Chapter 2
It might have been cold and pouring rain outside, but my heart had never felt warmer. The days dragged by as I waited for Saturday to arrive. At night, I would spend hours talking to Allie on the phone. During the day, I was working at the hospital whilst reliving the conversations.
Bernie picked up on the unexplained change in my behaviour with a knowing smile but no questions. Even Charlie and the interns couldn't dampen my spirits. They tried, but the abrupt shift in my life with Allie's introduction was like a shield that surrounded me wherever I went. Their insults bounced off it, not even penetrating my awareness. It was like I carried a small ember in my heart that no one could touch, it kept me warm and happy.
Despite my happiness, there was a growing nervousness around meeting Allie. Mostly it stemmed from fear of interacting with someone I'd never met before. Social situations had always been crippling for me, so the thought of meeting a new person was my perfect nightmare.
In the gaps between recalling our conversations, my worries spiralled out of control. What if she didn't like the way I looked? What if I made a fool out of myself? What if it was all a big joke? What if she laughed at me and walked away?
Each time I found myself on a downward spiral, I reassured myself by conjuring small bits of proof from my conversations with Allie. The way she never wanted to end the conversation, how she told me I was the best part of her day, the light, giggle-like laughter that made my heart flutter. They were genuine moments that couldn't be faked.
It got to Friday night and I was equal parts terrified and excited for Saturday. Nine o'clock came about and Allie's name popped up on my phone the moment the numbers changed. Smiling, I answered.
"Nick!" Allie said excitedly. "Only one more sleep!"
I laughed. "You sound like a child on the night before Christmas."
"Maybe that's because tomorrow is the best day of the year for me! Is it bad that I'm actually really nervous as well?"
"No! I've been nervous all week! I can't tell you how scared I am!"
There was a small hesitation. "Scared?"
"Well, not scared of you," I said quickly, backtracking. "More scared of what you'd think of me and worried if you didn't like me or something..." I trailed off, feeling a bit stupid. It sounded so immature when I said it out loud.
"That's exactly the same as me!" Allie said in a rush. "Y-you've become such a big part of my life that I worry if you'll take one look at me, turn around and walk back out of the library!"
"Well, that's never going to happen. But it's kind of reassuring that you're on the same page as me. OK, let's agree to do something as soon as we meet tomorrow, then things won't be awkward."
"Like a handshake or secret high-five?" Allie said with a giggle.
"If you want, but I was thinking more like a hug? I told you that I wanted to give you the biggest hug ever and I was hoping you'd let me." I waited nervously. It would be the first physical contact I'd had with a female for years.
"That sounds... perfect! I've sort of been hoping I might get that hug."
The longer we spoke, the more my excitement of meeting Allie overtook my fears. She was just as nervous as I was and, although I didn't want her to feel nervous, it did make me feel a lot better that I wasn't the only one.
I'd expected to speak to Allie all night, but when ten o'clock came around, she said, "I-uh-I have to go now. I want to get a good night's sleep before I see you tomorrow. One o'clock at the Fairhampton library, yeah?" Her voice was a little strained and worried.
It spiked a bit of worry in me but I said, "Yeah, I can't wait. I'll see you then."
Allie was quiet for a while and then said, "Goodnight, Nick."
We hung up and I was confused. The conversation had been so good and contained nothing but giddy excitement, but then when ten o'clock came around, it was like a switch flicked off. My eyes fell on my computer.
Allie hadn't been back online since we'd started our nightly conversations, telling me she'd much rather speak to me.
Frowning, I booted up my computer and went onto the cam site. I didn't log in but I searched for 'Raven's Room' and entered as an anonymous user. My heart fell as Allie appeared on the screen, wearing the usual cropped top. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she'd applied more make-up than normal.
She looked unhappy and resigned, but it didn't stop the small amount of hurt and confusion I felt. She'd lied to me about going to sleep. I knew that I had no right to control what she did, but I would have happily kept her company if she had to go online... unless she didn't want me to see her online.
The conflicting emotions were pulling me apart. I had no right to get jealous of her, but I still found myself getting jealous. Allie and I were nothing but good friends, and she could do whatever she wanted. I wanted to log off. Watching her made me feel terrible. Had I really become a creepy stalker? She had her own life and I needed to let her live it... but I still couldn't log off.
I sat in turmoil and watched her. She looked small and sad, like a fallen angel. Several times, she took deep sighs and her bottom lip trembled. Each time, she frowned, shook her head and returned to watching the camera or her screen, waiting for an arrival.
I picked up my phone and quickly typed out a message.
I'm struggling to sleep, so I just thought I'd send you a message. You make my day every day and I'm happy I found you x
I pressed send and watched on the screen as Allie's phone vibrated. Frowning, she picked it up and read my message. The change on her face was like watching a beautiful sunrise. She broke into a wide grin and her dimples came to life. Her entire energy changed. I could feel her happiness through the screen. She sniffed and began quickly typing back a message. Several seconds later, my phone vibrated.
You're so amazing! I'd forgotten what it was like to be happy before I met you. You better deliver on that hug tomorrow, mister x
I was about to reply when some people came into her room. Her smile vanished and her hand shook as she put the phone back down. As with every other night that she'd been online, the names were all ridiculous names like
Daddycock
,
Slutmaster
, and
12inchwonder
.
The inevitable foul observations and demands were swift and soon filled the chatbox.
Mmm, you look like the perfect slut.
Look at that fucking whore! You know she'd love to get pounded by 12 inches!