"Morning guys." I called out on a chilly Monday morning as I entered the garage at Thompson's Auto Mechanics and Parts in my hometown of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
My name is Ben Davidson, I'm a twenty-seven-year-old apprentice motor mechanic and a divorced dad with a daughter who's now seven. I'm 6'2 with light brown hair and in good shape. I started my apprenticeship three years ago, thanks in large part to my best friend Tyson Brown, who convinced his boss to take me on. It's a bit weird having your best friend as the mechanic teaching you, added to that I'm actually a month older than him as well. But this job's been really helpful in turning my life around.
"Morning Ben, let me know if you're ready to grab a quick coffee before we get started." Tyson replied in amongst the other guys saying good morning.
"Yeah, for sure. Just let me drop my bag off in the locker and I'll be right with you." I replied as I put my bag away before making my way with Tyson to the coffee shop a few doors down from the garage.
"Shame about the Steelers on the weekend, they could've clinched the division with a win." I offered Tyson, he's an even bigger Steelers fan than me.
"That's okay, we're still in the play-offs anyway. So, did you end up doing anything on the weekend apart from seeing your mom?" Tyson asked.
"Nah, money's a bit tight still." I replied.
"And your mom? How's she doing?" Tyson asked once more.
"The same. It's depressing seeing her like that, but what can you do?" I replied, not expecting an answer.
My mom had me in her late thirties and I'm her only child, she's sixty-five years old now and has suffered from Motor Neuron Disease for the last seven years, she's mostly wheelchair bound now and lives in a nursing home where she can get some level of care. I never knew my dad, so it's been tough for both her and me.
"Anyway, I got some news for you though. I was out with Clara on Saturday night; she told me something that'll interest you for sure." Tyson said.
"What is it? Has she found another girlfriend she wants to set me up with? The last time went really well." I replied laughing. The last time went bad, very bad. It's been almost two years since my last real relationship of any kind, and that only lasted about three months.
"Well, that depends, I guess. Does your ex-wife count as finding another girlfriend for you?" Tyson asked with a sly grin.
"What? Susie's married and lives in Honolulu. Did Clara say something about her?" I asked, not sure where Tyson was leading this.
"Yeah, that she ain't married no more, or at least she doesn't live with her husband now. She just got back home, that means your daughter is with her too." Tyson answered.
That was the best news I've heard in ages; I haven't seen my now seven-year-old daughter since she was just two years old.
"Is Clara sure that Susie's back for real? Not just visiting her parents for the holidays?" I asked again, not wanting to get my hopes up too much just yet.
"Yeah, she's sure. She was over at Susie's parent's house all day Friday helping Susie to unpack all her stuff. It's weird, they haven't seen each other for what, five years now? And they seemed to be best friends again like no time has passed." Tyson responded.
"Did Clara say anything else? Anything about Halie and if I can see her?" I asked further.
"Look, I already asked Clara about you, if Susie will be okay with you going over there to see your daughter. I knew that'd be the first thing you'd want to know. I'll let you know as soon as Clara finds out." Tyson replied as we drank our coffees.
"Thanks, I don't want to get my hopes up yet, though. Susie and I didn't really part on good terms the last time I saw her." I replied.
"That's when you got put up on assault charges, wasn't it? I still think you were lucky to get off, my black ass would've been incarcerated for sure if I done what you did." Tyson replied while laughing a little.
"Yeah, but it was worth it, he had it coming." I replied, referring to my ex-wife's new husband or is that now ex-husband? Not sure yet.
We finished up our coffees and made our way back to the garage to start our day.
Susie and I got married when she was still eighteen and I had just turned nineteen, and of course she was already pregnant with our daughter Halie which is why we got married so young. Yes, we named her Halie Davidson, it would've been Harley, but Susie refused to allow me that.
Susie and I had been longtime childhood sweethearts; we were together for six years by the time we started having sex and Susie fell pregnant after having turned eighteen only a few months earlier. She had only just turned nineteen when she gave birth, that was about the same time that my mom got diagnosed with MND. Talk about highs and lows.
I was doing multiple crappy jobs to bring in some money; I didn't really have any career goals or ambitions. I just wanted to be a dad to Halie, a husband to Susie, and a son to my mom Joan who needed more and more support. With my mom's condition especially, money became very tight, not that we had any money before that. Her meds alone were way more than she could afford, she also could no longer work as well so I would use whatever extra cash I had to help her out. All the while trying to support Susie and Halie too, living in a small run-down apartment, it was damn near impossible.
Things went from bad to worse when only two years after Halie was born, I fucked up big time. I was supposed to be helping Tyson out at the garage one weekend to fix up his car when we got asked by some other friends to go to a party that night instead. I hadn't been out anywhere in ages because of the money situation, so I agreed to go along when they offered free drinks and other substances. I decided not to tell Susie about the party because she was at home looking after Halie.
