The Pied Piper Finds Love

I'm on my way. I've made up my mind. I'm breaking up with the woman I love. I know that I will never love anyone as much as I love her. It is simply not possible. What can I tell you about Kari? She's lovely in every way, kind, funny, sensitive, and intelligent. She's faithful too. I haven't come home early to find her in bed with my best mate. We've not had the talk about when she wants to open up the relationship. No, nothing like that. She's not like that.

She's beautiful inside and out, stunning, in fact. Beauty is not normally a drawback in a life partner. In this instance, it is - because I'm not beautiful, not attractive. To be frank, I'm ugly. Even my best friends always called me Shrek or the Beast. She deserves so much better than me; she just hasn't realised it yet. Everyone else has. I see how people look at us when we are out. The incredulity on their faces. Why would she be with him? They cannot get their heads around it.

Only one person thinks we make the perfect couple, and that's my Mum. She doesn't see me as ugly, of course. You've heard the term a face only a mother could love; I'm the proof. She thinks I'm her gorgeous boy. Never has a woman been more biased.

No, one day, Kari will realise that she deserves better; everyone says she will. Every day I love her more; every day it will be harder to let her go and every day will only make it hurt more. I'm not a masochist; this will hurt me like nothing before. It is also an act of my love for her with a huge dollop of self-preservation. So, I've decided to take my broken heart now, please.

Kari and I met at work. It is only a small office; it is only a tiny cosmetics firm, LPP International. The international makes me laugh, as it most certainly isn't. It looks good on the packaging, though. When Kari first started, she just brightened the whole place up. She certainly brightened my days. Not everyone gets my sense of humour, but she did. The days suddenly passed so quickly, with us joking along. The boss was pleased, too, as we seemed to get more done than before. A happy workforce is a productive one.

Don't get me wrong; I found her instantly attractive; who wouldn't? It is not just her looks but her personality and how she interacts with people. I knew that she could never be more than my friend. I had no illusions about that. I was used to being the ugly friend and realised she would never see me that way. We could be pals, though, good pals. I could appreciate her kindness and just being around her. She didn't seem to find my bulk off-putting. People often did, but she didn't.

Strangely children didn't find me off-putting either. They seemed to know that they were safe with me. My Mum calls me the Pied Piper. At family parties, the children would soon be climbing all over me like I was some bouncy castle. If a child gets lost in the supermarket, it will be me that they come to for help. They must sense that I'm just a big softie.

Kari was like that. She had that trust. She remembered everything about me, too. We had a little buffet in the office at Christmastime; she brought everything I liked. She told Mrs Whittam that I couldn't eat her mixed pepper quiche as peppers gave me heartburn. A stupid thing, but she remembered. She cared. She knew me.

It was my birthday that caused the trouble. She bought me a little cake for the office with a candle and everything. A hilarious card and a vintage t-shirt from one of my favourite bands. She got the size right too, which is not easy because I'm big. I was so grateful that I hugged her to say thanks. I expected a quick hug, but she lingered and nestled in my arms. It felt so good, hell, it felt great, but I didn't expect her to sigh. A contented sigh, like she was happy to be there. I suppose it was a safety thing. I'm big, and I make her feel safe. Nothing more. I get it. I think.

Later that afternoon, I mentioned that I was going out with my friends and a couple of their wives and girlfriends.

"You'll be there on your own?"

"Well, I'll be there with them, my pals."

"But they're in couples."

"Well, apart from Rob, He's single too, at the moment, but I'm always on my own, Kari; I'm used to it. I never have a plus one for obvious reasons."

"Obvious reasons?" she queried.

"Have you looked at me?" I laughed, but she didn't. She was remarkably quiet for the rest of the afternoon.

"Enjoy your night," she said in a clipped voice as she reached for her coat.

"Kari, what's wrong? Have I upset you? I am very grateful for everything you've done for my birthday."

"I know you are; it's not that; it's just that I thought we were friends."

"We are. We're more than just colleagues, and I love working with you. You make me laugh like no one else does."

"Well, why are you celebrating your birthday with your other friends but not me?"

"I don't know, I never thought. I didn't think you'd want to. My mates can be pretty full-on, you know? I was trying to protect you and...."

"And?"

"I didn't want to share you."

She smiled at this.

