The Roommate Experience

"She's gone." I said.

- "We know." said Laurie. "After you went to work, I checked her room. Her bed hadn't been slept in."

- "What? Why didn't you call me?"

- "Why? So you could worry all day? I called Moe and Roberta. They were out with her last night. She showed up at Moe's around one a.m., and stayed over."

"But she must've come back here around noon."

- "To pack a bag?" I asked.

- "Yeah."

- "But why would she do that? And why leave me a note I don't even understand?" I tossed the letter to Laurie, so she could see it.

Laurie read it quickly. She looked up at me, and then slid the paper across to Rina - who hadn't said a word thus far.

That

was odd, too.

- "Rina has something to tell you." said Laurie.

- "I

might

know something about it." said Rina.

- "

Might

?" I was beginning to get angry.

- "Just tell him, Ree!" shouted Laurie. From the look on Rina's face, she was obviously more afraid of Laurie than she was of me.

- "I came home a little early last night, with Rick -"

- "Who the fuck is Rick?"

- "My boyfriend." said Rina, with a little toss of her head, indicating that I was stupid for not knowing the name of the latest guy she was shagging. "Anyway, Rick and I came back early, 'cause I knew you were all out for the evening. So ... "

- "So you were in your room, about to fuck him -" prompted Laurie.

Rina hung her head. "We were about to ... do it, when I realized that we didn't have a condom. So I got up -"

- "Stark naked." said Laurie.

- "Yes. Buck naked. I ran down to your room, Joe. I didn't think you'd mind. So I opened a few drawers, and I found your pack of condoms."

- "Does this story have a point?" I asked.

- "She's getting there." promised Laurie.

- "As I was leaving your room, I closed the door behind me. And as I jogged into the kitchen ..."

- "Rose was there." said Laurie. "She saw Rina, stark naked, coming out of your room."

- "Oh, shit." I whispered. Now I understood Rose's note.

- "I think - she might have thought ... that I'd just ... that we'd ..." said Rina. "I'm sorry, Joe."

Laurie took over. "So Rina was embarrassed, and she ran to her room. Rose obviously didn't check

your

room - or she would have seen that you weren't there. She must've turned around and gone straight back down the stairs."

- "Oh, shit." I said, again.

- "She came back sometime yesterday, packed a bag, and left you a note. So it's just a matter of finding out where she went." said Laurie.

- "I'm

really

sorry, Joe." said Rina.

- "It's alright, Rina. It's not your fault." I said. To tell the truth, I was mostly relieved. Rose wasn't hurt, or missing, or anything like that. She was obviously upset, thinking that I'd cheated on her with Rina ...

She

was

hurt. It must have broken her heart. I had to find her, and explain the true story. Would she believe me?

My

heart nearly broke, imagining how much pain she must be in.

I called Moe - her real name was Maureen. I called Roberta. I called friends of Rose's that I barely knew. It wasn't until 10:00 that night that I tried one last number.

- "Hello?" said a woman's voice.

- "Mrs. S.? Sorry to call so late. My name is Joe. I'm Rose's boyfriend. Is she ...?

- "Yes, Joe. She's here."

- "Thank goodness." I said, with relief. "Is she okay?"

- She's pretty upset." said Rose's mother. "She hasn't even told me why she came home."

- "Mrs. S., something strange happened back here, with our roommate. Rose is probably under the impression that I cheated on her. But I didn't."

- "Oh?"

- "I know we haven't even met, yet. But I promise you, your daughter's happiness is my #1 concern. I love your daughter, Ma'am. I would never hurt her."

- "Are you the Joe who was helping her with her breakfasts?" she asked.

- "That's me. We've been ... in a serious relationship for a couple of months now."

- "What would you like me to tell her, Joe?"

- "Actually, I'd like your permission to come see her. I think we can straighten this out if I can just talk to her." I said.

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment.

- "Alright." said Rose's mother. "Do you want me to tell her that you're coming?"

- "No Ma'am. I was hoping to surprise her."

- "Then I guess we'll see you when you get here."

***

Ray came through for me again, and loaned me a car.

- "I might need a few days off, too." I said.

- "Take as long as you need." He knew why I was going.

l left Sunday morning, around 10 a.m.. I hadn't thought to bring any tapes with me - which was fine, because the car didn't have a tape deck. The songs on the radio all struck me as shallow, or trite, and the blaring advertisements were too jarring. I drove the last four hours in silence, alone with my thoughts.

