The Punchline Ch 03

Chapter 3.

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-Grayson-

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The night where I cried in Callie's arms was probably the most embarrassing night of my life. Hell, one of my most embarrassing moments in general. It doesn't top when the girl's soccer team came back from practice and I was hanging up fliers in the locker room for the school and instead of just walking out when they came in, I decided to stay in one of the bathroom showers and... okay, story for another time.

Point is that was embarrassing. And when I woke up the next morning with Callie lying next to me, my head on her lap, I don't think I've ever gotten dressed and made tea faster in my entire life. I actually felt so uncomfortable inside my own house that I got in my car and I just drove to the nearest GameStop to pick something up for myself.

See, I've secluded myself in my room for a while recently for two reasons. One reason is the thing you already know if you actually read the last chapter (breaking the fourth wall a bit here). And the second reason being... it is so hard to be around Callie without getting a boner.

Like I know most of you think that was a joke, funny, haha. But no. That girl is seriously hot. Big blue eyes, pale skin without a damn blemish on it, really long black pretty hair, cute little nose, pouty lips, and that body... ergh. That's the thing that gets me most of the time. I won't go full on perv, but her ass is AMAZING. Her boobs are fucking perfect. It's just... ergh.

Plus, her personality is amazing. Like, she always seems a little pissed off about something and she looks so damn cute when she's mad. She's kind of nerdy, she loves wrestling, and is a history buff.

So I've kinda just... pulled myself away from the situation as to not find myself getting to a place where I want her as my girlfriend or something.

Last night I just let go. I started thinking about my ex and how much I cared about her. And how lonely I was without her and... I just started bawling my eyes out. And then she came in and she was the only warm and soft thing to hug around, so I just clung to her and cried. And then we fell asleep together. And while waking up on a pair of really shapely legs isn't such a bad thing when you think about it, I had to remove myself from the situation.

So when I returned with a copy of Thief for the PS4, never having gotten it, she was watching the rest of Raw in the lounge. She immediately paused and turned to look at me, smiling.

"Hey. What have you been up to?" She asked and in response, I shook the bag I was holding. She looked and nodded. "What are you gonna do now?"

I shrugged. "I woke up pretty late so now I've only got about two hours until my act at the club starts. So I might just... get showered, dressed, and head out."

Her eyes lit up slightly. "You know I've never seen you do your act before..."

"You've never seen me jerk off either. And like my act, I bet you don't want to see that," I responded and she laughed, yet, she didn't exactly sound disgusted by the thought either. I shook my head. Just hopeful thinking, Mr. Harper.

"But really though, I'd like to see. Um... could I... tag along tonight?" She asked, getting off of her bed as I walked to the kitchen counter and started to set down my things.

Ohhh shit. How do I mess up a comedy act and get fired? Have a boner the whole way through. This is going to be great. I can't say no, cause that would just be mean. Maybe I could play it off as insecurity, but I don't think she would believe me. Or maybe... maybe that could be my greatest act. Having a boner... and making a joke out of it. GENIUS, GRAYSON. I'M A GENIUS.

"Uh... sure. Better go get showered now then and get some nice clothes on. I'll pop this in during your shower and when you get out, I'll get ready and we can head out to the club, cool?" I told her, faking my best smile.

She, almost giddily, nodded, rummaged through her stuff for some clothing, and ran off to the shower. I sighed. This was going to be a long night.

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I stood in backstage, hearing the final applause of the previous act. My friend Tony walked over to me and pat me on the back.

"Got any new jokes you're ready to throw out tonight?" He asked and I nodded.

"A uh... a whole new act, actually," I told him and his eyebrows rose.

He crossed his arms, nodding his approval with a smile. "A whole new act? Seriously?"

"Yeah. Take a seat out there, you might like it," I replied and he nodded, telling me that he will. I watched him make his way out to the seats and I took a few deep breaths. I heard our announcer, a woman known by the name of Sue Lee grabbing the microphone.

"What a funny guy, that Mark Melson is. Speaking of funny guys, I wanna welcome to the stage ad fan favorite around these parts, Mr. Grayson Harper!"