"Well, you don't have to protect me and you won't have to share me either. I'm your friend, but I want to meet your other friends too."

"Will you come then?"

She nodded and I quickly told her where and when. I rang the restaurant to add one more to the reservation.

We were all there on time for once, apart from Kari. I was just about to explain to the group about her when she arrived. She always looked great, of course, but tonight she was breath-taking. Her pale blonde hair was half up and half down. It was in curls; I don't know how she had the time. Her make-up was perfect and the dress seemed to mould to her tiny, perfect figure.

"Wow," said Rob. "It looks like a tiny piece of heaven has just arrived. Yum."

I was just about to tell Rob not to talk about Kari like that. To treat her with the same respect that he treated the other wives and girlfriends, but then I realised I couldn't. She wasn't a wife or girlfriend, but she was my friend and I really didn't like it.

As I processed these thoughts, she came over, put her arm around my waist, and reached up and kissed me on the cheek. She turned and smiled at the shock on my friends' faces.

"Bloody hell," said Rob, "Shrek's pulled."

Everyone laughed, but Kari didn't. Her eyes blazed. I knew that look. It was the same look she had when Barry from accounts accused her of making an error. It turned out that it was Barry's error. It looks like Rob had just made a major error too.

"Yes, Daniel has pulled, as you so inelegantly put it. I prefer to say that I've fallen for him. Don't you ever call him Shrek again in my presence? It's Daniel, Dan or Danny. Now get me a glass of prosecco and we will say no more about it."

Rob looked stunned.

"What about Beast? Can we call him Beast? We've always called him Beast."

"You seem to have a little difficulty understanding me; I'll make it simple. No -- you -- may -- not. Now make that glass of prosecco a bottle. I'll share it with my new friends."

It is a real pity that Rob doesn't move as fast on the five-a-side pitch as he did on his way to the bar. The other three ladies made space in the booth for her.

"We like you already," said one of the girls. I was so stunned that I couldn't tell you who said it.

Apart from Rob looking a bit churlish, we had a great night. I wasn't sure what Kari thought she was doing, but whatever it was, I liked it. I liked it when she defended me. I liked it when she held my hand under the table. I liked it when she climbed on my knee at the end of the night and whispered in my ear,

"Thank you for letting me come. I don't want this to stop."

Seeing us cuddled together was obviously too much for Rob and he turned to the rest of the table.

"This is ridiculous. What on earth could someone like her, see in Shrek..., I mean Danny. She's gorgeous, a bit of a grumpy cow, but gorgeous. What would she see in him? Is she doing it for a bet?"

The rest of my friends looked shocked. I don't think he expected Kari to hear, but she did.

"That's why you are going home on your own, Rob. For a bet? Don't judge others by your low standards. You really don't get it at all, do you? Well, I can promise you that Daniel here is most definitely going to get it tonight."

With that, she jumped off my knee and led me to the waiting taxi, to the cheers of the rest of the table.

I sat stunned in the cab.

"You almost had me believing all that back there. I wish...."

"You wish what?"

It must have been the drink that made me say it before I could stop myself.

"That it was true. That you were coming back to mine."

"I am, but I can't stay all night. Long enough to give you your real birthday present anyway."

That's what she did too. She came home with me. She took me by the hand and asked where the bathroom was. I waited on the bed in my t-shirt and boxers. When she appeared in the doorway, she found the room in darkness. She looked for the switch.

"No, I said. I don't want you to see me. I'm big and podgy and lumpy."

She found the light and flicked it on.

"Well, I want to see all of you. Maybe I like podgy and lumpy. Now, what was this big stuff you were talking about?"

I couldn't answer as I couldn't speak. I was struck dumb by the perfection I was looking at. She was pale, and her skin seemed to glow in the light. She was so beautiful that I felt guilty about touching her with my big, ugly hands. Not too guilty that I didn't, however. I might be big and ugly, but I am not stupid.

I was surprised when Kari whispered that I was her first. I had been with a few different women who weren't that discerning. I'd had sex, but I had never made love, until now.

"I saved myself for someone special. I am so glad it is you."

Afterwards, we cuddled and she rested her hand on my chest.

"Is it always that good?" she sighed.

"If you are with the right person, it must be, because I have never experienced anything as good," I replied, smiling.

