The Itchen Man

INTRODUCTION

Public accountant Louie King looked through the Yellow Pages under the heading of Tradesmen and one caught his eye because two things interested him: Dave Duncan described himself as 'an all-round renovator and building tradesman' who offered 'top quality work at very competitive pricing'.

* * *

CHAPTER 1

Louie King took Dave Duncan into the drab kitchen of his expensive home.

"This is it, I want it remodeled for a totally modern look. This kitchen is, I believe, 36 years old. We purchased the property three months ago. How much?"

"Excuse me?"

"How much to modernize it so it is great to work in and looks great to people when they enter it?"

Dave scratched his nuts thinking this guy was open to extortion.

"Forty-seven thousand dollars plus the cost of new appliances."

Louie patted his bald spot and gave the impression he was thinking.

"Forty-five and not a dollar more."

"Okay," Dave said, looking calmly at the fifty-year old businessman, "What kind of finished kitchen do you want?"

"Anything actually but you best ask my wife. Also we'll want to use the kitchen while you are renovating."

"Okay so when do I get to meet your wife?"

"Wednesday next week when she returns from France. She went home to see her parents. She's half French you know."

"No I didn't know that."

"Oh."

"Tell her I'll call next Friday next week at 10:00 for coffee and the discussion."

Louie looked at his watch. "And what discussion is that?"

"The type of kitchen she wants and her thoughts about what you want."

"Yes of course."

"Thank you Mr King. I will mail you two copies of a contract tomorrow to approve and then sign. You keep a copy and send the other signed copy to me."

"That's fine. As a professional I expect you to conduct yourself professionally. Thank you."

Dave went off to finish a job thinking what a dope Louie was but because he ripped off his clients in turn he expected a builder would rip him off and was comfortable about that. He dreaded the thought of dealing with the wife without Louie being present. Louie was bad enough but women never could make up their minds what they really wanted. He decided to work all weekend to finish the only other big job had had lined up to enable him to start ripping the shit out of that drab kitchen on Saturday week. Oh damn, he could only do that in stages because Louie wanted it kept as a working kitchen.

Louie' daughter, tying a white robe and her hair undone and wearing no make-up, answered the front door of the substantial suburban home and said yes?

"I'm the kitchen renovator. I'm here to see your mother."

The 30-year-old said, "My mother is in France."

France was said with a trace of accent.

Dave's mouth dropped opened and he managed, "Are you Mrs King?"

"Oui I mean yes. Mr King remarried earlier this year to replace his dead wife."

"Wow Mrs King, you sure are a great looker. In fact you are beautiful even without make-up."

"Thank you. Are you aware you are twenty minutes early?"

"Tardiness is an unknown concept to me."

She smiled and invited Dave in. "Is it acceptable I remain dressed like this?"

"Yes sure, I'd not expect you to strip at 10:00."

"It is but 9:40," she smiled. "You are a bright and lively young man. I like it. Come through and I'll make coffee and you can tell me why you over-charged my husband so much."

Jesus, Dave thought. He was in the crap with her already.

"Mrs King..."

"Call me Eden."

"Only if you call me Dave."

"Yes Dave. I'm waiting for your inadequate explanation."

"I visualized what I could do to transform this kitchen and priced it accordingly. Louie didn't appear to know what he wanted."

"He's an accountant Dave. How do you say it? Give him a break. Do you have drawings?"

"Yeah I've done some sketches."

"Well get them out of your folder while I go off and dress."

"Please Eden, stay as you are."

"But I wear no bra or panties. This is not correct."

"Please Eden I have no woman to look at without makeup and who's just thrown on a robe over her sleep-warmed body."

"Oooh, her sleep-warmed body. You must think greatly about women and see images?"

"Yeah a bit."

Dave tell me this, "Am I safe with you in my home? You are, how shall we say, a big husky man."

"You want me to shave off my moustache?"

"Oh no. My favorite man who is my father has a moustache."

Dave thought about how best to answer her question.

"Eden you will be safe with me even if you walk around me nude. I promise not to touch you unless you are provocative."

"Oooh you suggest I am capable of being a provocateur. How very interesting Dave but this is not getting our kitchen remodeled. Prepare your drawings for viewing while I get coffee. Louie has made it."

Eden's mouth fell open when viewed the sketches.