I walked out onto the stage to a surprising loud and continuous cheer. People have really taken a liking to my act recently. And I have to say, that's helpful. Especially nowadays when times are tough.

I look out to the crowd, waving as I walk over to the microphone to see Tony in the table nearest to the stage while Callie was out in the middle of the crowd, cheering me on probably the loudest out of all of them. The memory of embarrassment set in for a moment, but as I grabbed the microphone stand took out the mic, it was completely forgotten.

When I'm out on this stage, the people laughing and cheering me on, I can feel my problems melt away. The depression doesn't seem as present... my hard on for anything to do with Callie doesn't seem as bulging anymore... anything bad just is gone. And a smile along with a casual attitude replaces old and cold Grayson.

"Okay, okay. Quiet down. It's great to see so many people in the club. Jesus, how many of you are out there?" A cheap cheer erupts from the crowd. "So let's just get the hot topics out of the way. Like owls..."

The act was going great. Completely new material, everyone in the club loved it, even the employees were having a good giggle. Then, as the act progressed, it was time to get to the roommate joke. I didn't even bat an eyelash before going into it, not even caring that my roommate was out there.

"So... a few months ago, I got a roommate. And this was my first time ever actually living with someone else. Like, not even a girlfriend has ever come to live with me. And it's nice, ya know, there's plenty of space for the both of us. But there's... there's something that gets to me," I could see Callie's face in the crowd, sort of scrunching up in a frown.

"The girl who has moved in with me, I won't say names, is insanely. Fucking. Attractive," The crowd laughs and Callie does as well, but the laugh turns into a cheer of admiration. I shake my head and a finger. "No no, you might think that's a good thing, but for a young, hormonal heterosexual male who hasn't had sex in two years... it's fucking annoying."

Another laugh from the crowd erupts, Callie looking slightly surprised, but still going along with the crowd. "It's like, I have to avoid her at times. I walk out of my room and I see her in these cute little boyshorts and a tight tanktop, sitting in an oh so teasing position, and I have to make my tea and fucking bolt back into my room, hoping she doesn't notice my raging stiffie."

The laugh almost seems continuous, the whole crowd loving the act. The joke runs its course and I continue my act the whole way through until I finish up my last joke.

"The one thing though, the question that keeps me up at night whenever I think of that party... is how the hell did they hang a piñata up there?"

The crowd erupts in probably the loudest guffawing laughter of the night. And at the height, I tell them they've been great and it's time for me to go back to my home planet. The laughter slowly changes into a cheer, some people chanting, as I walk backstage.

I felt exhilarated. Never better in my entire life. The whole club was eating up every word I said. They were laughing at everything. The whole act was amazing; I didn't miss a beat at all. I felt like I could take on the entire world and still not have any damage, not even chip damage, to my HP gauge man.

Tony came back and congratulated me, saying I never looked better and never said anything funnier than I did tonight. I thanked him, he gave me my week's pay, and I grabbed my coat and headed out into the main area of the club. A bunch of people congratulated me on my act as I was heading out and I looked over to see Callie near the front entrance, giving a small clap for me as I neared her. I clasped my hands together as if I was receiving cheers from a large crowd, shaking them.

"That was amazing, Grayson. I don't think I've ever laughed that hard in my entire life," She told me as I stopped next to her.

I smiled a toothy grin and opened the door for her, allowing her to walk out. "I don't think I've ever felt better. It was good you came along tonight. I was in a groove."

We walked out of the club and to my car, the cold air very similar to that of the night that we met. It was a feeling of nostalgia; really, as we walked through the alley and past the decayed box that she stayed in. I don't think she even noticed it.

We got into the car and began to drive home, listening to a late night talk show on the radio as we did. We chuckled at some of the half-assed jokes one of the few hosts threw out as we went along.

"Did you mean what you said?" I heard suddenly, turning to her to see her looking at her lap, scratching her head.

"What?"

"What you said. In the show. About how you thought I was really hot," She told me and then turned to me. "Did you mean that?"

I stayed silent for a moment, not even realizing she was there when I made that joke. I took a few moments, gulped down my spit, and came up with the best thing to say at that moment. "No."

