Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
I groan, flop over, and swat the alarm clock with my hand, but the stupid thing won't shut up.
Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.
Then I remember that it isn't my alarm clock sounding off. Wiping the sleep from my eyes, I sit up and dig my phone out of the covers on the bed beside me. I unlock the screen, shut off the alarm, and take a look at the date, reminding myself all over again why the alarm on my phone was even necessary.
April 1st, 2015, also known as April Fools Day.
April first of my freshmen year in high school, my older brother, Justin, and his best friend/our next door neighbor, Zach, reset all the clocks in our house to a whole hour earlier. I woke up feeling groggy, like I hadn't had enough sleep, but hurried to get ready for school and ended up having to run the entire quarter mile to the bus stop. I stood there, that foggy and cold spring morning, with the wind whipping my light blonde curls around my face. I jerked my head, looking from side to side, searching up and down the street for the other kids and the bus.
After a half hour of waiting and not seeing anyone else, I turned to go back home, just assuming I had missed the bus. Mom would be pissed. As a nurse working the night shift, she couldn't bring me in. Justin and Zach were catching a ride with a pretty brunette Junior. Maybe if I begged them, they would let me join them.
Then I heard it. The obnoxious honking sounded deafening in the quiet early morning. Ashley Allen pulled her shit box Corolla out of a side street and onto the main road. Justin and Zach hung out the passenger and back windows with super soakers glued to their arms. "April Fools, Jilly Beans!" they both shouted as they unleashed the icy cold water on me. Literally, icy cold. I found out later that they put actual ice cubs into the guns.
I stood there, mouth gaping like a fish, soaking wet, as they continued on with their aquatic drive by. I stayed there, tears pooling in my eyes, as they drove out of site. They did come back, because even though Justin is an asshole and the most annoying prankster, he is still a good brother.
"Don't cry, Jilly Beans," he said, ushering me into the car. Zach opened the back door from the inside and slid over, giving me room to get in, and took in my appearance. His eyes dropped and lingered a little bellow eye level. When Justin noticed his best friend's stare, he looked too. "Awww, Jilly. Your head lights are on!"
"What?" I choked out, my throat thick from holding back tears. Zach grinned with my favorite smile, his dimples showing and his eyes bright, and pointed at my shirt. I looked down. My now wet and completely see-through white shirt clung to me like a second skin. My light pink bra clearly visible and the chilly air mixed with the ice cold water had my nipples pebbled to little peaks standing to the attention to anyone that looked my way. Even wet, cold, and miserable, I had to laugh.
Zach tossed me his favorite Sublime shirt as Justin got in the car and stuck his tongue down Ashley Allen's throat. I peeled off the wet shirt, my cheeks tinting pink, and pulled on the oversized black shirt. The smell of Zach's cologne engulfed my senses and I was happy for a moment. I went to school and felt cool that I was wearing this older, popular boy's shirt, until a group of sophomore girls accosted me in the bathroom after first period. The ring leader was wondering why I was wearing her boyfriend's shirt.
The boys teased me about everything. The way I walked, the way I talked, my girly handwriting, the clothes I wore, but April Fool's Day was always the worst.
~
The front door of the apartment bangs, bringing me back to the present. I look around the blank renter's beige walls of the apartment bedroom that use to belong to Justin and Zach's room mate. I was told that he had planned to move out for a while now, but I think the guy was smart, after having lived with the two goofballs for three years, and realized he should get out before the first of this month. Or maybe, like Justin claimed, the guy was just excited to move in with his fiance.
Fiance. I roll the word around in my head as I look at my naked left hand ring finger. It doesn't have to be naked right now. There could be a big, princess cut, sparkly diamond sitting there that is without a doubt sitting in Austin's sock drawer right now. The same spot he put it just two days ago when he said, "it will be here when you're ready."
Why am I not ready? He took me to my favorite restaurant, on our one year anniversary, got down on one knee, and asked me to spend the rest of my life with him. I just sat there, face blank and mouth open, probably looking exactly like I did when Justin and Zach drove by with those water guns all those years ago. Completely and totally shocked.
The water guns surprised me less, actually. That wasn't the first time the terrible twosome had pulled the super soakers on me. The first time was when Mom, Justin, and I moved to the suburbs three hours away from all our other family. "It will be good for all of us," Mom said, her eyes light and hopeful. I didn't understand it. I saw how it would be good for her. After working as a LPN since our father left and dropped off the face of the earth, then starting night classes to work towards her nursing degree when Justin and I started school, then working in a retirement home to get some work experience under her belt, this new job was her first chance to do what she wanted to do. I understood how it would be good for Justin too, who had developed a sense of humor that his teachers didn't understand and was easily labeled at the troublesome kid with daddy issues at our old middle school.
No, I didn't understand why it would be good for me. I had a best friend, Vanessa, and we were inseparable. I had a big bedroom with a pink rug and a bay window where I could sit and talk on the phone. I had Jason Tanser asking me if I would be his girl friend. But instead of going into the eighth grade with a best friend and a boy friend, I found myself miles from home and going in as the new kid.
