Good morning. My name is Jessica. My boss Michael has been writing about me and I thought I'd chime in with my perspective. My initial thought thinking about outsiders reading it is that I'm a slut. I'm not. Or so I keep telling myself. But I can see how my giving my boss a blowjob with his coffee each morning could lead someone to that conclusion. I would like to think that my new job has restored the confidence I lost after my divorce, confidence in myself as a person, as a talented professional and as a woman who is in a rewarding relationship. But I'm not writing to convince myself because I'm happy and I don't really care what you think.
Eighteen months ago my husband Phil told me that he had been cheating on me. I'd always suspected it but never really had any concrete proof. To some degree I didn't care. My life consisted of taking care of my kids and keeping our house in order so Phil's infidelity did not come as a surprise. The sex had gone out of our marriage and I found real meaning as I focused on the kids. The problem for me wasn't that some floozy was servicing him, it was that he fell in love with her and wanted to upset our organized little apple cart.
Twelve months later we were filing papers and organizing who was going to get the kids. It was pretty amicable since I was the primary caretaker and he was a decent dad. The only "bad guy" in the story, I felt, was the woman who stole his heart and thrown sand in the well oiled machine that cared for our kids. Phil signed an agreement to pay me $500 a week in alimony, a bit more in child care and the full tuition for the kids at Liber Academy, a high end private school. Some things were in front of a judge now, but I wanted to be done with him. The only hooks I had left for him were for the kids.
Only afterward did I find out that there was some logic in the timing. Phil had been dating his floozy for a year with the plan that when they were both old enough for school, he'd get out. The story always goes that the husband never leaves, but in this case he really did. Both kids went into school in September and by January I looked at my monthly stipend from him and realized I needed to get a job.
I spoke with a number of friends about it and Micah, a really dear friend, made some connections for me. One led to my meeting Michael. He ran a consulting firm and Micah made it sound like it wasn't going to be a long term gig, more something to help me get on my feet and meet some new people in the professional world again. Mike was smart, funny and from the outset I was never very clear on how he made money, but it seemed to be going well for him. I secretly suspected he made me an offer because of his friendship with Micah and he owed Micah.
He made a generous offer for a four month "internship" as he called it. It was a pretty good package to offer someone who hadn't been in the professional game for a while. It was at this point I asked a question that I think turned our entire future. I asked him what I would get if I found a new client for him. His eyes lit up and he became very enthusiastic about that. And it wasn't the money. It was like the lights came on behind those blue eyes of his and a zeal came over him: I was Suddenly an Interesting Person.
I'm not a sales person but in my previous professional life I had to cut through the shit and closed a few larger deals for my bank. I figured if I could get new clients it might prove a longer term opportunity or I might get a chance to demonstrate my talents. God knows there wasn't anything in banking available. Maybe I could parlay this into a CFO gig with one of his clients, or Mike would recommend me to someone that would be a more permanent position.
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I started with Mike about a week before summer school started for the kids. The thing that probably surprised me when we spent time together was that for all Michael's intelligence he was kind of an airhead. He would work in starts and fits, accomplishing loads in a few hours of really amazing diligence. And then he'd sit and watch TV or practice putting. And here is where I am going to sound like a slut. He could have had me probably a week or two after I started, but it had nothing to do with me needing sex. I did need something and he provided it.
Like I said, Phillip cheated on me before we divorced and now was living with his new girlfriend. The least I could do was return the favor. Plus as a mother of two grade school kids, my odds of getting laid were "non-existent" to "quit asking me!" It happened the weekend before I started working for Michael. Phil dropped off the kids after a week with him and the bitch β I'm sorry, the new "woman in his life" β and he was a bit horny. I suspected the girlfriend was visiting her aunt Flo and I knew he regarded that like leprosy.
I sent the kids out and they went to their friends' to play. Tea with Phil led to remembering good times. Reminiscing led to Sex. After several blind dates from helpful friends, I wasn't comfortable with a random hook up and Phil already knew his way around my body. It wasn't a hard sell for him to get me to follow him into the bedroom. In the middle of everything I wondered why I hadn't hooked up with him more frequently. He was a cheating bastard. Might as well make some use of that convenient fact. We played for about an hour before he brought me to a familiar shudder. We tried to cuddle, but there was no affection in it so I got up and took a shower. The water was streaming into the tub when I caught myself in the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. I had become the woman he had left me for. For a short second I felt a twinge of pity for her. I wanted to feel a sense of accomplishing my revenge, but I couldn't.
I couldn't fuck Phil again. I swore that to myself late Friday night after Phil left. I had called my folks to get the kids. They had been very good to me in the past few years and I think they knew I was going to have a rough night. When I called, Mom asked if I had a date that night. I said no, that I was getting together with some girlfriends. When she picked them up I know she saw the lie in my eyes. We were too close for her not to, but she let me pretend my secret wasn't discerned. I killed a bottle of wine that night before starting on something stronger.
I decided to find a new man. Someone worthy of my affections and someone I actually respected. Looking back, I had no idea I'd be sharing an office with that someone Monday morning.
So like I said, Mike could have had me pretty early on in our relationship. I was looking for respect to redeem myself from the divorce and from my giving into Phil the previous weekend. I wasn't going to throw my entire career away on a chance with playing with the boss, but Mike was respectful and really valued what I did for him.
If you haven't read about the first few weeks of working together, Mike tells our story here (