The Aristocrat

(Author's note: This episode is the most upsetting one in this story, both because it contains an incident of non-consensual sex, happening to the narrator, and it also involves a death and themes of grief and mourning. Please avoid if you have triggers. There's also some pee play. Because that's how I roll, sometimes.)

A week later, it was evening.

Ciara and I were in her room. She was wearing a white bathrobe. I was indeed wearing a white coat over my ordinary clothes.

Ciara sat on the edge of her bed with her hands in her lap. She had just come out of the shower, and the ragged hairs on the top of her head hung down in damp trails over her forehead. Her skin had cleared up a bit. She looked up at me, rather nervous. No joking around.

'All right,' she said. 'What can I expect.'

'It's very important that you relax,' I said. 'I'm gonna use a lot of lube, but if you don't relax, you could hurt yourself.'

'Okay.'

'It will probably help if you... arouse yourself a bit first, so you're looking forward to it. Have you had fantasies about this?'

'Once or twice, yeah,' she said, going pink.

'What did you imagine it'd be like?'

'Kind of like I had a magical second vagina which was naughty and forbidden,' she said.

I couldn't help smiling, and she mock-slapped my arm.

'Well, I dunno what's like to have someone in my vagina, obviously, but I don't think it would be like this.'

'Right.'

'It's more like someone's using you. In a sexy way. Treating you like dirt.'

'Hmmm.'

'Does that sound like something you'd like to try?'

We had agreed that, if at any point she decided she didn't want to do what we had planned to do, she could say a safe word and I would stop.

I was curious, most of all, to see what it would be like to do this: would we fall apart in laughter? Would it be just uncomfortable and pointless? Would Ciara find it upsetting? Or would she, just possibly, enjoy it?

I knew that if the tables were turned, and I were about to lie on my bed and be sodomised by her with a dildo, I would be panting in anticipation. But I wasn't her.

She looked off behind me for a moment, then took a deep breath and swallowed.

'Yeah,' she said. 'I want to be treated like dirt.'

'Well, you're going to have to imagine some of it, because I'm not calling you names.'

'Fine,' she said, and looked at the bed, and looked up at me.

'Well,' I said, 'better get ready.'

She nodded, took off her glasses and put them on the nightstand, then took off her robe, and got on the bed and lay on her stomach, her face turned away from me.

I looked down at Ciara's naked body, and I felt a wave of fondness for her.

I liked her weird sense of humour. Her strangeness. (I had once casually asked her if she'd ever wondered if she was neurodivergent, and she'd replied 'Of course I'm neurodivergent, you fuckin' eejit' without even raising her voice from a mild-mannered drawl. The thing was, I couldn't even tell if she meant it. Which made me wonder if I was neurodivergent.)

I liked that she trusted me. I didn't even trust myself. I didn't feel like I knew who I was, and yet she trusted me enough to push me to follow through on the promise I'd made, that I'd help her with her issues about her body and intimacy and sex and doing things she was uncomfortable with, but wanted to do.

... Anyway. I was with Adrian. And he was going to refine me and make me a better person.

Ciara reached underneath herself and her hips shifted a bit, and her hand started working at herself. She sighed.

'Oh yeahh,' she said.

'Feeling good?'

'... I've felt worse.'

'Let me know when you want me to start.'

'Okay,' she said in a tight voice. 'Gimme a minute.'

It took her about five minutes, but then, as she was squirming slightly on the bed and starting to pant, she gave me a thumbs up with her other hand.

I picked up the lube in one hand and squirted some on my fingers, and then carefully reached between her buttocks and smeared it deep in there. She made a little gasp.

'Okay?' I said.

'Mm-hm.'

I touched her anus, and stroked it. She made a little whimper: 'Ah!'

I kept massaging it. Her hips were moving back and forth. Her face was turned away from me, the shaggy locks of hair from the top of her head falling over the side of it, so I couldn't see her expression. I sensed that part of her was, despite all her bravado, more than a bit embarrassed to be doing this, but that that wasn't going to stop her.

I pressed at her anus and pushed my finger slightly.

'Ahhh!' she moaned, and stopped moving her hips.

'Okay?' I said.

She paused, then nodded.

I slowly, gently worked my index finger into Ciara's ass, and she shivered and made a sort of whimpering gasp.

'Ahhh-h-h!'

'Want me to stop?'

'Oh god.'

I placed a calming hand on the base of her spine.

'Seriously, want me to stop?'

'No... what is that?'

'That's just my finger.'

'Not the toy?' She sounded worried.

'No. Just loosening you up.'

'Oh fuck,' she moaned.

