Reality came in the form of flashing lights in Carl's rear view mirror. He had no idea at all why he was being stopped, the speedometer was on a steady 60 miles per hour.
The policeman turned his big machine at a slight angle to ward off any errant oncoming traffic, then came to his window.
"Driver's license please, sir."
Carl handed it to him, along with his insurance forms. The officer looked at them, seemed to nod and handed back the insurance receipt, keeping the license.
"Please wait." The policeman walked back to his cruiser, after a few minutes he came back to the window.
"There are a lot of people looking for you, sir. Is everything all right?"
"Yes, fine." Things really weren't fine. Carl's marriage was shot, as far as he was concerned everything in his life had just been ripped apart. His wife Kathy, cheating in a dirty motel room with a man that claimed to be a friend? That wasn't fine. Then Jerry sent his wife over to make things right, like if Carl had sex with Jerry's wife Patrice everything would all go right back to the way it was before?
He realized the officer was speaking to him again.
"Where are you headed, sir?" The officer repeated.
"I don't know." That got Carl an odd look.
"We have a report that you are missing, some of your friends are concerned."
"I am just traveling, I needed time to think. I'm not doing anything wrong."
"No, sir. It doesn't appear so. But Oregon is a long ways from here. Are you sure everything is all right?" He looked down at Carl carefully.
"Yes, there is just some things going on back home, I needed some time."
"Well, everything seems to be all right here, it might be a good idea if you contact your people back home and let them know you are fine. I will call it in that we found you. Have a nice day now." He turned to go back to his cruiser.
"Officer?" Carl called out.
"Yes, sir?"
"Where are we?"
The policeman again looked at him puzzled for a moment.
"We are in Texas, sir. Are you sure you are all right?"
"Yes, I am fine. I think it's time to go home now."
"Yes, sir. That's a good idea. And sir?"
"Yes?"
"You might think of paying some attention to your personal hygiene." The officer nodded and left.
Carl sat there for several minutes, then started the car and turned around. He understood what the officer meant, he hadn't bathed since he left.
The last several days were something of a haze, he had been driving, just following the dark ribbon of the highway. Once he had stopped at a seedy motel but he was no more than inside and that caused memories of standing outside that room at another cheap motel, seeing his wife Kathy naked and willingly in the arms of his best friend Jerry.
Over a decade of faith and trust, shattered in that one instant.
The bile had once again rushed into his mouth, his body flushed with chills, sweat. Rage poured over him next, his fists clenched so deeply that his fingernails drew blood. Carl knew he had to get out of there, he was close to lashing out, breaking everything in reach.
He went out and got in his car and sat until he got himself under control, then drove again, finally stopping at a wayside to sleep in the back seat.
Several times he had stopped like that, when he felt his eyes wanting to close from exhaustion. At one point he had snapped awake just in time to whip the wheel back onto the roadway. Then the thought to just do that, smash the machine into something to ease the emotions in his mind.
Peace. It would then just be peace.
Carl had shaken the insane thought out of his head. Now he was headed back home. It was time.
At one point he stopped at a wide spot in the road, it was raining. He sat and listened to the pattering sound of the rain on his car, watching the droplets collect on the windshield and then grow as they trickled downward. A feeling of calm begin to flood over him. The rain stopped abruptly, the clouds cleared and he looked up to see a wonderful full moon cresting the horizon.
The full Moon, so regular, so normal. It was a bit like daily life, each day is lived and then gone. Tomorrow the Moon would be different, in a different place.
It was what a person did next that mattered. There was no way to change the past.
It was at that exact moment, that strange realization when Carl once again felt normal.
That evening he found a motel outside a small city, checked in. There was a moment of discomfort, then he let his mind go blank. He took a shower, shaved off the several day's growth of beard. He looked closely, noticing the sprinkle of gray, it had been some time since he had allowed any growth on his face. He realized he needed a haircut, too. It crossed his thoughts to stop somewhere and get one, then he decided to just let it grow.