We dozed and then she got up to leave.

"Stay. Please. Don't go." I said, reaching for her. I saw her hesitate for a second.

"No, I've got to go; I said I would."

"So, my birthday is well and truly over then. That's it?" I said petulantly.

"You are a stupid man at times, Daniel Hamelin. I've waited months for you to ask me out. I've dreamed about it. Now, it's happened after I made it happen. Don't think for a second that I'm letting you go because I'm not. I'll be back in the morning. I'm bringing breakfast; now sleep."

With that, she kissed me on the forehead and was gone. Don't tell anyone, but I slept on her pillow. It smelt of her perfume. Big soft devil, I am. As I drifted off to sleep, I was already thinking about how much this would hurt when she came to her senses. She was back at 9.00 am, with breakfast from my favourite coffee shop.

"I thought I'd let you sleep in. I thought that you might need the rest after last night."

My dream girl was here looking all perky and gorgeous and she had brought coffee and muffins from my favourite coffee shop. I just smiled at her. How did my life get so good? This morning her hair was in this headband thing and she was wearing purple. Purple may be my new favourite colour.

"So, Daniel, how are you feeling?"

"Happy, scared, shocked, but mostly happy."

"Why shocked? You must have known that I liked you. We get on brilliantly."

"We do; you're wonderful. I love being with you, but I never thought you would like me as anything other than mates."

"I don't understand why? You must have had some inkling that I was interested in you."

With that, I gently stood her in front of the mirror. She seemed so delicate, standing in front of me, talk about beauty and the beast. Rob was right.

"Look at me, then look at you. We don't look right together. Why would someone as gorgeous as you want to go out with me?"

She looked sad as she looked into my eyes.

"Do you want to know what I see? I see the kindest, funniest, gentlest man I've ever known. I see a man I saved myself for. I also see his lovely smile and his gorgeous eyes that look like chocolate buttons. Turn around."

We swapped places in the mirror so that I was standing in front of her.

"I also see the cutest, roundest, sexiest bottom I've ever seen. When you walked to the bathroom in the night, I was quite mesmerised."

With that, she slapped my buttocks rather hard. I quite liked it.

"No more talk of you not being good enough. I find it very annoying when people insult my man. That includes when he does it to himself."

"Is that what I am then, your man?" I laughed, still in shock.

"Yes, and don't you forget it." She said as she came in for another one of those amazing hugs.

Things just went from strength to strength. We spent so much time together. My Mum loved her and as it was nearly Christmas when our relationship changed, she was soon included in family parties. My best mate Callum and his wife Michelle loved her too. They were happy to see me so content. I was, but I still had so many doubts. When I was with Kari, everything was wonderful. I never doubted her feelings for me. When we were apart, the doubts came. They came in hard and tackled any rational thought. You know that feeling when you wake up at 3.00 am and your worries seem to magnify and multiply? It was like that. It was like that whenever we were apart.

There were so many unanswered questions. She'd never stay the night at my place. She always left me sleeping. I had never met any of her friends or family. Was she that ashamed of me? I'd never even been allowed to visit her flat. She lived with her friend Coral who let Kari live there practically rent-free. They shared one bedroom and Kari said it wasn't fair to Coral to invade her limited space. She didn't want to rock the boat.

There were so many red flags and they bothered me so much. She wouldn't go away with me; I wanted us to have a weekend somewhere. I wanted to wake up with her. Yes, I'm a big softie, but I think that you have probably already worked that out. Going away was a no-go. Why did she not want to be seen with me at a hotel? She seemed to have no problem with being seen anywhere else with me. It was me that had the problem with that sometimes. I saw people's surprised looks and their sniggers.

We were at a lovely restaurant when I almost hit some bloke after I saw him silently mouth the word "Escort" to his companion. You see, that was what strangers thought, that someone as lovely as Kari would only be with me if I were paying for her company. I never told Kari that one; there was no use in both of us being upset. I did tell her that we got some odd looks, but she just laughed it off. She genuinely didn't see the problem, but I did. She did everything she could to make me feel loved that I forgot everything else when we were together.