I began to move my finger back and forth inside her, and she shuddered.

'Oohhhh...'

'Is that okay?'

'Ohhh... I dunno yet... don't stop.'

I moved my finger around, making her feel me, pushing it deeper in. She made another trembling whimper. I watched her keenly, trying to see if she was genuinely uncomfortable.

'I'm here,' I said. 'Are you ready for more?'

'A bit more first,' she gasped.

I took out my index finger and replaced it with my larger middle finger. Ciara made another shaky gasp as it went in.

I pushed some more for a couple of minutes, and then, as her breathing seemed to become less tense and more relaxed, I put my hand on her bare shoulder.

'You ready now?'

'Yeah,' she panted.

I took out my finger and picked up the wobbly pink dildo, glistening with lube.

'This is bigger,' I said, 'so you're gonna really need to relax yourself down there, okay?'

'Okay,' she whimpered.

I put the head of the dildo between her buttocks and pushed it into the cleft. She made another of her panicky whimpers.

'If you open your legs, and roll a little onto one side,' I said, 'it'll help.'

She parted her legs and shifted her torso, and I leaned over her to make sure I was getting the angle right.

Then I pressed the head of the dildo against Ciara's anus, and saw it open up the tight bud of muscle and slip inside her.

'Oh fffffuck,' she yelped.

'Are you okay?'

'Mmmmmmmnnnn...'

'You probably feel like you want to shit,' I said. 'That's natural. Don't worry.'

'Ooohhh...'

Her left hand came up and fumbled in the air and I grabbed it. She squeezed it.

'All the way in,' she gasped through clenched teeth.

I leaned on the base of the dildo and it slid into Ciara's rectum, up to the broad, flared hilt.

'UuuuUUUNNNHH!' she squealed. 'FUCK!'

'That's it,' I said calmly.

'Oh my god,' she said in a different voice, more of a sob. I was concerned; if this was triggering something in her, we had to stop.

'You want me to stop?'

'... Fuck me up my arse, please,' Ciara said in a tight voice.

So I did.

I was careful, but firm, pulling the dildo almost all the way out and then pushing it in again. Ciara lay there, grunting and whimpering and letting out the occasional strangled curse word, but she moved her hips with it and her right hand stayed thrust beneath her. I could see her fingertips working at her clit.

We went on like that for several minutes, with Ciara letting out a moan with each thrust of the dildo into her arse, her white body damp with sweat, her face buried in the sheet as she made muffled screams.

Then, as her body tautened and her legs stretched out behind her, she lifted her face, her hair hanging over her eyes in damp curls, and grimaced as she let out a strangled cry.

Then she let her face fall to the sheet, this time turned to me, and it was red and wet.

'Okay,' she said in a voice that was half a sob.

I slowly pulled the dildo out of her, and she winced as the head stretched her anal opening, and then made a ragged sigh as it left her.

I leaned over her, worried. She was sobbing, a little bit.

'Are you okay?' I said.

She looked up at me for a moment, and sniffed, and wiped her nose, and then swivelled her body and sat up, letting go of my hand.

'Come on,' she muttered, standing up.

'Where to,' I said.

She grabbed my hand and walked determinedly out of her room, across the living room and into the bathroom, where she stepped into the empty bath and sat in it, hugging her knees to herself.

'What,' I said.

'Piss on me,' she said in a shaky voice.

'Now?'

She nodded fervently.

'Do it,' she snapped.

So I stood there for a moment, trying to see if I had it in me, and then I opened my fly and pulled my cock out and shut my eyes and relaxed.

Out it came. I opened my eyes and directed the stream into Ciara's face. She shut her eyes and opened her mouth and I watched my piss stream over her face and in her hair, and onto her breasts and stomach, and trickle down into her crotch, pooling beneath her.

Then it slackened, and I shook my cock and put it away again.

Ciara was sitting there, breathing heavily, and after a long moment she opened her eyes and looked at me, urine dripping out of her hair.

She blinked a couple of time and licked her lips thoughtfully.

I stared down at her, at the same time appalled but impressed. I wanted to applaud, but it didn't seem right.

'... What's it like,' I said at last.

'It's not great,' she admitted, and wiped her mouth.

I sat on the edge of the bath. She closed her eyes for a moment, then wiped her face and opened them again.

'Thanks,' she said.

'How was it for you,' I said.

'It was like being... property,' she said. 'Like you owned me.'

'Did it hurt?'

'Not much. Not in a bad way. You were right, it's not exactly... sexy. Not fun sexy. Scary sexy.'

'Is that why you wanted me to piss on you?'

