving him watching the activities unfold in front of him in the shade. He preferred it this way. The sun streaming through the windows in the morning a welcome wakeup call.
He looked down to see small figures still lingering on the beach. A person was running and playing with their dog at the water's edge. Two more were playing Frisbee. The rest still sat in their chairs, no longer getting much sun, as it was mostly behind them now. He enjoyed being a voyeur this way. He was far enough away that it didn't feel creepy. You couldn't see all the intimate details of folks, just the general vibe they were giving off.
Caleb's mind started to drift as he looked down on a couple in beach chairs below. They appeared to be holding hands, soaking in the last of the warmth the day had to give. He thought about what it would be like... grabbing a beach chair, heading down the elevator and out onto the sand... hand in hand with someone.
His thoughts drifted further, and that someone morphed into a familiar face. Maybe familiar isn't the right word. He had only caught glimpses of her as she walked to her car, or entered her condo as he exited his. Caleb even rode the elevator with her once, trying to study details of her in the distorted reflection of the elevator doors. He was too shy to look at her or strike up a conversation. Sure, he had said 'Hi' to her on a few occasions, but he never ventured further than that. He told himself if he ended up in the elevator with her again, he would speak to her. They were neighbors, after all. Maybe that was creepy though; would she feel trapped? Why would she feel trapped? He was contemplating talking to her, not trying to make out with her.
Caleb realized that his old nemesis, 'overthinking' had arrived, and he tried to shelve the thoughts. It was difficult though; from what he saw, she was strikingly beautiful. Definitely another 'out of his league' girl, as his friends would say. Did that even apply these days? High school and college were long over. Did the hierarchical cliques exist in your thirties? If they did, Caleb hadn't noticed them.
Still, he could tell by the way she carried herself that she had confidence, and most likely knew how attractive she was. She had raven hair and what looked like grey eyes to him. It was hard to tell how tall she was, as she was often in heels when he saw her, but if he had to guess it would be at least five foot six. She was slim and toned. He assumed she worked out regularly just by seeing the calf muscles in her tan legs as she walked across the garage to her car one day. He knew her name was Jennifer. Not because he asked of course, but because he heard her recounting a conversation to someone on the phone and referring to herself in the third person.
The sun had gone down further, signaling the closing out of the day, but not the closing out of Caleb's thoughts about Jennifer. He sighed; it was time to head back inside for a sweatshirt.
*****
Caleb sat in the food court, typical food court fare on his tray in front of him. At least they had a joint that sold decent salads here. It also had a glass ceiling over the seating area which lent an airy feel to it. The bustle of shoppers moving around, going about their day just added to the feeling of life and energy. He enjoyed this feeling.
"Caleb?"
"Huh?" Caleb realized he was daydreaming, tuning out what his coworkers were discussing. Apparently, they had asked him a question, which he was too distracted to hear.
"You realize you're a space cadet sometimes, right?"
Cassie was the lone female in their foursome that often took lunch together. She seemed to have endless energy when it came to work, with just the right amount of snark and sarcasm to level her off. She had deep brown eyes, and dark brown hair that she wore just past her shoulders. She was a bit on the shorter side, standing around five-foot-two if he had to guess. It was hard to tell if she was shapely or not. Her clothes weren't exactly baggy, but they hid just enough to keep one in the dark as to her physique.
"So I've been told. Sorry, what was the question?"
Ryan answered for her, "We were talking about the weekend. Kyle and I are heading to that comic festival that shop on Spring Street is having. Cassie was asking what you are doing?"