It was late afternoon before I pulled up in front of the little bungalow where Rose had grown up. When I rang the doorbell, and older woman answered the door. Rose's mother was a pretty big lady herself. If Rose let herself go, she might end up looking like this.

I chided myself for that thought. Maybe Rose had also inherited her kindness and generosity from her mother.

- "I'm glad you came." said Mrs. S.. "I've never seen her like this."

- "May I speak to her?"

- "Of course you can. Rose!" she called. "Someone's here to see you!"

"Go ahead. Down the hall - last room on the left. Can I make you a coffee? Tea?"

- "Coffee would be great. Thank you."

At the end of the hall, I found the door to Rose's bedroom slightly ajar. She hadn't changed the room much, from what I could see; there was still a Bay City Rollers poster on the wall, along with a picture of Shaun Cassidy.

I opened the door slowly. She was sitting on her bed, looking out the window.

- "Rose." I said, softly.

She whirled around. "Who let you in?" she hissed.

- "Your mother." I raised my hands as she leapt to her feet. "Rose - I wasn't there when you saw Rina. I was with Eli. Rina was with Rick."

Rose looked like she had been about to snap at me. Instead, a confused expression came over her face.

- "Who the hell is Rick?" she said.

- "Her new boyfriend. Rose, she went to my room to borrow a condom

. I wasn't there

. I was with Eli. Here - "

I held out the letter.

- "What's that?" she asked, suspiciously.

- "It's a letter I asked him to write." I said. "You know Eli: he would

never

lie. We were at the Lion when you saw Rina. I had no idea what was going on until you didn't show up for breakfast. Even then, I didn't know where you'd gone until 10 o'clock last night."

"Rose - please ... let me tell you what happened."

I don't know if it was the fact that I'd shown up at her mother's house, and surprised her, or if the mention of Eli's name as a witness for the defense tipped the balance. Maybe it was the expression on my face.

She let me explain.

I told her the whole story. Rose listened, and didn't interrupt.

- "Rina wouldn't do that to you. To us." I said. "Rose - I wouldn't do that to you. I love you."

Rose's lips began to quiver. She put her arms around me - and the tears began to flow. I held her close, and gave her time to let it out.

- "I'm so stupid." she sobbed.

- "No you're not. Your reaction was understandable. You only made one mistake."

- "What mistake?"

- "You should have gone into my room to kick me in the balls. Then you would have found out that I wasn't even there."

Mrs. S. knocked on the door.

- "Do you take cream, or milk, Joe?"

***

Rose was beyond embarrassed that she'd leapt to the wrong conclusion. Also, when you're as angry, as hurt as she was, it's not something that you get over instantly. She'd been furious , and bitterly disappointed - with both Rina and me - only a few minutes ago.

It's like when you've been running hot water through the pipes - you can't expect to get cold water until you let it run for a while.

So I let Rose talk. She apologized, several times. Then she began to tell me parts of her life story, which she thought partially explained her behaviour, and why she reacted the way she did.

"I was never pretty -" she began.

- "I think you're beautiful." I interrupted.

- "You're biased." she said. "What I mean is, none of the boys paid me any attention, until ..." She looked down, at her chest. "Until these started to develop, in Grade 7. By Grade 8, they were already pretty big."

"Boys started following around, trying to 'accidentally' fall on me. Some of them just grabbed me, and squeezed my boob. I had to walk around during recess with my arms crossed."

"I heard some of the things they said about me, and about Christine Parr. They called us sluts. They thought that since we had developed early, that we would do things that other girls wouldn't."

"It got worse in high school. Older guys started coming on to me. They'd ask me to dance - but only the slow dances, so that they could press up against me. Some of them suggested that we go out behind the gym."

- "That must have been awful." I said.

- "I stopped going to dances. So I started to get a reputation for being snobby. 'Too cool for school', they said. That didn't stop guys from coming up to me in the school cafeteria and propositioning me."

"One guy said: 'Those look really heavy. Can I help you carry them?'"

"But the worst part of it? The thing that really hurt? My sister Debbie was jealous of all the attention I was getting. She's two years older, but not so ..."

- "Developed?"