She frowned, almost pouting. I let that word hang in the air for a few moments before turning to her with a very small smile on my face. "I think you're really beautiful."

I don't think I've ever seen her smile that wide before in the time that I've known her. We didn't say anything else to each other on the drive back.

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"Hey Gray?"

I was in the kitchen, making myself a sandwich and grabbing a Gatorade when I heard Callie's voice come from my storage room I never used. I frowned and walked over, holding the Gatorade in my hand as I did so, and poked my head into the doorway to see what was going on.

The thing that I saw was a little bit surprising. She had taken an unused room and put an easel into it and a canvas, along with a bunch of watercolor paints that she had in one hand. She was looking at the canvas with this little frown. She was wearing an apron as to not get her clothes incredibly dirty. It looked so cute.

"What did you call me?"

She turned to me with a small, almost mischievous smile on her face. "Gray. Like a nickname. What's the problem with it?"

"I... nothing. Just... no one's called me Gray before," I told her and she raised an eyebrow at me as I walked over to her, tossing the Gatorade between each hand.

"No one's called you Gray? I almost find that hard to believe. It's like... the only nickname for you."

"Yeah well... never been big on nicknames," I said and looked around. "I see you've appropriated my storage room into an art studio."

She met my eyes and frowned slightly. "I hope that's okay."

I waved that off. "Of course it's okay. It's your house too. Although I'm wondering what you're painting there."

She kind of sheepishly looked at the floor, shrugging her shoulders. "Nothing that... amazing. You know. Just some usual stuff. A self-painting."

"Taking the selfie to an artistic level huh? What do you have there?"

"N-no, wait!"

I walked over and glanced at the painting to see something... a little bit promiscuous. She was naked in the picture, all of her naughty bits cove red up, yet her form was completely present as she was sitting down in a field. I furrowed my brow and leaned in, trying to see the picture a little bit better.

"Quick question... why are you painting yourself naked?" I asked.

She nervously chuckled. "Um... you know... I was online and there was a bunch of things to test your art skills and they said a self-painting was a good idea... but I've always found that... like... the human body is beautiful. And that someone being naked is the truest version of himself or herself. So... like... it just kinda made sense to do this. I don't know. I'm sorry."

"No no, there's no need to say sorry. It's brilliant, really. The shading, the coloring, how everything blends together into a good image... it's absolutely beautiful," I backed off a little bit, nodding my head. "Did you go to art school, by chance?"

"Well... I took art lessons when I was in highschool. That's what I wanted to do when I got out, you know... things didn't end up that way," She explained, tapping on her watercolor board.

I unscrewed the cap on my drink. "Hm. You should think about maybe doing some commission work for some people around here. There's a market for this kind of modern art thing nowadays."

"Yeah. Maybe. Thanks, Gray," She turned to me and gave me a smile.

It took a lot of willpower to not reach down, grab her face, and kiss her right then. Every part of her was perfect. Like she was made specifically to cater to all of my tastes. Her perfectly shaped nose, pouty lips, big beautiful blue eyes... God. She makes me sound like a sappy bitch at times.

Oh man... living with her is going to be a lot harder now, isn't it?

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Nnngghhh...

My head... is pounding... agh. No one's home... go away...

On this particular morning, I was feeling the after effects of the previous night. It had been about two months since I debuted my new act and it had become a pretty big hit around here.

See, sometimes, when I'm in a good mood, I grab a few drinks during and after the act at the club. And I'm not in a good mood often, so I don't really drink that much, but last night was The Fourth of July, so there were free drinks in the comedy club and a lot of sparklers. They gave me a free drink and I just kept going back for more. And it was the perfect opener to a night of drinking too, one of those really colorful ones with an umbrella. When you go through the trouble of having an umbrella in the drink, you've hooked me.

Then it was another one of those. Then a beer. And then another one. And then it just kept going like that until Tony drove me home in my car. I think he walked back. Or something. Honestly, I only remember a few things before I fell on my bed and went to sleep. Like... I think I woke up Callie. I don't know, really.

But as I woke up, I just kind of threw on some pajama pants that I found on the floor. And all of you out there, who are going 'Eugh' or whatever, fuck off. I couldn't even begin to think of going over to my closet to find a new pair to wear.

