I was soaking my sheets, feeling lonely and desperate, but refusing to touch myself. I was saving it for him. I called his cell phone from the bedroom, not wanting to get up and lose the position I had put myself in. I begged for him to come to bed, "Soon," he answered.
"Can we play when you do?" I asked, my hopes still high.
"I don't really feel like it tonight." He replied, breaking my heart. Realizing I was waiting for nothing, I informed him that I would take care of myself, hung up my phone and slid my hand between my slippery legs.
A few moments later, he was sitting beside me on the bed. "Do you want to help?" I asked in my most seductive voice, hoping he would consent to the slightest touch.
"Not really." He said, patting my arm and turning up the television. I let out a heavy sigh and opened my sock drawer.
"Will you be offended if I use this?" I asked, not really caring about the answer as I began to insert my vibrator.
"No, I don't care." He said without taking his eyes off the television. I shoved it in and out quickly and used the four fingers of my other and to rub my engorged clit vigorously. And then I did something I've never done before. I closed my eyes and fantasized about another man.
I was sitting on the train, reading a magazine on my way to work. I crossed and uncrossed my legs, enjoying the feeling of my silky smooth thighs as they rubbed against each other. I could feel someone watching, so I bent into the aisle to take my cell phone out of my purse, looking back as I did. On the opposite side of the train I saw a young bearded man staring at me. He looked away when our stares met, but couldn't stop a smile from curling the edge of his lips.
I sat up straight, grinning to myself. I licked my finger and flipped from one page to the next, unable to focus on what I was reading. The train came to a stop and my purse flipped over, sending some of its contents rolling down the aisle. I stooped over, scrambling to shove my possessions back into the safety of my bag. Too late I heard a tube of lipstick rolling out of my reach. I watched helplessly as it rolled down the walkway, only to be stopped by a brown shoe.
"I think you dropped this. " said the bearded man, holding the tiny black tube in his outstretched fingers.
"Ha, thanks." I giggled nervously, realizing now that my position fully exposed my cleavage and lacy black bra. I sat up and the stranger slid into the seat beside me. We talked for several minutes, mostly innocent chit chat when we realized we were both heading to the same stop.
"Are you going straight to work, or do you have time for a cup of coffee?" He asked with a hint of eagerness.
"No, I have a few errands to run, one of which was getting a cup of tea." I said with a smirk. We departed the train, him placing his hand between my shoulders as we walked. Despite my clothed back, his touch made my nipples tingle and my breath quicken. How long had it been since another man touched me?
We snagged a small table outside the coffee shop inside the station. He sat across from me, staring at me over his coffee cup. I continued our conversation between sips of my hot black tea. We were both married and, despite our current rough patches, were in love with our spouses. He was a father and I spoke candidly about my battle with infertility.
I couldn't help but beam. So long had it been since I enjoyed a real conversation. Learning about someone knew, discovering shared interests, reminiscing about past experiences. He broke his arm as a child, moved across the country several times and I laughed when he told me about high school dating in the mid-west.
My life was much less interesting, but he hung on my every word. I married young, probably too young, and had no romantic experiences prior to my husband. And that's when he asked the question I had tried so hard to answer myself. "When did it all change for you?" His low voice spoke with a blend of sympathy and sadness.