'Yeah,' she said. 'Like, how can I sink any lower. Oh--piss, that'll do it.'

She laughed quietly.

'Did you enjoy it, though?'

'What, the... the ass-fucking?'

'Yeah.'

She was silent for a moment, the smile fading off her face.

'It got to me,' she said, her voice quavering. 'I dunno what it was. Like I met myself, in some weird way, and... I've done that now, and... I'm gonna have to think about it. I dunno exactly what it was, but it unlocked a lot of weird stuff. I have. Um. A lot to process. Apparently.'

She looked very young and vulnerable. I got off the edge of the bath and knelt beside it, so I was level with her. I held my hand out, and she grabbed it.

'Any regrets,' I said quietly. She was trembling slightly, with the damp and cold.

'No,' she said. 'I suppose I would have let somebody do that eventually, but... I'm glad it was you, and not some dickhead. And I'm not now... lyin' in bed, bleedin' from my arse, while he's on his way out the door.'

'Every cloud,' I said, with a little shrug.

Ciara gave a rueful smile, reached up and squeezed my arm.

'Are you and I just a pair of fucking eejits,' she said thoughtfully.

'If we are, at least we have company.'

She smiled wider, and then frowned and wrinkled her noise.

'I fuckin' stink,' she said. 'And it's because your pee smells really bad. My pee doesn't smell half that bad. Have you got a urinary tract infection or what's the story?'

'I'll let you alone for a shower,' I said, standing up.

'You what? Sandy, you just fucked my arse and pissed in my face.'

'At your request, lemme just point out.'

'I've no secrets at this point. Stay and we can talk.'

'Better idea,' I said. 'Why don't you shower off and then run yourself a bath, and I'll get us both a drink.'

'Well, that is a good idea,' she said, and she grabbed the sides of the bath and stood up.

'Okay. I won't be long.'

I headed for the door. I heard the water from the shower start to run.

'Sandy,' Ciara said behind me. I turned.

She was standing, waiting for the shower water to heat up. She squinted at me; she was blind as a bat without her glasses.

'I may not love you,' she said, 'but you know I love you, pal.'

I raised my fingers to my mouth, kissed them, and then turned and showed her the palm of my hand.

She pulled the shower curtain around, and I went into the kitchen.

*

When Adrian got back in touch, he told me had a very exciting idea. I rang him up.

'Let's have a threesome!' he said.

'With who?'

I was surprised; I associated threesomes with two men and one woman, and while Adrian knew I was bi, I assumed that he wasn't at all, given his total lack of interest in women.

'Okay,' he said, 'hear me out. It's this guy I know. Roger. He's at my gym. He's gorgeous and he's a really great guy.'

'Okay,' I said.

'Now, I've been working on him for a while, just being generally flirtatious, and I think he appreciates it, but... he says he's straight.'

'Adrian? Fuck's sake.'

'Oh look,' Adrian said, 'you know as well as I do that the difference between a straight guy and a bi guy is five drinks and the right company. And you and I are the right company.'

'In what way?'

'We're perfect! You're the cute submissive twink, and also you're bi, so you're kinda safe for him, and I'm the dominant queen. He can start with you, and then he can meet me. And then we'll see who's the real boss.'

'So I'm the training wheels queer,' I said.

'Look, I'm sending you his picture,' he said, and a moment later, I got it.

I had to admit, Adrian had great taste. Roger was not a sleek panther, like Adrian: he was a lion, tall and handsome, with long golden hair and broad shoulders. Just looking at him made me melt somewhat.

'Wow.'

'Yeah. Wow, as you so rightly. Look, Sandy, let's do this. It could be amazing.'

'It could be disaster.'

'Look, I asked him if he was theoretically up for meeting two guys, and he said he'd think about it. If he chickens out I'll kick him out, and then it'll be just you and me, sweetie. Either way you win.'

'Either way you win,' I said. 'You either get to have him and me, or you get to have me.'

'And you get to have me and possibly an eager complete stranger who's never been with a guy before.'

'What could possibly go wrong,' I said.

'Exactly!' said Adrian, oblivious to my sarcasm.

I told him I'd think about it.

The following weekend, I rocked up to his place one Saturday evening, to meet Roger.

*

I'll skip the initial meeting, and the chit-chat.

Roger lived up to his photo. He was large, he had golden hair, and he just... glowed. I can't explain it. It was like being in the same room as a rock star.

He was also drinking quite a lot, which I could understand. Here he was, a straight guy, or a guy who'd always considered himself straight, about to have a threesome not with two women, but with two other guys. I would have needed a few drinks, too.