Rose nodded. "I think it really bothered her, that guys in her class were hitting on me. She never believed me when I told her that I didn't want it. I just wanted to be left alone."

"Would you believe, Joe, that my best friend was the school librarian? Mrs. Talarico wouldn't let the boys bother me if I was in the library, reading."

I didn't know how to answer that. So I moved closer, and put my arm around her. There are people who look back at high school, and remember it as one of - if not

the

- highlight of their lives. 'Glory Days', as Springsteen so aptly put it.

But for many people, their teenage years were an ordeal, a long passage filled with humiliation and pain. Marty and I never belonged. It didn't bother me - much - to be excluded. But I was also never the butt of cruel jokes, or of the type of harassment that Rose suffered.

I didn't really want to know, but she told me about her first two serious boyfriends. The first asshole had been patient, and persistent. He'd taken the time to convince her that he really cared about her. She had ended up giving him her virginity, after their prom. He promptly told all of his friends that he'd banged her.

The next prick was in first year of university. He'd been charming, and intelligent. It took Rose six months to find out that he would only come over to fuck her, or to get a blowjob, when he struck out at the clubs, or at the dorm parties. If he couldn't get laid elsewhere, Rose was his fall-back plan.

Is it any surprise that she had a fragile ego, where men were concerned? Or that she was wary of getting into a serious relationship?

I held her while she cried, imagining how difficult it must have been for her. And then to discover, as she thought, that the first decent guy she'd ever had was cheating on her, with her friend and roommate ...

- "I wouldn't do that, Rose." I said, again.

She smiled, sadly, and raised a hand to touch my cheek.

- "I know that you care for me, Joe." she said. "I

know

it. But look how quickly I was prepared to believe the worst, when I saw a naked woman coming out of your room."

- "The only naked woman I want in my room is you."

We made love after that. It was quiet (her mother was in the house), and a little subdued, given all that had happened over the past few days. Comfort sex. Like comfort food. Warm, and friendly, and unhurried. Good for the soul. We were both holding back, though.

I stayed overnight, and spent the next day touring Rose's hometown with her. She showed me the first house they'd lived in, her elementary school, and her high school. I offered to burn it down for her. That earned me a kiss.

We took her mother out for a meal - nothing too fancy, but I wanted to show Mrs. S. that I appreciated her letting me come to see Rose.

- "You might be the best thing that's ever happened to her." she said.

That night, Rose let loose. It was the most passionate, most intense bout of lovemaking we'd ever had. With a small part of our minds, we tried not to wake her mother, or to set off the burglar alarms. Otherwise, Rose glued herself to me, and did her best to ride and grind me into an early grave.

In the midst of it, she lost control.

- "I love you! I love you, Joe!"

I waited until I had come - rather spectacularly. As we lay together, panting, I rolled over to kiss her.

- "I love

you

, Rose." I said.

***

All the way home, Rose worried that she'd be too embarrassed to face Rina and Laurie.

- "They must think I'm an idiot." she kept saying.

- "You have nothing to worry about. Rina's the one who's embarrassed."

My roommates had a tearful reconciliation; Rose was more than ready to apologize for her snap judgment. Rina just felt badly that she had caused her friend such pain, however inadvertently.

That very night, we all decided to renew our lease on the apartment together. I would be going into my 2nd year of college, while Rose started her 3rd at university.

My girlfriend and I went back to normal, in a way. We made love almost every night (and a few mornings and afternoons). But our relationship was even more intense, and more passionate.

Rose realized that she could have lost me, had I not followed her home. That proof of my devotion (for lack of a better word) inspired her to show me just how much she loved me.

For my part, I was reminded of Laurie's warning about Sam - that she was a wounded bird. Well, Rose had her scars, too, and they clearly still affected her thoughts and emotions. I did my best never to give her grounds for feeling jealous or insecure.

Rina continued to work her way through boyfriends at a rate of one per season. By Christmas, she was sitting down with Rose for advice on how to get - and keep - a decent guy.

Laurie and Eli went out for four months, and then broke up - spectacularly (I'm talking about flying dishes and a trip to the emergency room).

Three months later, they were back together.

And two months after that, they were done - this time for good.

- "Best year of my life." said Eli.

Ray taught me more about the business, and suggested that a 3rd year in college wouldn't hurt me. A change of program was easy enough. It would mean just one night course, and a summer course, but at the end I'd have diploma

and

a certificate.