"These sketches. These are your work?"

"Yes my degree is in interior design but I found the clients so difficult to work with and the workmen engaged generally didn't care enough about what they were doing. And so I worked with an interior renovator for just over a year to learn the trade skills and now I offer a comprehensive service although I will renovate to the client's own designs."

"That is very interesting. What I meant could you sketch me if I paid you?"

"Only as a full nude."

Eden blushed and said naughty boy.

As she studied the sketches Dave thought she was probably no more than thirty-five. God he would like to get into her panties.

Without looking up Eden said, "Are you thinking naughty thoughts staring at me like that?"

"Yes."

"You sound honest and that means I can trust you. Now am I allowed to make suggested changes?"

"Of course, that is the purpose of the sketches. Have your changes ready for me when I arrive on Saturday week to begin ripping your kitchen apart, er but leaving it as a working kitchen."

"So I have to work amid dust and mess?"

"Yes Eden, just as I have to do."

"You are a very honest man Dave um?"

"Duncan."

"You are a very honest man Dave Duncan. I shall arrive fully dressed with the changes at your apartment before Saturday week."

"No just have them ready for me when I arrive on Saturday week at 7:00."

"But Louie and I stay in a bar till late on Fridays and then come home and have lots of sex and we sleep late Saturdays."

"I'm sorry Eden but Louie has signed a contract that has a clause that specifically allows me to work unhindered. If I have to start later than 7:00 then I'll be hindered."

"If I considered being sweet to you would you start at 10:00 on Saturday?"

"No Eden although the thought of what being sweet to me almost overwhelms me I must decline your fabulous offer. I shall start work Mondays to Saturdays at 7:00. It's how I work Eden; please understand that."

"I do. So for two weeks Louie and I will have to change our drinks and disgusting sex night to Saturdays and we can sleep in on Sunday. It won't be so bad."

Dave stood and said he must go and he had work to do.

Eden stood and said softly, "I have a friend a little younger than me who is divorced. She has a body almost as good as mine but her face makes me jealous of her. Would you like to meet her?"

"Yes that would be great. He then asked Eden to clear everything out of the cupboards and drawers before Saturday week. He suggested leaving the things she'd really wanted on the kitchen table. He could work around that.

Dave went off thinking Eden was the most adorable woman he'd ever met. He was aware she'd not have to do much to convince him she was a provocateur.

Jeepers!

* * *

The noisy delivery of a 10 foot dumpster at 6:45 on Saturday awoke Louie and Eden and most of their near neighbors. Louie arrived in his robe to open the front door for Dave.

"Hi I'll get coffee," he yawned.

"Not for me," Dave said. "Just bottled water does me till my half-hour lunch break at noon when I eat and have coffee. I then work each day till 3:30 and then leave."

"I've seen the sketches. They look great and we've made some minor changes and written down some suggestions that really are only are preferences. Do you think you'll be finished in two weeks?"

"One week and one day should see me all but finished construction and the fittings installed. Then at the start of week two the walls will be repainted and the new hardwood tiled flooring will be laid and then in the last couple of days of that week I'll install the new appliances and electricians and gasfitters will connect them to supply services. I'll want everything done perfectly so will be here supervising all of that work. The electrician will be here early on week two installing down lighting and recess under cabinet lighting."

"Thanks. Well rip the shit out of our kitchen. I'll leave you to it."

Eden appeared mid-morning and said, "May I kiss you good morning?"

"I'm sweaty."

She kissed him and then apologized for having to make some changes.

"Please don't apologize. It's your kitchen."

She giggled. "I have invited Emma to lunch with us Friday. Emma is that woman I talked to you about. She's been unable to find a good man to date. So far she's attracted guys who act like scumbags. She's interested to meet you and is not worried about you having a moustache. If you must know some women like being tickled by a moustache, particularly between their legs."

"No I didn't know that," Dave said gravely. "However I have no intention of testing out Emma by kissing between her legs."

"Omigod," Eden said, falling into a giggling fit.

During lunch with the King's Dave discussed the changes and then said he had a cabinetmaker on standby. One of his men would arrive early Monday morning to measure up and they'd deliver the cabinets and cupboards next Saturday and install the new bench tops.

"Look could you guys go off early next Saturday morning and come back late?"

"No problem," Louie said. "We'll have our usual drinks Friday night and then book into a hotel and arrange to book out late."