Things like that kept his mind busy, it helped.
Feeling almost human, he walked across the street to a cafe and ate. Carl didn't even remember the last real meal he had eaten, there were some empty sacks of chips and a bag from a fast food joint in the car but he didn't know where they came from.
The on the heavy side waitress was bubbly, she cracked a few well practiced one liners, and managed to get a chuckle out of Carl. He accepted the piece of "genuine homemade berry pie" she offered. It came with a little toothpick and sign stuck in it that said "homemade" right on it, he laughed at that also. She had added a perfectly round scoop of Vanilla ice cream to the side of it.
Carl left her a nice tip.
That night he slept soundly for the first time in days. The next morning, he turned on his cell phone. The message box was completely full. He began to go through them, most were from Kathy, there were two from Jerry's number, and several from his boss, Harris.
He scrolled through them, the ones from Kathy started out pleading, begging. She even sounded like she was crying. Then towards the last her voice was raised, it became swearing, then some threats, with demands that he answer her.
Carl simply deleted them all.
He had worked for Jack Harris for more than a decade, the company logo was "Harris Homes" with a line underneath in smaller print that read "Quality isn't expensive, it's PRICELESS!"
Carl had always liked that logo. Thinking about that, about work made him feel almost normal.
He clicked the button and called his boss. The answer was instant.
"Carl! Where in the hell are you? We have been worried sick."
"I guess I am in Texas somewhere."
"Texas? Jesus! What's going on, Carl? Is there something I can do?"
Carl told Harris about catching Kathy, not going into a lot of detail.
"I just needed to get away, I had to think."
"I understand, anyway I think I do. But you are more than just a worker, Carl. You have been with us over 10 years, you are a friend. I know you deserve better than that from her, but you can't just throw everything away. You will have a job with us whenever you want, come on home and take care of things."
"I know. I feel better now, I am headed home today. And thanks."
Carl hung up and called Kathy's number. It rang several times, she sounded angry when she answered.
"Where are you? Why won't you answer my calls? I have been frantic!"
"Did you call the police on me? Again?"
"Yes, of course! You just take off, vanish, no word at all? I reported you missing, I thought you were dead somewhere."
"I wasn't missing, I was driving, trying to think."
"Are you coming home?"
"Yea, I am coming home all right."
"Good. I was really worried. I love you, I will make everything up to you, honey." Her voice suddenly changed from angry to soft.
"Yea, sure." He hung up, not waiting for her answer, then shut off the phone. He went out and got into his car, started the long drive back.
It took several more days, each night Carl found a room, cleaned up and showered, and then slept.
He was making the turn to the road to his house when he realized that on the entire trip back he had not really thought much about Kathy at all. He had mostly been remembering some of the jobs he had done, and he was feeling guilty about leaving his boss Harris in the lurch on the last one. Harris could hire people without much trouble of course, but their relationship over the years had grown to where Carl knew that Harris depended on him.
Glancing at his watch, he saw if was just before 9 AM on a Wednesday. He had been gone nearly two weeks.
There was no car in the driveway when Carl pulled up. He had half expected Kathy to be there. He put his key in the door, it opened, another surprise. He had figured the locks would be changed.
Nothing had been moved, it looked like he had been there just that morning.
Carl instantly smelled the stale cigarette smoke when he walked in. The saucer he had used as an ash tray sat there, several butts in it. He had thrown the last of the pack he had bought out the window days before, not wanting them. He had done that only as some silly kind of punishment for Kathy.
"Boy, that sure fixed her!" He thought, then started laughing. He cleaned up the saucer and put it away, found a bottle of air freshener and sprayed down the room.
Carl went out to the garage, got his tools. He called Harris and asked him if there was any work. Harris sounded happy, eager.
"Yea! Thank God! We are on the apartments over on fourth, framing and putting up the siding. Glad you are back."