He didn't really have an indoor voice, but his general bonhomie was quite infectious, and we were soon having a pretty good time. He still wasn't making a move on either of us, though.

I could see Adrian looking at him with the predatory eye of a cartoon vulture seeing a large cartoon steak lying on the African plains, but I could also tell that Adrian was anxious to get things moving.

I appointed myself the fetcher of drinks, and after coming back from another drink run to the kitchen (I was moderating my own intake so as to make sure somebody was being responsible), I deliberately sat next to Adrian, and cuddled into him slightly.

Adrian took the hint, and put his arm around me and started playing with my neck. I played the role of the boy-toy, sweeping my legs up under me. (I had deliberately worn a t-shirt and shorts to this evening. My legs aren't my worst feature.)

Roger seemed to finally notice this, because he looked at me with slightly more interest than he'd been looking at me all evening.

'So you two are like... boyfriends?'

'You could say that,' Adrian said.

'Which one's the male and which one's the female,' Roger said, leering.

'It doesn't quite work like...' Adrian began, in his most lecturing manner. I interrupted him.

'I'm the female,' I said. 'You can't tell? I fetch the drinks around here.'

Adrian shut up, and he gave me a surreptitious grateful squeeze of his arm.

'How do you decide who's gonna be which,' Roger said.

'It's obvious when you get together with someone,' I said. 'That's just the role I take with guys.'

'You like girls too?'

'Sure,' I said.

'Me too.'

'Adrian gets jealous when I talk about girls,' I said. 'He's not into them.'

'I don't mind them being around,' Adrian said. 'I just don't like their ways. Or their bodies. Or their behaviour.'

'My roommate is a girl,' I said. 'Adrian is convinced that she and I are cheating on him.'

This was not true about Adrian, but having said it, I felt like I'd thrown down a challenge.

'Wow,' Roger said.

'I think you need to show me how devoted you are to me,' Adrian said, withdrawing his arm from my neck. There was a glint in his eye and I knew he had something in mind. My heart started to thump.

'You know I'm yours,' I said to him.

'I need you to prove it,' he said.

'Tell me what to do,' I said.

'Stand over there,' he said, pointing to a spot on the carpet between himself and Roger, who was opposite us on a chair. I got up and stood there, watching Adrian, knowing Roger was watching us both.

'Now,' said Adrian, 'strip.'

'Completely?' I said, dry-mouthed.

'Completely,' he said.

I pulled off my t-shirt and threw it aside, opened my shorts, dropped them and stepped out of them, kicking them away, and then, blushing, I pulled down my boxers and stepped out of them, tossing them into a corner.

Then I stood up, naked and blushing scarlet, but stood there without covering myself, my eyes on Adrian, my mouth open slightly.

'Wow,' Roger said. 'You have him well-trained.'

'He's a good boy,' Adrian said.

'You sure you're not a chick with a dick?' Roger said to me.

I looked at him, thinking: You asshole.

But I didn't want to spoil the evening.

'Do you want me to be?' I asked.

'You've almost got the body for it,' he said, 'except no tits. And the hair's wrong.'

I glanced at Adrian, who gave me a very slight glance with the faintest raise of an eyebrow, like: Can you believe this guy?

'What else do you want me to do?' I said to Adrian.

'Ask Roger if there's anything you can do for him,' he said.

I sauntered over to Roger and stood before him, my weight resting on one hip.

'Is there anything I can do for you,' I said.

He looked me up and down.

'Turn around,' he said in an absent voice.

I turned around and showed him my back.

'Oh yeaahhh,' he sighed. 'That's the stuff.'

I smiled at Adrian. I have decent enough legs, but my ass is to die for.

'I'm sure that if there's anything you'd like to try, Sandy will oblige you,' Adrian said, looking steadily at me.

'Do you give BJs,' Roger said.

'He does,' Adrian said, 'but he's not very good at it.'

I gave Adrian a For Fuck's Sake! look, and he rolled his eyes and shook his head dismissively.

'I kinda want to fuck that ass,' Roger said.

'Sandy,' said Adrian, 'tell Roger he can fuck your ass.'

I looked over my shoulder at Roger, who was sitting up in his chair staring at my ass.

'Would you like to fuck me up my ass? Because that would be okay.'

'But I don't want to touch any shit,' Roger said.

God, I thought, this guy is epically clueless.

'No chance of that,' I said, 'I'm clean outside and in. You want to fuck me up my cunt?'

'Yeah,' Roger said. 'I want that cunt of yours.'

'Then why don't you two get started,' said Adrian, standing up, 'and I'll join you in a bit. The lube is on the table.'