We had agreed that Sunday morning we wouldn't go running, and we set the alarm later. My own physiological alarm didn't let me sleep that late, though, and as usual I woke Sam in getting up. She went off to the bathroom herself. We made love again, once again taking our time at it. She was just so wonderful to me! I did my best to be as good to her.
We got up and shaved. I turned my back while she used the toilet again, and she watched me as I did. I never figured out why she enjoyed that so much. We showered, sensually but just washing, got dressed, and went back downstairs.
Aunt Sally had planned a little more elaborate breakfast, and she had left it pretty much ready and told us what to do. We mixed in the final ingredients and got it in the oven, then sat down to wait. There had been sounds of movement from upstairs while we were doing all this, and soon enough they came down, dressed for church. Uncle John wore a suit, but as I've said, I found myself about in the middle of the congregation in dress, when we got there. To my surprise, it wasn't just people around my age who came in tees and torn blue jeans, either.
Aunt Sally had also told us the schedule for their morning, and suggested that we go later on for church alone. We had left it open the night before, but we were ready, and we asked whether we could just ride with them, so that's what we did. When we got there, we listened to the musicians warm up, and I discovered to my surprise that Aunt Sally was the pianist. Uncle John had other duties somewhere during that time. Sam had known that Aunt Sally was part of the musicâshe just hadn't thought to tell me.
"Didn't she need to practice during the week?" I asked Sam. "I didn't hear her."
"You were paying attention to other things, sometimes. And I think she probably worked hard on it at some times we were away. But she can skip a week now and then with no problems, she's plenty good enough, unless the music is unfamiliar and difficult both. If you weren't here, I might have asked about singing in the choir, which would have shocked a few people who knew me before. But I know they really want those up there leading in worshipâeven just people in the choirâto be believers, and I'm not, so it's really just as well."
We went to Sunday School with her aunt and uncle, since we were just there for the one Sunday. The classes were mostly organized roughly by age, just as in my grandparents' church, so everyone in this class was much older than Sam and I were. Everybody knew who Sam was, of course, though since she had only been there a very few times a year for the past four years there was a lot of exclaiming about her having grown up. People were nice and polite to her, but I thought there was some hesitation on some people's part. I was just introduced as a friend of hers.
During the class, I worked hard at keeping my mouth shut, but Uncle John, who was teaching, apparently noticed this and began asking me to comment on various points that came up. In that, he would have fit right in as an instructor in our high school. I did my best to be concise and keep to the point, but I apparently startled a few people myself. I had said what I thought about the questions quite honestlyâin terms of what the text meant and what application one would have to draw from itâbut on none of the points did that take me from what people in a church like this believed, so I was puzzled.
I asked Sam about that afterward, after several people had greeted me personally, when we had a few moments to ourselves. She looked at me and said, "Phil, you startle me sometimes, with how you can be simultaneously so perceptive and so obtuse. Your answers were well thought out, far more than they would expect from a nineteen-year-old, and especially far more than they expected from anyone here as a friend of mine! You gave me a huge boost in these people's opinions, and I appreciate itâit will help. I'm going to have to work hard to be Sam, not Samantha, to them, and these people all have more influence with the core of the church than you realize. I've offended a lot of them over the years, and in fact there are some I should speak to after church, about some specific things I did, and you've made that a lot easier. They'll be more willing to listen, now."
We went in and sat down for the service. I enjoyed the music, but made no attempt whatsoever to sing. Sam understood why, and gave my arm a squeeze as she sang along, beautifully. There were various things said and done, the choir singing, the offering taken, and another song, and then the sermon.
I had been introduced to the pastorâPastor Bill Billingsâon our way in, and I had rather pigeonholed him at that point, but his preaching was much stronger than I had expected. His text was from Ezekiel 18: "Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit: for why will ye die, O house of Israel? For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, saith the Lord God: wherefore turn yourselves, and live ye."
He put this in the context of the chapter, that each man is responsible for his own heart and his own sins. He noted that this was a call for each to repent of his own wrongdoing, that the Lord's true pleasure was in the sinner's repentance and turning to righteousness, not in administering the punishment due to his sins. He pointed out that in verses 26 and 27, it is clearly stated that no past good deeds will save the person who turns away from righteousness, and that true repentance will lead to salvation, that the repentant man will saveâmeaning keepâhis soul alive.
In the text, he said, it is easy for us to read the "will" in "why will ye die?" as simply indicating the future tense, but at the time this translation was made, it indicated the person's will, that is choice and decision. The Lord was asking them, Why are you so determined to die, that you won't turn and escape from it?
He brought in the discussion of the anatomy of sin as given in Romans 1, beginning with a refusal to recognize God's existence and character, "his eternal power and Godhead." At each point, since people choose to reject God, he lets them take the next step, into more and more serious sins. Idolatry, sexual sinâin particular homosexuality, the rejection of what was clearly the way their bodies were madeâand then coveting, malice, envy, murder, quarreling and divisions, deceit, evil minds, and gossip. In each case, the root was the rejection of God's standards, which could be plainly seen, and a desire to control their own lives, set their own standards, and not have to answer for their attitudes and behaviors.
He pointed again to God's willingnessâhis eagerness!âto forgive. He said that his text, taken only by itself, might lead someone to think repentance alone was sufficient for forgiveness. But he cited many passages which showed that sin requires a payment, ultimately of blood, and said that in the whole context even of the Old Testament alone, people were told repeatedly that the sacrifices they were commanded to make were insufficient. He put forth the sacrifice of God's perfect Son as the means appointed for salvation, the only possible adequate means, apportioned to the sinner on the basis of faith as a means. The animal sacrifices did save, but only because of their relation as types to the archetype, the perfect sacrificeâand the worshipers' faith and trust, as they made them, in God's promise to forgive.
He returned to his text to remind the congregation that the whole chapter was addressed to God's chosen people, whom he had redeemedâin the person of their ancestorsâfrom slavery in Egypt, warning them and begging them to repent of their sins and be saved. The pastor called on all of us, believers and any nonbelievers who might be present alike, to put our sins behind us, repenting and turning away from all wickedness, not looking at the sins of others but at our own. He told us that only the work of the Holy Spirit in our hearts could allow us to do this, but that this was freely offered to all who will seek it.
He finished in prayer, asking God to bring all this home to those who needed to hear it.
Early in the sermon, Sam had begun crying, quietly, tears overflowing her eyes and running down her face. I pulled out my handkerchief, which was clean, and offered it to her, but I also moved closer to her and put my arm around her shoulders. She leaned her head on my shoulder and continued crying, through the whole sermon. Only when the musicians came forward for the closing hymn did she wipe her face and blow her nose.
After the benediction, she blew her nose again, tucked my handkerchief into her purse, and thanked me. I didn't think she primarily meant the use of the handkerchief, though she may have. She reminded me that she had people she needed to speak to, asking me to come along but to stand back after I was introduced, to let her speak with them herself.