I knew I was in trouble the moment I saw Justin unpack the water guns. His eyes locked on mine and his mouth lifted in the corner to form a little smirk. The same smirk, I'm sure, that had all the teacher at our old middle school shaking in their boots. I dropped the box of nicknacks that I was cautiously unpacking and hightailed for the back door. I heard the kitchen faucet running before the door banged shut. My eyes darted side to side, looking for a spot to hide. The neighborhood was new and void of the trees and shrubbery that were bountiful in our old backyard.
I saw a spot where a pile of last years' fallen leaves braced against the neighbors shed and I ducked behind it, laying down to hide myself the best. Minutes passed and I heard Justin come outside and start calling for me. Leaves crunched nearby and I closed my eyes and tried to slow my breathing, trying not to give myself away. The crunching grew closer and closer until it stopped. I kept my eyes closed, expecting a blast of water to hit my face, but nothing happened.
I opened my eyes and before me stood the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. He was basked in sunlight and I remember thinking that he looked like an angel. His hair was dark brown and mushed into a fohawk. His hazel eyes reflected the colors of the leaves around me. Then he smiled and my little thirteen year old heart sang and fell in love with this beautiful boy. I was so distracted by the dimples and his perfectly straight white teeth that I didn't notice his mouth was moving. Then the water hit my face, shocking me out of my stupor.
"You can run, but you can't hide, Jilly Beans," I heard my brother say before turning to the beautiful boy and offering him his hand. "I'm Justin."
"Zach," the beautiful boy responded, smacking Justin's hand in an elaborate handshake they both seemed to instinctually know how to do. Then they were walking away, bonding over their favorite bands and the fact that they would both be freshman in high school in a few more days. They planned to both try out for jazz band and went off to show each other their instruments while I sat there, the uncool, middle school, little sister who liked gymnastics and couldn't carry a tune to save her life.
~
I sigh, wondering again. Why am I not ready? According to Austin, this is what people do. They date, they move in together, then they get engaged. We checked off the first two on the list, but it is the last that makes me pause. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him?
So instead of saying yes, I ran away, to my brother's apartment. Justin doesn't know any of this. I told him that I had a break in my classes and wanted to come back to see him and mom since I spent spring break in Mexico with Austin.
He didn't question it, just offered me the empty third bedroom in his and Zach's apartment so I wouldn't have to sleep on the couch in the little one bedroom condo Mom bought after both Justin and I left for college.
I have absolutely nothing planned for today. I can't go see Mom. She's working and even if she wasn't, I'm not sure that I would want to see her anyway. I feel like she would take one look at me and know. Would she be disappointed? She loves Austin. Justin loves him too. Actually, the only person that doesn't love him is Zach, who says all my boyfriends are douche bags.
It started with Troy Adams when I was sixteen. Justin and Zach were the kings of our school, but Troy and his friends were close behind. Troy was the quarterback of our football team and I was a cheerleader and we clicked. I got a cellphone for my sixteenth birthday, along with my shiny, new, Learner's Permit. That was Mom's rule. No cellphone until you are old enough to drive.
Troy and I texted every night and then April first rolled around. I was surprised by the lack of creativity from the boys. The year before, I attempted to fight back. I woke up early and used tape, string, and paper plates to boobie trap the cereal closet to dump rice krispees on the head of whoever opened it. I got home that night and went into my bedroom. I flicked on the light and my ceiling fan turned on. Piles of cereal flew off the blades and flung across all directions, covering the floor. Hanging from the light was a sign that said, "nice try, little trickster." I was still finding rice krispees around my room at Christmas time.
So, Junior year I gave up. If I retaliated, they would just come back twice as hard. They did little things, of course. They laughed hysterically as I spewed what I thought was Tang from my mouth and nose after realizing the taste was actually Kraft Macaroni and Cheese's powered cheese mix and water. Then they cried tears from laughter when I tried to rinse my mouth out with water from the kitchen sink and instead got soaked by the sprayer that was wrapped with a rubber band to stay on the "on" position.
But all that was weak for them, so maybe I should have known when I started texting Troy that night. He sounded weird. His usual use of text slang was exaggerated, but I didn't suspect anything. So when he started sexting me, I rolled with it and sent him a naked picture, knowing it was nothing he hadn't already seen in person. I didn't expect Justin and Zach to burst into my room, swearing and lecturing me on internet safety and self worth. Apparently they had changed the names in my phone while I was sleeping the next before and I was actually texting Zach's cellphone.
Troy did end up being a douche. He cheated on me before Junior prom, so I ended up going with Zach and felt like a pity date the whole time, but it was still more fun than I would have had with the douche.
~
Deciding I can't stay in bed all day, I stretch and get up. Opening the door, I see the cellophane before I walk into it, foiling the plan of whoever put it there in the first place. I spot Zach sitting on the couch through the slight blur of the plastic wrap. He laughs as I pull it apart with my hands.
"That wasn't me," he informs me, pointing towards the doorway with a spoon. He still looks like the beautiful boy I met the first day I moved. The fohawk is gone, but his hair is still crazy. So different from Austin's perfectly gelled hair that he won't let me touch when we fuck. My hands twitch. I bet Zach wouldn't mind if I grabbed ahold of his hair while his tongue plunged inside my mouth, mimicking the way his hard cock would impale my over and over again...
