The Mistress

1987

He was 19 and I was 18.

2nd Year University was about to wrap up in Apr that year. Our eyes first met when he was passing by our classroom. I was standing by the door. His name was Emman. We smiled at each other and my eyes followed him until he was gone. A voice in me was saying, "Someday you'll be his mistress." Oh, my, how can that be possible? He does not even know my name.

I've known Emman since two years ago because he's so popular. He was a Corps Commander in high school of the university that I attended. A lot of students say he's a "crush of the town." Girls and gays alike swoon over him. There's a buzz and stifled shrieks every time he would pass by.

This was such a puzzle to me. Not only was his face round like a chipmunk's and his lower teeth were far apart, he's also wearing dentures, the one thing that I disliked most in a man. They say that teeth and bones outlast a person's life as proven by the skulls that we see around. So for me, if you're in dentures while still young, you're not good in hygiene, you don't brush your teeth regularly. A very shallow reason, but I didn't know any better. One more thing, I was surrounded by siblings and cousins who teased.

I didn't even like saying his name. Emman. Everybody called him Iman as Emman sounded effeminate.

Jun 27, first day of 3rd Year University English Class. Our professor was not in yet that's why everyone was loud. I, on the other hand, sat quietly under a ceiling fan, took my wet shoes and socks off having been drenched from a heavy downpour. I put my bare feet up on another chair with my shoes to dry them. I was waving my socks in the air as well to help them dry faster. Suddenly...a buzz...little shrieks...he walked in. My eyes met his. He smiled at me, maybe because of how he saw me? I've never been so embarrassed in my life!

He was to be our classmate.

I don't know if my classmate, Imee, a close friend of mine, was among those who's a-swooning over Emman. She would invite me to join her to sit behind him way at the back each class. I noticed his very black thick hair. He's so quiet. We'd just exchange nods each time.

I'd notice that outside class, he would not take his eyes off me. Sometimes I'd catch him watching me in between a room's jalousies. Does he like me? Come on, him? "Crush of the town" him? Why would he waste his time on me?

And then he'd just join me and my big group of friends, WEJAIL and JAJAs, everywhere. All of them were a-swooning, of course. I would tell myself, "Maybe he really likes me?" Of course not, I'd counter it myself. He'd join us because some of my friends were his classmates in high school. We'd all just watch movies most of the time. Jackie Chan's were our favorite.

One day, another classmate, Wil, a close friend of mine as well, who was also Emman's classmate back in high school, confided to me that he got my phone number from her. She whispered that he would court me after midterms. The whole gang, even how soft you spoke, they would hear nonetheless. Shrieks, hysteria, and wild blushes soon ensued, as if they'd be the ones to be courted.

Even before there was Brangelina, there was "EmmanJoy."

The first time that Emman and I went on a "date" was with the whole gang. Wil whispered that he borrowed P100 from her for this "date". It was such a turn off. What a way to start! I paid for my own food. While Emman and I were eating, I noticed that he chews his food loudly. Another turn off. The gang, even if they're separated from my and Emman's table, they'd steal side glances at him. I talked to myself, "You can have him. In dentures, chews his food loudly, borrows money for a date..."

From that day on, Emman would ride with me going home, but I always made it a point to pay for my fare. (Borrowing money for a date was such an issue for me. Why did Wil have to let me know?) Emman would carry my books, and hold an umbrella over my head. We'd just tell stories to each other like close friends along our way. He started phoning me as well. We'd talk for hours. If this was courtship, I wouldn't know. A lot of men found me sexually attractive, what with my lips like Angelina Jolie's, unblemished silky soft and smooth skin, big boobs, height taller than the average Filipina's, beauty, and brains, but they'd just look and stare. Only Emman got the courage. What I thought about courtship was the guy would say I love you and I'd say I love you too. Would Emman ever say these words to me? When?