"Perfect and thank you."

Mid-afternoon Eden arrived to prepare the evening meal and invited Dave to stay for dinner.

"No thank you. I'm taking one of my unbeautiful females friends to dinner."

"Oh you should not call women unbeautiful."

"Only to you because compared to you they are not beautiful."

"Oh you saucy man," she laughed.

"Eden may I touch you?"

Initially she looked startled and then she looked at the door to the passage. Louie was in the TV room watching a DVD.

"Yes," she whispered.

Dave went to her and stroked her hair.

"You hair is like pure gold and so fine. I have been thinking about it."

She said, sounding a little disappointed, "If that what you wished to touch?"

"Yes. Why is there something else you wish me to touch?"

"No," she said, sounding a little less than convincing.

She kissed his cheek and said, "You are a very lovely man."

As Eden prepared vegetables at the table, Dave continued unscrewing the wall-hung cabinets.

"A guy arrives Tuesday to collect anything that he thinks he can on sell. He will give me a fair price and that check will be made out to you."

"No you keep that money. I think it's known as the builder's perk."

"No my profit margin is built into the gross price. Donate the money to charity if you don't wish to have it or give it to Louie."

"You appear to be a man who likes women."

"Yes Eden and not only the beautiful ones. I see females as giving balance to my life. I almost married early last year but after four years the woman decided she liked my best friend better because his family is very wealthy."

"The bitch."

"Yes and I called her that to her face but the truth is I accepted it was better she did it before we were married than afterwards and she did make the decision when we were planning an engagement party and had not sent out the invitations."

Dave removed the last two screws holding a cabinet and lifted it down.

"Do you like having sex?"

He turned to reply and noticed she was waiting intently. "Yes very much but alas very few women appear really good at it, at least judging by the performance of woman I associate with. But I think you'd be great at it."

"Oh and why do you think that," Eden said, concentrating on chopping carrots.

"Because you focus on things, you talk openly about sex, judging by the way you move you are athletic and I suspect you are very passionate although you don't flaunt it."

"Omigod, that's almost what I would say about myself. You are very observant."

Dave whispered, "Have you ever been unfaithful?"

She looked towards the door and then turning back whispered, "Just the once. It was one of Louie' younger friends. We were both rather drunk and I submitted rather than cause a fuss and it was over quickly because Louie, the guy's wife and other people were in the next room."

"Do you regret it?"

"Oh I've never asked myself that. Um no I don't. I know at the time I felt ashamed but now, well now I see it as a little adventure. I do recall being very red-faced and excited as well as fearful someone would come through the door and catch us at it. It was fully clothed sex."

"With a condom?"

Eden sighed and said that was really the disgusting thing about it. "No it all happened so fast and I regret to say I was sufficiently drunk to be carefree. I only require Louie to wear one when we have anal sex. Oh god, what am I saying?"

"It's fine. The new cabinets will really add class to this room."

On Friday Dave banged his head coming from under a bench when he heard the doorbell chime.

"Oh that is my sexy friend Emma," Eden called as she went by along the hallway.

Dave cursed thinking he should have washed his hands and face and combed his hair. And then he thought why, Eden would have been over-describing her friend to make him interested. This Emma probably wore glasses and smelt of stale pussy juice.

He rubbed his head to greet the arriving bump and thought, oh trust him to think badly about a person like that. That's why only safely married women appeared relaxed and related well to him. The younger babes looking for regular dick probably rejected him as being desirable when they saw his dandruff and dirty fingernails and smelt his stale sweat.

Yeah, Eden was wasting her time.

"Dave this is my best friend Emma Thomas."

"Oh hi," said laconically and sniffed to put her off. He felt scratching his balls would be going too far and Eden would castigate him. She was beautiful, even better looking than Eden, taller and actually she had a rather great body.

"Dave, I'm pleased to meet you. God what a great body."

Huh, why was she talking like that? How could any babe who knew to talk to a guy like a guy believed they should, had managed to attract only scumbags? Then he saw Eden was practically giggling and knew she'd set him up.

"Nice day Emma."

He applauded himself when he saw Eden's horrified look. Even Emma looked as if he'd said something insulting.

"Oh is it?" Emma said vaguely. "It looked very much like yesterday and the day before and the day before that."