The niggles wouldn't go away, however. There was always someone like Rob, keen to have a bit of banter and feed my insecurities. Insecurities that hadn't mattered until I fell in love, I tried to distance myself from Rob and some of my other more vocal mates, but they got into my head. I think the final straw was when Callum, who I trusted so much, said,

"I think she is a lovely girl, mate and you're obviously smitten, but where is this relationship going? She won't stay over or go away with you? I think you're right; there are a lot of red flags and as lovely as she is, she's definitely hiding something. You've not even been to her flat or met this, Coral. For all you know, she could be shacked up with a bloke. I hope she isn't, mate, but it is all a bit odd. I'd love to tell you that you were being paranoid, but I don't think you are."

I knew that Callum, unlike some of my mates, only had my best interests at heart. No, this won't do; I'm going round to her flat, which I've never been allowed to visit and stop this once and for all. I'll take my heartbreak now, please. If this Coral exists, she will be there to support her after I've gone.

I soon found the right door. I rang the bell and this guy answered; this very handsome guy stripped to the waist. He had a wonderful physique. He was everything that I wasn't. He was everything she deserved. I looked at him and said,

"I'm sorry, I think I've got the wrong door. I was looking for Kari. Sorry for disturbing you."

I turned to go and Mr Handsome said,

"No, wait. She's here Daniel. I'll get her for you. She's just in the bedroom."

I carried on walking. Well, it was more of a jog, to be fair. I needed to get away. Well, I said I wanted my heartbreak now and I got my wish. I just didn't think that it would hurt this much. Why let me fall in love with her when all the time she had this hunk?

I managed to get to a park and sank down onto a bench. A few minutes later, I was joined by Mr Handsome.

"Bloody hell Daniel, for a big lad, you can certainly pick up some speed. I barely had a chance to catch up with you."

I didn't even look at him, stared straight ahead and spoke,

"Look, I don't even know who you are, but I really don't feel like talking at the moment. Just leave me alone to let my heart break in peace."

"Oh love, and they say I'm a Drama Queen. Stop adding up 2 and 2 and making 27. I suggest you listen to what I have to say. I'm Coral, original name Carl. Don't ever use that, please. I'm Kari's best friend in the whole world, apart from you. I'm also her family and most importantly, her fairy Godfather. I granted all her wishes and I'm about to grant some of yours too."

I just stared at him as he carried on,

"Well, I'm obviously no threat to your relationship, am I? I'm on your side, promise."

"Why keep you a secret then? "I blurted out, "Why lie?"

"It wasn't me that she was keeping a secret, silly boy. She does have secrets, but she hasn't told you any lies, really. I told her to be honest with you, or she'd end up hurting you both. I'd just about convinced her, too, then you turned up looking all wounded. Come on back with me and sort all this out once and for all."

Walking back in silence together, I realised that Coral had dropped behind slightly. I stopped and turned.

"She's right; you have got a lovely bum," he laughed.

I didn't know quite how to react to that.

When we got back to the flat, Kari was in the lounge. It was a lovely flat, all creams with flecks of gold here and there. Above the fireplace was a large portrait of a glamorous lady who bore more than a passing resemblance to Coral. I could barely look at Kari and she just hung her head.

"Come on Kari," said Coral, "Tell your man your secrets. You've been very silly. I told you that he loves you. The poor lad was breaking his heart when he saw me. I don't mind being a heartbreaker normally, but we can't break his Kari. He's too special. Now, you two, I'll be in the kitchen making us brunch. I'll have the radio on and I'll be rattling pans, so I won't be able to hear anything. I do expect to hear all later, though."

With that, he was gone. He was a force of nature. I couldn't help but like him. I'd love to introduce him to Rob and see them interact.

Kari looked at me. Her eyes were brimming with tears. I couldn't bear it. I held her gently.

"Daniel, I'm going to tell you everything, but I need you to promise not to interrupt. Can you do that?

I nodded and so, slowly, she told me her story.

"I've always been slight. I was also very plain--baby fine, pale blonde hair. I could never grow it to any length. It frustrated my Mum. She wanted a pretty daughter to dress up, with plaits. She could dress me up, but I never looked right. Pale hair, pale skin. My eyebrows and eyelashes were so light they looked non-existent. They called me the mouse. I was so quiet and shy, even with the closest family. They didn't want me. I was a burden. I got in the way of their social life. My mum and stepfather didn't have much money, but they liked to socialise. They liked a drink. Eventually, their love of booze became all-consuming.