That night I drank and took some other stuff that had me spinning and buzzed way more than I can ever remember; I ended up later that night on the couch playing tonsil hockey with some girl I barely knew. She then led me down the hallway to a spare room where we fucked. At the time, I couldn't explain why I did it, I could've blamed it on the drugs and alcohol, or that I was only twenty-one, or perhaps that Susie was the only girl up until that night that I'd even kissed, let alone had sex with.
No, there really was no excuse.
What I didn't know was that there were two separate friends of Susie's at the party, both of them telling her what happened independently. I was fucked.
We didn't break-up and divorce straight away; it was another three months before Susie finally kicked me out. Susie tried but, in the end, she couldn't get past what I'd done to her that night. I couldn't blame her, but I did try everything I could to get back into her good graces. I loved Susie, she's the only girl I've ever been in love with, which still holds true to this day. So, I was married at nineteen, divorced at twenty-one.
It took a few years before I even entertained the idea of being with another woman in a relationship, but even then, I couldn't help but to compare her to Susie and we never went anywhere, breaking up after just a few months. Since then, I've mainly kept to myself, working to pay the bills and to help out my mom. Even though she's been moved into a nursing home, it's not very good and we didn't have any health insurance or money to get anything better.
I even sold off her furniture from her rental apartment when she was moved, but that barely covered the nursing home's entrance fees. To top that off, not six months after our divorce, Susie met an older rich guy in his thirties named Bill Johnson. He swept her up and promised her the world, a good home for both her and Halie.
If I was angry about this guy being with Susie, it got worse quickly when he proposed to her as he had purchased a resort hotel in Honolulu, Hawaii and wanted Susie to be with him to help manage it.
Not only was he taking the only girl I've ever loved, but now he was going to take my daughter away from me too. I flipped, I went over to Bill's place where Susie and my daughter were now staying and started pummeling the guy. I say started, because he ended up trying to give as good as he got, not that it worked out too well for him though. But our fight took place inside his house, in front of his new fiancée, with my two-year-old daughter present. Not my best moment.
The Police and Child Protective Services weren't that impressed either. I got charged with assault and handed a restraining order, now I couldn't even see my own daughter while I waited for my court hearing. The three of them left shortly after for Hawaii, Susie did however get Bill to request that the Police drop my assault charge as a parting gift. I'm still thankful to her for that.
But in the five years since, I haven't been able to afford to fly to Hawaii to visit my daughter due to me needing to financially help out my mom, and I'm not sure if they would've let me see Halie once I got there anyway. On top of that I had no contact details for Susie either, and when I brought over some money to her parents to send over for Halie shortly after they had relocated, they told me that Susie and Bill didn't need my money, that they were refusing to accept it, and that I should use my money to help my mom instead.
After having a father that never once tried to contact me and didn't give my mom a dime, here I was feeling that I was doing the same to my own daughter. I felt like total shit, a failure in every way and I was barely holding myself together. The worst part was that I knew it was all my fault, if I'd just gone home that night and avoided that fucking party, my life could've been a whole lot different.
All these thoughts have come rushing back to me, thinking about Susie and my daughter and what could've been. Susie looked good when we first started going steady as awkward young teenagers, but then she blossomed into an extremely attractive young woman, a total hottie. By the time she was eighteen she turned heads everywhere she went.
She's 5'6 with sparkling grey eyes and golden blonde hair, an athletic figure with wonderful round C cup breasts. She was always smarter than me as well, she should've really had gone to college, well if it wasn't for me and my dislike for condoms.
Her best qualities though are her laugh and her smile. That she was always fun to be around, and everything always seemed better to me when Susie was close by. She'd told me about her deepest thoughts and feelings that no-one else knew, and I told her mine. Neither of us liked being away from each other either, all of our friends saw us almost as being joined at the hip, there was no Ben without Susie. Until that one night and that damn fucking party!
I know where Susie's parents live, now I just need to find out if Susie will let me over to visit.
On Wednesday, Tyson grabbed me as I got to work, we both did our usual trip a few doors down to get some coffee.
"Susie said 'yes'. You can go over there on Saturday morning to see Halie." Tyson told me as we walked along the sidewalk.
"Fuck, that's great news. Tell Clara I said thanks for her doing that. I would've just shown up uninvited otherwise." I responded.
"Yeah, no doubt. Best to start off on the right foot this time, eh. Just take it easy with Susie as well, Clara said she's been going through a lot lately, with leaving her husband, moving back home and all. The last thing she needs right now is for you to be a pain in the ass." Tyson added.
"Yeah, best behavior I swear." I replied while smiling.
I couldn't wait for Saturday now, I started to wonder if my daughter would even remember her dad. Bill didn't want me to have any contact with Susie and by extension Halie, and Susie apparently never fought him on that.
Five long years I haven't seen or spoken with my daughter, I don't even have a recent photo of her, the last one I got was one that Susie's parents gave me a few years ago but asked that I stop coming around and asking about their granddaughter. Her parents are great people, they just wanted what was best for their daughter, and that meant not going against Susie and Bill's wishes of not having me involved in any way in their daughter's life.