While we're talking on the phone one Saturday, he invited me to meet him at the Sto Domingo Church the next day to hear mass. I didn't know why I was so nervous that day. After mass, he held my hand and led me in front of the image of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary of La Naval. Still holding my hand and while looking into my eyes, "I love you, Joy. As Mama Mary is my witness, the love that I offer you is sincere..." His voice was shaking. I could tell that his hands were trembling as well. For sure his armpits were sweating. Why did he seem so nervous when he had been in two other relationships already? He should be an expert in these matters. I, on the other hand, aside from sweaty armpits, I had goose bumps all over my body. I was only half listening to the rest of what he was saying. I felt very uncomfortable. Then he was done. Finally. Whew! We were both sweating.

He wanted to meet my family. It took me a long while to respond. What about his dentures? For sure he'd be teased. Whatever.

Being the first guy that I ever introduced to my family, my siblings got intrigued. My two brothers and 4 sisters surrounded him. He also met some of my cousins who were living with us at that time. All of them were staring at him while my parents were talking to him. They were just staring. I was very uneasy. I was waiting for them to blurt out a tease about his dentures. It didn't happen. Maybe because they found him so charming? He'd come visit me often. He'd take me home Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and he'd pick me up and take me home on Sundays for church.

Oct 16, Friday. It was my dad's birthday. We had dinner and while watching TV, I slid beside him and whispered, "I love you too."

For the first time in my life, I have a boyfriend.

From that day on we were so in love. Emman was never short of caresses, cuddles, and hugs. He's so gentle, sweet, romantic, and thoughtful. He'd always sing to me every time we're together or over the phone. Anything For You (Gloria Estefan), One Friend (Dan Seals), I Just Can't Stop Loving You (Michael Jackson), Changes In My Life (Mark Sherman), Love Of All Time (Shakatak). He's really got a good singing voice only that he could not pronounce F's and V's. Maybe because of his dentures? I'd just scratch my head each time. (During high school and he was still an underclass, he'd be asked to sing to girls being wooed by his upper class. A big mistake though for these girls fell for him instead). He's fond of writing me letters, sometimes he would include lyrics of the songs he'd sing to me. He's also fond of giving me flowers and chocolates even when there's no special occasion.

But I don't know why I didn't want to be alone with him. I made sure that we always had chaperones when we'd go out. One time with the gang, we went to Fort Santiago. My friends said goodbye one at a time 15 minutes after reaching the place until Emman and I were the only ones left. I was not comfortable during that time. It was getting dark. I invited him to go home when suddenly, "Joy, can I kiss you?" My friends ganged up on me. They set this up to make this happen, but my heart melted because he asked for permission. It's not how my sisters had their first kiss. Emman was such a gentleman. He had to ask. I nodded.

For the first time, our lips touched. For the first time, I had my first kiss. We were both trembling. His eyes were closed. Mine too only that I'd peek once in a while. I noticed his gorgeous eyes, his brows and lashes were so thick and very black. I was feeling his every kiss...I liked his kiss...we were kissing gently...long gentle kiss...we were hugging...he was gently caressing my face...my hair...I was doing the same to him...slowly...gently...and then his hands started to gently crawl on my chest...he wanted to feel my boobs under a sweatshirt and a bra...he wanted to feel my already stiff nipples by trying to push my bra out of the way...my hands were slowly crawling towards the zipper of his pants...I wanted to feel his penis...still kissing...we were moaning...when suddenly...

I didn't know what happened...how it happened...his dentures just fell off...there were bits of food still...yuck!!! I felt nauseated. I could not look at him. I ran home. I lost interest in him. I found myself annoyed with him. All the physical qualities that I tried to accept suddenly became intolerable, his squirrel-like face, he can't pronounce F's and V's, he'd chew his food loudly, everything that I learned to accept, I suddenly hated. I would not even take his phone calls. Every time I'd see him in school, I'd evade him. I stopped going out with our friends when he's there. I left him. I did not feel like we needed to talk. I did not want him to know that I left him because of his dentures.