"Yeah great for outdoor sex I suppose."

Emma moved back and Eden stood a little forwarded of her and posed protectively.

"Well you ladies prattle and I'll get on with the job."

"Emma is here to have lunch with us."

"I'm going," Emma said crossly.

Dave decided he was upsetting Eden so said, "Great legs Emma."

The women looked at him suspiciously.

"Great tits too."

Eden smiled and told the startled visitor to relax. Dave was just attempting to be manly.

"I-I would rather have then called breasts."

"Darling you told me you wanted a sex-oriented guy. This is how they are. You can't have it any other way unless you want another gay guy."

"I've had plenty of dates who were real gentlemen."

"That's true but did you get sex?"

"Nope."

"Well then. Dave's your man."

"Oh god."

Dave felt rather left out of it but then that's how women were. He was used to that.

"Excuse the mess darling but you sit there and Dave you set next to Emma and do try to behave when my back is turned."

"Is he house-trained?" Emma said, sounding a little bitter and excluding Dave again.

He decided it was wind-up time and asked her, "Do you fuck?"

Emma blushed and choked.

"Well?"

"Yes I do but I'm very choosy."

"On first dates."

She said she wasn't into statistics like that and pleaded, "Eden."

"Coming darling. Actually you are doing very well."

Eden handed a bowl of pasta and ham salad to Emma who handed it to Dave and he flipped half of it on to his plate and handed it back and said thanks.

The women looked at the pile on Dave's plate and looked at each other and smiled. Apparently both appreciated a man who liked home-prepared food.

As Eden poured the wine she said, "Dave has a degree in interior design."

Emma gaped and asked, "You have a university degree?"

"Yes don't you?"

"Yes in music. I play a viola in the City Orchestra."

"I know nothing about classical music."

"Well that doesn't surprise me. Would we have anything in common?"

Dave said he'd pass on that to avoid embarrassing Eden.

Eden laughed and said, "He meant a lust for sex darling" and darling blushed hugely.

"I'm so glad I've bought you two together," Eden said.

Encouraged by that, Dave dropped a hand over Emma's thigh and she planted her hand on his to imprison it.

As Eden went to the bench to get salt he whisper, "Let my touch your pussy?"

"No," she hissed.

"Okay then let my hand go."

She released and at the next opportunity he whispered could he feel her tits and she said no way and asked was he being fed raw meat.

Returning to the table Eden asked brightly, "All this whispering, do you two want to use a bedroom?"

"Would you join us?"

Eden giggled and told Dave to behave himself and Emma looked indecisive or more likely shocked. Dave said he best get back to work and he assumed that was the end of Emma being interested in him.

But no. An hour later Emma walked up to him and said she thought she could get use to him. "You are so full on."

"Then give me a kiss and no grabbing."

She smiled and kissed him lightly, not closing her eyes.

"You have a sexy kiss," he said. "There's some hope for you."

She pulled back, swallowed and said, "Will you like to come to dinner tonight? I live with my parents so they will be there, leaving us no opportunity for... for..."

"For sex?"

"Yes."

"That's fine. You only wanted me to come to dinner anyway."

"I-I wanted you to feel my breasts."

"Well it's your choice: Either it will be dinner or dinner and tits. You can pull them out for me on the front porch when kissing me goodbye. Your parents won't stand on the on the porch with us will they?"

"No," she smiled and walked away.

Later Eden called, "Emma is going."

Dave put down his measuring tape and went over and kissed the startled Emma, giving her a big full-on kiss.

"Omigod," Emma whimpered.

"Omigod," Eden said. "May I have one of those?"

He delivered the same kiss but in addition dropped a hand and cupping Eden's nearest ass cheek pulled her in against him and she banged against him and groaned.

"God now that's what I call a kiss," Emma said as Eden took a step back and appeared a little shaken.

"Jesus Dave, you ought not kiss a married woman like that," Eden said and he replied he'd been waiting for the opportunity to kiss her properly and that was the opportunity.

"You are really sexy Eden," he said. "Therefore you must expect to be kissed sexily."

Emma left and Dave returned to work and when on menial tasks wondered if Eden's tits would be large enough to comfortably encase his dick but knew Emma's would do job beautifully,

* * *

Dave went to dinner with Emma and her folk and her mom said, "David may I ask what is so different about you?"