- "They'll look good on the wall of the office." said Ray. "Besides there's no hurry to have you here full time."

Ray and Karen got married on New Year's Eve - as Karen put it, so that Ray wouldn't forget their anniversary. I was really flattered that he asked me to be one of the groomsmen.

My father and stepmother were invited, of course. I managed to exchange a few words with Dad, without having to acknowledge the witch's presence. Dad wanted to know how I was doing at college, and he especially wanted to meet Rose.

He ended up coming over to the apartment in January - alone. Rose cooked a great dinner, and we had a surprisingly good time.

Rose and I knew, by the spring, that we wouldn't be staying in the apartment for another year. We told Laurie and Rina well in advance.

- "We'll be getting a smaller place - just the two of us." said Rose.

Rina screeched, and did a little victory dance. Laurie surprised me by crying.

- "I'm sorry." she said, between sniffles. "It's just - I'm so happy for you. But I'm gonna miss you guys."

- "Oh shit!" said Rina. "Laurie, you're going to have to learn how to cook."

- "Fuck that noise!" said Laurie.

***

I already knew that Rose was an ideal roommate. We split the chores and duties pretty evenly - It was my turn to cook once a week. Yeah, I had it pretty rough.

We had sex all over the apartment, at all times of the day. She was my roommate, my lover, and - with apologies to Eli - my best friend.

Laurie and Rina got two new roommates, and kept the apartment for another year. They were frequent guests at our place, which was sometimes a bittersweet experience - we missed each other, as Laurie had predicted.

The day after I graduated from college, with my three year diploma, Ray took me out for several pitchers of beer.

- "This is great." I said. "But you can expect a major celebration, Ray. Rose and I are going to take you and your lovely wife out on the town, as a thank you for my tuition, three years running."

- "We can celebrate all you want, Joe. But it's probably time for you to know: I didn't pay your tuition fees."

- "Beg pardon?"

- "Your father did."

That definitely threw me for a loop.

He'd been helping me for years - on the quiet, and getting no thanks for it. On the other hand, he'd let his wife kick me out of the house. It took me quite a while to come to terms with all of that...

I'd been polite to my father, for the last few years, and I'd even begun to include him in my life - and with Rose, in

our

life.

It was hard for Ray, of course: he loved his brother, and had to co-exist with his sister-in-law. He understood my feelings, though. He just knew that you can't criticize other people (especially your siblings) for the mistakes they make while raising their kids.

Rose really helped me to deal with the whole thing. She was understanding, and supportive. And she helped me to finally figure out that she (and Sam) weren't the only wounded birds that I knew.

For most of my life, I'd been angry and resentful about the hand I got dealt. I was still mad at my father for the choices he'd made.

- "Yes, he made a serious mistake." said Rose. "He should never have chosen his wife over his son. But I'll bet you he knows that, now. How long are you going to make him pay for it?"

In the end, we had Ray, Karen, and my Dad over for dinner - which I cooked (with an assist from Rose). I thanked my Dad for paying my tuition, and there were a few tears and hugs.

My future career had been lined up for years. Rose was lucky, though, and latched on with the municipal government, in a position that she would enjoy. It sounded fun, and challenging. The pay would be shitty, for a few years, but there was room for growth and promotion.

I went to work with Ray full-time. It was a damned good partnership, even if I do say myself. I ran the office, and dealt with most of the customers. I had the knack of explaining car troubles to old ladies, and the clueless types, while Ray could handle his old regulars. Many of those migrated to me, over the next few years.

Rose started to gain weight, a bit. Then it became an issue. Part of the problem was me: I was opening the garage, early in the morning, long before Rose was even out of bed. She felt guilty, for gaining a few pounds, but she was lonely, too, because I wasn't around for breakfast.

We worked on it as a team. I started making bag lunches for both of us. Some days we had breakfast together, and when we couldn't, Rose would come into the kitchen to find the lunch I'd left for her. That way, she knew that I'd been thinking of her. It worked as a reminder as well, not to eat fast food or crappy stuff from the cafeteria at work.

Two years after we moved in together, I took Rose on a long walk around the lake. When I stopped, opposite the old boathouse, under the old-fashioned street lamp, Rose recognized the spot. She turned to me, with a big smile.