So at that time, I very much considered going out, making tea, then maybe going outside for a little bit, I really did, but... you can probably guess what I actually did.

I went back into bed, covered my whole body up, and let one hand rest on the open side of my head to make the pounding slow down a little bit. I noticed that the light coming through the blinds was white rather than a sunny yellow. It was early morning and probably quite cloudy. It was going to rain. I liked the rain.

Some time later, when it seemed like I was going to recover from the constant pounding, there was a small knock at the door. Immediately the thought that came to my head was 'Go away, fuckface' but before I could even think of a better answer to the knock, the door was opened. It took me a few seconds, but I looked down to see it was Callie. Holy fuck, yes it was.

She was walking in wearing, funny enough, a tanktop and boyshorts. Ones that were... too fitting for their own good. I could go on and on about how sexy she looked right now, but my mind focused more on the hot cup of tea she had in her hand and the small smile she was giving me.

"Hi Gray. I made you some tea," She said softly, looking at me and moving slowly beside me.

She began to talk about something as she walked over and set the tea on my bedside table. I tried to pay attention to what she was saying. I really did, believe me, but my eyes and brain wouldn't let me. They had travelled down to her thighs to see that her boyshorts were riding up a bit and her legs were almost... completely bare. And they... were toned, lean, and-and damn, why do I have to be straight?

"Grayson? You okay?"

I turned up to look at her eyes to see her slightly smirking at me. I frowned, wondering why, but then a thought came to my head. Was she... doing this on purpose? Just to fuck with me?

"Yeah, just... ya know... hungover," I replied, rubbing my eyes.

She nodded. "Okay. Well, your boss, Anthony, called and left you a message saying you have the night off."

I smiled. Tony was a good guy when you needed him to be. And this particular time, it was kind of his fault. He kept urging me on to drink, saying that people found it hilarious. Sure, maybe that was one suggestion at the beginning of the night but still.

I saw her looking at the television and she smiled a wide grin. I took a look as well to see a darkened screen, but beyond that, was the menu of Netflix. A show recently watched by me was the anime 'Rosario + Vampire' where the cover for that was a girl lying down in an erotic, posed position. I frowned and looked on the floor to see two bunched up tissues and a few old stains on my underpants.

"Oh."

Callie turned to me and tried desperately not to laugh. My other hand came out of the covers and grabbed my face. I always did get horny when I was drunk. And... well... Moka-San seemed to fit the bill on what I was feeling that night.

"I uh... my friends like... um... pffhh..." I didn't know what to say, but she just started bursting out laughing.

My God. This athletic, lithe girl was sitting on my bed in small little boyshorts and laughing the most beautiful, melodic little chuckle I'd ever seen. Her hair seemed to shine from the light shining in from the slits between the blinds. My description doesn't do what I saw justice. It was something almost indescribable.

What the hell was my mind doing? I had found more and more lately that whenever I saw her, my heart would kind of slow down. Every time I spoke to her, her feminine yet strong voice would make me feel lightheaded. It's fucking bullshit.

"I've never watched it before. Although people online say it's okay. You wanna watch an episode?" What was I to say? No.

"Yeah, sure."

Callie moved around behind me, grabbed the remote, and situated herself so she was sitting down. It was a bit easier this way. At least I would not be looking at her all the time and become distracted. She pressed play and the first episode's intro started rolling.

We watched as Moka and Tsukune both meet just before their first year in Youkai Academy. It was kind of fanservice-y, but it was still interesting all the same. And one particular scene near the end of the episode caused a little stirring down below.

In fact, it caused such a stir, that Callie tapped me on the shoulder, clearing her throat. I turned around and she pointed to my hips, where I saw something poking against the fabric of the sheets. I think we all know what that something was. OBVIOUSLY MY TOES LIKE COME O-okay, that joke had no traction. It was my dick.

"I guess this is where I stopped last night," I murmured and tried to subtly situate myself.

She was slightly giggling the whole time I went through this ordeal and we both turned back only to see Moka kick a monster in the air in her super vampire form. The episode ended shortly afterward.